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Favorite Quotes: "He's not an eggplant, he's retarded."


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#31

soapygirl

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Posted Jul 25, 2013 @ 4:26 PM

"You ain’t steppin’ on the Goblet of Fire. Don’t be fuckin’ with Harry Potter." Can we have webisodes where Taystee reccomends books to different prisoners?


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#32

littlebrownpony

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Posted Jul 26, 2013 @ 1:34 PM

Taystee to Piper about the death threat note:  Someone say they gonna kill you. Say it right here. [your gonna die] See, they meant "you're", apostrophe r-e. As in, you are gonna to die. But this some ignorant bitch-ass shit.

 

And then Black Cindy was talking about the Amalekites: "They so bad, they're cows had to die!"


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#33

Skittl1321

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Posted Jul 26, 2013 @ 1:56 PM

Crazy Eyes(to Piper): There used to be a sign that said, 'Caution. Wet Floor." Really told people what was going on.

 

This was the best line of the whole series, I think. Her delivery just made it.


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#34

jbd1263

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Posted Jul 26, 2013 @ 5:48 PM

Been re-watching the entire season slowly this time and cam across a couple of lines I thought were very descriptive  of Piper in Ep13.

 

Piper to Alex in the library,

"We both know I don't have the ball to free fall through life with you."

 

Alex to Larry in the visitors room,

"She's all yours.......I can't survive another spin on her merry go round."


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#35

msanthropic

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Posted Jul 28, 2013 @ 10:45 AM

"Adventure is just hardship with an inflated sense of self." 


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#36

MaddFusion

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Posted Jul 28, 2013 @ 12:33 PM

"Hey there hear you've got a broken appliance ma'am, a real rusty old thing that needs fixin" Nicky

 

"Oh my husband is not at home and he's got the checkbook, hopefully there is some way I can pay you" Alex


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#37

HouseofJudith

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Posted Jul 29, 2013 @ 11:19 PM

I like what Larry's dad told his 30 something son in The Chickening... "maybe you should get a job."

 

I also liked what he said about Larry's question re: whether Alex fingered Piper (as the money bagman). "You want to know if she fingered her? I think that's been established."

 

 

 

 


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#38

Muffyn

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Posted Jul 30, 2013 @ 1:18 AM

Crazy Eyes to Piper:  "Why do people call me Crazy Eyes?"


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#39

HouseofJudith

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Posted Jul 30, 2013 @ 5:09 PM

""I love that one too.

 

From WAC: "Your shit smells like shalimar.... (Nicky leans in to smell the front of Piper's tunic)... it must have rubbed off when she hugged you goodbye."

 

ETA From Lesbian Request Denied: Crazy eyes to Piper:    "I threw my PIE for you!"

 


Edited by HouseofJudith, Jul 30, 2013 @ 5:37 PM.

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#40

mledawn

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Posted Jul 31, 2013 @ 1:10 PM

I love that Pousee's name is spelled as Poussey by TPTB, even though her yelling description of it has made the thread as a best line!


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#41

HouseofJudith

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Posted Aug 1, 2013 @ 7:18 AM

Taystee: I ain't do nothing.

 

Poussey: Look... me neither, alright?  We all just in here 'cause we took a wrong turn goin to church.

 

 

 

ETA:
 

Alex: (At her AA meeting) "Heroin was the best girlfriend I ever had. She always made me feel better and she was always available. But even the best girlfriend will fuck you over, you know?"

 

Piper: (Stamping out of her neighboring yoga class) Yeah, YOU would fucking know that, wouldn't ya!"

 

Tricia: (Also in AA, watching Piper walk off in a huff) "Damn, I thought yoga was supposed to relax you."


Edited by HouseofJudith, Aug 1, 2013 @ 7:19 AM.

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#42

breazy

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Posted Aug 2, 2013 @ 1:37 AM

"They meant you're, apostrophe 'r' 'e.' But this some ignorant, bitch-ass shit."


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#43

mledawn

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Posted Aug 2, 2013 @ 1:44 PM

"They so baaaad - they COWS had to die!"


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#44

HouseofJudith

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Posted Aug 4, 2013 @ 10:29 PM

1-9 F*cksgiving

 

Sophia: I don't understand why she (Crystal, the mother of her son) needs to have sex... I mean...look at you.

 

Sister: I'm a nun, I took a vow.  She married a man with a penis.  I assume it was because she wanted to use it occasionally.



From F*CKSGIVING

 

In the "salon".

 

PIPER: I was imagining what I would say if Larry told me he wanted to be a woman... I'd like to think that I would be open to it, but it would be just so weird.  I'm sorry, is that just totally  rude?

 

SOPHIA: No, its fine.

 

PIPER: He would make such an ugly girl.

 

SOPHIA & NUN: (Both start chuckling)

 

In the laundry:

 

Pennsytucky: (Doing laundry) Are you getting all this? You can also tell Judy that I pray for her as well.

 

Blonde Meth Head: (Transcribing)  Well okay, but her name's Barbara.

 

Pennsytucky:  Barbara?

 

Blonde Meth Head: Barbara.

 

Pennsytucky: DAMN! I can't keep all this fan mail straight !  I, I can't keep up with it!

 

Alex: What? You have fans?

 

Blonde Meth Head: She's a hero, she's a defender of the unborn.

 

Alex: Jeez, that sounds like a bad X-Men movie.


Edited by HouseofJudith, Aug 4, 2013 @ 10:33 PM.

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#45

1732

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Posted Aug 5, 2013 @ 12:43 AM

1-2 Tit Punch

 

Pete: You still with that guy? I thought you wouldn't make it two months.

 

Polly: Pete!

 

Pete: What? You said so too.

 

Polly: They're moving in together.

 

Pete: Already? Shit. You still are a lesbian.


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#46

SaabStory

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Posted Aug 5, 2013 @ 3:25 AM

Alex: I heart you.

 

Piper: You heart me? What is that? Is that like I love you for pussies?

 

 

And it was already mentioned, but I loved Nicky's "Hey not lesbians. It's eleven".


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#47

brave little toaster

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Posted Aug 5, 2013 @ 6:50 AM


And it was already mentioned, but I loved Nicky's "Hey not lesbians. It's eleven".

 

I love any time Nicky gives either one of them shit about their not-so-hidden relationship.  Also:

 

"Chapman, you blinked.  Vause wins."  lol.


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#48

HouseofJudith

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Posted Aug 5, 2013 @ 7:29 AM

Pennsytucky: (re: Piper & Alex) She a lesbian. They lesbian together


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#49

HouseofJudith

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Posted Aug 8, 2013 @ 10:51 PM

Moving onto Bora, Bora, Bora...

 

1st scene. Nicky, Piper, Morello in the Cafeteria.

 

Piper: Alex & I are very old friends. We have an affectionate relationship. I need that. I'm human.  Its about comfort... right?

 

Nicky: Hey Morello, remember when we used to comfort each other?

 

Morello: Sure.  You were very comfortable.



From Tall Men with Feelings.

 

Alex:  You thought it was hilarious.

Piper:  That was before I talked to Suzanne about what Psych was like.

Alex:  Who's Suzanne?

Piper:  Crazy Eyes.

Alex:   Are you cheating on me and Larry with Crazy Eyes?  Cause there's not room for four of us.


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#50

Shevek

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Posted Aug 9, 2013 @ 3:39 AM

Larry: Are you talking about her moral character or the size of her breasts?
Father: Please. I'm an ass man.
Mother: He's an ass man.



Pennsatucky: She a lesbian.
They lesbianing together.


Edited by Shevek, Aug 9, 2013 @ 3:38 AM.

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#51

IseutLaBrune

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Posted Aug 9, 2013 @ 3:10 PM

Piper: I used to have a temper. Now I have a passion for justice.


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#52

HouseofJudith

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Posted Aug 10, 2013 @ 10:33 PM

One more from Bora, Bora, Bora

 

The girls are playing cards

 

Alex:  Am I crazy... or do these cards smell faintly like urine?... Smell that.

Piper:  EW! Stop it! Get it away from my face!

Alex:  What?  Is it bringing back memories?

Piper:  What?

Alex: "50 shades of Crazy Eyes"



BBB x 3

 

From Piper's 2nd great speech in the last 2 episodes!

 

Piper:  (In the Bathroom with the wheelchair gang banger) The truth catches up with you in here Dina.  And it's the TRUTH that's going to make you, her bitch!



From Tall Men with Feelings

 

In the Prison Library

 

Black Cindy: Hey, what's your sign?

 

Poussey:  Yo!  My sign is, 'get your ass up and help me with this shit!'

 

In the Chapel

 

Piper: (looks downfallen when Alex walks in) Oh.

 

Alex: (walks in and tosses her jacket on a chair)  Okay, so here's some advice. When a girl makes you cum the way I do...you should always act thrilled to see her.

Piper: Stop it.

Alex: (Hugs Piper)) Ok, you are not in the mood for banter. I withdraw my bant.



More from TMWF:

 

At Tricia's bunk in the "white suburbs"

 

Piper: So this is what you guys decided to do instead of come to my memorial, huh... get drunk?

Sister Ingalls: Which looks like more fun?

Piper: Point, Nun.

 

and later in the same conversation...

 

Big Boo: Ahhhh. This explains the wide eyed, ice princess, uptight thing. 

Piper:  I'm not uptight. (No denial of the other 2 charges)

Everyone else in the room laughs.


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#53

DioxinBlues

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Posted Aug 12, 2013 @ 11:50 PM

Larry: "Oh, sweetie...."

Piper: "Don't call me sweetie."

Larry: "Oh...Leonard..."


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#54

jenmarie

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Posted Aug 14, 2013 @ 3:04 PM

Taystee's entire AA meeting story, about what I think she said was a bulldozer, the homeless dude and BBQ sauce, is one of my favorite moments from the season.

 

“So there I am, topless, sitting in this bulldozer in like a construction site. BBQ sauce all over my titties, and I’m like,“What the fuck… Again?”

 

 

The story was strange enough that I wonder if it was ad libbed. And it was at that moment my love for Taystee was ingrained in me forever.


Edited by jenmarie, Aug 14, 2013 @ 3:05 PM.

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#55

ElectricWings

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Posted Aug 14, 2013 @ 7:00 PM

"The 'stache is not for fags, it's for fuckin' men." -Pornstache


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#56

IseutLaBrune

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Posted Aug 15, 2013 @ 5:28 PM

Depressing but beautifully written quote from when Alex's mom died - "The strange thing is, my first instinct was to call her and talk about it." So true and heartbreaking. I'm sure that if/when my mom passes, I will think the same thing.

 

And on a lighter note, I love and plan to use Piper's highly sarcastic response to Luschek's highly offensive but hilarious "communists in the funhouse" rant. "By all means, attribute my legitimate feelings of sadness to menses."


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#57

BiteMeBilly

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Posted Aug 15, 2013 @ 5:40 PM

Nicky: "But Luscheck, I'm making you a glory hole."

 

Luscheck: "Then by all means, carry on."


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#58

HouseofJudith

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Posted Aug 16, 2013 @ 12:02 AM

 

And on a lighter note, I love and plan to use Piper's highly sarcastic response to Luschek's highly offensive but hilarious "communists in the funhouse" rant. "By all means, attribute my legitimate feelings of sadness to menses."

 

 

 

Nicky: Did you just say menses?

Luschek: That's gross.

 

And after Piper explains the Robert Frost Poem's "true" meaning in Blood Donut

 

Tricia: I will probably kill her (Piper) in her sleep tonight.

Taystee: Wake me up so I can watch.



From: "Fool Me Once"

 

Tiffany: (To her right wing lawyer about Chapman)  "She don't need him, [God] okay?  All she needs is her own self, and her Sasquatch of a girlfriend,"

 

Taryn = 5'2"

 

Laura = 5'10"

 

 

 

.


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#59

jenmarie

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Posted Aug 16, 2013 @ 11:46 AM

The entire scene before and after "Bitches gots to learn" is hilarious.

 

Black Cindy talking about having to use the bathroom in front of people, "1...2...3, it don't matter in prison" Do I want to know what going number 3 is?

 

Black Cindy and Poussey's stories about Chapman. "Yeeeeah, you get that wet Chapman treatment" then she licks the stall. And I like that the redheaded guard went along with it, to try to help scare the girl straight. I can't remember her name but I really grew to like that lady in this episode because it's really clear that she does care.

 

"Have a nice lunch" guard to Chapman.

 

"You know I'm not even completely like that" Chapman neither confirming nor denying her raging lesbianing.

 

"Damn. You cold" from Poussey and the look on her face is hilarious.


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#60

ganesh

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Posted Aug 16, 2013 @ 1:00 PM

It's "stone cold lesbian" that makes the scene. "Why am I the stone cold lesbian?" "It's for the kids, Chapman." The guard's all put out with her.


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