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Top Design Haiku: Never Boring


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#1

AmazonChef

AmazonChef

    Video Archivist

Posted Feb 21, 2007 @ 3:56 PM

Can Haiku and Top Design be in true dialogue?

Give it a shot!

Format: Three lines
1st line: 5 syllables
2nd line: 7 syllables
3rd lines: 5 syllables

Here are some examples:

====================
====================

Top Design on toast
And shit on a shingle.
Both are so boring.

====================
Roofless curtain room
Does not a cabana make.
Where's my zinc oxide?

====================
Judge in green knee socks
Snarks "Not in true dialogue!"
Oh, the irony.

====================

Intercontestant
Bitching. Who gives a rat's ass?
"Drama" trumps content.

===================

#2

ksbear123

ksbear123

    Channel Surfer

Posted Feb 24, 2007 @ 1:14 AM

It's been a while, but here it goes...

Could your choices be
any more arbitrary?
Give us new judges.

We question your skill
and design ability.
Donít stand next to us.

I must hire an
interior designer.
Iíll choose someone else.

Could someone pick up
a nail gun and shoot someone?
We crave excitement.

Bright red and orange.
And, a lack of storage space.
We have a winner!

#3

TheCustomOfLife

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Posted Feb 24, 2007 @ 4:19 AM

Oh, Margaret Russell.
Be a bitch, but have a point.
Midol is your friend.

#4

jazzydutchgirl

jazzydutchgirl

    Loyal Viewer

Posted Feb 24, 2007 @ 1:09 PM

There's some good ones up here already! Looked like fun, so I'll try my hand as well.

Sand pits, pirates, and
roofless cabanas. Now no
storage? Odd winners.

Dull as dishwater.
Contrived challenge, poor judging.
why do I still watch?

Kelly Wearstler: grounds
for banning revival of
all 80's fashion.

Edited by jazzydutchgirl, Feb 24, 2007 @ 1:11 PM.


#5

profreader

profreader

    Fanatic

Posted Feb 24, 2007 @ 2:47 PM

When in the white room,
Stand one hundred feet from us.
Further. Further. Good.


Who shall we dismiss?
Angry artist? Clueless noob?
I know: the woman.

Oh, Kelly. Kelly.
Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kel.
What is with that hair?

Oh, there is no green
In Miami; don't you see?
Check out the postcard.


Margaret, it's true:
You're no Nina Garcia.
Still, I adore you.

#6

roorooby

roorooby

    Couch Potato

Posted Feb 25, 2007 @ 12:39 AM

Well I certainly can't top the howlers here so I'll just give tribute:

IDs/PTBs
if they just heeded TWoPers
would be better off.

OK I'm getting warm now - some odes to my favorite "installation artist":

Ground glass signature
Unnerves us if he really
Wants to do design.

Viewing makes me fear
All that might have been done to
That poor teddy bear.

Art not poker but
Think the angry T-shirt is
Trip-ď9Ēs upside down.

Edited because
even in the haiku world
punctuation rocks.

Edited by roorooby, Feb 25, 2007 @ 12:45 AM.


#7

AmazonChef

AmazonChef

    Video Archivist

Posted Feb 26, 2007 @ 9:28 PM

Black paint and ground glass,
Scary Twilight Zone prison.
And Kelly loves it.

=================

Wearstler's crimp-fried hair
Is like watching a train wreck:
I can't look away...


=================

AAGHGH! Orange-red wins!!
The judges sit there fiddling
While Top Design burns.

=================

How about adding limericks? I'm not the best at them, but here's one:


There was a show named Top Design
Whose judges weren't very kind.
They snipped and they snarked
They slammed and they barked,
And drew their decisions from their behinds.

Edited by AmazonChef, Feb 27, 2007 @ 5:49 PM.


#8

supri

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    The Wire, The Unit, America's Next Top Model,
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    Top Chef, any reality show of Bravo's, The Hills,

    gone but not forgotten: Veronica Mars, Gilmore Girls, the OC, 21 Jump Street, Designing Women, Clarissa

    current DVD obsession: Wonderfalls (!!!!)

Posted Feb 28, 2007 @ 2:41 PM

Too many, too red?
Just right? Friend or frenemy?
Oh, naughty pillows!

Wasabi, citron,
And seafoam, oh my! Kermit
Should be a guest judge.

eta: seafoam is scarier, innit?

Edited by supri, Feb 28, 2007 @ 2:43 PM.


#9

ellymay

ellymay

    Couch Potato

Posted Feb 28, 2007 @ 4:30 PM

Yay, Haiku! Love it!

Ryan and his glass
It's just like Trading Spaces
Remember Hildi?

Topless cabana
Scorched designers must hate us
Burn in Tahiti!

Yellow and Purple
No, it's Banana and Grape
Either way, vomit.


I'll be back!

#10

TheCustomOfLife

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Posted Mar 1, 2007 @ 12:35 AM

Angry Carisa!
Don't hold on to resentment
You'll die: heart attack.

Ryan the "artist"
You are a talentless hack
See you later, bitch!

Felicia Bushman
She painted in her Prada
Afghans akimbo.

Michael, I think you
and Mr. Boston should make
a creepy love child.

Andrea Keller
She has dark hair and stuff. Yeah...
So forgettable.

Kelly, bad hair! This
ain't "I Think We're Alone Now"
Shaming Tiffany.

Jonathan Adler
Sometimes wise, sometimes bitchy
I wouldn't hit it.

#11

Zipsix

Zipsix

    Channel Surfer

Posted Mar 1, 2007 @ 1:54 PM

Carisa - gag me
Can't wait for next week's red walls!
Top design? My ass.


Oh! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hey-yeah-hey-hey-hey-yeah-hey!
Theme song so so bad.

#12

SushiBoat

SushiBoat

    Video Archivist

Posted Mar 1, 2007 @ 7:33 PM

My Haiku for the judges:

Your reputation
Not carved in stone? Consider
Declining Bravo.

#13

kremedonut

kremedonut

    Channel Surfer

Posted Mar 7, 2007 @ 10:15 AM

The giant peppers
can't fool me. I know they are
stalking Goil. Watch out!

#14

Mother Hubbard

Mother Hubbard

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Posted Mar 7, 2007 @ 11:04 AM

Matt's room designs are
Lovely and practical, but
Always the bridesmaid

Carisa, give up
Interior design school
For stress management

Jonathan Adler:
Chanelling inner Piggy?
Moi believes it's so.

Edited by Mother Hubbard, Mar 7, 2007 @ 11:06 AM.


#15

AmazonChef

AmazonChef

    Video Archivist

Posted Mar 7, 2007 @ 2:16 PM

The giant peppers
can't fool me. I know they are
stalking Goil. Watch out!


HA! I KNEW there was something sinister about those peppers.

#16

Aunt Nette

Aunt Nette

    Video Archivist

Posted Mar 7, 2007 @ 11:26 PM

Pup sleeps blissfully.
Then, squish! Crushed by SUV.
Damn dog bed on wheels!

#17

kremedonut

kremedonut

    Channel Surfer

Posted Mar 8, 2007 @ 8:04 AM

When Bravo films Top
Sociopolitical
Rant, Ryan is gold.

#18

Mother Hubbard

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Posted Mar 8, 2007 @ 8:27 AM

Swings are for backyards
Not hanging from garage beams
Splatting kids on cars

Big Acadia.
Acadia, Acadi-
a. Acadia!

Edited by Mother Hubbard, Mar 8, 2007 @ 12:28 PM.


#19

Zipsix

Zipsix

    Channel Surfer

Posted Mar 8, 2007 @ 12:39 PM

The beatings will cease
when morale improves. Losers!
We guess you can stay.

Yours is top design,
but we hated it. Turn that
smile upside down!

Oh! composing junk
in six hours time. Squirrel
urine is your prize.

Guest judging this show:
a council of real winners,
like the 'white room' guy

Edited by Zipsix, Mar 8, 2007 @ 12:40 PM.


#20

TheCustomOfLife

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Posted Mar 8, 2007 @ 2:26 PM

Crabby Carisa
That's "Carisa" with one "s"
Message board posters.

#21

Mother Hubbard

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Posted Mar 8, 2007 @ 2:31 PM

Crabby Carisa
That's "Carisa" with one "s"
Message board posters.

Jonathan Adler
Misspells Carisa's name, too.
Not to be trusted.

#22

jazzydutchgirl

jazzydutchgirl

    Loyal Viewer

Posted Mar 8, 2007 @ 2:33 PM

Carisa's preschool
report card: "Does not play well
with others." Go fig...

#23

Deianeira

Deianeira

    Couch Potato

Posted Mar 8, 2007 @ 3:12 PM

Good riddance, Ryan.
The Bells still have their stuff, and
the judges tossed you.


Good night to the Bells.
That Acadia emits
carbon monoxide.


The garage is clean!
Somewhere, squirrels are weeping.
Where will they pee now?

Edited by Deianeira, Mar 8, 2007 @ 4:13 PM.


#24

belligerent

belligerent

    Couch Potato

Posted Mar 8, 2007 @ 7:07 PM

Product placement? Check.
Inconsistent judging? Check.
Top Chef would be proud.

I don't watch TV
to be bored to death, Bravo.
Get it together.

But, if I don't watch
TV to be bored to death,
why do I still watch?

Perhaps it's because
of some unconscious need for
self-flagellation.

Perhaps it's because
I don't really have much else
to do Wednesday night.

At this point, I am
fully expecting Michael
to win this damn show.

The Top Design will be...
roofless Pirate Ship on wheels.
An orange one, natch.

God, I want to scream
socio-political
rants at Kelly's hair...

#25

profreader

profreader

    Fanatic

Posted Mar 8, 2007 @ 11:59 PM

We need parking space,
Office, theater, and a swing.
Plus two tons of crap.

#26

roorooby

roorooby

    Couch Potato

Posted Mar 9, 2007 @ 12:19 AM

Bwahahahaha!!!
TD inspires TWoP too much -
I'm just howling here.

#27

Deianeira

Deianeira

    Couch Potato

Posted Mar 9, 2007 @ 4:40 PM

Oh, Todd, you liar.
You promised us an actress.
Alexis Arquette?!


This Top Design show
needs a huge dose of Zoloft.
Itís a big bummer.


(Gar)Goil can design.
But donít stand too close to him.
Heíll put you on wheels.


To the creators
of Top Design: you made some
bad design choices.

#28

Flootoona

Flootoona

    Couch Potato

Posted Mar 10, 2007 @ 4:28 PM

Oh, Kelly. Kelly.
Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kel.
What is with that hair?


I peed like a squirrel
Locked inside the Bell's garage
When I read this one.



Shut up, Carisa
What are you still doing here?
Later, bitchinator

Ah! I understand
(Gar)Goil has a big secret:
Wheels instead of feet

Judges make no sense
This is not good, that is good
But they're both the same!

Two sanders at once!
Behold the power of Goil
Just give him the prize.

Partridge Family
Done in grape on banana
Bright and cheery room?!!?!???

Next week will (Gar)Goil
say "Michael! Michael! Michael!"
Just like Jan Brady?

Why am I so sad?
I feel sorry for that dog
Rolling down the hill

#29

roorooby

roorooby

    Couch Potato

Posted Mar 11, 2007 @ 3:50 AM

Think we need a prize -
TWoPers with Best Haiku
guest on Top Design!

Edited by roorooby, Mar 11, 2007 @ 3:50 AM.


#30

Mother Hubbard

Mother Hubbard

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Posted Mar 13, 2007 @ 3:11 PM

Think we need a prize -
TWoPers with Best Haiku
guest on Top Design!

Guest shot on Top Design:
Would that be a Haiku prize
Or a punishment?

Andrea on stage
Throws Michael under the bus
Not his purple swatch