85 replies to this topic

[PreviouslyAmish]

From FN:

April Showers
Get your kitchen therapy with a menu that brightens even the rainiest of days. Sandra's got a semi-homemade trick that makes her delicious Cream of Asparagus soup easy. She'll also take the familiar ingredients of the classic Salad Nicoise and create a Nicoise on a Roll sandwich! It goes perfectly with her Garlic Fries. Plus, Sandra pays tribute to her Grandma Lorraine's Round Cakes. Finally, a toast to a childhood favorite, but this version is for grown-ups only: a PB&J Martini.

AIR TIMES:
April 13, 2008 12:00 PM ET/PT
April 18, 2008 4:00 PM ET/PT

Remember, no posting until after the episode airs. Enjoy!

[orangemm]

Oh boy, this one sounds like a winner. PB&J martini? Gaggez-moi.


OMG, my fingers are atwitchin'!

Edited by orangemm, Apr 13, 2008 @ 11:17 AM.

[Tackhead]

Instant klassik. SLop hit on so many of the characteristic Semi-Homemade moments: bad voiceovers, manic talking and giggling, saggy puddin' cups, peach joos, awful knife skills, she lurves her blender, non-hot "hot" food transferral of sewage-looking "food," aigstract, canned frosting, snipping the ziplocs, fiend herbs, gerbil, happily walking out with likoor bottles, choking hazards in the BJ Martini (ok, PB&J Martini, whatever), horrid tablescrape with lame kraftz, etc. There was something for everyone.

[bizook]

- Oh man - those kitchenscape colors are just hideous - pink/magenta and baby shit green. And what is with the boots on the counter? I know - because she's drunk.
- A new addition to the Extract Army - razzburry - Welcome!
- Those aren't stems on the kake - they look more like green giant worms or spiders...oh, it's the DTs again apparently. Wouldn't the cheap upside down pie tin just collapse when you tried to kut INto the kake? Real smrat, that.
- "Manaise" - ew. "Fiend herbs" - whoot! "Hard-bowled aigs" - HAHAHA!
- PB&J Martini signals rock bottom. Time to go 12-Stepping now, SLop.
- More rain boots on the table?! Yeah, real appetizing.


- Since we're sharing childhood birthday pictures this episode, here's one of me (I'm on the far right) and my brothers. Not sure whose birthday it was though.

[MaryBellJo]

Frosting the tin plate. A new low. Loved it.

[DyingMallSanita]

Oh my goodness, this was a real winner wasn't it? I simply do not understand this woman's thinking. If her grandmother decorated cakes the way she claims, on the cake pans, she did it that way because perhaps she did not have a cake stand. She did it out of necessity, but why is Sandra doing it that way? What a waste!

She claims that her table decoration is "all the colors of the rainbow"; I disagree. The only colors I saw on that ridiculous table were pink and green. She left out the red, orange, yellow, blue and purple.

[rosiehawthorne]

Simple Sandy says, pointing to the Hazelnut Liqueur, "This is the nut in the PB&J."
Nope, Sandy dear, you're the nut.

Who the fuck has a rain boot collection?

[orangemm]

How the hell do you move those kakes? With all that frosting on the pan, your hands will get full of frosting and you'll ruin that lovely thing. What a stupid idea.

She filled that blender almost full; aren't you supposed to blend hot food in small batches? I was waiting for the blender to pop and spew soup all over her.

I never knew cream sauce came in a can. I must be living in a cave (thank God).


ETA: That Nicoise sandwich looked nasty. Not a good idea, snads.

Edited by orangemm, Apr 13, 2008 @ 11:41 AM.

[PreviouslyAmish]

Who the fuck has a rain boot collection?

rosie, probably the same people who have chandeliers and bolts of fabric in their garages.

[Ellie22]

She filled that blender almost full; aren't you supposed to blend hot food in small batches? I was waiting for the blender to pop and spew soup all over her.

I doubt her staff lets her anywhere near hot food. That "soup" had probably been cooling for hours. There may be soup spewing all over Fandras' kitchens if they follow her instructions, however.

How was she pronouncing tsatsiki? I can't remember, but I heard it and thought that it was extremely different from how it's really pronounced (or at least how I've always pronounced it).

[Ticky]

The pronunciation ranged from Niss-swaaz to Nee-swah.

[VNutt]

With all the costs for tablescapes and stunt KAs and odd shaped muffin pans... why in the world wouldn't she just use smaller cake tins to bake the cakes?

I love tsatsiki (which sounded like tah-zeke-ee out of her lips) but with fries... ew.

Nicoise on a Roll. Is that the town of Nicoise on a roll? Nope, it's tuna nicoise salad on a roll. No, wait, it's on a bun! I know the FN instructions did not make it that clear to break up the egg when mixing the salad. And I love how she didn't deal with the pits in the olives. Surprise, diners! And man, that stuffed looked goopy. I've been craving the tuna salad ala the recipe from the Bouchon cookbook ever since my tarragon plant decided to die on me (ok, I might have killed it by forgetting to water it) and watching that was just torture. That's not what a nicoise tuna salad is supposed to look like.

Boots. On the table. Rain boots. Those same shoes you put on to trudge around in mud, on the table. Next to your plate. I didn't think it was possible for her to come up with a tablescape idea that actually would make eating the food less appetizing.

Edited by VNutt, Apr 13, 2008 @ 12:16 PM.

[addicted_aardvark]

Yay! The return of fiend herbs!

Yes, those rain boots. This is right up there with the chair-on-the-table "day-kor". Hmm... Would it be Sandra's Test Kitchen to place the really cute pink/magenta plastic boots I got in Denmark on my dining room table? Ick. Actually, this is worse than the chair-on-the-table. (No, I only have *one* pair in my collection)

Agreed on those inverted disposable cake tins. Close examination of the two photos of Snads and Cindy from the Fauxmoir, Grandma Lorraine *did* use disposable type pie pans, but those have angled sides so wouldn't collapse like the ones Snads used. Also, I recall my mom used to save those aluminum pans if she bought a frozen pie (eons before Sandy's childhood, though) and reuse them for the broiler or other cooking to save money. So as DyingMallSanita points out, Grandma most likely used those pans to save money and reuse rather than waste.

Nicoise on a Roll. Is that the town of Nicoise on a roll? Nope, it's tuna nicoise salad on a roll. No, wait, it's on a bun!

Sometimes it's even a Nicoise Salad. And, of dubious origin, because you use nicoise olives. But they can be from France or Italy or wherever.

Almost forgot that Season 10 was the season of "thumbs up".

[Tackhead]

"Manaise" - ew

Oh, don't worry. I'm sure Snadra is highly familiar with this substance and an expert in its handling. And consumption.

[nolamom]

My husband rarely will watch the Ho with me, but this morning he didn't leave or ask to change the channel. He actually watched and here are some of his remarks:

She strained the peaches for the joos for the cake. She said --I'll save these for later for my coctail. Hubby pipes up "There is the P in the P,B,& J Marini!" Smart I thought, so I asked what was the B & J? He said bananas and Juice! Imagine the WTF he proclaimed when we got to the cocktail time and Sandy put Hazelnut liquor and declares --That's the nut in my P,B,&J!

He really lost it because he was enjoying the soup recipe until she says -- here's the semi-ho part--a can of white sauce! He looks at me and says, they sell THAT in a can? Why not heat up your own flour, butter and milk?

Then he kept asking me, what is she calling that tuna salad? Why didn't she take the pitts out of the olives? OHHHH, that's way too wet!

Anyway, when it was all over, he said "You don't make any of her shit, do you?" I replied, "No, dear, she is strictly for entertainment value!"

[Artistictype]

Who the fuck has a rain boot collection?

You need to ask that of a woman who owns an eight-foot nutcracker?

[addicted_aardvark]

This sure was going to be a busy table with faux friends and family - Blake, Steph, Kate, Rich, Sandra, John, Michelle at least.

And I had to rewind to see what she was talking about when she said she got CD sleeves. To put the napkin and name card in. OK. Odd.

She strained the peaches for the joos for the cake. She said --I'll save these for later for my coctail. Hubby pipes up "There is the P in the P,B,& J Marini!" Smart I thought, so I asked what was the B & J? He said bananas and Juice! Imagine the WTF he proclaimed when we got to the cocktail time and Sandy put Hazelnut liquor and declares --That's the nut in my P,B,&J!

Snerk. I like his version. Makes as much sense as her concoctions. (I'm assuming he just overlooked mentioning the alcohol varieties). And yes, typical Aunt Sandy - "They'll expect something peanut in a PB&J drink, so I'll use hazelnut"

[bizook]

SLop could have used this, but it would have made more Sandy Sense™ to use actual peanuts 'cause they make great choking hazards and all.

[MichelleAK]

Was it just me, or did the sound drop out during a portion of the "Greek fries" recipe? I guess that's a new twist on the voiceover -- the "un-voiceover."

Sooo...she can't move the cakes after frosting them without making a mess, and as soon as she tries to cut one, the flimsy aluminum pan is going to collapse. How is this a good idea?

That nicoise sandwich looked disgusting. And why try to break up the hard boiled eggs after you add everything else? Why not just dice the eggs first, and then add the rest of the stuff? What a maroon.

I can't really comment on the drink, since I don't drink alcohol, but I can't imagine that would taste good at all.

As for the tablescape, I guess "all the colors of the rainbow" are only lime green and fuchsia pink. And as noted upthread, putting used boots on the table is worse than the chair on the table trick.

Edited by MichelleAK, Apr 13, 2008 @ 2:53 PM.

[bizook]

Hee!. I layuve Google.

[Spooneroonie]

"Grwamma Lorraine would make us the same cake every year! >pause< I mean, you know not the same cake, she'd make us a new one every year...."

This will never not be funny. Fucking twit.

Do kids even wear rain boots anymore?

[DustyDeer]

I was as happy as Kathy Griffin locked up in a room full of dysfunctioning A-listers while watching this one.
Bliss.

I watched the cake bit with mouth open....just couldn't find a sane moment to break my stunned paralized state of mind.
Why not just cook the cake IN the tin and if you MUST put the cake ONtop, then it'll fit without whacking off 1/4 of it?
But then, that's why I am addicted.

Yes, that's why. Rainboots filled with flowers ONtop of the table and cakes ONtop of an iced pan.


Oh, the tongue poppin/eye winkin praise she gave herself after explaining how she solved the cake being to big by giving it a bowl cut. LOL! Yes, you shure are smart and crafty lady.

Edited by DustyDeer, Apr 13, 2008 @ 5:36 PM.

[MissFancy]

Stupid twat couldn't decide whether this was a Comfort Food or Rainy Day menu. She started the show calling it the former, but then kept calling it the latter. She also couldn't decide if that thing that went INto the bun was a salade Nicoise or just a Nicoise. I would call it a debacle Nicoise.

She probably was supposed to chop the hardbowled aigs first, but forgot---or got scared that her knife skills weren't up to that challenging task.

Did she forget how many cake stands she has in her prop room?

The girls were really hanging low today.

And who broils French fries?

Edited by MissFancy, Apr 13, 2008 @ 5:55 PM.

[mmecorday]

The way she decorated that "single-layer cake" was really depressing. She defiled the memory of her beloved Gramma by drizzling pink and green icing on the cake. Those little pink splotches were supposed to be roses? I guess it's kind of hard to make a rose tip out of a plastic baggy.

Notice she had a place card for Rich, but not Rich's old pal, Delicious.

The cocktail reminded me of something a college student would whip up for an "around the world" party. The use of grape juice in a cocktail just screams college dorm high jinks and monkey business.

[Tackhead]

Notice she had a place card for Rich, but not Rich's old pal, Delicious.

I hear Delicious got in the way when Snads was putting the moves on her man Rich. SLop loves her a successful man. Sorry, Thick, your wallet doesn't measure up to your name, so no invite for you, either!

[MissFancy]

Sorry--I just have to say it: Thick's wallet may not measure up, but he makes up for that in another way.

(12)

[DustyDeer]

"Grwamma Lorraine would make us the same cake every year! >pause< I mean, you know not the same cake, she'd make us a new one every year...."

This will never not be funny. Fucking twit.

Do kids even wear rain boots anymore?

Beeeeeee U teeeee full!

[tardigrade]

It's not a deconstructed salade nicoise: it's a decomposed salad nicoise.

Did I hear her right? Did she really say that those boots belonged to her nieces and nephews? Child abuse, no doubt about it.
And Sandra, dear: rainbows don't come in those colors. Maybe they do in a world where hazelnuts = peanut butter, but not where normal people live. And your sweater clashes with your tablescrape.

[BklynEater]

Yet another example of Sandy cooking for appearances rather than cooking for real people. How could you cut that cake perched on the inverted aluminum pie pan? Those things won't take any real weight at all. When you'd bear down with the knife the pan would collapse. And as someone already observed upthread, the idea of putting frosting on the aluminum pan itself is beyond stupid.

Sandra Lee is a food criminal.

Edited by BklynEater, Apr 14, 2008 @ 8:31 AM.

[addicted_aardvark]

And as someone already observed upthread, the idea of putting frosting on the aluminum pan itself is beyond stupid.

Although, putting a dab of frosting ONto the cake tin before placing the cake layer on it would have made sense, to keep the cake from sliding around. Course, after she finished the horrendous "decorative" placement of the frosting around the base of the cake, nothing would've moved.

(Checking the photos in the book, best as I can tell, Grandma did put icing around the base of the cake, but I didn't see any around the base of the pan itself. Sandy's long-term memory is probably rotted out by all the cocktails.)