120 replies to this topic

[PreviouslyAmish]

From Food Network:

Tea Party
Enjoy Sandra's afternoon teatime menu that's beautiful, light, and easy. It starts with a Tuscan Tomato Soup with
Fresh Basil that's full of homemade flavor. Then, a sweet and crunchy Cherry Pecan Spread on Corn Muffins. Plus, Smoked Turkey and Pear Salad with Pomegranate Vinaigrette and Proscuitto Croutons.

Debuts Saturday, November 24, 2007 at 10 a.m. ET.

Let 'er rip!

[rosiehawthorne]

Let me get this straight. Sandra says to use fresh corn kernels. When did fresh corn kernels come in a bag?

"Wine makes it taste like it's made from scratch." Yeah, maybe so if you drink the whole bottle first.

Now she tells me korn adds krunch. Korn nuts maybe.

What does "farm baked" mean?

MARscapone cheese. ARRRGGHH.

VineGARette. ARRRGGHH.

Proscuitto is gonna act as the Croutons. That's "their job." Dolt.

Pears are "unique?"

I've never seen so many choking hazards in one drink.

[bizook]

- Nice call whoever called the pink theme.

- Good God! Everything in the money shots does looks vomitous (except for the korn muffin).

- What's wrong with my TV? The picture looks completely washed out. The sound editors have mangled this show, now the video editors are having their way with it.

- Fresh korn kernels are "spectacular"? Hooo-kay.

- That muzak is really really cheezy. And really annoying too.

- "Everybody loves a great brunch". I can't remember the last time I even had a "brunch". Anyone?

- Today's tidbit: Prosciutto is from northern or central Italy. Thanks, Einstein.

- "These aregunna sauté up" WTF?!?

- Meringues take a "little time to beat up"?!? So would you if shrikes ever got their hands on you.

- That drink ties the record for greatest number of choking hazards.

- Pink in her li'l box! (12)

- Stacked kake pedestals are back - whoot! Idiot.

[Divaah46]

Someone want to explain to me what it was I saw? There was a lot of pink, some stuff on a salad, a lot of crap stirred into cream cheese, and I lost track of what was happening because of what SandyPants was wearing. *shudder*

[Spooneroonie]

"The most aay-MAZE-ing salad you've ever seen!" Really? What sorts of aay-MAZE-ing things does it do, Snads? Does it juggle? Can it do card tricks? Drunken cartwheels? Lunchmeat. She used lunchmeat on that salad, folks. Which under normal circumstances would be just fine. But this is Aunt Sandy, so I shouldn't expect her to fancy-dancy it up with a real turkey breast.

The pro-shooo-toe looked like an old Steak-Um in the pan. Blergh.

Clouds from heaven. I think this ep is meant to be a sequel to the "Engines Falling From the Sky" episode. Pink poo, indeed.

Her hair looks ridiculous. That style looks good on 4 year olds.

[Gharlane]

So the TV set I was watching this mess on isn't going on the fritz? Almost all I could see were these scarey eyeballs floating around.

"bread croutons". You, SLop, are a moron!

I just *LOVED* how she ruined those antique tea cups by making them into candles -- is parrafin even the right wax to use? And what about the wicks?

Did I see a man's name on one of the nametags on those lame gift boxes she made?

The precariously place pedatools are back! Yay!

What the hell was SLop wearing?

ETA: Spelling

Edited by Gharlane, Nov 24, 2007 @ 10:56 AM.

[PreviouslyAmish]

I can't even begin to describe the krimes against food in this SLopisode.... but soup that is just canned purée with some wine and not adding stock or water?? THAT'S NOT SOUP. It's something that will taste extra metallic and canned since the wine adds even more acid to an already-acidic base element. Awesome. Here, Tea Party/Brunch/4pm/11am guests, experience in this "soup" what it would taste like to chew on aluminum foil using your alloy-filled molars. Good times...

Also, the ratios were waaayyyy off on the pink turds. Can't wait for the Fandras to try and make those. WHOOT!!!

Did anyone else think she was already drunk (honey™) when making the choking hazard green tea koktail? She sloshed all that wine out over the top of the pitcher all over the countertop... Attention to detail!

[Gharlane]

I can't even begin to describe the krimes against food in this SLopisode.... but soup that is just canned purée with some wine and not adding stock or water?? THAT'S NOT SOUP.

Ah yes, the "soup". It looked exactly like reheated canned tomato paste. Yummo! (Not).

[PreviouslyAmish]

Also, I call bullshit on her allegedly making those teacup candle thingies. You can buy them already made, and you do not use parrafin wax to make them -- you use candle wax. She didn't even mention in her krafty deskription that you have to also add a wick when you try to make something like that. She's such a bad liar.

Who is "Deniz" for whom one of the placekards was made?

Would any of you go through the trouble to make those stupid boxes with TWO KINDS of pink ribbon hot-glued ONto it? I thought not.

[orchidgal]

Pink is not a good color on Sandra Lee. Why was she dressed like a little girl with a little girl's hairdo?

What happened to the pink K A hand mixer? Didn't Sandra Lee notice that the one she was using was not pink like all the other K A kitchen daykor? Attenshun to detail, Sandra Lee.

What is her obsession with serving tomato soup in pink bowls? And that soup definitely looked like ketchup.

I weep for the poor teacups. I would think they would crack once the candles burned down.

Is it actually possible for Sandra Lee to make or drink a drink that does not have choking hazards in it?

[bizook]

Green Tea Vodka:
1 cup vodka
2 gunpowder green tea bags or 2 tablespoons loose gunpowder green tea

Place both tea bags into the vodka. Cover, shake, and let steep for 2 hours. Remove and discard the tea bags.

I found this recipe on foodtv.com for Green Tea Vodka. Wonder why SLoP didn't use it for that uh drink. She can leave out the booze, but we know she's still a lush.

[AquaCat]

So now it’s brunch, not tea?

The soup is tomato flavored chardonnay. Nasty. Acidic wine, acidic tomatoes. Is she making soup or a battery? Tomato soup needs cream or butter, something to cut the acidity, and she adds wine instead. Brilliant.

Fresh off the farm…mmmm.. manure.

A fast 18 minutes for the corn muffins? That’s not particularly fast.

Garlic herb pomegranate dressing. Hurl.

Hasn’t she already done a pears/walnuts/goat cheese salad? Fried prosciutto is the only thing she’s doing to this salad that’s not on the menu of every mid-range restaurant in America. At least the restaurants would use real turkey and not deli meat.

The theme for this episode is pink – pink soup, pink cream cheese, pink salad dressing, pink meringues.

Look at the ruffle on her shirt fly while she’s whipping the egg whites.

Little bites of puffy clouds from heaven. Haha!

I’ve never made meringues, did she whip those long enough? And didn’t she deflate the eggs even more when she squished it all down into the corner of the zippie?

She fills half the glass with berries, and they turned into a big black blob on my TV screen, because they've done something to the video to wash out all gradations of color. Then the berries started to melt and fall to the bottom as she came to the table for tablescape time, so the whole glass is black.

Did she always have thosse cheekbones, or are those a recent purchase?

She’s wearing her hair pulled back to show off her fresh Botox. Attenshun to vanity!

MV must have been on vacation. The only beauty shot that looks different is the tea – fewer berries, and they must be fresh because they’re not bleeding juice as they thaw.

[IowaCherryPie]

Am I the only one that got heartburn just looking at the tomato "soup"?

[AquaCat]

I just thought of another thing - don't those dressing packets usually contain thickeners? Yum, clotted pomegranate juice.

[PreviouslyAmish]

I love how she made the vineGARette by pouring in the olive oil FIRST. Dumb twat. First, you mix the acids and herbs, then whisk as you add the oil to fucking emulsify it. Otherwise, you get clotted and separated dressing.... mmmmmmmmmmmm, tasty goodness, Sandy. And a WHOLE DRESSING PACKET for such a small amount of liquid? Didn't she say something like, "it has all those great herbs and seasonings.... and some salt...." Um, yeah, Sondra. Check out the first two items in the ingredient list: salt, and sodium nitrate.

[Jadzia81]

So now brunch = tea time?

Look at her, it looks like she’s trying to seduce everyone the way she’s leaning on the counter in the intro.

The soup only takes 5 7 minutes? What does that mean?

Look at her, it looks like she got drunk and took some speed.

So the wine will make the soup taste like it’s from scratch? Doesn’t she realize that the soup is being made from scratch? Or does she think that would mean she has to can her own tomatoes?

Fresh off the farm corn muffins? Do they grow on trees? So frozen corn kernels make people think of farms? Frozen corn makes me think of the school cafeteria, honestly.

She hung a mini chandelier over her sink. That’s insane.

Tub strawberry cream cheese tastes of chemicals. The spread tastes of chemicals. Of course, even a nice strawberry cream cheese made with fruit or even jam would suffer from being served with savory, corn filled corn muffins. Because they don’t go together!

Be careful……. THE PROSCIUTTO IS OILY!!!! Who knew???

No Slop, only you think making vinaigrette is difficult. We all know it’s easy (and doesn’t require 18 kinds of herbs and spices). On that note, I don’t think garlic and herb sodium packet goes with pomegranate.

That salad is a total mess. It *could* be ok if there was a packet less vinaigrette, pear, maybe dried cherries, bleu cheese instead of goat cheese and had NO COLD CUTS. Ew. Slimey looking smoked turkey. Ew.

“as are my strawburry meringue cookies gonna be.” I see her grammar hasn’t improved.

“One more glorious spoonful.” Ok, Slop. You are NOT Nigella. She doesn’t have to look at a word of the day calendar to use adjectives.

Amazing. Her puddin’ cups are remarkably contained on this episode.

I looked away for a minute. And I’m fairly sure that bottled green tea doesn’t come with a cork. Did she use wine instead of tea??? Wine and mixed berry seltzer and several cups of frozen choking hazards?

Look, C’leen is back. She must have finally forgiven Sandy for making her out to be a totally pathetic and desperate single woman in an earlier episode.

[GenieinTX]

So the TV set I was watching this mess on isn't going on the fritz? Almost all I could see were these scarey eyeballs floating around.

I thought it was my mom's tv. Snads looked like a zombie.. dressed in pink.

That was some gross looking food, as usual. Reheated canned tomatoes and wine for soup. Strawberry cream cheese on corn muffins with whole corn in it. Choking hazard drink. It was a great one.

[PreviouslyAmish]

Because I am procrastinating bigtime on a client's project I need to work on this weekend, I decided to watch this episode, then go back and rewatch "Easy and Elegant Entertaining" or whatever it was called.

She has a completely different face. It's amazing.

[DuckyinKy]

I don't know why, but when I heard her talk about the salad at the beginning of the show, I swore I heard "my turkey and vodka salad..." I had to run it back, I guess it was just wishful thinking.

I felt like she was going to break into a Dr. Seuss story when she said "precut onions, I love these, because I do not love cutting onions." I kept waiting for 'green eggs and ham.'

I am pretty sure she said 'elevening' in the cornbread mix instead of 'leavening.'

When it comes to flavors, I bow to you all who are masters, but I don't think I'd like the tomato soup, with the wine (it didn't even have a chance to burn off the alcohol did it) wouldn't the soup, the tart cherries in the spread, and the goat cheese on the salad, be acidic and tart? Can you imagine the make-your-eyes-water-burps afterward?

And we are back to Dr. Seuss with "into a plastic bag I am just gonna scoop." I may be wrong because I don't work with meringue at all - but my grandmother was a meringue expert, I mean people would call her for advice she was so good - I can almost say putting the meringue mixture in the plastic bag would have deflated the mixture into nothing - I know you have to be very careful with it, scooping it in a bag and pushing it down would have made puddle cookies I would think.

[gojuu]

Am I the only one that got heartburn just looking at the tomato "soup"?

Oh you're not the only one.

I also thought it was odd that the "soup" included no stock to thin it out...ick!

That fruit filled drink was bizarre.

As a dealer in antiques and collectibles, I am officially offended by what she did to those delicate old tea-cups.

[Gharlane]

And didn’t she deflate the eggs even more when she squished it all down into the corner of the zippie?

That she did! What a dim-witted broad. I guess the reappearance of her glad-bag trick is an attempt to return to her roots?

That fruit filled drink was bizarre.

Those mocktails were more choking hazzard than drink! Did she suffer a drunk spasm and accidentally dump too much fruit into the pitcher and glss but didn't have time for a re-shoot?

As a dealer in antiques and collectibles, I am officially offended by what she did to those delicate old tea-cups.

Am I correct in thinking she ruined those tea-cups? I'm surprised she didn't attempt to reprieve the burned books of poetry idea for this one!

[VNutt]

She’s wearing her hair pulled back to show off her fresh Botox. Attenshun to vanity!

BWAH!

I've turned the show off, yet I still see raccoon eyes dancing around my TV. I'm frightened Auntie Em, I'm frightened!

She sure seemed to have a day-after-being-out-partying-too-hard voice going. I don't know if we've heard her voice that "morning after" since back when she was obviously having bi-coastal screaming matches with the Wallet back in the "grilling in the infield" days.

Did she seriously call prosciutto "oily"? And then dump it in a pan filled with oil? Think it's the cooking method, and not the ingredient, Sands?

And does she think tomato soup is really that hard to make?

"Open the oven door back open..." Did you hear that noise? My brain just exploded a little bit. In the faux-moir, does she ever say "Me fail English? That's unpossible"?

[bizook]

Darn. No teabagging in this episode. Unless you count the teabagging that was involved in her getting this show in the first place.

[eliza422]

Didn't I just see an episode where she said meringues were something you just can't mess up - it's llllllliterally impossible to go wrong?
Now we get all these rules about how to make them? Which is it SLop! It can't be both - or will Fandra's heads explode like an android hearing a paradox?

Ug, that "soup" - am I mistaken in that she never actually added basil to it? That the only basil came from the canned tomatoes themselves?

Edited by eliza422, Nov 24, 2007 @ 2:25 PM.

[TrentSketch]

That salad was the most offensive thing she's ever done on this show, as far as I'm concerned.

Because of that, I've lolcatz'd her cookies. That'll show her.

I may come back and do the whole episode like this, considering she looked like a bizarre cartoon the entire episode.

Worthless human being. Just plain worthless. Prosciutto is not a crouton. That is all.

[buffyogabod]

Watched this with my sister and nephew, aged 10.

Sister - "Why did she just add that slimy deli turkey to that salad?"
Nephew - "Because it's pink!"

Kid's a genius.

Notice she used the microplane grater for the lemon, then didn't even shake it off before throwing the grater with all the zest stuck to INto the sink?

Edited by buffyogabod, Nov 24, 2007 @ 6:43 PM.

[starvesh]

"Everybody loves a great brunch". I can't remember the last time I even had a "brunch". Anyone?

No, 'zook, I dont' remember the last time you had a brunch either. ;-) There are a lot of places here in Boston that serve brunch, including a place that serves the most sublime french fries with truffle oil. Man, I'm getting hungry just thinking of them...

• Fresh korn kernels kome from the freezer? We're off to a rollicking start, here.
  
  
• "Five seven minutes" Do I parse that like Hawaii 5-0, meaning the soop takes an hour?
  
  
• That's not the brand of onions that is recommended on the FN site. Won't someone think...of the
  Fandras? Whoever hit on the Seussian rhythm of the "I do not love cutting onions" was right on.
  
  
• Tomatoes and fresh basil are a natural Tuscan combination. I'm picturing the "Young Lust" video from "The Wall" with basil and tomatoes mating across the fields of Tuscany. And didn't the Italian seasoning already give great Italian flavor? Did she double-blast the basil? And why no gerbil? Sure, gerbil is for fiend herbs, but it would have made the soop much more amusing.
  
  
• The wine adds Extra Flavor, as in flavor that exceeds the flavor needed. I need to take another Pepcid AC after watching this segment. What a freakin' acid bath!
  
  
• For the second time she's said that the "soup" that she's making from scratch is going to taste just like it's from scratch.
  
  
• I assume that after the show, the rest of the Lawrence Welk singers are going to join her for a "Sound of Music" medley in the "mountains" outside her window. I hope she doesn't stain her costume. Welk is a harsh taskmaster.
  
  
• "So you just have to know with Semi-Homemade what to combine to make all those flavors come together." So you just have to know with cooking what to combine to make all those flavors come together. Twat.
  
  
• "Now in here I just wanna make some korn muffins..." Sandy illuminates the purpose of the mysterious bowl.
  
  
• Did the background music in the muffin scene come from the montage in "You and Your Menses" where the girl finally becomes adept at using various sanitary devices and learns to fit her period INto her life?
  
  
• "...a little bit of sugar probably..." The mix might have sugar, but reading is a lot of hard work!
  
  
• Please don't recommend kreemed korn, Snads. Ever.
  
  
• Korn does not add krunch!
  
  
• Frozen korn always puts me in the mind of the farm. Section of my local groshry store's freezer.
  
  
• Mmmm, farm-baked muffins. I used to love to go to the bread farm and get the loaves fresh out of the baking fields!
  
  
• I think that close-up showed the soup eating through the pot.
  
  
• "Fast" 18 minutes? Like bakin' in the kitchen fooooor hours? Tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilaaaaaaaaaaaaatiooooooooooon...
  
  
• She's managed to make the word "muffins" as cutesy as if it had an L in it.
  
  
• I am rarely amazed by salad.
  
  
• Isn't the soup just hot flavored tomatoes? Yuck.
  
  
• "INto a bowl I already have some dried cherries". The woman needs to see an aphasia specialist.
  
  
• "Here's the Semi-Homemade part of this..." PRE-roasted pecans aren't Semi-Ho? The soup's not from scratch because it has...why isn't it from scratch again? If a recipe is part homemade and part semi-homemade, is it demi-semi homemade? If you put another part homemade in do you get hemi-demi-semi homemade? Is any fresh part over 30% the homemade part? If I made a 200% meal, would it be 100% homemade, 100% semi-homemade? What higher math do I need to work this out?
  
  
• Her mascarpone metathesis has got to get trained out of her. "Speech pathologist to the Semi-Ho set, please. Speech pathologist to the Semi-Ho set."
  
  
• The krunch of the korn kernels has been demoted to teksture. Poor baby!
  
  
• You could be careful with the muffins because they're nice and hot, or you could wait for them to cool down, you idiot.
  
  
• Very shallow saute pans can be identified by teaching them to talk and seeing if they rolllllllll their LLLLLLLLLLLLL's.
  
  
• Assuming prashootto was oily, why would that mean you needed to be careful? And does prashootto really need oil to cook? Isn't that like bacon and butter?
  
  
• If you don't know how to "utilize your groshry store" the staff at the home probably won't let you play in the kitchen. Making Vinny Garette isn't hard, but you can make it look hard if you don't follow the drop-dead simple order of operations.
  
  
• I don't think salad dressing is usually one of the ingredients in Vinny Garette. 'Cause you know, that's sorta redundant. And for the second time she's guessing about what's in the packet. Yes, there's "probably a little bit of salt" and it's probably written on the package. Ninny.
  
  
• Proshooto is proshooto. Croutons is croutons. Sorry for the confusion.
  
  
• How do you pick a unique pear? Unique up on it!
  
  
• I like deli turkey, but she got the stuff that had been cut and was sitting there for who knows how long. It looked slimy before she even opened it.
  
  
• "And finally the nuts go on the top". ::GIGGLE::
  
  
• Her koktail is "off the charts". Is Tater Tot listed as dialogue coach or is she referring to her last breathalyzer?
  
  
• YOU IDIOT! YOU BELLE OF THE FUCKING MORON BALL! YOU CAN MAKE THINGS FROM SCRATCH IN JUST A FEW MINUTES! People aren't impressed by how long they think it took. They're impressed by the fact that it looks and tastes better than clotted mule's blood. Compare my 7-minute fresh tomato sauce with that heap of whatever that you call a soup. Handy tip, that is: if it heaps, it isn't soup. Gawd, I hate her!
  
  
• Mmmmmmraweggwhites! Sam? Ella? You're needed in the Semi-Ho kitchen.
  
  
• You don't really bake meringues, you just dry and heat them. Which is apparently not what baking is.
  
  
• I haven't made meringues since I was in high school, but hers are going to collapse from being squished in the bag.
  
  
• Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh! It's not baking! They "cook off". Insert your own puerile joke here.
  
  
• Yeah, that cocktail's a Heimlich maneuver waiting to happen.
  
  
• Do you think her frequent "guests" have a designated drawer filled with the junque from her gift boxes?
  
  
• And shouldn't FN run a disclaimer warning people not to attempt the tablescape in earthquake-prone areas?

Edited by starvesh, Nov 24, 2007 @ 3:53 PM.

[orangemm]

Apparently she forgot how to spell "C'leen". Hey, she pronounces it that way. What a tool.

What was with that top? Looked like grandma's organza curtains made over.

[kishisan]

I think you all have covered the craziness I noticed too. Pardon any duplication.

This and Kids Art Party almost signal a "Return to Season 1: Our Roots." No slow cookers, no oven grilling; just quick-fast packets, extracts, and food coloring.

The Tea Party is now a brunch. This time around, there's no Dicey, no hat.

This is her most "favorite salad ever." Since last week, till next week.

"vinegarette" x7

For the soup, she calls out the onions as semi-ho, after she's added that garlic in a glass.

"Farm-fresh for my friends." I don't want her that close to the food source.

Wasn't that "the most amazing salad you've ever seen"? Didn't it move you to rush right out and tell people?

Marscapone.

Hooray for the return of cake pedestals! (Season 1)

Heh, the proshooto "croutons" have a job.

"Little bites of puffy clouds from heaven." And her audience is, 7-year-olds?

Snip-the-tip trick. Return to Season 1.

Throw in 100 choking hazards, it's the ultimate cocktail, last one you'll ever taste.

[starvesh]

Heh, the proshooto "croutons" have a job.

I was thrilled to hear that. I bet the next proshooto unemployment figures will be at an all-time low.