431 replies to this topic

[august2688]

There's so much to hate in one measley hour of televison: HoCaine, the show itself, HoCaine, the plot holes, Calleigh's wardrobe, HoCaine, the pollution caused by the Hummers, HoCaine, Wolfe's attitude, Delko turning into a man-ho, HoCaine, and, of course HoCaine.

Vent the noxious bile of your collective spleens here.

[Zoned Out]

Horatio is such a general hate topic. There are so many specific things to hate about him, from his need to wear sunglasses at the worst possible times to his ridiculous stances from time to time. How nobody ever smacks him upside the head is beyond me.

[noahsotherwife]

I hate Alexxxx's talking to corpses. Why does no one on the show seem to find it the least bit creepy?

[linderhill]

Heck, I get creeped out when she calls all the boys "baby."

[DragonScribe]

It bugs me when Alexx calls any adult corpse "baby". I suppose it may be her way of remembering that everyone was someone's child. But really... no.

One thing I hate about Horatio is that he manages to be Johnny-on-the-spot for some very many crimes/events. Does he have a pocket teleporter or something? Because I can't imagine the Hummer condescending to dematerialize.

[PrincessArtemis]

I think Alexxxxxx was the one that officially turned me off of watching Miami for any other reason than to make fun of HoCaine. She is seriously creepy. Talking to dead people is one thing (in mopderation--i.e., "Let's see what happened to you."). Talking to them like they're alive and calling them pet names is all kinds of wrong.

Now, if I ever watch, it's to snark on HoCaine or look in befuddlement at that guy, Wolfe? The dopplegregger. I dunno anything about him except that he looks like they tried to clone Greg and failed.

Heck, even my family members that like watching Miami are not immune--even though she likes him (!), my mom calls him HoCaine and does a good impression of his posturing.

[FellBeast]

Why, oh why, did Speedle forget to clean his gun again? That was a crappy reason to die. I really don't think he would have made that mistake twice.

And would it kill these guys to at least mention Speed's name now and then? They seem to have forgotten he ever existed. You'd think one of them would remember him sometime, wouldn't you?

Grrr.

Edited by FellBeast, Mar 14, 2006 @ 9:07 PM.

[BeowulfGirl]

You'd think one of them would remember him sometime, wouldn't you?

I may be wrong here, but didn't Speedle's death help Delko into the long spiral into his promiscuous sex? I vaugely remember Horatio confronting him about it and telling him to "mourn properly." Of course, this didn't stop Delko.

(It's entirely possible that it was another CSI that talked to Delko about this, but I can't see around HoCaine's gigantic, inflated head.)

Edited to add another hate: Count me in with everyone else who wonders why HoCaine calls Ryan "Mr. Wolfe." He doesn't call Calleigh "Miss Dusquene," or Alexx "Ms. Woods." Hell, he even calls Delko by his first name. It's just weird.

Edited by BeowulfGirl, Mar 15, 2006 @ 3:48 PM.

[JackTheNarrator]

Add me to those who can't watch the show because of Alex. She annoys me so much. I understand compassion and all that, but she goes way overboard and makes her scenes completely unwatchable for me.

I'd take Horatio and Calleigh any day over her, and that, too, is saying A LOT.

[Lillywhite]

He doesn't call Calleigh "Calleigh" though. He doesn't call any woman by their first name. He calls them all "ma'am".

It's so condescending.

[Zoned Out]

There is another thing I really, really hate (though in an attempt to be fair, CSI:Miami wasn't the first to do this): the portrayal of IAB as unequivocally corrupt or at the very least anyone in it is arrogant and willing to do anything to get ahead.

There was that one episode not terribly long ago (this season or last) where Stetler was actually being shown as a decent human being and just someone doing his job, but of course by the end they had to turn him into this guy only doing things only to get at Horatio (and IIRC, he had a really lame reason for wanting revenge on Horatio) and getting the smackdown he "deserved."

IRL my dream scenario would be Stetler putting Horatio behind bars for all manner of thing and Frank taking over control of the team. It's not like Frank would have to have any knowledge of how to handle evidence like a crime scene person since Horatio himself never does that anymore. :)

[BeowulfGirl]

I know this has been mentioned in other threads, but I positively hate the way Horatio delivers his lines.

Example:

The line, as written by the teleplay writers: "I understand that you're worried about who may have hurt your father, but my team* and I will do our best to find out."

And, as Horatio delivers it: (to child) I understand...(long pause)...that you're worried about who may have hurt...(longer pause) your father. (Puts on sunglasses) But my team and I...(puts hands on hips) will do our best to find out." (Does that weird eyebrow twitch).

*Oh, who the hell am I kidding. Horatio would never say "my team." He'd just say "I" or "me."


(Edited because I keep trying to type "Horatio" and it keeps coming out "Horation," which sounds like a noxious gas.)

Edited by BeowulfGirl, Mar 20, 2006 @ 1:15 PM.

[DragonScribe]

Ah! The great Horation typo! I've been doing that since this series started. There must be something appropriate about it, if it is so persistent (I've seen others make the same typo!).

But anyway, I totally agree with you about Caruso's line readings. They are. Quite. Terrible. ..... Aren't they?

[Love]

I am normally a huge CSI fan. Love NY and LV. However, Miami just about kills me. I cannot stand any of the characters. Horatio, Calleigh, Alexx...they all make me crazy. The only reason I ever watch this show is that my mother likes it and I tend to be at her place most Monday nights. As I mentioned the above three characters and the fact that I don't like them...the one character that I hate more than hate itself is Ryan Wolfe. I cannot stand his holier than thou attitude and I think that the actor is horrible. I don't even know his name.

[Lev7]

I watched this episode and it was OK. And I think Marisol is beautiful, but that last scene, when she said she never had a baby and HoCaine said there is still time. I thought Marisol looked so astonished, like he had just offered to give her one. I was thinking she was about to throw up on his shoes. Which would be the appropriate reaction.

[Thundercat]

I am normally a huge CSI fan. Love NY and LV. However, Miami just about kills me

ITA. Nothing beats the Original LV, and NY is a close second, but I'm only watching Miami at this point to mock Horatio. He's always good for a few laughs per episode. Of course, he also makes me wish I could slap him upside the head (maybe it would straigten it out!) a few times per episode.

As much as I loathe Horatio, he at least serves a purpose in the show - unlike Marisol. Even the cancer buys her character no sympathy from me. Perhaps the cancer only affects her mind, causing her to have no personality and even less common sense. That's the only way I can rationalize her hooking up with Horatio.

Those two deserve each other at this point and I wish they would go off to Peru to track down a cure for her and to make babies.... and then stay there! Calleigh can head up the lab.

[noahsotherwife]

I hate the incessant stroking of David Caruso's ego by the writers and producers. It's very evident in the season one commentaries. (Shut up, I bought them used and very cheap.)

No wonder the show's the way it is.

[beakermuppet]

I cannot stand how he begins every line with "Here's what I want you to do......" Aaarrrggh.

[Miss Dee]

Ah! The great Horation typo! I've been doing that since this series started. There must be something appropriate about it, if it is so persistent (I've seen others make the same typo!).

Just a thought for y'all, but you could use that word to refer to any of his great speeches with his great delivery. :)

[Wyldemusick]

Caruso's line readings. They are. Quite. Terrible. ..... Aren't they?

The 21st Century Shatner.

Absent the humor.

God help us if he decides to make a record....

[Lillywhite]

Or books on tape.

[Wyldemusick]

Or voiceovers...for...Verizon. Ads.

[Idiotboy]

This may be the first TV show I've ever watched simply because of the sheer, staggering disbelief it inspires on a weekly basis. It really is so bad it's good. Not that I think TPTB would take that as a compliment — nor should they.
Besides, it's such a pleasant surprise when Callie displays something resembling an actual human emotion or Alexxxxxxx doesn't mug her way through a simple reaction shot or when HoCaine ... when HoCaine ... I got nothin'.

[Elen]

or when HoCaine ... when HoCaine ...

...is not on screen?

[rimfire]

or when HoCaine ... when HoCaine ...

...is not on screen?

You know, I really think the problem with this show is that the other CSI shows at least make an attempt to present ensemble casts, but this one is getting less and less so the longer it's on.

Strangely though, its not that Caruso can't hold a show. I hope it's just be this character and this format. At least one of his solo projects was pretty good. (Micheal something...Micheal Hayes? About the US Attorney guy.) I'm really disappointed because I used to like him as an actor.

Edited by rimfire, Apr 2, 2006 @ 9:04 PM.

[Sasha942]

Melodramatic Monotone, is my coined phrase for Caruso's acting.

The sheer amount of testosterone on this show is what tries my patience (never mind the huge leaps of logic). I started watching cuz I'm a huge Emily Procter fan....but because of the Horatio/male dominance of the show...well this season in particular she gets very little in the way of substantial storyline. And let the girl change her clothes occasionally, geez!!

[Buzzy]

I hate Horatio and Mr Wolfe. I thought Callie was smart, but jeez, it appears none of them can solve a case on their own.
A Wolfe with one eye isn't any less annoying or gypsy. And Horatio..enough of the dramatic pauses and stances. You are not cute by any stretch of the imagination. How rich is Horatio anyways? He takes care of everything. And Marisol: cancer or no cancer, I would be giving her another cause of death. I think she gets a text when money is deposited into Eric's account. Spa? Puhleeze..buy a cucumber and a cheap face mask.
That being said, that's why I watch. It's a comedy. hee hee

[sophronia]

It amuses me to no end the way they love to state the obvious on this show. The scripts must be about ten pages long before they put all the pointless dialogue in there. It's like Crimefighting for Dummies. I keep waiting for Horatio to go down to the morgue and announce, "Gentlemen, this is a corpse."

Even the little flashbacks or interludes or whatever are utterly vacuous. Half the time they don't even have anything to do with the crime, it's like the producers decided we all need a little visual lesson in plastic manufacture or bullet production or something.

It's so obvious that this show was only created because Jerry Bruckheimer owed a favor to David Caruso. Maybe David beat him at poker or something.

[Taylor Ann]

personally, I think David Caruso is not that bad at all. It is the BAD WRITING. Since Steven Maeda left the writing got into a downhill slide that accumulated in stories like Marisol's etc or the nail into Ryan's eye - yuck.

Horatio and his sunnies are a trademark. Caruso is overdoing everything on purpose - if he would portray Caine in a very different style people would be mad at him.

Caruso is a far better actor than the poorly written scripts Corey Miller and A. Donahue present him with - who told A. Donahue to take a pen and write storylines anyway?

Edited by Taylor Ann, Apr 28, 2006 @ 5:37 AM.

[BeowulfGirl]

Maybe David beat him at poker or something.

He'd probably be quite good at poker, actually, since he never changes his facial expression.