I hope you'll all be willing to help publicize my new collage business - I'm calling it 'Glue Stick and Magazines for $6,000, by Beezer.' Seriously? Fucking seriously?!
I never watched the kid version and it just came on and they said they were redoing the house for $40k and it clearly needed a lot of work so I thought 'oh, coo... what the hell are you loons doing?!'
The one sister loves to cook - so spend money on a fucking pink stove, blue retro fridge instead of, call me crazy here, COUNTERSPACE? That kitchen could not have been laid out worse if they'd tried. Word to the lack of dishwasher but the lack of counterspace and weirdo sink placement that took up that much room were just ridiculous. One square of counter, off to the side of the stove but NOT between the stove and the sink, that was a tiny thing. Just...
The chandelier in the corner made no sense. Fine, chandeliers don't need to be centered - do they need to be hanging by the side of the television far across from and to one side of the seating area?
The stairs were just... I actually wondered if that effect would throw people off looking up or down but regardless, yes, it does look like a playhouse. How the fuck old are you two?
I cannot with painting the floors - and painting them that horrid shade of mauve. That was not pink. I have a nice, fairly new, HD tv and that was a dusky, fugly mauve.
I further cannot with the "artist" slapping shit onto the walls and then randomly spraying it with pink. He was right, it was certainly hipsterish. Loved the 'see all the bubbles, it doesn't have to be perfect!' but it could have been, see.
That place could have been really nice and beachy with the whitewashed stairs, shades and then pick a damn idea and stick with it. That was my biggest wtf with the place - aside from that there were 42 pinky shades everyplace, there was zero cohesion. Didn't she say they liked shabby chic? How hard would that be in a BEACH HOUSE?
The dining area was a bit shabby chic-ish (but not really) the kitchen had contemporary, minimalist cabinets (which didn't go with ANYTHING) and countertops, retro-lookingish fridge, pink yet modern-looking stove (why not get a retro stove? Oh, because everything else looks like it wandered over from Ikea? Didn't stop you idiots when you bought the fridge), totally modern, minimalist fixtures and what the hell??
The living room was Paris Hilton modernist with the wallpaper and cheap-looking couch, the stairs were overly cutsey and the upstairs was some kind of 12-year-old hipster-wanna be fantasy - with a countryish wrought iron bed. Nothing went with anything else and 'there're shades of pink splattered around' is not cohesion.
God what a fucking mess. The money they wasted on the appliances (I'm all for spending on a quality appliance but not to make one pink), the "art," however much they paid the graffiti guy, the money I can't even begin to think about that they spent having the stairs striped just... people LIVE there. I'd rather have a really comfortable couch than a retro fridge stuck in an entirely non-retro kitchen (except for the yet again don't-go-with-anything subway tiles), or a nice couch, a couple nice big comfy chairs and a stained floor than that little dumbass collage, but ... uhm, wait, I didn't mean that.
Anyone interested in purchasing one of Beezer's famous Glue Stick and Magazine creations before I hit the gallery circuit and you can't afford one, please contact me forthwith. My first creations will be themed around.... let's see... cheap eats from NY Mag.
Edited by beezer, Jul 21, 2011 @ 9:51 PM.