45 replies to this topic

[Corcat]

Those were pretty good, Katie M. Don't think I can top that, but I'll try.

Dear Yvette:

I know what you mean.
I just don't care.

Love,

Happy Bunny
++++++++++++++++++

[ElectraGlide]

Dear Chenbot Programmers:

Please update Chenbot's "but first" output capabilities before July 6th.

Thanks,
America

[MarchingOcelot]

This seems like it could be fun.

Dear Ivette,

Once on the juice, always on the juice. Don't think you can fool us.

Love, Ocelot

--

Dear America

Do you want me to make you wait? I can make you wait. You'll all be on the edges of your seats, waiting for me to say it! I have control over you! Send letters to my husband demanding BB return next season if you ever want to hear it again!

Sincerely,
Julie "But First" Chen

--

Dear Jase, Mike Boogie, at times Howie, and hell, even though he's not around right now, Scott:

No. Still not funny.

Angrily yours,
Everybody

[PhilMarlowe2]

Dear Josh and Scott,

I've been meaning to thank you for those Playgirl pictorials you did. You two singlehandedly helped me spread across hundreds of thousands of gay men in one fell swoop. Let's work together again soon!

Yours,

Hysterical Blindness

[Corcat]

I feel so sorry for gay men across America!

Okay, let's give this another go:
*********************************
Dear Shannon:

I did, do, and will always
hate you. In all tenses.

Die,
America
*********************************
Dear Ali:

TWoP BB posters are all hoping that this
season, you will win BB7. Not.

Love (Not),
Corcat
***********************************

[ShunnedforLife]

Dear Janie:

I really wanted to be with you. I'm sorry it just didn't work out.

Love,
The Half Million.

[vallegirl]

Dear Will,

Still thirsty and betrayed.

Buttercup

[MarchingOcelot]

Dear Competition Producers

Gross. You let Jase win half the first HoH? Now I'm stuck with him in me for a week?

He had better not run around nude again or I'm locking the doors and no one's getting in again.

God. Gross.

Love, The HoH Bedroom


Edited to add another:

Dear Houseguests,

God, I'm getting so old. I think you should probably drop me.

Sincerely, All Your Grudges

Edited by MarchingOcelot, Jul 6, 2006 @ 8:20 PM.

[paganstar]

Dear Howie,

Thank you for joining our side of the fence so to speak? You'll have all the Gay guys swooning over you inshort notice

respectfully,
GLAAD

Dear Marcellas

I told you that you should have been paying more attention in class. Now see what you've done. Jeez.

Rightfully Irritated
your Sex Ed teacher

Dear Mike
We regretfully inform you that the boogie era ended more than 30 years ago. Please update to today's music scene; you have a choice of rap, alternative, pop/rock. and hip hop. We will be awaiting your decision shortly.

Love,
The Music Industry

Edited by paganstar, Jul 16, 2006 @ 12:24 AM.

[mike]

Dear Hamsters,

After all your years of whining about how you hate me, I bet you wish you could take it all back now!

Enjoy your fucking slop!

Tastefully,
PB & J

[MarchingOcelot]

Dear The Rest of The Body

I don't know about you, but we're detaching and striking out on our own. We do not deserve this treatment.

Sincerely, Erika's Legs

[paganstar]

Dear Will:

I miss you, we looked so good together you and I on Season 2. I helped you looked vibrant and healthy. Whatever happened between us we can work it out. I'll be here waiting when you get evicted.

Love,
Your Season 2 Tan

[mike]

Dear Mike "Boogie",

The Jerk Store called... they're running out of YOU!

Sincerely,
George Costanza

Edited by mike, Jul 19, 2006 @ 9:08 AM.

[paganstar]

Dear Dr. Will:
Please feel free to use the enclosed products on your skin. we have them in SPF 0 to SPF 50.to suit your needs, but use them,. That spray-on was not really working for you.

Sincerly,

Hawaiian Tropic tanning products

Dear Will,

Have you heard of Coppertone? I really don't appreicate this day-glo florescent tan you let Erika give me. Really, I don't wish to turn into Jay Manuel from America's Next Top Model. Jeez,

Respectfully annoyed,

Your Skin.

Dear Dr. Will:
Please feel free to use the enclosed products on your skin. we have them in SPF 0 to SPF 50.to suit your needs, but use them,. That spray-on was not really working for you.

Sincerly,

Hawaiian Tropic tanning products

Dear Will,

Have you heard of Coppertone? I really don't appreicate this day-glo florescent tan you let Erika give me. Really, I don't wish to turn into Jay Manuel from America's Next Top Model. Jeez,

Respectfully annoyed,

Your Skin.

[MarchingOcelot]

Dear Houseguests (Especially James and Jase)

Oh, great. Thank you so much. Now I have no meaning anymore.

Mournfully yours,
Integrity


ETA: Oh thanks, Corcat, now I'm going to have nightmares for months.

Edited by MarchingOcelot, Jul 26, 2006 @ 6:59 AM.

[Corcat]

Dear Boogie:

Next time, bring some kleenex
and Stain Away.

Messily yours,
the Jack Shack
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Edited to add: MarchingOcelot: My pleasure.
Sorry to scar you for life, but, you know.

Edited by Corcat, Jul 30, 2006 @ 5:51 PM.

[Burntsugrr]

Dear Marcellas,
Your hissyfits are a little over the top. Try to follow my model for more refined behavior.

Kisses you bitch,
Janice Dickinson

[ReadIshmael]

Houseguests,

I'm gonna run all your asses down if you don't stop talking about throwing people under me.

Thanks,
The Bus

[paganstar]

Dear Chicken George

We received your letter asking us to add some flavor to the oatmeal product referred to as "slop" on the show. Apparently, you will be eating it for the next 60 days. Unfortunatley, we cannot add chcicken to the list of flavors at this time.

On another note, we would be interested in naming you as our national spokesperson. Please feel free to write, call, or e0mail me when you leave the Big Brother house.

Sincerely,

President,
Quaker Oats Company

[MadDogDuff]

Dear Jase,

Since you've left the house we have been so lonely. No one spends as much time with us as you did. If there is an America's Choice Vote you can count on us! Blue Steel forever!

Longingly,
The Mirrors of the House

[Corcat]

Dear Houseguests:

Please let me draw to your attention
that you leave through me. I'm
tired of another door getting all the
credit. Consider yourselves on notice.

Irritatedly yours,

Front Door

[MarchingOcelot]

Dear Everyone,

You're welcome.

Sincerely,
The Glass Goggles from the Torture Competition

[paganstar]

Dear Mike and Will:

We are sending you notice of our intent to sue over your ceaseless phone conversations in the diary room. Thanks to you, our call volume drops 80 percent three days a week. We are asking you to cease and desisit or you will be served the minute you walk out that door.

Sincerely Irritated,

Ma Bell

Edited by paganstar, Aug 5, 2006 @ 10:18 PM.

[mike]

Dear Chicken George,

OK, you're eating slop and that gives you horrible gas. WE. GET. IT.

Affrontedly,
America's Sensibility

[where is truth]

Dear Janelle,

See where faux dumb and giggly got me? I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. Please, I beg of you, stop.

Gestationally yours,
Britney Spears



Dear Will,

My followers will be coming for you soon. How dare you insult me in such a way? I would never have touched your legs. Like you, I mesmerize other people into doing the more distasteful tasks that must be done. Take heed.

Psychotically,
Charles Manson

[paganstar]

Dear Chilltown:

We ladies have decided to evict you and take over you desirable real estate as No 1 and No 2. Thanks for playing.

Sincerely,

Two Ladies from A Town Called Chill.