650 replies to this topic

[mtlchickie]

The sad thing is, it took me 10 minutes to figure out what to call this thread.

Post your favorite one liners here.

[thuganomics85]

So many to chooe from, but I'll start with my two favorites from good old Jack Donaghy:

"It's after 6:00. What am I, a farmer?" (Probably my favorite line)

"Lemon, I would like to teach you something. I would like to be Michelle Pfeiffer to your angry black kid who learns that poetry is just another way to rap." (Awesome, because it was so out of left field)

Edited by thuganomics85, Sep 14, 2007 @ 10:03 PM.

[EmbraceTheDark]

This is hard! This show is nothing if not quotable.

Just a few I love:

Devin: "Celebrity snuff. Reality content made exclusively for your mobile phone: Oh what's that? MC Lyte just murdered Danny Bonaduce? Thanks, PHONE."

Maybe it's my residual Arrested Development love, but the way he said "phone" just gets to me every time.

Tracy: "But I want you to know something... You and me, it's not gonna be a one-way street. 'Cause I don't believe in one-way streets. Not between people, and not while I'm driving."

Dennis' entire speech to Liz in "The Break-Up", which was simultaneously sweet and offensive:
Dear Liz Lemon:

While other women have bigger boobs than you, no woman has as big a heart. When I saw you getting ready to go out and get nailed by a bunch of guys last night, I knew for sure it was over between us. And for the first time since the '86 World Series, I cried. I cried like a big dumb homo. And if it was up to me, we would be together forever. But there's a new thing called "women's liberation" which gives you women the right to choose and you have chosen to abort me, and that I must live with it. So tonight when you arrive home, I will be gone. I officially renounce my squatter's rights. I'll always love you. Goodbye and good luck. I'll never forget you."

Yeah. I know. He was a jerk, but I love Dennis and Dean Winters was awse.

From "The Source Awards":
Kenneth: "Well, I got your nose."
Ridikolus: "Jay, go get my nose back."

I loved everything about LL Cool J in that episode.

Jack: "That's how the "Bottoms-Up" program works. I'm going to be your bottom Kenneth, and I want you to ride me as hard as you can."

Classic.

Tracy: "The Black Crusaders are a secret group of powerful Black Americans. Bill Cosby and Oprah Winfrey are the chief majors, but Jesse Jackson, Colin Powell and Gordon from Sesame Street; they're members, too and they meet four times a year in the skull of the Statue of Liberty. You can read about that on the Interweb."

Pretty much anything that comes out of Dr. Spaceman's mouth because I absolutely LOVE Chris Parnell's delivery, but I do have love for this one: "Boy, it's crazy to think we used to settle questions of paternity by dunking a woman in water until she admitted she made it all up. Different time, the '60s."

I haven't even touched the surface of great 30 Rock quotes.

Edited by EmbraceTheDark, Sep 14, 2007 @ 10:23 PM.

[blixie2]

The Dennis arc was my favorite, and I think Dean Winters was robbed by The Emmy's, so I'll quote him:

"She said she was 16, but I *knew* she was 22!" and it's twin, "The thing about 20 year olds? Most of them are 16."

[Kimbreely]

"My vagina is a convenience store: clean, reliable and always closed on Christmas"

[Cowboy HeyHey]

These are from The Source Awards:

Kenneth: "Mr. Jordan himself said, “Don’t let no one in who’s not on the list because this mess is gonna get raw, like sushi. So haters to the left”."

Kenneth: [to Tracy] "Didn’t you tell me to live every week like it’s Shark Week? And that nothing’s impossible except dinosaurs?"

Tracy: "Ken, I’ll be gone soon but I just wanted you to know that I loved being your mentor, and it’s been an honor having you be my manatee."

Jack: "He’s harmless, don’t be ridiculous!"
Ridikulous: "I am Ridikulous."

Jack: [referring to his mother-in-law] "What the hell does she know? She’s a Murphy…bunch of mud farmers and sheep rapists."

Ridikulous: "What’s your game, man?"
Kenneth: "Boggle."

Wow. I never realized how many great one-liners there are each episode. I'll post more later.

[dreamy]

Oh, I have so many. Here's a minor one:

Liz: What made you think I was gay?
Jack: Your shoes.
Liz: Well, I'm straight.
Jack: Those shoes are definitely bi-curious.

[SpookyOcelot]

Liz: Wow! If this turns into a showdown you guys could settle it with a "talking like this" contest

Even though most of the hilarity comes from Tina Fey's voice, I still crack up just reading it.

[dreamy]

Another vote for the "I'll be your Bottom" quote, and then these:

Liz: Okay, very funny. You bought a pager from Dennis. Will you take it off now, please?
Jack: Oh, I can't. I'm expecting a call from 1983.

Jack: Now as you may have read in Robert Parker's wine newsletter "Donaghy Estates tastes like Satan's urine after a hefty portion of asparagus."

Seriously, the second one made me choke the first time I heard it. And the tenth.

[Rinaldo]

Let's not forget Jenna!

"You know I've always reminded myself of Grace Kelly...."

And her great exchange with Liz:

Jenna: And how is the sex?
Liz: Fast, and only on Saturdays. It's perfect!

[LauraAnn]

Devin: "Celebrity snuff. Reality content made exclusively for your mobile phone: Oh what's that? MC Lyte just murdered Danny Bonaduce? Thanks, PHONE."

Maybe it's my residual Arrested Development love, but the way he said "phone" just gets to me every time.

He said it exactly the way he said "MAGAZINE" on AD during the Judge Reinhold episode. Sad that I know this.

My personal fave:

Dot Com: Why are we doing this?

Tracey: Becuase The Jets lost!

[i know a roy]

This is not my favorite quote, but it's the exchange that earned 30Rock a place in my tivo:

Chris Matthews: You've been on the show for 20 minutes now, you sang six bars of something called "Muffin Top"--
Jenna: Thank you!
Chris Matthews: --and then told a disgusting story about Fleet Week!
Tucker Carlson: I guess this is the state of political discourse in this country nowadays, and that's fine, let's just embrace it. Let's have our policies determined by former Cable Ace Award nominees.
Jenna: First, I was great in that "Arliss!" Second of all, if the president is so serious about the war on terror, why doesn't he hunt down and capture Barack Obama, before he strikes again? Its time for a change America, that's why I'm voting for Osama in 2008!
(Liz collapses. Chris Matthews is speechless.)
Jenna: Oh no comeback? YA BURNT!

Emphasis mine.

Oh dammit, Johnny! You know I love my Big Beef and Cheddar!

I will never think of Isabella Rossellini as anyone but Bianca Donaghy from now on.

[Cowboy HeyHey]

Ridikulous: What color plane do you want to buy?
Jack: Clear. Like Wonder Woman’s.

[dreamy]

i know a roy, the best part of that Bianca quote is Isabella's great accent when delivering it. I could just hear it as I read it.

[Cowboy HeyHey]

I love the rappers' names they used here. They're hilarious.

Tracy: Who else is going to be at that party?
Jack: Well, you’re going to be sharing the stage with Nas…
Tracy: Nope, he hates me! We used to date the same girl.
Jack: What about Young Jeezy?
Tracy: Forget about it. I called his pit bull “gay” on 106 and Park.
Liz: That would do it.
Jack: The Game?
Tracy: Nope.
Jack: T.I.?
Tracy: It not happenin’.
Jack: Superhead?
Tracy: No can do.
Jack: Fabolus?
Tracy: Won’t do.
Jack: Redonkey Kong?
Tracy: Nope.
Jack: MC Skat Kat?
Tracy: What?
Jack: Homonkulus?
Tracy: Uh-uh.
Jack: Raw Dog?
Tracy: Hell no! Me an his beef go way back. We were both cast members on a Nickelodeon show called “Ray-Ray’s Mystery Garage.”

Liz: "Oh, well, you know what? I found the card, actually, and they’re from your mom, so tell your gay mom I said thanks!"

That part I bolded should be the thread title for Liz.

[Gracelessly]

Phoebe: I'm Jack's Yoko.
Liz: You want to be Yoko?

I'm also trying to remember the exact words Jenna used in "Cleveland" to describe her, Phoebe and Liz in connection to Sex and the City.

[dreamy]

Gracelessly, something like: How Sex and the City are we right now? I’m Samantha, (to Phoebe) you’re Charlotte, and (to Liz) and you’re the lady at home who watches it.

eta: which is the same episode that spawned: There are no rules in love, Lemon. My Princeton roommate did it the right way and dated his college girlfriend for 13 years, and the marriage didn’t last eight months. And now he’s a post-op trans-gender. And it's the word 'post-op' that makes that as funny as it is.

Edited by dreamy, Sep 14, 2007 @ 11:51 PM.

[brief]

Devon: You're going down.
Jack: No, Devon. (Pause.) I don't do that.

Devon: You warlock! You came to entice me!

Jack: Those shoes are definitely bi-curious.

[ScarlettLynn]

Phil: Hey, look at you. You look like a fancy prostitute.

(I love how it's almost sweet when he says it.)

[lynch]

Dr. Spaceman: No, No. I was at a costume party earlier this evening, and the hostess's dog attacked me, so..... I had to stab it.

[StaceyRosie]

Dr Spaceman: I also think he may have scurvy because he keeps asking for lemon.

[Number Five]

My favorite of Dr. Spaceman's many brilliant quotes is the great "Science is whatever we want it to be."

[StaceyRosie]

How about when he's staring at the X Ray and says, "Damn it where are my car keys?!"

[dreamy]

Dr Spaceman: I also think he may have scurvy because he keeps asking for lemon.

That's a real keeper.

One more:

Jenna: He bit Dakota Fanning on the face.
Liz: When you hear his version, she was kinda askin' for it.

Poor Dakota Fanning, first Kathy Griffin jokes about her, then 30 Rock.

Edited by dreamy, Sep 15, 2007 @ 12:23 AM.

[Kimbreely]

Dr. Spaceman: What can you do? Medicine is not a science!

[arc]

Cowboy Heyhey (nice name, by the way, but aren't you worried about the Black Crusaders?), as far as I know, the rappers names there up to Supahead are real, right? (Supahead isn't a rapper, but a famous groupie.) (And yes, also there's MC Scat Kat, cause I am old enough to remember when Paula Abdul had a career in music.)

[Odyssea]

Everything's just the worst.

[sourdoh]

Not one particular quote but anytime Jack begins a sentence to Liz with "I don't know what happened in your life..." or some variation thereof.

"Say hello to Bono and Sandra Day O'Connor" and the other fist names.

"It's like a roller coaster ride of emotions in here."

[corgi-ears]

"Good lord! The worm! That's so degrading. Are its origins German?"

And my fave Dr Spaceman line might just be: "I am very serious about doctor-patient confidentiality, so I am gonna have to ask that all four of us keep this to ourselves."

Edited by corgi-ears, Sep 15, 2007 @ 2:55 AM.

[LittleOat]

So many good quotes in this show and my mind is going blank.

Dennis' entire speech to Liz in "The Break-Up", which was simultaneously sweet and offensive

That letter, and the way he read it, deserve an award.

Some Tracy quotes:

"Blue man, where your feet at?" gets me every time.

and "I don't want my kids to have to go to college" was pretty good as well.

ETA:

How could I forget about the man whose lines inspired the title for this thread? Josh's agent had some great lines and I think the best was about skippin the foreplay and going right for the "penetraish".

Edited by LittleOat, Sep 15, 2007 @ 7:44 AM.