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15-03: "Brunch for a Bunch" 2011.04.17


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#1

cissyboo

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Posted Apr 17, 2011 @ 11:01 AM

From FoodTv:

Wake up sleepyheads! Sandra Lee is making a creative brunch buffet that is light on prep and heavy on pleasing. On the menu, a Savory Breakfast Casserole with a trio of toppings - Avocado and Black Bean Salsa, Mushroom and Onion Jam and Tomato and Basil. And then, Swedish Pancakes with two distinct and delicious fillings. Plus, a unique Yogurt Parfait Bar. Plus, a sparkling juice bar with options for everyone. And of course, a fabulous tablescape that will make your brunch the hottest morning ticket in town.

Fuchsia top AGAIN. Huge ass bouquet of flowers on the counter, fuchsia and spring green blinding scape.
Sandra is making a savory savory bread casserole. 10 eggs is your base, make it the night before! Add the cream of mushroom soup, mixing mixing mixing…savory! Add croutons, 2 bags of unflavored croutons (but you can use flavored!), and a pack of ham chunks and cheese. Parsley punches up the flavor and adds freshness-since the only fresh in it is the eggs. The croutons will plump up and make a beautiful bread pudding savory casserole!
Topping time-mushroom and onion jam: thawed frozen onions (2 bags) and two pkgs of sliced buttons (or you can use mushrooms with flavor and texture!) Caramelize with one tbs sugar, salt and pepper and 1 tbs apple cider vinegar (which is like nutmeg and RR-humm what is that?)
Tomato and pesto-genius product, pesto, one can of diced tomatoes, red wine vinegar and mix together with some other crap. Toppings go in the fridge and can be made ahead of time.
Black bean salsa-canned o beans and store bought guac, 1 tbs lime juice (makes it taste like scratch!) and a hollowpenno. Looks like someone’s digestive tract didn’t do a good job on the beans before getting ill.
Commercials: Daisy sour cream, Disneyworld, Clorox wipes, Digorno comes with cookies now, those hideous Jello-tempations parents who terrorize their kids, and a couple of promos.
Back to the eye blinding kitchen. You can create these recipes in literally a heart beat. The mushroom onion crap is done, and that’s what it looks like.
2 cups of milk, two eggs, vanilla (right in your pantry!), butter whiskywhiskywhsisky . In another bowkl, flour, sugar, salt, etc. Put dry into wet, and whiskywhiskywhisky-no leaveners, flat like crepes! Pour batter into pan (using a skillet, so the edges of hers are ragged). Pie filling and whipped cream cheese (is that the spreadable stuff?). There are flavoured cream cheeses, but nothing beats the taste of making it yourself (with pie filling and Philly spreadable!). The banana stuff is choco syrup and mushed bananas.
Beautiful beautiful says simple Sandra. Her tablescape is full of color like her menu (which right now is kind of a yellow brown).
Share our strength, Subway, ginger ale, sandwich crackers, Chase, yoghurt <fage>, a local rug shop, Comcast, that rug shop commercial again.
Back to Sandra! No cake today, just the big ass bouquet. The casserole is out, and the yellowy-brown theme continues. Sandra talks about stress. Three chunks of casserole, the guac and bean poo, the pesto tomato mess, and the mushroom onion cat hork each go on a slice.
Now to make the yoghurt stuff. Vanilla yoghurt with jams, NOW we get some color on the table. Puffed rice, granola, blueberry, oranges, and almonds. Let’s build! Boysenberry yoghurt, blueberry etc. Make sure that there is food for everyone, because not everyone like the same food-and providing variety makes you a semi-HO host.
After the break-BOOZE! Hidden Valley Ranch, HVR salad kits, Petsmart (funny, since much of Sandy’s food looks like it comes from the ends of your pets), bungi jumping people in a tuna commercial, Gel Mats, MerryMaids, Quaker chewy, Shell gas, promo
She’s back! Pitchers of juices-pale pink KA cowering on the counter-cranapple, orange pineapple (these look normal) peach blueberry looks very dark. Juice and sparkling water mocktail. Sparkling wine in the cocktail. Buy the cheap stuff!
Crap Scrape time! Once again Sandra changes tops. Hearts pearls and flowers hang from the ceiling. Flowers and cake pedestals, plates, bowls, and egg cups as favors. Again, no room for food.

#2

BelleCurve

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Posted Apr 17, 2011 @ 11:03 AM

The cognitive dissonance of this episode is just astounding, "nothing tastes so good as when you make it yourself".
She says that yogurt crap is worthy of your favorite family member...AND your children.
What the hell am I going to do with one egg cup?
She's such a doofus.

Edited by BelleCurve, Apr 17, 2011 @ 11:03 AM.


#3

cissyboo

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Posted Apr 17, 2011 @ 11:13 AM

What the hell am I going to do with one egg cup?
She's such a doofus.


Duh! You put and eggshell with flowers in it in it!

Edited by cissyboo, Apr 17, 2011 @ 11:47 AM.


#4

BelleCurve

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Posted Apr 17, 2011 @ 11:16 AM

Well damn if you aren't just the smartest thing on the block, cissyboo! lol
I'll try harder next time.

#5

cissyboo

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Posted Apr 17, 2011 @ 11:48 AM

We all can't be as smart as Sandra.

#6

Baysu

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Posted Apr 17, 2011 @ 12:27 PM

I know it's semi-homemade, but please. store bought guacamole, yuck, pie filling out of a can, yuck, cream of mushroom soup, vile stuff. Croutons instead of bread slices ? How does she come up with this stuff? Just awful.
And what about those god awful tops she was wearing, or was it a dress, PJ ?? who knows.
Another awful show. I think the only thing I would have liked would have been the sparkly wine. But don't get the good stuff, just buy the cheap stuff.

#7

SnarklePuss

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Posted Apr 17, 2011 @ 2:52 PM

She needs to learn the meaning of the word "jam." First of all that mushroom and onion concoction did not look jam-like in the least-- it just looked like a bunch of vegetables sautéed together. Then, when she was making those yogurt parfaits, she called the three fruit items "jam preserves." What the hell? Also, in the preview of the parfaits, some definitely had different colored layers of yogurt--including some that looked like they were plain white. The recipe as demonstrated clearly didn't offer that option. And when she asked us to guess what the topping would be, I must say I was quite disappointed when it was coconut and almonds and not Cool-Whip.

I can't imagine how difficult it would be to chop up bananas into that small of a dice. They'd have to be awfully firm to start with. Oh, and when she made the canned pie filling + whipped cream cheese filling, she kept saying how much better this was than buying store-bought flavored cream cheese because you made it yourself. Yeah, with canned pie filling.

"This is a two-handed job." Please, we don't need to hear about your bedroom activities.

#8

grisgris

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Posted Apr 17, 2011 @ 3:21 PM

Geez, that was awful. What's the new obsession with fuchsia?

The casserole/strata thing looked terrible and dry. Where the hell did she come up with those toppings? As she kept going, one looked worse than the other. The guac and black beans with pickled hollow-peenos.. My stomach actually turned.

What is the difference between a Swedish pancake and a crepe? I noticed that she only prepared one. MV must have made the rest.

Where were the guests supposed to assemble their plates of food? There was no room to spare on that table.

Again, multiple stacked plates when there was no soup or salad being served. Those eggshell "vases" were beyond stupid. Giada did it better yesterday with her more elegant dyed eggs.

#9

Kevind85

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Posted Apr 17, 2011 @ 4:45 PM

That casserole thing was every bit as revolting as I imagined it to be. The future Mrs Kevind85 and I were thinking about having omeletes for lunch earlier today but after seeing her dump a can of cream of whatever soup inTO a a bowl full off eggs we lost our appetite. I always thought that pre-chopped ham looked disgusting and this did nothing to change my mind.

She's never been able to speak in coherent sentences but her inability to string two words together is out of control in season 15. Right from the start; "...when you're making a bunch for a brunch"

She was channeling both Rachael and Ina in this epiosde. First saying that guests will go.."Hmm, what is that?" -- then started on Ina's method of making everything in advance so entertaining will be easier.

She is far too overly impressed with herself. Being first semi-ho of New York has really gone to her head.

I was ok with the yogurt toppings untill she got to the puffed rice.

"Being a smart,thoughtful host is being a semi-homemade host" I always thought being a semi-homemade host meant lying to your friends and family that you made everything from scratch when you really didn't. It's nice to know you can only be thoughtful if you're meal is semi-homemade. With that in mind the next time I have friends over for dinner I will greet them with the following "Get your damn food and get the fuck out you worthless piece of shit, I made everything from scratch so I don't have to be thoughtful about anything, including your feelings now get the fuck out".

That juice bar was dumb and that tablescape was hideous (no surprise I know).

#10

grisgris

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Posted Apr 17, 2011 @ 5:11 PM

She always uses the word "thoughtful." I particularly like it when she's icing a cake or something and admonishes us to "be thoughtful" or "generous."

Nigella made delicious-looking yogurt parfaits for a brunch party and used Greek yogurt, macerated fresh fruit and crumbled up oatmeal cookies. Puffed rice has no flavor. In the beauty shot, I thought they were white jelly beans.

Sandy, or I mean, SANDRA, should have taken another cue from Ina and planned just one nice cocktail with quality booze and served that instead of cheap sparkling wine and $20 worth of juices. You can buy orange pineapple juice and I also think Ocean Spray makes a cranberry apple juice. I know that both Tropicana and Minute Maid make peach juice. Knuden's is the only brand I've seen that makes blueberry juice.

That casserole had no seasoning at all. I can't imagine how awful it tasted. Even some herb-garlic croutons would have been a slight improvement.

That crap hanging from the ceiling was tacky and hideous. I wonder if she does similar stuff at the governor's mansion?

#11

Baysu

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Posted Apr 17, 2011 @ 6:43 PM

I wonder if she does similar stuff at the governor's mansion?


You think she will actually make it into the governors mansion ?

#12

grisgris

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Posted Apr 17, 2011 @ 7:09 PM

I don't know. I just assumed that if Andy lives there, she must at least go to visit on the weekends and to see her "semi-homemade daughters!"

#13

Watt DeFark

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Posted Apr 18, 2011 @ 12:30 PM

The banana stuff is choco syrup and mushed bananas.


Well, to be fair, it was Nutella (or cheap imitation) and mushed bananas.

Jeebus, that pie filling/cream cheese looked like Pepto. And thanks for the recap, I'm sitting here at work laughing so hard tears are coming to my eyes! Cat hork, indeed!

Stuff from Michael's hanging from your ceiling = extra klassy.

I don't usually watch this show, even to snark, but that first glimpse of SL in all her spackled glory sucked me in. How else does she get her face to not have ANY depth at all?? It's like 2-D.

#14

Tbean

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Posted Apr 18, 2011 @ 2:23 PM

My favorite part was when they zoomed in on the sparkling wine and the label said "Sparking Wine." Cheap indeed!

#15

tardigrade

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Posted Apr 18, 2011 @ 3:52 PM

That casserole thing was every bit as revolting as I imagined it to be. The future Mrs Kevind85 and I were thinking about having omeletes for lunch earlier today but after seeing her dump a can of cream of whatever soup inTO a a bowl full off eggs we lost our appetite. I always thought that pre-chopped ham looked disgusting and this did nothing to change my mind.



I found it intriguing, and got to wondering if with a little tweaking it could be made into something edible, since it's basically a ham and cheese savory bread pudding. I don't have croutons in my semi-ho pantry, so I used some stale sourdough French bread; don't have canned cream of mushroom soup since it has enough sodium to choke a rhino, so I used artichoke hearts (Aunt Sandy always tells us we can substitute anything for anything, and I had some leftover); cut the number of eggs way down since they didn't have to set that canned glop; didn't have any semi-ho pre-cut deli ham so cut some chunks out of a real piece of ham; grated some Swiss cheese since I didn't have any pre-shredded yellow stuff; didn't bother with the abominations she called jam - and it wasn't bad. OK, I tweaked it a LOT :). I wonder if the recipes Sandy buys - you know she doesn't make them up herself - come as this big a mess, or does she add her own 30% touches to what started out as basically decent ideas?

That poor pesto: it may have been store bought but it looked like a pretty good one. Why, why, did she have to ruin it by combining with canned tomatoes? "You can tell this store-bought guacamole is good because you can see the chunks of avocado!" - it may very well have been, but not after you mixed it with the jalapeno joose and the canned beans.

The crepes looked ok, the fillings not so much. What's with the granola fetish this season? At least one item per show has had granola in it.

That crap hanging from the ceiling was tacky and hideous. I wonder if she does similar stuff at the governor's mansion?


It would amuse the cats for awhile, but I'd be afraid people would walk into those tacky pink hearts.

We all can't be as smart as Sandra.


For which I give thanks.

#16

lillybee

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Posted Apr 18, 2011 @ 4:03 PM

The tomato pesto might have been ok, if only she used finely chopped sun dried tomatoes. But I think plain pesto would have been just fine.

#17

Philly Phoodie

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Posted Apr 19, 2011 @ 12:10 PM

My breakfast casserole NEVER, EVER needs CONDENSED cream of ANYTHING soup. What was she thinking?

And the mixing of different juices together is hardly original; this has been done for years.. It wouldn't bother me so much if she didn't act like fucking Madame Curie discovering radium or something when she does it.

#18

23 Skiddoo

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Posted Apr 19, 2011 @ 3:10 PM

By far, my favorite moment of the episode was when Aunt Sandy smugly said, "You can buy cream cheese that's already flavored, but nothing tastes as good as when you make it yourself," while stirring CANNED pie filling into a tub of whipped cream cheese. I laughed so hard at that, I don't think I heard anything else she was saying during that asinine segment.

Why would you put canned tomatoes in something you're serving fresh and cold? If you want to "punch up the heat" so badly, why would you use a pickled jalapeno instead of a fresh one? If you're stirring together ten eggs, melk, condensed soup, croutons, ham chunks, and shredded cheese, then why do you refer to semi-ho as "the way we cook today?" I thought that adding condensed soup to fucking everything the way Sandra (Lee) does was sort of a throwback to the fifties.

And the mixing of different juices together is hardly original; this has been done for years.. It wouldn't bother me so much if she didn't act like fucking Madame Curie discovering radium or something when she does it.


I actually think that's my favorite thing about this asinine show. She refers to opening a tub of pesto as "genius" and acts as if she's discovered some rare, precious artifact on an archaeological dig every time she introduces some bizarre product from the grocery store (canned white sauce comes to mind). It's all so totally over the top and ridiculous that it keeps me watching even though I'd never in a million years sit around crafting little flower cups out of egg shells or stringing construction paper hearts from the ceiling in lieu of preparing food my guests might actually enjoy.

#19

SnarklePuss

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Posted Apr 19, 2011 @ 6:51 PM

"Now the reason you have to use whipped cream cheese instead of a brick is that there's so much air in it ... just like my head!"

#20

Philly Phoodie

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Posted Apr 20, 2011 @ 11:44 AM

I'd never in a million years sit around crafting little flower cups out of egg shells


And she's done this shit on Good Morning, America already. Remember when she put the pillowcases on the chairs, saying that is was 'classy'?

#21

PaminBB

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Posted Apr 23, 2011 @ 2:17 PM

A bit late to the party, but wanted to add that the theme to today's show is "Why serve one quality item when you can serve several crappy ones?" The same general theme obviously extends to Sandy's decorating philosophy as well.

#22

ragstoriches

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Posted Apr 13, 2012 @ 2:18 PM

Wake up sleepyheads! Sandra Lee is making a creative brunch buffet...


If this is what you wake up to, it's probably best to just spend the whole day in bed. If you have a day that starts out like this, it probably won't get any better.

You certainly don't want to start the day off with her Savory Breakfast Casserole. Especially not if it's burnt like hers. To make matters worse, she makes three toppings that have to be some of the nastiest gobs of shit I have ever seen. Then she expects you to serve this mess to your friends. Assuming you want to keep your friends, I wouldn't advise it.

"You can never have too much cheese!" Actually, you probably can. And I like cheese.

Well waddaya know, I actually have croutons in my pantry, although not the kind Sandy used. I have cheese too! And parsley, although it might be a little old (of course it's a SLop dish, so it probably won't make any difference). I'm not going to make this concoction, however, because the garbage can is starting to get full and I probably won't have enough room to toss it all out, which is probably the most likely result. Plus the other ingredients have yet to magically materialize in my very own pantry, so I'd have to go to the regular groshry store to get them.

I am sure my guests, if I had any, would not be impressed by my putting those toppings on the mounds of breakfast casserole. They would probably just wonder who puked on them.

When I think of jam, I tend to think of fruit. Sandy referring to the mushroom/onion concoction as jam was more than a little disconcerting.

Genius product=Plastic tub of something or other?

How does adding bottled lime joos to something make it taste like it's made from scratch?

I'm surprised SLop didn't use Bisquik for the pancakes. She did make up for that with the canned cherry pie filling and the canned chocolate whatever.

"...I don't think anything beats the fllllavor of when you make it yourself." I know she's used "pre-flavored" before, so apparently she just figured that out? Although in Sandy's case, at least, it's probably not true.

"You're going to get points for this yogurt bar for sure!" Although probably no more than one or two.

Sandy makes a production of talking about the importance of making individual yogurt parfaits, because not everybody likes the same thing. She then includes things in the parfait bar I wouldn't even subject myself to, let alone my friends, such as those nasty canned mandarin oranges, and why the HELL would I put them in yogurt? And by the way, if her friends have their own individual prefernces, wouldn't it make more sense to have them fix their own parfaits?

That puffed rice she put in the yogurt looks a lot like those parasitic cocoons that caterpillars are sometimes infested with. Like this: Creepy Crawly Picture (Don't click if you're squeamish and don't want to be turned off of puffed rice.)

"THAT is a parfait worthy of your favorite family member...and your children." Your children, who apparently are not your favorite family members.

Sandy then shovels a heaping spoonful of yogurt crap INto her gaping maw, which causes her neck to disappear and her eyes to bug out, and she then heads off the set pronto so she can spit it out and hopefully get everything back to normal.

Cocktail Time! Today we have a sodalishus sparkling joos bar consisting of a bunch of different jooses mixed together, which nobody has ever thought of before, so you are the smartest thing on the block for doing such a thing. She then makes little signs to let her "bunch" know what they will be drinking. Sandy sweetness, not everybody has tastebuds as messed up as yours.

I don't know why she doesn't just go to her regular groshry store and pick up some V8 Splash or one of those blended Tropicana fruit jooses and add booze to them, so she can save herself the monkey business of pouring in those different jooses herself.

Sandy shows us all what a responsible citizen she is by making sure to announce that the booze is only for if you're not driving (and I guess if you're not one of the kids too? She didn't mention that). Of course, that doesn't explain all the other times she has made extremely boozy cocktails with no non-alcoholic alternatives for any designated drivers, which she probably didn't even have.

"A semi-homemade host?" You and your little Cuomo girls may be semi-homemade, SLop, but I'll have you know I was made from scratch! (Am I the only one who thinks describing people as "semi-homemade" is weird?)

"That tastes like brunch in a glass." I have no idea what brunch in a glass tastes like, but I hope it's good.

Time for the 'scape, which includes flowers dangling from the ceiling, which her "guests" will probably get tangled up in every time they stand up, which they will probably do rather frequently.

I feel so foolish throwing out eggshells all these years, when I could have been stuffing flowers in them and gluing pretty letters on them before setting them up on my pretty llli'l tablescape to impress my guests. I know better now, thanks to Aunt Sandy!

Edited by ragstoriches, Apr 13, 2012 @ 5:55 PM.


#23

mousie

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Posted Apr 13, 2012 @ 5:54 PM

That guacamole with the black beans in it was one of the strangest looking things I have ever seen. Even for Sandra.

What a horrible collection of ingredients. All you have is starch, fat, salt, and then the extra sugary "pancakes", as usual.

I am not sure what the difference is between "swedish pancakes" and crepes. You know crepes like they serve at all the ornj likkoor stands in the city of France.

The "onion jam" was just a saute of onions and mushrooms, not jam. Actually if she had added that to the bread pudding instead of the can of cream of sodium, that might have helped the casserole.

Martha's Onion Jam This sounds pretty good.

#24

grisgris

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Posted Apr 13, 2012 @ 9:39 PM

Yuck. Thank you ragstorichesfor the visual of the tomato worm -- hey you warned us!! LOL and I am just giving you a hard time! I didn't know that parasites could harbor their own parasites.

I don't understand how sauteeing onions and mushrooms would manifest into a jam. That concoction needed more liquid and some kind of thickening agent. I have no idea what it would be in that situation, but my stomach turned when she was throwing in SUGAR onto mushrooms, then added the "secret ingredient" of cider vinegar. SHUDDER!

I was also thrown by the remark that the mimosas were "brunch in a glass." Maybe when "Sandra" goes to brunch, the mismosas are all that she consumes. Think back to the episode of her and her friend, Jeff, and the "all you can drink for $12...."

Sandy claimed she used 10 aigs for her casserole then recycles the shells to "host" flowers. There were far more than 10 aigshells used on that tablescape and as favors.

COPY-CAT ALTERT: A few weeks ago, Ina had a NEW episode where Michael used eggshells as vases. Sandy's show originally aired in 2011. Do you think??.. NOoooo.....