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Memorable Quotes: "and I'm sure everyone at Television Without Pity Dot Com agrees with me."


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#1

Nutjob

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Posted Sep 13, 2007 @ 10:05 AM

We need a place to post our favorite quotes, so here it is.

A personal favorite of mine is from "Buried Treasure," when Earl was writing his ransom note about the silverware using girly magazines, went something like (paraphrasing): "And I used a nipple for a period, just to make 'em think I was extra twisted."

It was just such a random "WHAT?!?" kind of thing to say, and yet had me giggling uncontrollably.

#2

NoirCommeMoi

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Posted Sep 13, 2007 @ 12:21 PM

I know there are plenty of others, but I'm going with the one I nominated for a Tubey (but sadly, it didn't make the short list):

"Hmm, no, I don't have a gambling problem, I'm winning, and winning is not a problem. That's like saying Michael Jordan has a basketball problem, or Def Leppard has an awesomeness problem. So why don't y'all pour some sugar on that?"

It's only a matter of time before WhoJackie's quote pops up here, so I'll leave that for someone else.

ETA: Right, 'cause it would help if I actually paid attention to the thread title. My brain is addled today or something.

**waves at LiberryLady**

Edited by NoirCommeMoi, Sep 13, 2007 @ 1:18 PM.


#3

ojaihoney

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Posted Sep 13, 2007 @ 12:23 PM

maybe not considered a quote - but I giggle everytime Joy mumbles "dumb dummies" under her breath

#4

LiberryLady

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Posted Sep 13, 2007 @ 12:54 PM

I would love the exact wording of the quote Joy spits at Little Chubby, which goes something like, "I wouldn't sleep with you if I was starving and your wiener was a ham sandwich." Heh.

#5

mookiestarz

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Posted Sep 13, 2007 @ 1:19 PM

My faves are "Oh, chasquido." and "We can have sex against the pinball machine like Jodie Foster did in that porn flick."

Both courtesy of Joy.

Plus, that one where she referred to the Girl Scouts as little sluts or something. Anyone remember exactly how that one went?

#6

Kulfi

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Posted Sep 13, 2007 @ 3:34 PM

"Boys! Get your Mama's plastic stripper shoes out of your Lego box." ~ Joy

"Is his sister getting married? Is she? Because if she is and didn't ask me to be a bridesmaid, I will march right down to that Club Chubby and wrap her neck around that pole!" ~ Joy

"Every time I walk out my front door I win a Beauty contest!" ~ Joy

"You think the dead guy is flatulating in my suit? 'Cause that ain't cool." ~ Darnell

"It isn't the computer, it's someone in the Wide Wide World of Web. Haven't you ever heard of Instant Text Chat?" ~ Joy

Edited by Kulfi, Sep 13, 2007 @ 3:37 PM.


#7

Shalamar

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Posted Sep 13, 2007 @ 9:35 PM

Paraphrased ...

Ralph (played by the always delightful Giovanni Ribisi): I did taxes for a bunch of guys while I was in prison. Heh heh, those guys are SCUH-REWED!

#8

Mibbitmaker

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Posted Sep 13, 2007 @ 10:02 PM

Besides the one in the thread title, two of my most favorite quotes are:

"I will not jump for Joy!" - Catalina

and

"RIIIIIICOLAAAAAAAAAAA!" - Randy

The latter I can see as an annual running gag, happening in surprising - but appropriate - times and places. Like HIMYM's slap bet slaps.

#9

pookie99

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Posted Sep 14, 2007 @ 7:37 AM

One of my favorite quotes comes from the first or second episode of the first season (paraphrased):

Darnell (doing bicep curls, speaking to Joy): Hey babe, see this? [draws her gaze to his upper arm] (pause) IT'S NEW!

To this day, my brother and I use that as a general quip about seeing something we'd never seen before. We just about cracked up when we first saw this scene.

#10

Wacoshade

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Posted Sep 14, 2007 @ 9:34 AM

To the field of rakes!

#11

The Harlequin

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Posted Sep 15, 2007 @ 3:20 AM

One of my all-time favorites is from "Broke Joy's Fancy Figurine." Candy has just confessed that she doesn't really like beauty pageants, that she likes school, and wants to be a doctor. So Earl sits her down and fixes her with a thoughtful paternalistic gaze while tender music plays, and we think he's going to give her a corny speech about how she should listen to heart and follow her dreams. Instead, we get:

"Candy, there are too many doctors in the world. And if I don't get that figurine, I have to buy my ex-wife a hot tub, and hot tubs cost a lotta cake. So you need to listen to your mother."

Sure, a lot of it is in Jason Lee's delivery, and the look on his face, but it's also one of the funniest pieces of writing I've ever seen. Someday, I hope I can be that honest with my children.

#12

naepTV

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Posted Sep 16, 2007 @ 11:15 PM

From the pilot, when Earl had set up Kenny with Patty the Daytime Hooker. He wanted to know how she did.

Patty: "I tried Earl I did. Towards the end I even pulled out my good boob."

#13

LiberryLady

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Posted Sep 16, 2007 @ 11:42 PM

Patty: "I tried Earl I did. Towards the end I even pulled out my good boob."

I have spent far, far too much disturbing time since first hearing that line trying to figure out just what made it Patty's good boob.

#14

lululemon79

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Posted Sep 17, 2007 @ 2:03 PM

For the reception, how should I have my chicken, grilled or McNuggetted?" - Randy

"Man I wish I had robot legs or robot hands. Robot hands would be cool with, like, a knife finger and a spoon finger and a fork finger and a toothbrush finger and a comb finger and a bottle opener finger and a flashlight finger and a screw driver finger, but regular thumbs. Ya gotta have regular thumbs." - Randy

"I never understood how Bill is short for William. If anything Bill should be short for Billiam." - Randy

"One good thing about the cold is finding things in your coat pockets that you put there a year ago." - Earl

"I don't like to complain about free food but this hotdog taste like zoo." - Randy

"It's not fun being blind. Why is Steven Wonder always smiling?" - Randy

#15

Tonedeaf DJ

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Posted Sep 17, 2007 @ 3:50 PM

"Wa-hoo! Robbin' the deaf!"

#16

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Posted Sep 17, 2007 @ 6:03 PM

Don't judge me!

#17

ElGato

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Posted Sep 17, 2007 @ 8:27 PM

"Wakey, wakey, hands off snakey!"

"Rise and shine, hands off mine. Randy, hands off mine!"

"Wakey, wakey" still cracks me up everytime Earl says it. Earl is just so matter-of-fact and nonchalant about it. I'm trying to think of all of Crabman's quotes but I'm drawing a blank. I always like it when he says something really intelligent amidst the insanity of the people around him. IMO, they're all brilliant in how they deliver their lines week after week. The show & the cast all deserved Emmys! So happy for Jamie and her win. Way to represent MNIE JP!

Edited by ElGato, Sep 17, 2007 @ 8:48 PM.


#18

TWoP Nikita

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Posted Sep 17, 2007 @ 8:33 PM

Hey, guys. One thing we want to make sure we have is discussion threads, not just list threads. So it's perfectly okay to post your favorite quotes, but be sure to say something about them when you do. Why you like them, why they made you laugh, that sort of thing. You can also comment on and discuss quotes others have posted.

Thanks.

#19

Puds38

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Posted Sep 17, 2007 @ 9:38 PM

"Wukey bake"
No just when Joy's lawyer says it, but when Joy mocks her and say it as well. it's one of those moments where you feel a tiny bit guilty for laughing.

#20

Kulfi

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Posted Sep 18, 2007 @ 11:31 AM

I agree and is it OK that I love Marlee Matlin for being able to laugh at herself that way?

"I'll break every bone in your talkin' hands!" ~ Joy!

#21

Seasoned Salt

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Posted Sep 18, 2007 @ 3:38 PM

When Carl is throwing Earl's hamsters out the window and Kay drives up, she yells "eat an orange!" at him, I lose it every time. I can throw some World War III-esque tantrums when my blood sugar gets low. Was that scene in "Guess Who's Coming out of Joy?"

#22

Tonedeaf DJ

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Posted Sep 20, 2007 @ 8:05 PM

"Wakey, wakey, hands off snakey!"


I still like the modified form of this quote from the 'Robbed a Stoner Blind' episode: "Randy, Randy, Randy, there's a snake! Randy! There's a snake!"

At first I even thought they were repeating themselves.

"Whoooo! Jackie!"

I just want to keep track of how many times this has been said. We've got Ed Reed and Joy in "Dad's Car" and Earl, riding the suitcase through the airport in Numero Uno of the "Rescue Catalina" two parter. Can anybody recall any others?

Edited by Tonedeaf DJ, Sep 20, 2007 @ 7:54 PM.


#23

missdavenport

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Posted Sep 20, 2007 @ 8:21 PM

"Whoooo! Jackie!"

I just want to keep track of how many times this has been said.


Earl shouts it after he steals the police car in "Our COPS is on"

#24

Anakerie

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Posted Sep 24, 2007 @ 1:49 PM

Joy: "There's a race riot and the baby and me are on opposite sides!"

#25

BigJimSlade

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Posted Sep 24, 2007 @ 4:19 PM

Joy (flashing Randy)"Randy, you know where babies come from? "

Randy:"Yeah, the bottom of that fuzzy lightning bolt."

In one exchange, we get a perfect summary of Randy-as-manchild and confirmation that Joy is an accomplished hedge-trimmer.

#26

Nutjob

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Posted Sep 24, 2007 @ 5:45 PM

In one exchange, we get a perfect summary of Randy-as-manchild and confirmation that Joy is an accomplished hedge-trimmer.


And proof that if you're creative enough, you can get lots past the censors. I laughed out loud when Randy said that, then wondered how on EARTH they ever got that on the air. Heh.

#27

Anakerie

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Posted Sep 25, 2007 @ 11:44 AM

Earl: "Well, that's a bit out of line" *To his parents, after passing off a white baby in the hospital nursery as Earl Jr. Which lasted until the infant's real mother came in and started nursing him*

This is one of my all-time favorite scenes in the show, especially the look on his father's face as he quietly replies "It's the black one, isn't it?" Poor Carl: he was so excited about getting a 'real' grandchild at last, but his tone said "Yeah, I was pretty much expecting this".

This is only followed by Donny (who I will always think of as Haywire) with a boa constrictor around his waist telling the cop "I'm wearing my snake pants!".

Lastly, Earl thinking Randy is stuck in the elderly woman's chimney, and pretending to be a chimney sweep. That was when I knew I would really love this show. I'm paraphrasing here.

Earl: *calling up flue* "Randy? Randy???"
Woman: "Did you just call my chimney 'Randy?'"
Earl: "That's an old English tradition. All chimney's are called Randy there. *in Cockney accent, which Jason does hysterically* Clean yer Randy fer ya, Mum?"
Woman: "I'm getting my gun."

Edited by Anakerie, Sep 25, 2007 @ 11:51 AM.


#28

NoirCommeMoi

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Posted Sep 25, 2007 @ 1:03 PM

Joy (flashing Randy)"Randy, you know where babies come from? "

Randy:"Yeah, the bottom of that fuzzy lightning bolt."


Hilarious. Randy is a goldmine of fall-out laughing lines.


Earl: "I got gravel in my pecker!"

Said after falling on the street, naked, after he and Joy were busted doing grown-up things in a cop car in, of course, "Our Cops Is On." It's not that the line is all that clever or anything, but the way JL says it combined with, once again, the fact that the line made it past the censors gets me every time.

Edited by NoirCommeMoi, Oct 10, 2007 @ 11:19 AM.


#29

Rinaldo

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Posted Sep 27, 2007 @ 10:17 PM

Wasn't there a line tonight about being burdened with "an albacore around the neck"? Love it.

#30

Tonedeaf DJ

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Posted Sep 28, 2007 @ 4:55 PM

Two from Glen.

"Now you're hiding behind the skinny guy...well that doesn't even make sense!"

"I'm gotta rip off your hands, and put them where your feet are! Rip off your feet, and put them where your hands go! I'm going to point at you and I'm gonna laugh."