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Favorite Quotes: "He's not an eggplant, he's retarded."


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#1

ZenLizzy

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Posted Jul 18, 2013 @ 9:02 PM

Piper: I have been starved out, felt up, teased, stalked, threatened, and called Taylor Swift.

 

Piper: Um, Dear... Mr. Christ?

 

Piper: Bitches gots to learn.

 

 

 

Poussey: My name is Poussey. Accent a droite, bitch.


Edited by ZenLizzy, Jul 18, 2013 @ 9:17 PM.

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#2

CateinBC

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Posted Jul 18, 2013 @ 9:08 PM

Pensatucky:  That's lesbian activity!

Pornstache:  It sure is.

 

**

 

<about the chicken>  It's popular fiction.  It's like global warming, or female ejaculation.


Edited by CateinBC, Jul 18, 2013 @ 9:14 PM.

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#3

GummyBearPicnic

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Posted Jul 18, 2013 @ 10:15 PM

Alex: I'm more of a dishwasher kind of gal.


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#4

ganesh

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Posted Jul 19, 2013 @ 12:05 AM

A minute with you two is better than Plan B.

 

I just got to the dishwasher line. The *what*? after it sells it. Great timing on the follow up line.

Is the dishwasher joke meant to be a shout out to LP on That 70s show? Because there's a gag where her character gets off on that.

 

 

Most people are better in the abstract.

 

I work for an international drug cartel. [I'm on E9 so now it has resonance.]

 

In E1 Larry said: I told you about the webcam and then the penis shaving incident. Wasn't that from American Pie?


Edited by ganesh, Jul 19, 2013 @ 3:03 AM.

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#5

ElectricWings

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Posted Jul 19, 2013 @ 11:44 AM

Red: "All I wanted was to eat the chicken that is smarter than other chickens and to absorb its power."


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#6

VayaZ

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Posted Jul 19, 2013 @ 12:01 PM

"Lesbians can be really dangerous. It's the testosterone." - Mr. Healy

Pornstache to Tiffany: "I'm gonna fuck Jesus in his hand hole."
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#7

lisah25

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Posted Jul 19, 2013 @ 12:17 PM

When Larry is talking to his parents about "edging"

 

"Howard, tell Larry he needs to cum"
 


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#8

ganesh

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Posted Jul 19, 2013 @ 10:45 PM

They're so bad even the cows had to die!


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#9

nivea

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Posted Jul 19, 2013 @ 11:41 PM

As inappropriate as it was, I loved Alex's threat to molest Pennsatucky. 


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#10

geesejuggler

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Posted Jul 20, 2013 @ 5:35 AM

"Hey, Kate Winslet. See any icebergs?"

 

And awesome Nickys interruption lines to Alex and Piper:

"Hey, not lesbians! It's eleven..."

"Chapman! You blinked; Vause wins!"


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#11

MidnightFrost

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Posted Jul 20, 2013 @ 12:40 PM

There are simply too many funny lines for me to know where to start with those, especially from Nikki.  But one serious line that I absolutely loved was shortly after Crazy Eyes tells Piper that she's just not a nice person.  She then gives her advice about the mopping: "start from the inside so you don't step on the clean." (Maybe not an exact quote; I'm going from memory.)  Damn, Crazy Eyes can rock a metaphor!


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#12

Turkish

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Posted Jul 20, 2013 @ 6:54 PM

Crazy Eyes(to Piper): There used to be a sign that said, 'Caution. Wet Floor." Really told people what was going on. 

 

Taystee(to Pennatucky): This ain't The Help, Bitch. But you will eat my shit.

 

And then so many of Nicky's conversations with Piper are quote-worthy. For example:

 

Piper:What did Alex say to you about me?

Nicky: She said you were a squirter.

Piper:That..happened once. And it caught us both by surprise.

Nicky(looking shocked and amused):WOW! I was kidding. But good to know.


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#13

LoganTheHuge

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Posted Jul 20, 2013 @ 7:03 PM

Crazy Eyes(to Piper): There used to be a sign that said, 'Caution. Wet Floor." Really told people what was going on.

 

That was hilarious!

 

I loved Poussey and Taystee's imitation of yuppies. "Should I sweep the bangs to the side or let it fall in the front?" "Sweep to the side!"


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#14

Nightmare Logic

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Posted Jul 20, 2013 @ 8:03 PM

I forget the guards name but I loved the scene in Bora Bora Bora during the scared straight thing in the bathroom when Piper asked why she had to be the stone called lesbian and the female guard walked over to her and said, "It's for the children."    The way she said it was funny as hell.

 

 

The Chickening:  

 

Talking about her huge cross being put up on a pipe in the chapel.

 

Pennsyltucky:  Its beautiful.  All right?  Its our right as Americans to religious freedom.  Ain't you heard of the third Amendment.

Sister Ingalls:  Soldiers should not be given quarter in a house in times of peace?

Sophia: Is that really what the Third Amendment says?  I never knew that.  


Edited by Nightmare Logic, Jul 20, 2013 @ 8:04 PM.

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#15

ZenLizzy

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Posted Jul 20, 2013 @ 8:10 PM

This show is infinitely quotable, such clever dialog. 

 

Taystee to Piper about the death threat note:  Someone say they gonna kill you. Say it right here. [your gonna die] See, they meant "you're", apostrophe r-e. As in, you are gonna to die. But this some ignorant bitch-ass shit.

 

---


Edited by ZenLizzy, Jul 20, 2013 @ 8:15 PM.

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#16

ivgotspirit02

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Posted Jul 20, 2013 @ 10:45 PM

In E1 Larry said: I told you about the webcam and then the penis shaving incident. Wasn't that from American Pie?


I was wondering if I was the only one who caught that one, loved that line!
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#17

ganesh

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Posted Jul 21, 2013 @ 12:12 AM

It was a quick line, but I wouldn't put TPTBs to sneak something like that in there. I mean, those are very specific things to say.


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#18

preeya

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Posted Jul 21, 2013 @ 12:13 AM

E1

 

Thank God I got cancer.
No one fucks with cancer.
 


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#19

ElectricBoogalo

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Posted Jul 21, 2013 @ 8:48 AM

The saddest quote I've heard so far this season was Nicky telling her mother, "I always miss you until you're here."


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#20

CateinBC

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Posted Jul 21, 2013 @ 10:23 AM

Pornstache:  How did you not die in infancy?

Pennsyltucky:  My auntie helped my mama.


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#21

MidnightFrost

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Posted Jul 21, 2013 @ 12:44 PM

I just remembered what might by my favorite quote of the series.  Piper asks Nicky why she's drilling the hole in the wall, and Nicky responds: "it's an art piece representing the futility of blue collar labor in a technological age...and vaginas."  That one line just says so much about Nicky's character...


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#22

nicole8705

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Posted Jul 21, 2013 @ 4:58 PM

I was wondering if I was the only one who caught that one, loved that line!


On a similar note:

When Nicky confronts Red about choosing Morello as a candidate instead of her.

Nicky: I thought I was like your Spock.

Red: [chuckles] My what?!
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#23

preeya

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Posted Jul 21, 2013 @ 5:06 PM

E9
And this is Finn. (Polly's baby)
Wow.
He looks like Steve Buscemi.
Congratulations, man.
 

Edited by preeya, Jul 21, 2013 @ 5:13 PM.

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#24

enigmaticdan

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Posted Jul 21, 2013 @ 6:34 PM

From episode 10, "Bora Bora Bora":

 

Crazy Eyes: "Other prisons do Shakespeare and shit. I want to play a role, like Desdemona or Ophelia or Clair Huxtable."


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#25

CateinBC

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Posted Jul 21, 2013 @ 6:45 PM

I just remembered what might by my favorite quote of the series.  Piper asks Nicky why she's drilling the hole in the wall, and Nicky responds: "it's an art piece representing the futility of blue collar labor in a technological age...and vaginas."  That one line just says so much about Nicky's character...

 

Loved that too.


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#26

puddingcup

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Posted Jul 21, 2013 @ 8:07 PM

From "Bora Bora Bora" -

 

Poussey: Y'all just...roll up on people? [with hand motions]


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#27

LoganTheHuge

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Posted Jul 21, 2013 @ 8:26 PM

Crazy Eyes: "Other prisons do Shakespeare and shit. I want to play a role, like Desdemona or Ophelia or Clair Huxtable."

 

That was hysterical. That entire Scared Straight bit had me dying (especially Poussey and the wheelchair girl). I loved how they were all posing in the chairs when the kids came up.


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#28

Amester0120

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Posted Jul 21, 2013 @ 9:41 PM

"Somebody get this bitch a hamster wheel!"


Edited by Amester0120, Jul 21, 2013 @ 9:44 PM.

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#29

spanky91088

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Posted Jul 24, 2013 @ 6:27 PM

Does anyone happen to have a list of the euphemisms for having a period? I know we laughed particularly hard at the one about a communist, but now I can't remember it to save my life...
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#30

Freckles101

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Posted Jul 24, 2013 @ 10:56 PM

"Jesus Christ, you having your red dot special? Communists in your funhouse? Crimson tide?"


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