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Things I'm Not Allowed To Do in the TARDIS


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#1

CarsonMcKay

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Posted Jul 15, 2007 @ 4:37 PM

Inspired by Skippy's List and Wolfie Kaynine's 50 Things I'm Not Allowed to do to with the TARDIS .

1. The Doctor is not be called Mr. Rose Tyler
*Neither is Mickey.
*Or Capt. Jack.
2. Gum does not belong on the underside of the TARDIS console.
*Or on the door.
*The floor.
*In the closets.
*Gum is banned from the TARDIS.
3. Not allowed to trade the Sonic Screwdriver for alcohol or sexual favors.
4. I am not the Cybermen God and should stop telling people I am.
*Neither is anyone I know.
5. Not allowed to steal batteries from the TARDIS for "personal use."
* Should not attempt to explain "personal use."
6. Not allowed to host a karaoke night in the TARDIS.
*Or open mic night.
7. Not allowed to enter the Doctor in a dance competition.

#2

Asteria

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Posted Jul 15, 2007 @ 5:22 PM

8. Only experienced time travellers are allowed to drive the TARDIS.
*Captain Jack is an experienced time traveller.
*I am not. Yet.

#3

Cygnia

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Posted Jul 15, 2007 @ 5:23 PM

8. Just because it's "bigger on the inside", I am not allowed to store all my winter clothes in the TARDIS.
*Or my bike.
*Or all my gaming books.
*And especially not my cat's litter box.

#4

mynamehere

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Posted Jul 15, 2007 @ 6:10 PM

I love this thread!

(since there were 2 #8's)

10. I'm not allowed to take the TARDIS for a quick spin to pick up a few things.
*even if it's the discontinued Altoids gum which I love so much
*especially if it's a complete sports history from the years 2000-2100

11. I am no longer allowed to open up the time vortex just to hear the pretty singing
*not even if Rose says it's okay

12. I am no longer allowed to move all of The Doctors clothing out of the wardrobe and no tell him which one of the other rooms I may have put them in.
*Not even if Jack thinks it'll be fun.

13. I can longer press the random buttons on the console just to see which one lights up the prettiest.
*Nor play with the monitor, even if I want to see if it gets American TV.

14. I can longer sit in the chair and proclaim "I am the lord of all time and space, worship me!"

15. No, The Doctor cannot make himself invisible, I should stop asking him to do it.
*He's not on the run from a guy in horned rimmed glasses and a Haitian.

#5

prop chick

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Posted Jul 15, 2007 @ 8:01 PM

16. I am not allowed to say "Engage" every time the Doctor touches the controls.

17. I am not allowed to ask Pizza Hut to deliver to the TARDIS.
* Unless the P'Zones are out, because the Doctor kinda likes those.
* But absolutely no Domino's, ever.
(*Because he said so, that's why.)

18. No, I may not stick a bumper sticker onto the TARDIS that says, "Honk a year ago if you're a time-traveler!"

19. I am no longer allowed to ask if things are sonic.
* Even if it would make Jack giggle.
* And I must stop asking the Doctor to sonicify things for me. Sonic technology is not a toy. Unless it's a sonic toy. And, no, the Doctor will not make my toys sonic.

Edited by prop chick, Jul 15, 2007 @ 8:05 PM.


#6

Cygnia

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Posted Jul 15, 2007 @ 8:11 PM

20. If the Cloister Bell rings I am not allowed to say "Bring out yer dead!"
* Or "Avon Calling".
* I can say "Ding dong, the Witch is dead!", but not if Donna's around.
* Or Jackie.

21. I am not allowed to reenact "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure".
* Especially if Mickey thinks it's a good idea.

#7

CarsonMcKay

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Posted Jul 15, 2007 @ 8:15 PM

22. The Doctor's name is not Maurice and I should stop calling him that.
*It is not a family name.
23. Not allowed to put a bumper sticker on the TARDIS that says, "I'd rather be on Raxicoricofallapatorius."
24. I am not being repressed by any form or means and I should stop shouting that I am.
*Especially, when in the medieval era.
25. The Doctor is not a witch and should not be burned.
*I am sure he weighs more than a duck.
*And, will float.
26. Not allowed to toss the Doctor's hightops over power lines on on roof tops.
*It wasn't funny the first five times.
27. If something makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, I am not allowed to do it.
*Even if Capt. Jack did it first.

Edited by CarsonMcKay, Jul 15, 2007 @ 8:19 PM.


#8

Asteria

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Posted Jul 15, 2007 @ 8:15 PM

24. I am not allowed to graffiti any interior or exterior surface of the TARDIS.
*Sticking stuff (posters, pictures, funny cartoons, etc) on the walls of my room is okay, as long as I do not damage said walls.

25. I am not allowed to touch the Doctor's post-it notes.
*They are vital reminders about modifications made to different essential systems, not spirograph designs.
*Just because I can't read it doesn't mean it's not a language.
*The Doctor will not tell me what it means or teach me how to read it, so I should stop asking.

edited to fix numbering and spelling

Edited by Asteria, Jul 15, 2007 @ 8:16 PM.


#9

Ivriniel

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Posted Jul 15, 2007 @ 8:42 PM

26. I am not allowed to bring the presents my students bought me at the dollar store with me in the TARDIS.
Jackie says they tacky-up the place.

#10

Cygnia

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Posted Jul 15, 2007 @ 8:51 PM

27. The Sonic Screwdriver is not a bottle opener.
*Neither is K-9.
*Neither are Jack's firearms.

28. I am not allowed to ask the Doctor what else he has two of.
* I can ask Jack, however.

#11

Jaman

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Posted Jul 15, 2007 @ 8:58 PM

29. I am not allowed to dislike/voice my dislike about any of the following: bananas, tea, converse, black jumpers, long scarfs, Cardiff.
*The Doctor gets upset, and no one likes him that way.

30. I am not allowed to leave my homework around the TARDIS
*The Doctor will finish it, and it makes the teacher suspicious.
*No one likes a messy TARDIS.
*The Doctor will make fun of me when I have trouble understanding a "simple" concept. Like quantum mechanics.
*I'll leave it in a room, only to never find it again.

31. I am not allowed to bring numerous visitors aboard.
*Everyone gets tired of hearing the "it's bigger on the inside" speech.

edited to change numbering

Edited by Jaman, Jul 15, 2007 @ 8:59 PM.


#12

Ivriniel

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Posted Jul 15, 2007 @ 9:29 PM

32. I am not allowed to use the TARDIS to go back in time, and beat the snot out of the kids who used to bully me.

33. I am not allowed to use the TARDIS to go forward in time to find out who the final Cylon is.
*Jack will not tell me who the final Cylon is, because he says it will spoil the narrative flow.
*The Doctor will not tell me who the final Cylon is either, I will just have to wait like everyone else.

#13

Asteria

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Posted Jul 15, 2007 @ 9:44 PM

34. I will not switch out the Doctor's glasses for a pair of Groucho glasses.
*Or googly-eyeball glasses.
*Or any other kind of prank glasses.

35. The Doctor does not look like Barty Crouch, Jr. from the Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire movie.
*Even if Rose, Jack, Martha, and Donna all agree with me.
*Even if he really, really does.
*He insists he doesn't, therefore he doesn't.
*(He really does.)

36. I will not make lame Titanic jokes about Jack and Rose.
*The Doctor will kick me out at the corner of "no" and "where" if I do it again.
*The Doctor will not tell me where he hid my DVD collection until I "grow up a bit" (his words).

#14

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Posted Jul 15, 2007 @ 9:57 PM

37. No parties in the Tardis
*Because when you spill jello shots into the heart of the Tardis, she starts taking you on some very strange trips.

#15

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Posted Jul 15, 2007 @ 10:03 PM

38. I will not use the TARDIS to go forward in my sibling's life.
*It's completely and totally immoral.
*And could possibly create a parallel later on.
*Plus, it's just mean to tell them what their kids' names are going to be.

#16

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Posted Jul 15, 2007 @ 10:16 PM

39. I will not start carting stuff from the TARDIS off to Sally Ann. Aparently despite the fact that Doctor never ever talks about a lot of the junk cluttering up the rooms, he is highly sentimental about it.

#17

EllycatinOz

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Posted Jul 15, 2007 @ 11:26 PM

40. I will not ask the Doctor where is his towel?
* Especially not stop mid-aventure to exclaim "We forgot our towels"
* Nor will I ask any new Companion if they brought a towel.

41. I will not ask to use pyschic paper just to get free stuff from Chanel, Gucci, Versace etc.

42. I will not say "42" whenever the Doctor asks what is the meaning of something.

ETA: stupid 'puter error and stupid human interface error

Edited by EllycatinOz, Jul 15, 2007 @ 11:31 PM.


#18

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Posted Jul 15, 2007 @ 11:27 PM

41. I am not allowed to use the TARDIS to skip ahead to Saturday so I can get Harry Potter early.
*The Doctor says that's an abuse of time travel, and I should just wait like everyone else.

Edited by Jaman, Jul 15, 2007 @ 11:27 PM.


#19

arizonamyrie

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Posted Jul 15, 2007 @ 11:30 PM

42. I am not allowed to use the TARDIS to jump back in time to see Sicko.
*Even if it means that Harry Potter will replace it in the theaters.
*And even if it means I have to wait for the DVD.
*But I am to see Hot Fuzz.

43. I am not allowed to use the TARDIS to jump back in time to make the apple fall on Sir Issac Newton's head.
*The Doctor explained he did that already.
*Several times.

44. The Doctor is Not Spock!
*Nor is he Kirk, Scotty, McCoy,...
*Nor Bashir, Crusher, "The Doctor" from Voyager...
*But he will admit something about the number 42.

Edited by arizonamyrie, Jul 15, 2007 @ 11:42 PM.


#20

prop chick

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Posted Jul 15, 2007 @ 11:42 PM

(Leaving out numbers, since they're getting hopelessly confused...)

- I am not allowed to reprogram any of the TARDIS's presets.

- Time is not on my side. Ever.
* Jack is, though, as long as I flash the girls at him.

- No, I may not use the TARDIS to help my mother move.
* No, not even one little sofa.

- I am no longer allowed to say, "When the TARDIS comes to a complete stop, please exit to your left, and enjoy your day here in the known universe."
* I am no longer allowed to say it en Espanol, either.
* I should still keep my manos and my brasos to myself, though.
* Unless Jack's around.

- I am not allowed to hang an air freshner from the TARDIS's rearview mirror.
* Even if the TARDIS is less than pine-fresh.
* And, no, I am not allowed to install a rearview mirror to hang aforementioned air freshner from.

- I am not allowed to rest my Dr. Pepper on the TARDIS console.
* Regardless of any ports that happen to look exactly like cupholders, because they aren't.
* No, really, they aren't.

- I am not allowed to use the TARDIS emergency brake unless there's an actual emergency.
* Munchies are not an emergency.
* Neither is thinking the man in the next room is a jewel thief.

#21

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Posted Jul 16, 2007 @ 12:47 AM

Whatever-Number. I will NOT ask the Doctor whether Rose is bigger on the inside.
*Or Martha.
*But Captain Jack's okay.

Whatever-Number +1. I will NOT ask about Captain Jack's privates; life.

Whatever-Number +2. I will NOT use the TARDIS to go back in time and kidnap Mulder's sister.

Whatever-Number +3. I will NOT use the TARDIS to illegally switch Detour options.
*Or to expire my Yield.
*Or to eat a kilo of Russian Caviar quicker.

Whatever-Number +4. I will NOT ask why arguing with The Master isn't called MasDebating.

Whatever-Number +5. I will remember NOT to speak in Pig Latin. The ARDIS-TAY knows all.
*Ix-nay on the ay-gay. Or i-bay. atever-whay.

#22

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Posted Jul 16, 2007 @ 1:14 AM

I will not ask the Doctor if he can do a dalek impression.
*But Captain Jack is okay.

I will not come back from a walk away from the Doctor wearing my bluetooth and talking robotically.
* even if it is funny

I will not tell the new female companion that the Doctor is totally into her but shy.
*Captain Jack doesn't need the help thanks

I will not use the TARDIS to hand in late assignments on time
*Or ask for a Doctor's certificate
*Or borrow Jack's retcon to make the lecturer forget I handed it in late
*Or ask for physic paper to show a legitmate extension was granted
*Or get Adric to do my assignments

I will not say shut up Adric.
*Or Peri
*But Mel is ok

I will not play "I Cant Decide" on the TARDIS sound system
*Or Here Come the Drums
Spoiler S3 finale

Edited by EllycatinOz, Jul 16, 2007 @ 1:19 AM.


#23

Asteria

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Posted Jul 16, 2007 @ 6:25 AM

-The Doctor will take me home to visit my family if I ask nicely, but he has no interest in meeting them for himself.
*If they insist on meeting him, I am not to introduce him as my boyfriend, fiancé, husband, and/or baby daddy.
*He has been slapped by enough peoples mothers, thank you very much.

Edited by Asteria, Jul 16, 2007 @ 6:27 AM.


#24

prop chick

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Posted Jul 16, 2007 @ 6:43 AM

(I am so never going to stop thinking of these and giggling.)


- I am no longer allowed to tell off-worlders that I am Earth royalty.
* Or a rich widow on the prowl for a new husband.
* Or Earth's most famous rock star.
* Or the imaginary mother of the Doctor's non-existant children.
* Most especially that last one.
* I'm not allowed to talk to off-worlders, period.

- I am not secretly a Time Lord.
* I am not allowed to imply that I am.

- I am not allowed to imitate the Doctor's accent.
* Even if I am pretty good at it.
* Because no one thinks it's funny.
* Just because Jack thinks it's funny, doesn't mean it is.
* I'm no judge, either.
* If the Doctor says something's not funny, it's not.

- I am not allowed to use the TARDIS to see what my grandma's getting me for Christmas.

- I am not allowed to raise sea monkies in the TARDIS for fun and profit.

- I am not allowed to ride my bicycle in the TARDIS.
* Or my roller skates.
* Or a Segway.
* Or a small pony.

- I am not allowed to buy cheap art, sign my name to it, plant it in the past, and make myself famous.

- I am not allowed to refer to it as, "playing a round of Hide The Sonic Screwdriver".
* Jack's not allowed to, either.

#25

arizonamyrie

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Posted Jul 16, 2007 @ 7:28 AM

-I will not use the TARDIS to find an easy detour around traffic.
*Even if being chased by Daleks, Cybermen, Sliveen…
*…or Captain Jack's latest sexual conquest gone bad.

-I will not use the TARDIS to create déjà vu against my greatest enemies
*or to cause their music to skip
*or trick them by tapping them on the shoulder

-I will not use the infinite supply of tin foil in the kitchen to make monsters and randomly leave them in time and space.
*I have been informed this is rude
*Ten showed me his therapy bills from when the last companion did it.

-I will not wander around the TARDIS saying, "It's bigger on the inside."
*Even if it is true
*Even if the Doc's favorite sneakers get lost in it somewhere.
*And especially if said sneakers were in his pocket (don’t ask).

-I will not use the TARDIS as a study aid.
*Even though I can use it to see the test early.
*Or to sit through a semester's worth of lectures and "double check" certain facts
*Or find ways to blackmail the professor with random facts from his youth that he wishes to hide.

-I will not use the TARDIS to memorize all the old episodes of Star Trek.
*Just because his Ninth incarnation spoke with a Northern accent doesn't mean he's a Trekker.
*Although old episodes of Doctor Who are okay.
*The Doctor seems to like it when I do that.
*And promise to stay away from the Tin Foil.

(and this one is spoilered for the sake of those not yet in the gutter)
-I promise I will not play fetch with K-9.
*That daft metal dog takes perverse pleasure in making ME fetch the stick!
*And calling me his "Be-Yatch!"
*But I will play fetch with Captain Jack.
*Even though he too takes perverse pleasure in making me fetch the stick.
*As long as we don't disturb the Doctor.

-The term "Joyride" does not apply to the TARDIS.
*it is a sensitive device used specifically for the purposes of benefiting Time and Space.
*And her name is Sarah, not Joy.

Edited by arizonamyrie, Jul 16, 2007 @ 7:45 AM.


#26

Cygnia

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Posted Jul 16, 2007 @ 9:34 AM

Rose Tyler's breasts are not to be used as a personal flotation device.
*Neither are Jack's.
*Not even if he says it's ok.

The TARDIS does not have a "vibrate" setting.
*But if there is one, the Doctor isn't telling.
*Neither is Jack, but he does have this coy look in his eyes.

I am not allowed to "borrow" the TARDIS and a supply of retcon from Torchwood to go back and "convince" the TWoP PTB that putting the DW recaps on PH is a bad idea.
*I can, however, "convince" them never to touch "Hey Paula". That's just a mercy killing.

I am not allowed to use the Chameleon Arch to try to turn Ten into Casanova.
*Not even if the rest of the Companions are on board for this.
*ESPECIALLY if the rest of the Companions are on board for this.
*Although that rat-tail would be kinda fun to play with.

#27

Jaman

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Posted Jul 16, 2007 @ 9:54 AM

-I am not allowed to sign up the Doctor for any reality programs
*Even if it would be really funny for him to meet "The Fab Five" and get made over.
*Jack's alright with it.
*The Doctor still says no.

-I am not allowed to use the TARDIS to go back in time to convince certain television producers not to produce certain television finales.
*Even if they really sucked.

Edited by Jaman, Jul 16, 2007 @ 9:59 AM.


#28

Ivriniel

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Posted Jul 16, 2007 @ 9:55 AM

I am not allowed to chase Jack around the TARDIS with a sword, bellowing "There can be only one!"
*Especially if I try to do it in a Scottish accent

I am not allowed to shoot Jack at Sci Fi convention, so he can pop back to life and yell "There can be only one!"
*Especially when Christopher Lambert is one of the Con guests.

I am never to mention any of the Highlander Movies or Spin-off TV shows ever again.
*Especially the Cartoon, because it was way too weird.

I am not allowed to shoot Jack at Sci Fi conventions while he is dressed up as the Crow.
*Even if it gets him Goths of both genders.

Jack and I are not allowed to attend Science Fiction Conventions any more.

Edited by Ivriniel, Jul 16, 2007 @ 10:04 AM.


#29

Eugenia

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Posted Jul 16, 2007 @ 10:22 AM

I am not allowed to use the TARDIS to play the lotto.

I am not allowed to use the TARDIS to download iTunes and make a pop music soundtrack for my life.
*Just because everyone gets a kick out of The Master doing it doesn't mean it's equally amusing when I do it.
*It's one thing to make a Playlist of Doom if your activities include world domination. But no one needs a soundtrack for mundane activities like brushing their teeth and going to their office job.

Edited by Eugenia, Jul 16, 2007 @ 10:23 AM.


#30

Ivriniel

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Posted Jul 16, 2007 @ 10:38 AM

I am not allowed to use the TARDIS to go back in time to Plymouth, MA in 1620, just so I can sit by Plymouth Rock in a lawn chair and ask William Bradford what took him so long.

I am not allowed to use the TARDIS to go back in time to Hispanola in 1492, just so I can sit on the beach in a lawn chair and ask Columbus what took him so long.

I am not allowed to go back in time to L'Anse aux Meadows, Newfoundland, in 1000 so I can sit in a lawn chair and ask Leif Erricson what took him so long.

I am not allowed to take any of the lawn chairs out of the TARDIS again.