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1-5: "Garage Band" 2007.03.07 (recap)


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#1

Mr. Sobell

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Posted Mar 7, 2007 @ 12:30 PM

Enlighten us, TV Guide:

The remaining interior designers are tasked to build a dream space for the archetypal American family---two parents, three children and a dog.


And the twist is, the dog is Cerberus.

#2

secrettvjunky

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Posted Mar 7, 2007 @ 11:04 PM

I can't believe I'm still watching this nonsense.

First, the show spends barely 15 mins on the actual execution of the project. You know, the "design" in Top Design. Plus the opening 15 minutes so we can figure out this week's Sysephean task, that leaves a full 30 minutes of judging. And then the judging DOESN'T MAKE A LICK OF SENSE. What got one person eliminated one week gets praise the next week. An afghan is enough to kill you, but being MIA on a project will actually get you praise.

Now nonsense judging can be fun sometimes (see Top Model, America's), but these smarmy judges just make me want to scream. If I was a contestant, it would turn into Top Debate as I defended myself from their confusing and conflicting decisions.

And I cringe at "see you later, decorator." Totally stupid.

#3

Rinaldo

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Posted Mar 7, 2007 @ 11:05 PM

Ryan certainly has some... issues, doesn't he? Apologizing for trash-talking, and then immediately doing it all over again. Yeah, he's an easy choice to cut.

And still the judging criteria are so capricious. If you stick to your job, you're... not a team player. If you carry out the boss's vision, you're... not being creative. Feh.

But what I really want to know is: what in the world gets Goil so upset next week??

#4

TheCustomOfLife

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Posted Mar 7, 2007 @ 11:08 PM

But what I really want to know is: what in the world gets Goil so upset next week??


My speculation is that it's Michael and Carisa. There is no drought of drama, whether it's being "broughten" by the woman (I was gonna type women, but Carisa is the only female bitchy person here) or the gays.

#5

mauras

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Posted Mar 7, 2007 @ 11:09 PM

But what I really want to know is: what in the world gets Goil so upset next week??


I want to know that too. Goil is my favorite person there (along with Andrea), and if someone is mean to him, I'm going to have to break some heads.

Could they possibly have pimped that minivan any more than they did? Sheesh.

Glad Ryan is gone. It would have been even better if Michael and Carisa could have gone with him, though. Carisa is a pill, and Michael has NO sense of color.

It would also be better if Kelly Wearstler could just make her comments in writing, so that we wouldn't have to listen to her talk. Her voice hurts my ears.

#6

Wry Bread

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Posted Mar 7, 2007 @ 11:08 PM

So, Michael's line about fitting Carisa into stretch pants made my night.

That said... boo, show. I hate how the judges can never seem to compliment the designers. It's always "You all made serious missteps," and tonight, I felt that in dissing Andrea's design, Jonathan was also putting down the rest of the group.

Maybe they should have had the carpenters dress in slips for the selection.

ETA: Goil, Matt, and Andrea are my favorites.

Edited by Wry Bread, Mar 7, 2007 @ 11:11 PM.


#7

belligerent

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Posted Mar 7, 2007 @ 11:09 PM

But what I really want to know is: what in the world gets Goil so upset next week??


They made him feel like Jan Brady. He doesn't want to feel like Jan Brady! Wasn't it obvious? ;)

Finally, an outcome I am not boggling over. I must say that I noticed the hotness of Erik a couple weeks ago and it continues. Perhaps it's the way he rocks a soupatch. Perhaps it's the fact that he doesn't appear to be an asshole.

Matt had some funny interviews tonight. I kind of thought he might be going home since we heard so much from him...

#8

Lizrd

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Posted Mar 7, 2007 @ 11:11 PM

Andrea gets better and better every week, though. She and Goil are the only two I still respect.

#9

TheCustomOfLife

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Posted Mar 7, 2007 @ 11:11 PM

It would also be better if Kelly Wearstler could just make her comments in writing, so that we wouldn't have to listen to her talk. Her voice hurts my ears.


Her wardrobe hurt my eyes again this week. Obviously she's been talking to Melody Thomas Scott from Y&R. "So, Melody, who was your wardrobe designer from 1993? Yeah, can I have their number? Oh, and the hairstylists as well." STOP THE MADNESS!

#10

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Posted Mar 7, 2007 @ 11:15 PM

And the twist is, the dog is Cerberus.


Hee. If only.


I'm torn. There was so much fug of all kinds and so very much too much Carissa, which adds up to nothing but Haaaaaaaate. Yet Radical McWeaseldick was told his revolution will no longer be televised, and what's not to love about that?

If I had taken a drink every time I looked at Ryan and said out loud "Oh shut the fuck up and go home, asshole" I'd be lying on the bathroom floor with my head in a bucket right about now.

Tennis ball pull handles on a rolling dog bed? All I can see is the dog gnawing away at the tennis ball as his bed goes rolling down the driveway while Mom's in her office and the kids are putting on a play for dad.

Okay yeah, the end result looked like a bunch of high school kids on detention went nuts with ten thousand plastic bins and twenty yards of purple and gray fabric (the hell?) but in comparison to the screaming shithole they started out with? What the fuck did these clowns expect in a day, the Taj Mahal?

#11

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Posted Mar 7, 2007 @ 11:14 PM

Ryan, you're an obnoxious, catchphrase-spouting pseudo-radical with delusions of anarchism. I don't understand why you were ever on Bravo when you clearly were born to make a documentary for the Sundance Channel.

And I'm no Carisa fan, but I don't get why she was dogpiled for "isolating herself" when Andrea (The Gal Who Cain't Say No) is the one who moved her project out of the office to begin with.

#12

Disclaimer Will

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Posted Mar 7, 2007 @ 11:15 PM

I thought the color scheme for the stage was well done, myself. It's not something you'd necessarily tack up in a kids' room, but in an area where they want to play pretend and have a mini-theater, I thought it was a nice touch for them. If I was a kid, the purple and black would've reminded me of King Friday's Castle, which is exactly the vibe I would've wanted in a set-aside area for me to be creative. I think they were trying to make the kids feel like it was an honest-to-goodness theater, and I thought the drapes were a sweet touch. Judges didn't seem to get that, though.

#13

platys

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Posted Mar 7, 2007 @ 11:16 PM

That was one boring episode. Gah.

What kept bugging me is whether or not the garage and shed is climate controlled at all. If not, I'm guessing the shed would be useless 10 months of the year - it'd be too hot or too cold. The garage play space would maybe fare a bit better (kids are tough), but still, you've got a room which will be too hot or too cold for a fair bit of the time.

#14

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Posted Mar 7, 2007 @ 11:16 PM

Matt really needs to stand out. From what I've seen he's the most talented but he just fades away. He's got zero leadership skills and is all too willing to cede control.

Ryan, thank God he's finally gone. He's so full of it.

Carissa's still annoying but honestly I won't fault her for sticking to the shed/office because a) it's an easy way to show how she contributed b) Andrea wasn't too direct in asking for help with the garage.

I like Erick and Goil. Apparently next week Goil is becoming Jan to Michael's Marcia. I guess Michael finally becomes the huge dipshit that we were teased with during the early promos?

#15

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Posted Mar 7, 2007 @ 11:18 PM

I prolly could've cleaned out the garage myself, in the time it would take me to figure out what the hell Ryan was talking about at the end.

Having said that, would it really have killed these yuppies to throw out a few things? Like the cappacino maker that Aunt Maud gave them two Christmases ago?

I also think the family could have decided to use the shed for an office in the first place. Seems like an obvious option to me. They really were trying to crowd a hell of a lot in that small space.

I could've sworn Michael said, early on in the task, that he didn't like the dark purple curtains, and wouldn't have chosen them for a kids theatre. At yet, he got the blame for them.

I also could've sworn that the wife said she liked the color green. You think Carissa would have incorporated a little green into the shed/office. Instead she used yellow. But it was nice to see her really break out and go wild -- and not use orange!

#16

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Posted Mar 7, 2007 @ 11:21 PM

I was kind of offended when the guest judge called Matt out for not "composing" that annoying family's crap. I was amazed Matt was even able to sort through the mountain of garbage and get it into the bins. Ryan had a point...it wouldn't have killed the Bells to take some of that stuff and pay a visit to Goodwill.

#17

There There

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Posted Mar 7, 2007 @ 11:24 PM

That was a really boring episode. Acadia. I don't like team challenges as much as individual challenges as a rule and turning the contestants into one big team was just retarded. Acadia. I personally would have gone with Goil's design (not just because I love him, but because it was unique and it made sense. What the hell is that family going to do with a stupid stage in five years?). Acadia. Andrea's design was pretty basic and the final product was at once completely boring and completely ugly. Acadia. I didn't even know that was possible.

I felt really bad for Matt and OH did I laugh when Michael said he was going through stuffed animals soaked in "squirrel urine." Acadia. Quote of the night! A few other points:

1) There was this huge glory shot of Todd walking into the backyard with his sunglasses on that made me giggle. He looked silly trying to be all cool.

Acadia.

2) I loved that you could tell the judges hate each other and completely disagree with each other. Margaret said that Kelly has been won over by Ryan's shenanigans. Jonathan is obviously in love with anything Carisa will do even if it's fundamentally retarded.

Acadia.

3) The Bell family was the biggest group of tools I have ever seen. They wanted every goddamn thing under the sun in that damn garage! And then they changed it so that the office was in some nasty shed. And they were unapologetic about how much shit they had and how they couldn't possibly part with anything. Even the urine soaked stuffed animals.

Did I mention the Acadia? Because the episode sure did!!

Edited by There There, Mar 7, 2007 @ 11:26 PM.


#18

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Posted Mar 7, 2007 @ 11:24 PM

Yet Radical McWeaseld**k was told his revolution will no longer be televised, and what's not to love about that?


Priceless.

If the family dog had actually been Cerberus it couldn't get better.

#19

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Posted Mar 7, 2007 @ 11:27 PM

Did I mention the Acadia? Because the episode sure did!!


There There, I am so impressed that I'll stop the world and melt with you.

#20

belligerent

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Posted Mar 7, 2007 @ 11:28 PM

1) There was this huge glory shot of Todd walking into the backyard with his sunglasses on that made me giggle. He looked silly trying to be all cool.


I only caught the tail end of that shot and was like "What is Jackie from Work Out doing on this show?"

2) I loved that you could tell the judges hate each other and completely disagree with each other. Margaret said that Kelly has been won over by Ryan's shenanigans. Jonathan is obviously in love with anything Carisa will do even if it's fundamentally retarded.


Yeah, the contempt she had for Kelly's defense of Ryan was quite palpable (that sounds dirty).

I wonder how Michael can identify squirrel urine with such confidence. Or maybe I don't want to know.

#21

floretbroccoli

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Posted Mar 7, 2007 @ 11:39 PM

When they showed that packed-to-the-rafters garage and said the job was to design the space to house the [product placement] AND build a stage AND create a home office, my immediate assumption was that the owners would be getting rid of a few things such as, maybe, the SOFA. So, to that extent, I agreed with Ryan.

On the other hand, Ryan felt that he was eliminated because the judges were too conservative for his awesomeness. Yeah, I guess those two stripes on the garage floor were just too wild for them.

#22

profreader

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Posted Mar 7, 2007 @ 11:44 PM

That was RIDICULOUS. Even "Trading Spaces" gets two days to re-do a room. What is the point of giving them impossibly short deadlines like this? I could see re-doing this garage in a day if they were more or less starting with a blank space -- but that place was stuffed full of garbage. I thought the family was in some kind of fantasyland -- "We want a garage, and a theater, and storage, and a home office, and it should be green, purple, orange, red and blue!" Would you ever want to be in a garage when their Giant Acadia was in there at the same time? No. (And did I see at the end there that the Acadia was furnished "for creative purposes"? IE the family probably doesn't really have one.)

Boring. The judging made no sense whatsoever. People were criticized for doing what they were asked (I'm on the fence about Carisa, but she took on that shed and did it all herself. They were clearly scapegoating her.) And ANOTHER team challenge next week? Whoever came up with the challenges had no idea what he or she was doing. I can't believe they are halfway through the eliminations -- I don't even feel like the show has really started, whereas by this point in Project Runway I was very passionately involved.

#23

Lizrd

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Posted Mar 7, 2007 @ 11:45 PM

When they showed that packed-to-the-rafters garage and said the job was to design the space to house the [product placement] AND build a stage AND create a home office, my immediate assumption was that the owners would be getting rid of a few things such as, maybe, the SOFA. So, to that extent, I agreed with Ryan.

To be fair, did the sofa make it back in the garage? I didn't see it, so probably not everything was tucked away in magic (but not composed) organized storage land.

#24

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Posted Mar 8, 2007 @ 12:04 AM

Ok, did I miss something? Wasn't it really Andrea's suggestion to the Bells that they use the shed as office space? And, didn't she then call Carissa in the final minutes of shopping time that the shed was going to be the office, and it was her project??? So, why is Carissa being blamed for just doing the shed?

If I had to spend five minutes with Michael, I know I'd come perilously close to poking him in the eye with a sharp object. Like a pencil.

Blah blah blah. I can't believe I am still watching this show (and will be watching again next week....)!

#25

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Posted Mar 8, 2007 @ 12:04 AM

Ryan, you're an obnoxious, catchphrase-spouting pseudo-radical with delusions of anarchism. I don't understand why you were ever on Bravo when you clearly were born to make a documentary for the Sundance Channel.



Hee! Enjoy your glass of Agent Orange, Ryan. Unless Carissa's using it for her color palette.

Yes, interior design can be about an "event" ....sometimes. But more often than not, it's about someone's living space, a place for the things they love, that's asthetically pleasing to them, and a place where they are comfortable. It's about combining an artistic viewpoint with real life.

#26

lilblondedancr1

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Posted Mar 8, 2007 @ 12:06 AM

So the judges said to Andrea "Though the family picked your design as the top design, we think otherwise" (or something along those lines)

The family was the client so what was that?! THEY chose the design meaning THEY liked it. But of course, being the Debbie Downers they are, the judges have to find SOMETHING wrong with it.

Gah, and I HATED the Bell family. Nothing grinds my gears more than when obviously wealthy families (did you see that house?!) get the unnecessary treatment of a home makeover (I'm looking at you Trading Spaces). I would have liked to see a more down-to-Earth family that wouldn't cringe at the thought of -GASP!- getting rid of a few things. Sorry, but if it is stuffed in a cluttered garage outside any sort of storage bin, you don't need it that bad obviously. GTFO

Edited by lilblondedancr1, Mar 8, 2007 @ 12:14 AM.


#27

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Posted Mar 8, 2007 @ 12:10 AM

I'm sorry. I generally love Mr. "I only do tasteful kitsch" Adler, but tonight? Tonight, I longed for Andrea to use one of her impossibly long legs to reach across Siberia and kick him sharply in the shins.

Had I been her, I might have replied, when he finished his snark, "Yes, I get it. You didn't like my design. But I have immunity, you sockless hypochondriac!" And then, when I moved to the wall of reprieve, I might have coughed on his jacket.

This show is disappointing on so many levels.

ETA: What kind of parents relegate their children to the garage? Are they not allowed in the house or does the inside of the Bell household look like their garage? I wonder if anyone going to call the EPA and CPS on these people.

Edited by WilierMeerkat, Mar 8, 2007 @ 1:06 AM.


#28

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Posted Mar 8, 2007 @ 12:18 AM

Tennis ball pull handles on a rolling dog bed? All I can see is the dog gnawing away at the tennis ball as his bed goes rolling down the driveway while Mom's in her office and the kids are putting on a play for dad.

:guffaw:

Maybe the dog can race the 10 year old with bed on wheels from one of Goil's earlier rooms?

Overall? ZZZzzz... But, at least Ryan is gone! Hooray! Begone and never darken my tv screen again, poseur!

Edited by beartrash, Mar 8, 2007 @ 12:20 AM.


#29

LizDC

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Posted Mar 8, 2007 @ 12:25 AM

I was kind of offended when the guest judge called Matt out for not "composing" that annoying family's crap. I was amazed Matt was even able to sort through the mountain of garbage and get it into the bins. Ryan had a point...it wouldn't have killed the Bells to take some of that stuff and pay a visit to Goodwill.

I think the cable reality show the Bells were made for is TLC's Clean Sweep, which I don't think is in production any more. Peter Walsh would have had 50% of that garage junk in the trash.

Maragaret also thought the guest judge was too hard on Matt:

I greatly admire the work of Mark Rios, but he was a little tough on Matt regarding the storage, observing that it was “organized but not composed.” Personally, I think Matt did the best he could given a small budget and so little time, and he wisely kept his opinions about the Bells’ junk mostly to himself.



#30

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Posted Mar 8, 2007 @ 12:26 AM

Maybe the dog can race the 10 year old with bed on wheels from one of Goil's earlier rooms?


Priceless! I really like Goil, but he's got to step it up a notch. And judging by his Queen behavior in the clips from next week, things aren't improving for him!