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Does this put the Ass in Klassay?: Wedding Etiquette


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#241

tamariskie

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Posted Sep 11, 2006 @ 11:12 AM

I just hope I haven't done anything Klassy and not realized it - I genuinely think that lots of couples are the last ones to know that their guests are pissed off. The people who ask for cash for example - they obviously think that it's quite sensible!


I think when something like registries become common. the line between polite and klassay gets somewhat blurred. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE registries. The most important thing to me in picking out a gift for someone is getting something that they like and want and registries take all the guesswork out of it. I don't even mind honeymoon or house down payment registries because if that's what the couple would like, that's what I want to give. But they definitely blur the etiquette line.

Best wishes to you, Burping Frog! Make sure you remember to have fun that day! It goes by so fast.

#242

muffilator

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Posted Sep 11, 2006 @ 12:26 PM

I wasn't invited to the wedding but I did receive an email asking me to contribute, which I did not do.


This .. is just so ... eww. You weren't invited to the wedding, but they still had the nerve to ask for a gift? In an email??

#243

dizzylizzy

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Posted Sep 11, 2006 @ 12:31 PM

I don't think registries for anything are klassay but what people do with the information and how they treat their guests can definitely help push a registry that way.

I always ask where someone is registered and usually get a gift from the registry, especially if it is a fun store. But putting the information in the invite or telling me without my asking that you only want cash - ick.

#244

Imelda

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Posted Sep 11, 2006 @ 2:15 PM

My mom wishes that registries had been around when she was getting married (I'm sure they were around, just not as popular). Last year my parents moved, and my mom still had toasters they got as wedding gifts. And come to think of it, we never had to buy a new toaster the entire time I was living at home, my mom just went to the attic and came down with a toaster. They've been married for 26 years, they still have 2 toasters left from their wedding gifts.

#245

WriteForThRoses

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Posted Sep 11, 2006 @ 4:23 PM

This .. is just so ... eww. You weren't invited to the wedding, but they still had the nerve to ask for a gift? In an email??


Yeah, I was in exactly this situation when a boss of mine-- who I'd met twice-- got married. A thank-you note was sent in a mass email, I believe.

I think the klassay-ist move I saw with a register was when a client of mine, worth several million, got married for the third time... and registered.

To be honest, I've been wrestling with this. PendingWriteForThRosesHusband and I aren't going to register for much, and then it's going to be at Target, not Tiffany's-- sheets and towels and a few pots and glasses since right now I'm still drinking out of plastic stadium cups from college and he doesn't own any. My mom's giving me her everyday and formal china from her wedding, which frankly has a lot more meaning to me. We'll be moving around a lot and want to travel light, plus we don't need stuff. We just want our loved ones with us on the big day. There will be a lot of moving expenses up front and he's deep in student loan debt, so what we really need is money, and we finally figured that we'll just register for the few things and gift cards and if people ask us what we want, we'll tell them-- but there's certainly not going to be a nudge-nudge-wink-wink from friends or a freaking poem in the invite. It's a struggle since we are certainly not grubbing for presents, but if people want to get us something, we don't want it to be a hassle for them. Honestly we'll be thrilled if anybody gives us a gift at all, because our friends, like us, are po' and since I've been a guest several times, I know what it's like to take the money and time to get one on a very limited budget.

Edited by WriteForThRoses, Sep 11, 2006 @ 4:34 PM.


#246

INeedAJob

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Posted Sep 11, 2006 @ 4:42 PM

if people want to get us something

I think that most people do want to give gifts. I was suprised at the number of wedding gifts we received from people we didn't invite: a former co-worker who lives across the country, a co-worker I'm friendly with at work, but don't see socially, a church friend from the city I moved away from 5 years ago, an exchange student from Japan my family hosted for a summer in 1985. All people I keep in touch with and let know I was getting married, but didn't invite becuase we're not that close and we had limited room.

#247

Imelda

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Posted Sep 11, 2006 @ 6:22 PM

I think that most people do want to give gifts.


I agree, I'm happy to give gifts. Just don't be an asshole and make me feel obligated to give them to you or poor because I got you what I could afford. I know my posts here sound like I hate weddings and I want to slap the bride, but honestly I'm really happy for my friends. And I love giving gifts, seeing the look on someone's face when I got them a really good one and getting very sincere thank you cards make me really happy. And if you aren't a jackass, I'll probably give you a really good expensive one.

#248

Mystery

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Posted Sep 11, 2006 @ 9:04 PM

I gave a coworker, who I'd never met (she works in an office 2000 miles away) a cooking dish off her registry and not only did I get a nice thank you card back with her raving about what she wanted to use it for, I also got cookies and a picture of the first dinner she made in it. That was money well spent-- she was so obviously happy with what she had picked out and I had bought. But for younger relatives, especially, I do go for money lots of the time when I think they might need it. (One young cousin thanked me and told me which piece of furniture they had bought with my check, which I also appreciated hearing).

Her mom told me that I was blessed to be part of such a forgiving church that they would baptize my bastard child.


Oh my goodness! I never heard of such a thing! Though I have friends who adopted a little girl from China and one of the people in their church said, at the christening, "I can't believe that six months ago she was a Buddhist! And a Communist!"

Re: dollar dances, when my sister got married her new in-laws were insistent on having one, with a minumum of $5 a dance, and this was 20 years ago. My boyfriend and my other sister's boyfriend had a $10 bill and the wedding video shows them happily waiting their turn to dance with my sister, then being firmly rejected by her new sister-in-law, then when her back was turned they snuck back and danced with my sister together. I love the idea of the chocolate coins that someone posted about earlier.

#249

ZilPrincess

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Posted Sep 12, 2006 @ 7:42 AM

Ok I'm going to take issue to some of the things posted here. I was MOH for my best friend. I planned the shower and hosted it at my house. We had games, but fun games with great prizes. One game was a bucket full of Hershey's Kisses, and it was called "KISS your waist line goodbye." You had to guess how many kisses were in the bucket and whoever got closest won the bucket of kisses. We had other fun games.

But I did the thing where Guests put their name and address on an envelope and we actually did do a draw for a prize. I did this as a courtesy for the bride, and I don't think people had a problem with it.

Oh and I definetly did not make the guests pay for anything.

#250

PhD Student

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Posted Sep 12, 2006 @ 7:48 AM

Nevermind - sorry about that.

Edited by PhD Student, Sep 12, 2006 @ 7:50 AM.


#251

NYGirl

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Posted Sep 12, 2006 @ 8:40 AM

My son got married in June. Along with the invitation to the shower the MOH enclosed a blank index card for each of us asking us to write down our favorite recipe for the bride, which I thought was a nice idea.

We also played a cute game.. "Who knows the bride and groom best?". You'd think I would have won... huh? Some of the questions were, what is Sandy's favorite reality show? What would Joe do if...... What's Sandy/Joe's favorite meal? The winner got a cute little compact.

Edited by NYGirl, Sep 12, 2006 @ 8:45 AM.


#252

Arienne

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Posted Sep 12, 2006 @ 10:59 AM

Honestly, I think if a 40-something couple/gorgeous home/together for 3 years is having the church wedding with the big white dress, 10-member bridal party and full-on dinner and dancing reception, nobody should be surprised by a dollar dance. This screams attention whore to me.


I am part of a 40 sumthin/so-so home/ together for 6 yrs. <so far> couple. And if we ever decide to "tie-the-knot" I want a wedding. White dress, flower girl, attendants, dollar dance, YMCA, Macarena and even the fuckin Chicken dance! I am not a "attention whore", just never had it.

I was married once at 19 at the courthouse because we had not a pot to piss in nor a window. No shower, no bachelorette, no reception.

I'm just sayin.........