Topical Quotes Game
Posted Apr 30, 2012 @ 2:29 PM
RORY: The roommate thing?
LANE: The band thing. Need I mention the rock 'n' roll casualties from intraband dating?
RORY: I know they're numerous.
LANE: Not that there's not success stories. I mean, you've got your Cramps, your Yo La Tengo, your Kim and Thurstons.
RORY: Sonny and Cher, the Early Years.
LANE: Plus, you've got bands that have survived breakups - No Doubt.
RORY: Wish they hadn't.
LANE: X, Supertramp, The White Stripes. But in the negative, you have -
RORY: Sonny and Cher, the Later Years.
LANE: Jefferson Airplane, Fleetwood Mac. I know of two country music stars whose backup singers shot them in the groin.
RORY: Whoa. That's wicked hate.
Gilmore Girls, "Tippecanoe and Taylor, Too"
Posted Apr 30, 2012 @ 6:00 PM
Ted: I took viagra last night. It's been 18 hours and it won't go down. What am I going to do?
Emmett: Have you tried soaking it?
Lindsay: How about a cold shower?
Brian: How about scaring it?
Justin: That's hiccups.
Ted: Thank you all for caring.
Queer as Folk, Episode 2.9
Posted May 1, 2012 @ 1:07 AM
Man:(hic) Kill me. (hic) Kill me.
The Simpsons, "Last Exit to Springfield"
Posted May 1, 2012 @ 9:51 AM
Lucille: Are you aware that we have been downgraded to being just pool members at the club now?
Michael: Yeah, itís a real shame whatís going on with this family. Youíre stuck by the pool and Dadís getting picked last for softball.
Lucille: Nonetheless, Michael, you can free up a little company money to get back our golf privileges.
Michael: No, I canít, Mom. You donít even play golf.
Lucille: No, but I use the clubhouse dining room until I was turned away today. Itís embarrassing.
Lucille (to the waiter bringing her food by the pool): Take it back. If I wanted something your thumb touched, Iíd eat the inside of your ear.
Arrested Development, "Visiting Ours"
Posted May 1, 2012 @ 11:01 AM
WILLOW: So, you wanted revenge. Didn't you? Didn't you?!
JONATHAN: Yeah! Okay? I did!
WILLOW: So... You delved into the black arts and conjured up a hellbeast from the ocean's depths to wreak your vengeance.
WILLOW: Didn't you?
JONATHAN: What? No! I snuck in yesterday and... peed in the pool.
WILLOW: Oh. Eww!
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Go Fish"
Posted May 1, 2012 @ 11:19 AM
VERONICA: You're sweating on me.
LUKE: Look, I need your help. There's kind of more to this car thing than the-the car. There was a piŮata full of steroids in the back seat. I-I did a run for Hank Zigman. He owns the Zig Zag Sports Club. I wanted to get pumped for Varsity baseball. I wasÖpretty much down for whatever.
VERONICA: Including shrunken testicles and acne scars. Well, speaking for the women of America Ė good plan! Wait. What did Troy and Logan know about this?
LUKE: Nothing. I swear.
Veronica is sceptical.
LUKE: Yeah, all right, Logan knew, but he wasn't-he wasn't in on anything.
VERONICA: It doesn't matter anyway. I don't help dealers find their lost products.
Veronica Mars, "You Think You Know Somebody"
Posted May 1, 2012 @ 12:20 PM
LORELAI: I think I know what an aneurysm feels like before you have it.
SOOKIE: Like a baseball the size of a cantaloupe in your head.
LORELAI: [giggle] Good one.
LORELAI: Baseball the size of a cantaloupe.
LORELAI: 'Cause a baseball can only be one size, so it's a Yogi Berra type thing.
SOOKIE: Yogi Bear?
LORELAI: No. Forget it.
Gilmore Girls, "Red Light on the Wedding Night"
Posted May 3, 2012 @ 6:37 PM
Carla: It's personal.
Elliot: Why won't you ever open up to me? I came to you when I thought I had a broken tailbone and it was just a really bad pimple!
Carla: It's a sex thing, okay?
Elliot: You mean like a gender issue or like intercourse? Because I'm book-smart on both!
Scrubs, "My Balancing Act"
Posted May 7, 2012 @ 10:44 AM
PENNY: Itís great, isnít it?
SHELDON: It is. Aligns the lumbar, cradles the coccyx, balances the buttocks. This is a chair worthy of the name.
PENNY: What name?
The Big Bang Theory, "The Infestation Hypothesis"
Posted May 7, 2012 @ 7:02 PM
30 Rock "Alexis Goodlooking and the Case of the Missing Whisky"
Posted May 8, 2012 @ 9:06 AM
LUKE: I'm not going to drink too much.
LORELAI: No, no, no. You've got it backwards, there, Pablo. Ride the pink elephant, baby, 'cause it's your only defense against Emily Gilmore unless you're packing a Kolishnikov.
Gilmore Girls, "You Jump, I Jump, Jack"
Posted May 9, 2012 @ 5:54 PM
M.A.S.H, " There is Nothing like a Nurse"
Posted May 10, 2012 @ 8:37 AM
LULU: Oh, we couldnít find a boy who could handle the part.
LUKE: But itís an elementary school play. How hard could the part be?
LULU: Tevye is a very demanding role.
LUKE: But Ė
LULU: We looked and looked. We even opened up auditions to the scary extension school kids, but nothing. And you know, we had a terrible experience last year when we did Jesus Christ Superstar.
LUKE: Oh, yeah.
LULU: Jesus was allergic to peanuts and stuffed one up his nose and broke out in terrible hives during intermission. The second act was all Judas and Pontius Pilate Ė pure disaster. We had to refund money, it was a nightmare. So this year, we went with a ringer.
Gilmore Girls, "Jews and Chinese Food"
Posted May 10, 2012 @ 4:20 PM
Rupert Giles: Dreams? That would be a musical comedy version of this...
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Nightmares"
Posted May 10, 2012 @ 6:03 PM
Olivia: No. Not going to happen.
Astrid: Why not? He's cute.
Olivia: Because if I went out with him, then I would start having second thoughts, like I always do, and then he would get hurt, and then my workplace would become awkward. And you know what? He's not even my type.
Astrid: Do you ever think that maybe your type just doesn't exist?
Fringe, "One Night in October"
Posted May 11, 2012 @ 4:23 AM
House MD, "The Itch"
Posted May 11, 2012 @ 8:51 AM
XANDER: Yes! (raises his hand and nods) Mm-hm.
MR. WHITMORE: That was a rhetorical question, Mr. Harris, not a poll.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Bad Eggs"
Posted May 14, 2012 @ 10:41 PM
McGee: Obviously one that doesnít care about repeat business.
Posted May 15, 2012 @ 10:16 AM
RICHARD: What, tacos?!
STEPHAN: No, I quit!
EMILY: Stephan, no!
STEPHAN: Iíll tell you something, I have worked in so many four-star restaurants I could have my own constellation! And yet Iím treated like this?! Iím sorry, but I have too much self respect to work for this terror. [throws his apron on the floor and storms out.]
LORELAI: So... how things going around here?
EMILY AND RICHARD: Fine.
Gilmore Girls, "I'm A Kayak, Hear Me Roar"
Posted May 16, 2012 @ 4:42 PM
Tyler Lockwood: Be more creepy, Dad. Not like your son is standing right here.
Mayor Richard Lockwood: Grow up. Elections are coming; she's a constituent. And a rich one from the looks of it.
Tyler Lockwood: And you can tell all that by looking at her ass?
Vampire Diaries, "Let the Right One in"
Edited by bethy, May 16, 2012 @ 4:43 PM.
Posted May 17, 2012 @ 12:08 PM
ANYA: Disappear *poof*?
BUFFY: No, not poof. Well, I don't think so.
XANDER: It's fast food. I have swum these murky waters, my friend. There's the assorted creepiness, there's staring, there's the enthusiastic not showing up at all. I think you're seeing demons where there's just life.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Doublemeat Palace"
Posted May 19, 2012 @ 10:52 AM
Julia: Suzanne, if sex were fast food, there'd be an arch over your bed.
Designing Women, Pilot
Posted May 21, 2012 @ 10:43 AM
Jed: Well, I ainít never seen New York but if you decorate it, I betcha itís mighty pretty.
Beveryly Hillbillies, "Brewster's Honeymoon"
Posted May 21, 2012 @ 1:45 PM
YOLANDA: Iím Mrs Benjamin Bloom, which is why Iím telling you from here because until you guys and the Blooms justÖget over yourselves and make up, weíre not coming back.
BONE: Okay, look here, baby girl. How many times do I have to tell ya that I didnít order that drive-by?
YOLANDA: You let everyone believe you ordered it because it gave you cred. Never mind it just turned me and Bryce into gangsterís kids. Give us your blessing. And, um, weíll come home. After the honeymoon.
Veronica Mars, "Lord of the Bling"
Posted May 21, 2012 @ 10:18 PM
BRET: You did?
JEMAINE: Who was in your gang, you and your mum?
MURRAY: No, Jemaine. It was me, my brother Graeme, and my dad Gordon. Mum wasn't even allowed in it. No one knew why.
Flight of the Conchords, "The Tough Brets"
Posted May 22, 2012 @ 11:04 AM
BIKER #1: Six hundred lunges every night.
BIKER #2: Impressive.
LORELAI [getting off the phone]: Thank you! [To Michel] We are booked, booked, booked. I now love bike riders so much, that from now on when driving I will no longer consider how many points Iíd get if I took them out.
Gilmore Girls, "A House Is Not A Home"
Posted May 25, 2012 @ 5:25 PM
How I Met Your Mother, "Lucky Penny"
Posted May 25, 2012 @ 10:31 PM
Farscape, "...Different Destinations"
Posted May 26, 2012 @ 6:07 PM
Summer Heights High, "Episode 3"
Posted May 26, 2012 @ 8:32 PM
Leo: "In the history of the world?" When we say that, are we comparing ourselves to the Visigoths, adjusted for inflation?
The West Wing, "Game on"