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Topical Quotes Game


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#3301

Kosmonaut

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Posted Apr 30, 2012 @ 2:29 PM

LANE: There's a danger here.
RORY: The roommate thing?
LANE: The band thing. Need I mention the rock 'n' roll casualties from intraband dating?
RORY: I know they're numerous.
LANE: Not that there's not success stories. I mean, you've got your Cramps, your Yo La Tengo, your Kim and Thurstons.
RORY: Sonny and Cher, the Early Years.
LANE: Plus, you've got bands that have survived breakups - No Doubt.
RORY: Wish they hadn't.
LANE: X, Supertramp, The White Stripes. But in the negative, you have -
RORY: Sonny and Cher, the Later Years.
LANE: Jefferson Airplane, Fleetwood Mac. I know of two country music stars whose backup singers shot them in the groin.
RORY: Whoa. That's wicked hate.

Gilmore Girls, "Tippecanoe and Taylor, Too"

Viagra
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#3302

pickwick

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Posted Apr 30, 2012 @ 6:00 PM

A favorite moment:

Ted: I took viagra last night. It's been 18 hours and it won't go down. What am I going to do?

Emmett: Have you tried soaking it?

Lindsay: How about a cold shower?

Brian: How about scaring it?

Justin: That's hiccups.

Brian: Boo!

Ted: Thank you all for caring.

Queer as Folk, Episode 2.9

hiccups
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#3303

Feckless

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Posted May 1, 2012 @ 1:07 AM

Kent Brockman: Tonight on Eye on Springfield, we meet a man who's been hiccuping for forty-five years.
Man:(hic) Kill me. (hic) Kill me.

The Simpsons, "Last Exit to Springfield"

Privilege
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#3304

bethy

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Posted May 1, 2012 @ 9:51 AM

Michael: (into the phone.) Hey, Mom.
Lucille: Are you aware that we have been downgraded to being just pool members at the club now?
Michael: Yeah, itís a real shame whatís going on with this family. Youíre stuck by the pool and Dadís getting picked last for softball.
Lucille: Nonetheless, Michael, you can free up a little company money to get back our golf privileges.
Michael: No, I canít, Mom. You donít even play golf.
Lucille: No, but I use the clubhouse dining room until I was turned away today. Itís embarrassing.
Lucille (to the waiter bringing her food by the pool): Take it back. If I wanted something your thumb touched, Iíd eat the inside of your ear.

Arrested Development, "Visiting Ours"

pool
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#3305

Kosmonaut

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Posted May 1, 2012 @ 11:01 AM

WILLOW: You hated being pushed around by Dodd and the others.
JONATHAN: So?
WILLOW: So, you wanted revenge. Didn't you? Didn't you?!
JONATHAN: Yeah! Okay? I did!
WILLOW: So... You delved into the black arts and conjured up a hellbeast from the ocean's depths to wreak your vengeance.
JONATHAN: Huh?
WILLOW: Didn't you?
JONATHAN: What? No! I snuck in yesterday and... peed in the pool.
WILLOW: Oh. Eww!

Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Go Fish"

steroids
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#3306

PrussianBlue

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Posted May 1, 2012 @ 11:19 AM

LUKE: Hey. You're helping Troy find his dad's car, right?
VERONICA: You're sweating on me.
LUKE: Look, I need your help. There's kind of more to this car thing than the-the car. There was a piŮata full of steroids in the back seat. I-I did a run for Hank Zigman. He owns the Zig Zag Sports Club. I wanted to get pumped for Varsity baseball. I wasÖpretty much down for whatever.
VERONICA: Including shrunken testicles and acne scars. Well, speaking for the women of America Ė good plan! Wait. What did Troy and Logan know about this?
LUKE: Nothing. I swear.
Veronica is sceptical.
LUKE: Yeah, all right, Logan knew, but he wasn't-he wasn't in on anything.
VERONICA: It doesn't matter anyway. I don't help dealers find their lost products.

Veronica Mars, "You Think You Know Somebody"

baseball
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#3307

Kosmonaut

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Posted May 1, 2012 @ 12:20 PM

I was hoping someone'd pick that episode, PrussianBlue! <3

LORELAI: I think I know what an aneurysm feels like before you have it.
SOOKIE: Like a baseball the size of a cantaloupe in your head.
LORELAI: [giggle] Good one.
SOOKIE: What?
LORELAI: Baseball the size of a cantaloupe.
SOOKIE: Yeah.
LORELAI: 'Cause a baseball can only be one size, so it's a Yogi Berra type thing.
SOOKIE: Yogi Bear?
LORELAI: No. Forget it.

Gilmore Girls, "Red Light on the Wedding Night"

pimples
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#3308

bethy

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Posted May 3, 2012 @ 6:37 PM

Elliot: What's wrong?
Carla: It's personal.
Elliot: Why won't you ever open up to me? I came to you when I thought I had a broken tailbone and it was just a really bad pimple!
Carla: It's a sex thing, okay?
Elliot: You mean like a gender issue or like intercourse? Because I'm book-smart on both!

Scrubs, "My Balancing Act"

tailbone
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#3309

Kosmonaut

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Posted May 7, 2012 @ 10:44 AM

SHELOND: I must say, I am enjoying your new chair.
PENNY: Itís great, isnít it?
SHELDON: It is. Aligns the lumbar, cradles the coccyx, balances the buttocks. This is a chair worthy of the name.
PENNY: What name?
SHELDON: "Chair."

The Big Bang Theory, "The Infestation Hypothesis"

sofa
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#3310

ParadoxLost

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Posted May 7, 2012 @ 7:02 PM

Jack: That sofa is made from Seabiscuit.

30 Rock "Alexis Goodlooking and the Case of the Missing Whisky"


elephant
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#3311

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Posted May 8, 2012 @ 9:06 AM

LORELAI: Now listen, I want you to be careful about your consumption of booze.
LUKE: I'm not going to drink too much.
LORELAI: No, no, no. You've got it backwards, there, Pablo. Ride the pink elephant, baby, 'cause it's your only defense against Emily Gilmore unless you're packing a Kolishnikov.

Gilmore Girls, "You Jump, I Jump, Jack"

martini
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#3312

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Posted May 9, 2012 @ 5:54 PM

Hawkeye: I'd like a dry martini. , Mr. Quoc, a very dry martini. A very dry, arid, barren, desiccated, veritable dustbowl of a martini. I want a martini that could be declared a disaster area. Mix me just such a martini.

M.A.S.H, " There is Nothing like a Nurse"

disaster
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#3313

Kosmonaut

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Posted May 10, 2012 @ 8:37 AM

LUKE: What is Kirk doing in the play?
LULU: Oh, we couldnít find a boy who could handle the part.
LUKE: But itís an elementary school play. How hard could the part be?
LULU: Tevye is a very demanding role.
LUKE: But Ė
LULU: We looked and looked. We even opened up auditions to the scary extension school kids, but nothing. And you know, we had a terrible experience last year when we did Jesus Christ Superstar.
LUKE: Oh, yeah.
LULU: Jesus was allergic to peanuts and stuffed one up his nose and broke out in terrible hives during intermission. The second act was all Judas and Pontius Pilate Ė pure disaster. We had to refund money, it was a nightmare. So this year, we went with a ringer.

Gilmore Girls, "Jews and Chinese Food"

musical
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#3314

Feckless

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Posted May 10, 2012 @ 4:20 PM

Xander: Our dreams are coming true.
Rupert Giles: Dreams? That would be a musical comedy version of this...

Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Nightmares"

Workplace
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#3315

bethy

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Posted May 10, 2012 @ 6:03 PM

Astrid: Well, he (Lincoln) just lost his partner. Plus he is new in town. He doesn't know anybody. He's probably a little lonely.
Olivia: No. Not going to happen.
Astrid: Why not? He's cute.
Olivia: Because if I went out with him, then I would start having second thoughts, like I always do, and then he would get hurt, and then my workplace would become awkward. And you know what? He's not even my type.
Astrid: Do you ever think that maybe your type just doesn't exist?

Fringe, "One Night in October"

awkwardness
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#3316

Feckless

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Posted May 11, 2012 @ 4:23 AM

House: There's a reason we evolved the feeling of awkwardness; it tells us not to talk about things.

House MD, "The Itch"

Rhetorical Question
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#3317

Kosmonaut

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Posted May 11, 2012 @ 8:51 AM

MR. WHITMORE: S-E-X. Sex. The sex drive in the human animal is intense. How many of us have lost countless productive hours plagued by unwanted sexual thoughts and feelings?
XANDER: Yes! (raises his hand and nods) Mm-hm.
MR. WHITMORE: That was a rhetorical question, Mr. Harris, not a poll.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Bad Eggs"

embarrassed
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#3318

Lara_2113

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Posted May 14, 2012 @ 10:41 PM

Abby: This is so embarrassing. But in my defense, what self-respecting drug dealer cuts his cocaine with potassium cyanide?
McGee: Obviously one that doesnít care about repeat business.

NCIS, "Bloodbath"

self-respect
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#3319

Kosmonaut

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Posted May 15, 2012 @ 10:16 AM

STEPHAN: Let me offer one more suggestion.
RICHARD: What, tacos?!
STEPHAN: No, I quit!
RICHARD: Fine!
EMILY: Stephan, no!
STEPHAN: Iíll tell you something, I have worked in so many four-star restaurants I could have my own constellation! And yet Iím treated like this?! Iím sorry, but I have too much self respect to work for this terror. [throws his apron on the floor and storms out.]
LORELAI: So... how things going around here?
EMILY AND RICHARD: Fine.

Gilmore Girls, "I'm A Kayak, Hear Me Roar"

election
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#3320

bethy

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Posted May 16, 2012 @ 4:42 PM

[Mayor Lockwood invites Pearl and Anna to join him and Tyler at the Mystic Grill]
Tyler Lockwood: Be more creepy, Dad. Not like your son is standing right here.
Mayor Richard Lockwood: Grow up. Elections are coming; she's a constituent. And a rich one from the looks of it.
Tyler Lockwood: And you can tell all that by looking at her ass?

Vampire Diaries, "Let the Right One in"

creepiness

Edited by bethy, May 16, 2012 @ 4:43 PM.

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#3321

Kosmonaut

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Posted May 17, 2012 @ 12:08 PM

BUFFY: There's, there's this manager, right, and he's all scary and mysterious, you know? And then there's the secret ingredient. And the people that work here? They're, they're kind of strange, you know? They just ... just stare into space. Plus, they disappear.
ANYA: Disappear *poof*?
BUFFY: No, not poof. Well, I don't think so.
XANDER: It's fast food. I have swum these murky waters, my friend. There's the assorted creepiness, there's staring, there's the enthusiastic not showing up at all. I think you're seeing demons where there's just life.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Doublemeat Palace"

fast food
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#3322

pickwick

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Posted May 19, 2012 @ 10:52 AM

A classic:

Julia: Suzanne, if sex were fast food, there'd be an arch over your bed.

Designing Women, Pilot

decorators
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#3323

bethy

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Posted May 21, 2012 @ 10:43 AM

Mr. Brewster: Edith is giving up a very successful career to become my wife. Sheís a famous New York decorator.
Jed: Well, I ainít never seen New York but if you decorate it, I betcha itís mighty pretty.


Beveryly Hillbillies, "Brewster's Honeymoon"

honeymoons
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#3324

Kosmonaut

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Posted May 21, 2012 @ 1:45 PM

YOLANDA: Ma? Dad. Hereís the good news. Iím fine. And Iím married now.
VANESSA: What?
YOLANDA: Iím Mrs Benjamin Bloom, which is why Iím telling you from here because until you guys and the Blooms justÖget over yourselves and make up, weíre not coming back.
BONE: Okay, look here, baby girl. How many times do I have to tell ya that I didnít order that drive-by?
YOLANDA: You let everyone believe you ordered it because it gave you cred. Never mind it just turned me and Bryce into gangsterís kids. Give us your blessing. And, um, weíll come home. After the honeymoon.

Veronica Mars, "Lord of the Bling"

gangs
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#3325

Brandi Maxxxx

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Posted May 21, 2012 @ 10:18 PM

MURRAY: Now, Bret, the reason I'm coming down on you so hard on the gang situation is... I don't want you to think less of me here, but I actually used to be in a gang. That's right.
BRET: You did?
MURRAY: Yes.
JEMAINE: Who was in your gang, you and your mum?
MURRAY: No, Jemaine. It was me, my brother Graeme, and my dad Gordon. Mum wasn't even allowed in it. No one knew why.

Flight of the Conchords, "The Tough Brets"

bikers
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#3326

Kosmonaut

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Posted May 22, 2012 @ 11:04 AM

[The place is overrun by bikers. Michel walks through a crowd of them carrying a large gift basket. He looks objectionably at two bikers. One is poking the otherís butt muscle.]
BIKER #1: Six hundred lunges every night.
BIKER #2: Impressive.
LORELAI [getting off the phone]: Thank you! [To Michel] We are booked, booked, booked. I now love bike riders so much, that from now on when driving I will no longer consider how many points Iíd get if I took them out.

Gilmore Girls, "A House Is Not A Home"

marathon
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#3327

ParadoxLost

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Posted May 25, 2012 @ 5:25 PM

Barney: Step one to running a marathon: You run. There is no step two.


How I Met Your Mother, "Lucky Penny"


memorial
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#3328

magworth

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Posted May 25, 2012 @ 10:31 PM

DíArgo: Ladies, some decorum please. This is a peace memorial; let's not kill each other.

Farscape, "...Different Destinations"


peace

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#3329

loveisthedrug

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Posted May 26, 2012 @ 6:07 PM

Ja'mie: I love peace. Are you into peace? I would never go out with a guy that wasn't into peace.

Summer Heights High, "Episode 3"

America
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#3330

bethy

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Posted May 26, 2012 @ 8:32 PM

Josh: Ten words: "I will make America's defenses the strongest in the history of the world."
Leo: "In the history of the world?" When we say that, are we comparing ourselves to the Visigoths, adjusted for inflation?

The West Wing, "Game on"

the Army
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