Jump to content

Quotes You'll Never See On "Once Upon A Time"


  • Please log in to reply

113 replies to this topic

#61

Camera One

Camera One

    Fanatic

Posted Feb 3, 2012 @ 2:27 PM

FBI: Regina Mills, we are placing you under arrest for misappropriating public funds, the trafficking of human organs and doing whatever the hell you want under the guise of a public official.
  • 1

#62

Tricksterson

Tricksterson

    Fanatic

Posted Feb 3, 2012 @ 4:32 PM

That FBI agent wouldn't be named Mulder or Scully would they?
  • 0

#63

free7694

free7694

    Channel Surfer

Posted Feb 5, 2012 @ 5:00 AM

Dr. Hopper: So, Henry, you think we were all fairy tale characters at one point?
Henry: Yeah, you were a cricket.
Dr. Hopper: A cricket?
Henry: You got better......
  • 0

#64

chatster

chatster

    Channel Surfer

Posted Feb 5, 2012 @ 6:49 AM

Sailor (on Pequod, whaling boat in harbor in The Enchanted Forest): Call me Rumpelstiltskin.

Prince Hamlet (in a graveyard in the Danish part of The Enchanted Forest, holding a human skull): Alas, poor Rumpelstiltskin! I knew him, Horatio: a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy.

Joe (to his Storybrooke gang members): With the exception of Eddie and myself, whom you already know, we're going to be using aliases on this job. Under no circumstances do I want any one of you to relate to each other by your Christian names, and I don't want any talk about yourself personally. That includes where you been, your wife's name, where you might've done time, or maybe a bank you robbed in St. Petersburg or Tallahassee. All I want you guys to talk about, if you have to, is what you're going to do. That should do it. Here are your names...
[pointing to each respective member]
Joe: Mr. Brown, Mr. White, Mr. Blonde, Mr. Blue, Mr. Orange, and Mr. Pink.
Mr. Pink: Why am I Mr. Pink? Why canít I be Mr. Gold?
Joe: Because everybody knows weíve already got a Mr. Gold, and if you donít stop complaining, heís gonna get someone to rip your heart out, alright?
  • 0

#65

chatster

chatster

    Channel Surfer

Posted Feb 7, 2012 @ 3:09 PM

Rumpelstiltskin's Nephew Fred: A merry Christmas, uncle! God save you!
Rumpelstiltskin: Bah! Humbug!
  • 0

#66

lubi

lubi

    Loyal Viewer

Posted Feb 10, 2012 @ 7:04 AM

David (to Emma): "I don't care how old you are, young lady, you are not getting in that Stranger's bike"
  • 0

#67

chatster

chatster

    Channel Surfer

Posted Feb 10, 2012 @ 10:01 AM

King Leopold (to Genie): Iíve got three wishes? OK, this should be easy. My first wish is that everyone, including you, would be free. My second wish is that we have World Peace, and Iím not talking about bringing Ron Artest to my kingdom. And my third wish is . . . uh. . . uh . . . ummmm . . . uh . . . I guess I canít think of the third one. . . . Oops!
  • 0

#68

RTS390

RTS390

    Video Archivist

Posted Feb 12, 2012 @ 1:03 AM

The Troll under the Bridge saying, "Who's that trip trapping across my bridge!" To a Goat.....

The Big Bad Wolf saying, "I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll bloooow your house down!" To some Pigs in a house.....
  • 0

#69

Anakerie

Anakerie

    Fanatic

Posted Feb 19, 2012 @ 5:38 AM

Emma: I used to be a bounty hunter like you, then I took an arrow in the knee.

Henry: Okay, I kind of goofed. I was right about everyone being characters from a book, but it was the wrong book. It turns out you're all actually from "120 Days of Sodom" and...why are you looking at me like that?
  • 0

#70

awesometvgal

awesometvgal

    Channel Surfer

Posted Feb 20, 2012 @ 8:56 PM

Rumplestiltskin: Everybody Lies

(sorry a "limp" joke)
  • 0

#71

RTS390

RTS390

    Video Archivist

Posted Feb 21, 2012 @ 11:53 PM

Henry: "I got tired of lugging that heavy assed book around, so I threw it in the trash!"
  • 0

#72

Camera One

Camera One

    Fanatic

Posted Mar 5, 2012 @ 9:00 PM

TONIGHT ON CELEBRITY APPRENTICE

DONALD TRUMP: Your task tonight is simple. Sell 500 candles made by nuns. Tonight's twist. Each team can have ANY question answered before we begin the challenge.

TEAM LEROY/MARY MARGARET: How do we cause a power outage in New York City?
  • 0

#73

Dowel Jones

Dowel Jones

    Couch Potato

Posted Mar 12, 2012 @ 10:56 PM

Mary Margaret: The nuns have to raise $4000 to pay their rent or they're going to be evicted! What do we do?

Leroy (in a trance): The Band....the band....THE BAND!!!

Regina (off camera): Yeah I know a place out on Lake Wassapumotti. You can gross $5000 there easy. 'Course I don't think you'll sell ticket one, but....
  • 0

#74

Tricksterson

Tricksterson

    Fanatic

Posted Mar 13, 2012 @ 4:53 PM

Regina (at the psych ward): Nurse Ratched? What are you doing here. Go back to your own story. Go on! Shoo!
  • 0

#75

RTS390

RTS390

    Video Archivist

Posted Mar 15, 2012 @ 11:04 PM

"There's no need to fear David Doofuss is here!"
  • 0

#76

Camera One

Camera One

    Fanatic

Posted Mar 18, 2012 @ 1:45 AM

Emma: Mary Margaret, please tell me you didn't have anything to do with what happened to Katherine.
Mary Margaret: (takes out a gun) You breathe one word of this to anyone, and I'll be dining on your heart with pleasure. Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Emma: Umm.... I think it's about time I left Storybrooke.
Mary Margaret: Too late for that! (Mary Margaret grabs butcher knife and chases after Emma)
  • 0

#77

Dowel Jones

Dowel Jones

    Couch Potato

Posted Mar 19, 2012 @ 12:57 AM

David (in Hopper's office): I have to go! Now!
Dr Hopper: I'll still have to bill you for the full hour.
  • 0

#78

legaleagle44

legaleagle44

    Stalker

Posted Mar 19, 2012 @ 8:31 PM

Peter: Red, what big, beautiful eyes you have!
Red: All the better to see you with, my love.
Peter: And Red, what beautiful ears you have!
Red: All the better to hear you with, sweetheart.
Peter: And Red, what beautiful, white teeth you have!
Red: All the better to eat someone with, honey (gazing directly at Peter and licking her lips) -- and right now, I'M STARVED!!

Edited by legaleagle44, Mar 19, 2012 @ 8:33 PM.

  • 0

#79

Camera One

Camera One

    Fanatic

Posted Mar 26, 2012 @ 2:22 AM

Regina: I need you to run an errand for me, Father.
Henry the Sr.: Anything.
Regina: Drop by the Ikea in the East Enchanted Forest area, and pick up one of those cabinets for me. You know, the gold ones with a couple hundred small drawers that can open by themselves? The typical Evil Ruler Collection variety will do.
  • 0

#80

metaphysicist

metaphysicist

    Couch Potato

Posted Mar 29, 2012 @ 3:43 PM

May 15, 2012 edition Storybrooke Mirror

UNEMPLOYMENT EXPECTED TO RISE

When Storybrooke High School graduates its first class in 28 years next month, the impact on the local economy will be felt. Storybrooke has experienced zero job growth for the entire 28 years, and is unlikely to have any new positions for the graduates. Yesterday at a press conference Mayor Mills stated, "Look, I've been your leader for years and we have presided over a period of perfect stability. We've never even had the need for new jobs. But ever since that #$&"$# Emma Swan came to town, there's been nothing but change. So the blame for this mess is on her! And another thing, I'm a lot prettier than her so why did Grapham want her instead of me? And don't get me started on Henry. That kid is ungrateful. I put up with a lot of s--- from that kid. I mean I changed every diaper. How I am supposed to be happy with that b--- around?"

In a related story, Storybrooke's teachers are expressing anxiety at the prospect of new students next fall. Quoting Mary Margaret Blanchard, the fifth grade teacher. "If we treat the new children with love and kindness, they will do well. It can't be any harder than trainig a flock of Eastern Bluebirds to act as your personal messengers." When asked about the students leaving for another class Ms. Blanchard said, "If you love them and they love you, they will always find you." When questioned about her illicit relationship with David Nolan, she replied,"Please don't be hard on David. The man is in a fragile mental state, what with holding two conflicting realities in his mind at once. It starting to affect his performance, if you know what I mean. Now he wants me to act out this fantasy of his where I have long hair, carry swords, spears, and other stuff. I guess I'll do it to see if he can ------- again. But I draw the line at dwarves!"
  • 7

#81

funnybia

funnybia

    Channel Surfer

Posted May 1, 2012 @ 9:54 PM

August: Emma, touch my leg so I can prove it's made of wood.

Emma: It's skin!!

August: Fine, then take this saw...

--------------

Henry: Emma, what do you mean? You can't leave Storybrooke you're the savior!

Emma: No I'm not and relax, I can't go.

Henry: Exactly, so you finally-

Emma: I still have to wait for that drug I gave Mary Margaret to take affect, then I'll take her with us.

--------------

REGINA'S CHECK LIST


1) Go to Henry's school (use lunch box as excuse).

2) Mess with Mary Margaret psicologically.

3) Tell Henry he's changing classes.

4) Seduce David with lasagna.

5) Kill Emma with poisonous apple.

6) Tell Mary Margaret everything.

7) Hold out ring and say "We got her Daniel".

Edited by funnybia, May 1, 2012 @ 9:55 PM.

  • 2

#82

andi pandi

andi pandi

    Couch Potato

Posted May 11, 2012 @ 4:18 PM

Emma: Back in the foster home, I used to fantasize about being a pretty pretty princess, with fluffy pink dresses, a sparkly tiara, and a magic wand.
  • 0

#83

Dowel Jones

Dowel Jones

    Couch Potato

Posted May 15, 2012 @ 2:05 AM

Regina: Rumplestilksin has the egg! He's been manipulating us all along!
Emma: No, really?
  • 1

#84

chatster

chatster

    Channel Surfer

Posted May 15, 2012 @ 10:36 AM

Mr. Gold (to Belle): Wait here in the car, my love. Iíve just got to stop in the pharmacy.
Mr. Gold (to Mr. Clark, The Sneezing Pharmacist): Good afternoon, Mr. Clark, Dr. Whale called in a prescription for me.
Mr. Clark: Right. (Reaches under the counter) Got it right here. Thatís ah . . . ah . . . ah . . . ah . . . ah . . . ah . . . choooooo . . . for those little blue pills. Viagra. Thatíll be $27.50 on your drug plan. Should I charge it to your account?
  • 0

#85

Breath We Drew

Breath We Drew

    Loyal Viewer

Posted May 17, 2012 @ 11:11 PM

Belle: All you'll have is an empty heart and a chipped cup, and that's to bad. Because I am a great lay.
  • 0

#86

Tricksterson

Tricksterson

    Fanatic

Posted May 20, 2012 @ 2:50 PM

Rumplegold: Magic is coming!

Belle: I thought that was winter?

Rumplegold: Wrong show.
  • 0

#87

Camera One

Camera One

    Fanatic

Posted May 27, 2012 @ 5:26 PM

Most frustrating Season 2 premiere ever.

Purple Smoke clears. Snow and Charming are on the ground. They slowly get up.
CHARMING: Hello. Who are you?
SNOW: I'm Terry Hargret.
CHARMING: Hi, I'm Javid.

Hospital.
EMMA: Where am I?
HENRY: Who are you?
EMMA: I'm Gemma.
HENRY: Nice to meet you, I'm Benry.

Meanwhile...
REGINA and MR. GOLD: Muahahahahahahahahahah!!!
  • 0

#88

kcblue86

kcblue86

    Fanatic

Posted Oct 7, 2012 @ 10:19 PM

A conversation Regina and Henry didn't have:

Henry: So you're going to teach me how to do magic as a bonding experience, all while holding me prisoner in my room like I'm Rapunzel? That's the plan?
Regina: Yes.
Henry: Remind me again. What was the first thing you did with magic?
Regina: I shoved my evil, oppressive mother who was holding me prisoner while encouraging me to gain power through a portal into another dimension.
Henry: (pointed stare)
Regina: Oh.
Henry: I think I'm beginning to see why your plans keep getting foiled.
  • 3

#89

Camera One

Camera One

    Fanatic

Posted Oct 21, 2012 @ 3:38 PM

Emma: I've been meaning to ask. What happened to my grandparents?

Snow: Well, that District Attorney in Storybrooke, who is actually your step-adopted grandfather, blackmailed your father into pretending to be his son after your dad's twin brother died, and he also tried to force your dad to marry a princess in another kingdom even though your dad didn't love her, so when your father refused, he was angry and killed your grandmother who could have been saved if only he didn't curse me but your grandmother selflessly tricked me into drinking the last shell-full of magic waters thus I was able to have you. Meanwhile, my father, your grandfather on my side, married Regina who only became my stepmother because her mother Cora who's actually your step-great-grandmother killed Regina's true love which sent her into a life of vengeance so she married your grandfather only to kill him using Sidney who's the genie who had him bitten by some poisonous vipers before sending me into the forest to be killed by Graham but I escaped and met your father but the District Attorney forced me to tell your father I didn't love him so I drank Rumplestiltskin's potion to forget everything which allowed him to get a strand of my hair and then I ate Regina's apple since she threatened to kill your father and he had to give up his cloak to Rumplestiltskin in order to find me which allowed Rumplestiltskin to get a hair from your father which created the potion which allowed the curse to begin but let's not forget that Rumplestiltskin also told your stepgrandmother Regina how to get rid of your step-greatgrandmother Cora by pushing her through a mirror.

Emma: ???????

Edited by Camera One, Oct 21, 2012 @ 6:36 PM.

  • 0

#90

Anakerie

Anakerie

    Fanatic

Posted Oct 27, 2012 @ 6:53 PM

Regina: *goes dancing past Granny's in a tux and sunglasses* Oppan Gangnam Style!

*diners stare and then quietly go back to eating*
  • 0