Things I Am No Longer Allowed to Do on the Wall
Posted May 10, 2011 @ 2:23 PM
The idea is based on the Skippy List, written by a practical joker in the U.S. Army stationed overseas. As the story goes, he’d do something outrageous, the brass would reprimand him for it, and he’d add it to the list of things he was no longer allowed to do.
I imagine there’s at least one man stationed at the Wall who’s just like Skippy -- keeping himself amused with pranks and schemes. Since the Wall can’t spare any men, all anyone can do is tell him to knock it off.
So, what has he done? Let’s keep a running count!
1. I am no longer allowed to shove snowballs down the backs of my fellow Nightswatch men and exclaim, “I am the Snow Bastard!”
2. I am no longer allowed to build snowmen to take my place for lookout duty, even if they’d be just as effective as me.
3. I am no longer allowed to mention that Tyrion looks like the lovechild of Jaime and Cersei.
4. I am no longer allowed to encourage new recruits to taste The Wall.
* And I am to apologize for what happened to that poor fellow’s tongue
5. White Walkers are scary creatures that live north of The Wall and haven’t been seen in centuries. They are *NOT* noblemen and women from the South, and I am to stop raising the alarm whenever I see them.
Posted May 10, 2011 @ 2:58 PM
Posted May 10, 2011 @ 3:54 PM
Posted May 10, 2011 @ 5:46 PM
10. I am no longer allowed to stand on the top of the wall and yell "avalanche" whilst throwing snowballs at my companions below.
11. The wall is not a public toilet.
12. I am not allowed to proclaim that the celibacy rule is more of a "guideline".
Posted May 11, 2011 @ 4:29 AM
Posted May 11, 2011 @ 2:56 PM
Posted May 11, 2011 @ 8:55 PM
16. I am no longer allowed to sniff Jon Snow's neck and tell him that he smells like blackberry jam.
* Or that he would be delicious with Hollandaise.
** Even if Ser Alliser said it first.
17. I will never again attach a keg full of brandy to the neck of Jon Snow's wolf and send him after missing Brothers.
18. I will never again attach a pork chop to Samwell Tarly's neck when Jon Snow's wolf is in the vicinity.
* That went very badly.
Posted May 11, 2011 @ 9:02 PM
20. Frozen sculptures made of arching filigree-like pee are no longer to be given as birthday presents. Especially in a room with a fire.
21. I must stop work immediately on the escape tunnel to Dorne.
Edited by Lady V, May 11, 2011 @ 9:03 PM.
Posted May 11, 2011 @ 9:12 PM
23. I am no longer allowed to greet my friends with the words "Cold enough for ya?"
Posted May 11, 2011 @ 9:21 PM
25. I will no longer use the mess hall as a base of production for the "Great Whores of Winterfell" calendar.
*In fact, any and all activities related to this project shall cease and desist.
**Drawings for this project shall be left in the officers' barracks immediately. For safe keeping.
Edited by KatieJo, May 11, 2011 @ 9:57 PM.
Posted May 11, 2011 @ 9:48 PM
27. I must remove all posters advertising blow jobs from Allister Thorne at 2 coppers per comer, as a Thursday special
Posted May 11, 2011 @ 9:53 PM
Edited by Lily Patil, May 11, 2011 @ 9:53 PM.
Posted May 11, 2011 @ 10:11 PM
(Come on, everybody else in Westeros asks questions about it, it's only a matter of time before it gets to the Wall too.)
Posted May 12, 2011 @ 1:02 PM
31. I am no longer allowed to refer to First Ranger Benjen Stark as Captain Obvious.
*Winter Is Coming? Really? You think?
Posted May 12, 2011 @ 3:21 PM
Posted May 12, 2011 @ 4:39 PM
33.a. Nowhere in the vow of the night's watch is the word 'eh'
33.b. The vow is still valid even if not repeated in French
33.c. I am not to refer to the white walkers as 'Hosers'
Posted May 12, 2011 @ 10:03 PM
35. I may not accessorize my brothers' capes with my bedazzler
36. Unless I want my sigl to be a crosshairs, I am not to starch Ser Mallister's smallclothes any more
Posted May 12, 2011 @ 11:55 PM
38. The lift is not a barracks.
39. Pissing off the edge of the wall is not to be done when Ranging parties are scheduled to leave.
40. I am no longer allowed to inquire from which whore the cook acquired East watch crabs.
Posted May 13, 2011 @ 10:31 AM
*There are no steamy hot baths and steamy hot Dothraki handmaidens at the Wall.
42. New rule: The Wall; you break it, you buy it.
Posted May 13, 2011 @ 12:59 PM
* Also out: shouting "I'm not king of the world."
44. No longer allowed to tell new recruits that the elevator is for officers only, and everyone else has to climb the wall for watch duty.
45. Claiming that I thought it was a vow to "Sell a Busey" does not invalidate my vow of celibacy.
Posted May 18, 2011 @ 2:07 AM
47. Apparently all "Attack Drills" involving the use of the Horn must be cleared by an officer.
48. I am not allowed to refer to dinner as "biological warfare."
49. Throwing Stag Parties in the soldiers barracks is NOT considered an acceptable way to "honor the king."
50. Especially if we fail to invite the officers.
Posted May 18, 2011 @ 6:08 AM
Posted May 18, 2011 @ 6:19 AM
Posted May 19, 2011 @ 8:37 AM
* "But Ghost is a dyerwolf, and he DID join the Black, Jon!"
Edited by Complex77, May 19, 2011 @ 8:57 AM.
Posted May 19, 2011 @ 8:33 PM
Posted May 20, 2011 @ 1:20 PM
56. Also not allowed to put on my musical, "Westeros Story"
* And don't even hum its show-stopping number, "When You're a Stark"
57. The outhouse is not the home of the "true" Iron Throne, and I am to remove all the scraps of iron I welded to it before the next Brother finds himself stuck.
Posted May 20, 2011 @ 7:19 PM
59. I am no longer allowed to point out to the newbies that if they put off "saying the words" there is still a chance for escape without the risk of being beheaded.
60. I am no longer to bitch that if I hadn't "said the words" they would have sent me back to be executed for something I didn't do, so of course I didn't really "vow" in my heart just with my mouth.
61. I am no longer to mutter "coercion" or "brainwashing" at the vow ceremonies, or to shout, "Dance little puppets, DANCE!"
Posted May 26, 2011 @ 11:09 AM
Posted May 26, 2011 @ 11:40 AM