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3-8: "Shelayna and Milena" 2006.07.30 (recap)


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#1

shibori

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Posted Jul 30, 2006 @ 8:28 PM

Ok, because Bridezilla's editor monkeys also do WE's programming schedule, this episode actually aired very early this morning, which my TiVo picked up. Since it's airing at the regular time shortly, I'll hold off on anything substantive until its over. But the eyeliner and acrobats are out in force, and I have this beautiful quote for y'all:

"Dad's fucking stupid bitch hippopotamus babysitter."

#2

Arielle46

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Posted Jul 30, 2006 @ 10:02 PM

If that wedding really cost $35,000, they got majorly ripped off. You can even have a decent wedding here in NY for that much. It doesn't add up: $3200 site fee, $2200 catering, $1200 dress, and I can't imagine those flowers cost more than a couple thousand. The rest clearly went into Shelayna's eyeliner budget.

#3

bettymojo

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Posted Jul 30, 2006 @ 10:05 PM

I really don't think that I can take a whole hour of Milena next week. I hate her, I think even more than Regina and Marsha.

Now there's a sentence I never thought I'd type.

Shelayna and Milena? Very cute, Bridezillas. The name Milena will always make me think of "Shag," too bad that this Milena is not as cute nor is she as fun as the preacher's daughter.

Poor Shelayna. Yes, she was awfully crotchety to Bart, but I think she really just started letting everything get to her, even the minor stuff. It was nice to see her smiling at the end. She did look pretty in her gown, but why the fake eyelashes? And the bridesmaid's dresses were cute, except for the bows in the center. They were a bit much.

I have to side with Shelayna about the BM with the sneaker slippers. They were just so wrong, and for that BM to get all huffy and storm away? Nuh-uh. Shelayna shouldn't have backed down and said she was just teasing, because she was right.

I love the edit of Milena saying something was tacky while she was wearing that turquoise beaded monstrosity of a tank top. Milena wears far too many tank tops that offer her no support, I don't care if she's in Miami or not.

I don't like Milena at all, really. She's mean and bitchy, and she says things like "we're on my time now." Ick.

Edited by bettymojo, Jul 30, 2006 @ 10:06 PM.


#4

hetshup

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Posted Jul 30, 2006 @ 10:10 PM

Only thing that I could think about was Bart+ rented tux+ NO UNDERWEAR= gross. And Regina's furry coat things showed up again, but on Shelayna it was kinda cute.

Also, I would totally cry like her. When I get really tired, I tend to burst into tears.

#5

Kiba

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Posted Jul 30, 2006 @ 10:23 PM

Holy cow....I really really don't want to feel bad for Shelayna at all, but, Bart's brother, and his completely ass-tastic behavior at the rehearsal? Would have had me in uncontrollable tears! Or worse.

I guess her little fur shrug was cute, but the bridesmaids' shrugs in black, with the white bows were pretty gag-worthy in my opinion.

And yeah on the whole wedding pricetag just not adding up. For a few of these weddings, the totals have just seemed way too high. And while the show doesn't provide us with a complete itemization, what they do give the amounts for just don't make any sense. I want to know what every. single. penny of that $35,000 went toward.

As for the new bride? No comment. I don't think I'll be able to watch next week with a whole hour of her. Blech.

#6

The Evil One

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Posted Jul 30, 2006 @ 10:31 PM

Only thing that I could think about was Bart+ rented tux+ NO UNDERWEAR= gross.


Ugh! I know, I thought the exact same. I couldn't believe he was free-balling on his wedding day and in a RENTED tux. Icky.

After seeing Bart's brother, I thought "oh man, it's genetic." I think that's why Shelayna was crying; she realized her kids are going to have that DNA and be complete assholes their entire lives like Bart is.

I understood that Shelayna was stressed and at the end of her rope. Still that did not stop me from wanting to slap her everytime I heard "Where's my..........?" in that whiny twang.

And can anyone explain what Shelayna was talking about the night before the wedding? She had to back to the house to get the pineapples for the pineapple tree? WTF is that?

ITA about them getting ripped off for that $35,000. She looked beautiful, her bouquet was gorgeous and their cake looked nice. The reception hall (which looks like the basement of my church...) probably ripped them off.

As for Shoegate, I think it depends on the bride. My sister-in-law bought us all flip flops to change into at the reception whenever our feet started to hurt too much from the shoes. Best.Thing.Ever.

Milena is a pyscho beast. She should not be calling anyone a hippo and wandering around in those very unflattering tops of hers. She needs a bra and some shirts with sleeves.

Edited by The Evil One, Jul 30, 2006 @ 10:52 PM.


#7

Ananayel

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Posted Jul 30, 2006 @ 10:39 PM

The only way some of these prices add up is if they are including both engagement/wedding rings and the honeymoon costs into the total. When they've accounted for the dress, catering, flowers, cake, photographer, tuxes, bridal party wear and hall rental, there's just no way that things like invitations, annoucements in the paper, and other incidentals add up like that.

Milena is truly horrid. Marsha and Regina were dreadful, but I don't see them starting a wedding without the groom's family - for one thing, it would mean fewer people to boss around/fawn all over them. She does indeed have some brass ones for daring to call anyone else a hippopotamus. How do women like that manage to get someone to agree to marry them?

#8

Gigglebox

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Posted Jul 30, 2006 @ 10:43 PM

The only person who can be excused for wearing fuzzy slippers at a wedding reception is the bride's great grandmother. And totally shame on the bridesmaid for copping an attitude when she was called on it. If your feet hurt that much sit the f*** down and don't dance, or better yet, tell the bride you can't be in the wedding because of your bunions or whatever.

#9

Mita_Jo

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Posted Jul 30, 2006 @ 11:06 PM

I don't think the slippers were that big of a deal. The wedding was officially over, and the pictures looked to be over as well, so why did they need to keep their other shoes on? Based on what some of the guests were wearing, I won't even call it a fancy occasion, so that's not a good reason for them to keep not wear slippers. Shelayna freaking out was just her trying to act snotty with everyone just because she could. I would have went off on her too if I were that chick. Based on her reaction, you can tell that Shelayna had been complaining or scolding them for a while already.

I was also grossed out by Bart not wearing any underwear. Rented tux or not, WHY? Does he just not ever wear them? And he could have gotten dressed in the bathroom.

I hope it was just nerves, but Shelayna didn't look like she had a good time at all. Her smile seemed forced and she has such strain on her face during the whole ceremony.

Definitely can't stand Milena's ass. I too thought her choice of clothes were tacky and that she had no right to talk about anyone else's taste. Everything she wore was too tight and unflattering.

#10

ChocolateCherry

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Posted Jul 30, 2006 @ 11:04 PM

I guess her little fur shrug was cute

She stole it from Regina.

When Shelayna was apologizing to the bridesmaid about the shoes did anyone hear what she said? I thought she said something like "this is what they want to see", referencing the camera crew. Did I make that up in my head?

#11

Kiba

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Posted Jul 30, 2006 @ 11:17 PM

When Shelayna was apologizing to the bridesmaid about the shoes did anyone hear what she said? I thought she said something like "this is what they want to see", referencing the camera crew. Did I make that up in my head?


Hmmm....I'll have to go review on my DVR (which means I am shamefully admitting that this show has made it onto my TiFaux programming list), 'cuase I wasn't really catching what she was saying at the time, and didn't care enough to rewind and figure it out, but if it's this? Wow, even lazier editing than usual. Well done, Bridezillas, well done.

#12

mimimomx3

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Posted Jul 30, 2006 @ 11:27 PM

Loved Bart's little comment that the $65 for the bouquet would have bought "quite a handful of lapdances". Hee.

#13

MittenGirl

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Posted Jul 30, 2006 @ 11:35 PM

I thought she said something like "this is what they want to see", referencing the camera crew. Did I make that up in my head?


Well, you must have sent my brain a telepathic message, because I thought I heard that, too.

#14

talkstoomuch

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Posted Jul 30, 2006 @ 11:50 PM

Poor Shelayna. Yes, she was awfully crotchety to Bart, but I think she really just started letting everything get to her, even the minor stuff. It was nice to see her smiling at the end.

Except that I'm not so sure how happy that union is going to be. Mommy issues aside, during the ceremony Shelayna jaw and lips were so tight, she looked like she was sucking sourball. And Bart was flexing the muscles in his cheek so hard, he might have spit out some tooth particles afterward. The didn't even smile for the kiss.

Regarding shoe-gate:

I thought she said something like "this is what they want to see", referencing the camera crew. Did I make that up in my head?

Well, you must have sent my brain a telepathic message, because I thought I heard that, too.

I just rewatched and she said, "I was just teasing. Of course they want my reaction on that. I was just teasing."

Stupid producers.

Edited by talkstoomuch, Jul 30, 2006 @ 11:57 PM.


#15

jade76

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Posted Jul 30, 2006 @ 11:58 PM

The only way some of these prices add up is if they are including both engagement/wedding rings and the honeymoon costs into the total.

For some of the other weddings they have shown the cost of the rings, so I guess they do. I agree, it is the only way $35,000 makes sense. I didn't think anyone could top Marsha until Milena. What a witch!
The bridesmaids slippers, as long as the formal pictures were taken I didn't see what the big deal was, the reception did not look all that fancy anyway.

#16

dawsnzchck

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Posted Jul 31, 2006 @ 12:23 AM

Only thing that I could think about was Bart+ rented tux+ NO UNDERWEAR= gross.


I swear I threw up a little bit at that moment. Ugh. Especially later when he was dancing and the vest made his shirt ride up and we got ass showing.

How the hell do you lose your engagement ring the night before the wedding? Someone could've tried to take mine in my sleep and I would've felt it missing.

And nice to see that it wasn't even her furniture she was kicking in all the promos. A little mud you freak out about but kicking someone else's furniture is fine with you? Nice.

I would've laughed my ass off if my bridesmaids showed up in furry slippers. I'm almost sad I didn't think of it myself to give them as gifts. Maybe in a color that matched their dresses. Freaking relax Shelayna, it's not like your wedding was a Royal one and that was what was making it low class...

Milena not only needed a bra but she needs to learn about a) Non-satin fabrics that will conceal problem areas (she looked pregnant in the first shots it was that bad) and b) seatbelts! I couldn't believe her driving down the road in someone else's car without one.

I am so adding hippopatamus to my insults from now on.

#17

pottie-mouth

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Posted Jul 31, 2006 @ 12:50 AM

I hate Milena with the fire of a thousand suns. I could have sworn in the promos that she refers to one of her in-laws as a "cunt." On camera. At her wedding. That's f'ed up, y'all. In addition to flattering fabrics and cuts, she needs to add learning about flattering colors on her goat-cheese colored skin. Ew.

I don't know what to say about Bart's brother. I guess someone never learned that those jokes and antics aren't cute past the age of twelve.

I felt like Shelayna's bridesmaid overreacted in a big way. Bare feet or flip-flops would have been fine, but oversized bedroom slippers? C'mon - she knew that wouldn't go over well in Shelayna's regime.

#18

vanillacoka

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Posted Jul 31, 2006 @ 1:31 AM

I must agree with all the posters who say Shelayna got ripped off. I didn't see $35K in that entire wedding. However, I don't think we saw $85K in Marsha's trainwreck.

Shelayna also looked bitch faced at the alter. I just feel sorry for her now. I would have given her a Percocet or a Valium. At least she would have been feeling a bit of euphoria.

As far as the BM and the fuzzy slippers? I'd rather she wear those than go barefoot as I have seen many others at some weddings I have been to.

Milena? Bitch. On. Wheels. If anyone spoke to me the way she spoke to her friends you would bet they would be laid out on the floor. I had no idea she was going to be the season finale.

#19

kathrynp

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Posted Jul 31, 2006 @ 5:06 AM

Milena's husband should have left his phone in the toilet.

#20

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Posted Jul 31, 2006 @ 7:26 AM

I'm sitting here trying to figure out why in the world Bart and Shelayna got married, expecially since their conflict resolution skills are horrid. They didn't even look all that happy at the altar. Heck....she didn't look all that happy at the bachelorette party. Her bridesmaids were having a whole lot more fun than she was! And, what was with that AWFUL bow on the bridesmaids dresses? It looked like they were wearing one of those little fur capes like Shelayna did. They were unflattering, matronly, and AWFUL!!! Shelayna's white cape was pretty, though.

Milena is nothing more than an older, heavier version of Adriana with a bigger pocketbook. Exept skankier, and scarier.

#21

African Orchid

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Posted Jul 31, 2006 @ 7:39 AM

Word to everything that has been said. Shelayna and Bart looked nowhere near happy at the altar. They won't be lasting long. It won't be long before Shelayna is tired of Bart although it will be her own fault since she chose to marry a child.

Sorry but the slipper thing just wasn't a big deal. I've seen barefoot, flip flops, house slippers. I didn't realize people really cared. By the end of the day your feet are killing you so whatever floats your boat, I say.

#22

The Evil One

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Posted Jul 31, 2006 @ 8:37 AM

I could have sworn in the promos that she refers to one of her in-laws as a "cunt." On camera. At her wedding. That's f'ed up, y'all.


Oh, I saw the same thing. Melina looks like she'll really put the ass in Klass.

Another odd thing about Melina - she's having security at her wedding? Is that to protect the acrobats or the vodka fountain?

I also loved how during their interview Melina's husband-to-be is staring off to the side and not even paying attention, probably because every time he tries to speak, she just talks over him. I think he tried to spell out, in Morse Code, 'Please kill me' by blinking his eyes.

Edited by The Evil One, Jul 31, 2006 @ 8:37 AM.


#23

Mita_Jo

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Posted Jul 31, 2006 @ 8:38 AM

And nice to see that it wasn't even her furniture she was kicking in all the promos. A little mud you freak out about but kicking someone else's furniture is fine with you? Nice.

It looked to me like she kicked her suitcase. As hard as that kick looked, if she had kicked the dresser, her toe would surely have been broken.

I'm going to blame Shelayna and Bart's stoic faces on nervousness. I think they really do love each other and they've obviously been living together for a while, so the wedding was just to make things more formal. I think Shelayna is a different person away from the cameras. At least I hope she is.

#24

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Posted Jul 31, 2006 @ 8:44 AM

I'm guessing Shelayna would be appalled to know that I wore my Keds under my wedding gown. And not new ones, either; the ones with the hole in the toe.

Does Bart actually call her "Momma" as a term of endearment? Good lord their issues just moved up to subscription status.

"Dad's fucking stupid bitch hippopotamus babysitter."

Mr. Fang was watching with me (actually, he was trying to go to sleep, but kept making comments, so I don't think he was trying very hard) and he said, "Did she just say hippopotamus? Hippopotamus? She's a moose." In general that would earn him a punch and a lecture about how all women are not size negative zero and don't need to be, but I did have to snicker at his outrage over the pot/kettle aspect.

And, for some reason, it struck me as quite amusing in the couple interview with Milena how they explain that they both love color, it has to be colorful, not blah, while their sitting their in their beige/light sage sweaters.

Edited by fangums, Jul 31, 2006 @ 8:45 AM.


#25

TheWereCow

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Posted Jul 31, 2006 @ 8:57 AM

I'd rather she wear those than go barefoot as I have seen many others at some weddings I have been to.


Guilty. In my defense, there was so much lag between the ceremony itself and the beginning of the reception that guests had no real choice but to go walk around the little town the wedding was in. Which is on the side of a mountain. A trifle hilly. By the time we got back, my little tootsies were raw and when I took off my heels to inspect the damage, my feet swelled up just enough to ensure that my shoes didn't fit anymore. But I had the bride's permission to go unshod.

I was in a wedding on Saturday where I traded in my shoes for my Birkenstocks. Of course, it was in Boulder, mecca of granola and Birkenstocks, and I had to run back and forth from the parking garage at the reception venue.

OT? I feel for the tuxedo shop that takes back Bart's tux. Is it too much to hope Bart waxes/shaves/otherwise depilates down there? Probably.

I have to say, I thought the tuxes with tails were a bit much at Bart and Shelayna's wedding. The jacket was especially too short on Bart and everytime he moved you could see his shirt and the distance between said shirt and vest. Nice. Plus, without a top hat and Ginger Rodgers, what's the point?

Do you think people on Pluto could see Shelayna's eyeshadow, specifically the highlighter under her brows? Jeepers but that stuff did shine! So tasteful for a wedding.

Milena's a cow of epic proportions. The ass in class is right. I sometimes think I swear too much, but now having seen Milena, I feel positively restrained. God, but that girl has a mouth on her! And ITA...calling your in-laws "cunts" is just.not.right. Can you imagine her in 13 years, when she's Regina's age? Of course, she'll be on to her second or third marriage by then, I'm sure.

Swearing aside, I think my favorite part of Milena's segment was at the beginning, when she was describing the proposal. Personally, I think proposing in bed, without the brass band, fireworks and Chinese acrobats is romantic. Trust Milena to shit on him for not having any of those things, though. But will she out-bitch Regina and Marsha? Only time will tell......

#26

bettymojo

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Posted Jul 31, 2006 @ 9:32 AM

I felt like Shelayna's bridesmaid overreacted in a big way. Bare feet or flip-flops would have been fine, but oversized bedroom slippers? C'mon - she knew that wouldn't go over well in Shelayna's regime.


I think that if the BM had asked Shelayna beforehand if the slippers were OK would have made a world of difference. I gotta admit, that if I had walked into my reception and seen those slippers, I would have been taken aback at first also.

What was Shelayna carrying around at the beginning of her bachelorette party that was blurred out? And then at the end someone had something around their waist, something pink, and that was blurred out too.

The crack editing staff is at it again. When Milena and her mom? aunt? random passerby? were at the shop pestering the shop owner if she was coming to the wedding, mom/aunt/random had a shirt that said "Rock Star" on it. I know this because it wasn't blurred. But then sure enough, a few seconds later it was completely blurred out.

#27

African Orchid

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Posted Jul 31, 2006 @ 9:34 AM

What was Shelayna carrying around at the beginning of her bachelorette party that was blurred out?


I think it was a penis lollipop.

#28

msfurious1

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Posted Jul 31, 2006 @ 9:37 AM

The bridesmaids slippers, as long as the formal pictures were taken I didn't see what the big deal was, the reception did not look all that fancy anyway

Really, those slippers were no big deal. I saw that some of the guests at that reception were wearing Jeans. Men with no suit jackets or ties...their shirts unbuttoned and opened.
Nah, the slippers were no big deal at that shindig.

#29

Mita_Jo

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Posted Jul 31, 2006 @ 9:38 AM

What was Shelayna carrying around at the beginning of her bachelorette party that was blurred out? And then at the end someone had something around their waist, something pink, and that was blurred out too.

She had a penis lollipop and the thing around her waist looked like an inflatable penis. Or a huge penis purse. It was a definitely a penis. A pink one.

#30

SassyFrass

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Posted Jul 31, 2006 @ 11:10 AM

I would've laughed my ass off if my bridesmaids showed up in furry slippers.

As would I--I 'm getting married next weekend, and I bought all of my bridesmaids flip-flops for the reception (as I will be wearing a pair myself underneath my gown!) While I wouldn't throw a fit about it, I did think the slippers that girl wore were fugly as hell! However, considering that msfurious1 pointed out that:

some of the guests at that reception were wearing Jeans

including the guy that slipper girl was dancing with! Slipper-girl was also wearing what appeared to be a leather jacket over her gown, so I guess that all bets were off at that point....Also? When Shelayna first saw the slippers, I could have SWORN that she turned to one bridesmaid and called out "Alanna!" and then turned to another and said "Brianna!" which, of couse, made me laugh my ass off!

I only caught the last half, so all I saw of Melaina was the whole "The reception hall smells" portion, so I will have to tune in Wednesday to see what else I missed!

Edited by SassyFrass, Jul 31, 2006 @ 11:14 AM.