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Some People Juggle Geese: The Quotable Firefly


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#1

YourMomOnToast

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Posted Mar 10, 2006 @ 6:08 PM

A place for everyone to post their favorite quotes from Firefly and the BDM.

#2

BitchySmurf

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Posted Mar 10, 2006 @ 7:51 PM

Some of my favorites:

Simon: You are my beautiful sister.
River: I threw up on your bed.
Simon: Yep. Definitely my sister.
- War Stories

Simon: This must be what going mad feels like.
- Jaynestown

Jayne: Oh, I think you might want to reconsider that last part. See, I married me a powerful ugly creature.
Mal: How can you say that? How can you shame me in front of new people?
Jayne: If I could make you prettier, I would.
-- Our Mrs. Reynolds

Jayne: It ain't impossible! Saint Jayne, it's got a ring to it.
Book: I'm just trying to remember how many miracles you've performed.
Jayne: I once hit a guy in the neck from 500 yards with a bent scope. Don't that count upstairs?
Book: Oh, it'll be taken into consideration.
- Objects in Space

River: Jayne is a girl's name.
Jayne: Well Jayne ain't a girl. She starts on that "girl's name" thing, I'm a show her good an' all I got man parts.
Simon: I'm trying to think of a way for you to be cruder. It's just not coming.
- Trash

#3

Fiona77

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Posted Mar 10, 2006 @ 8:45 PM

I think a lot of my favourites are in the delivery, but here they are anyway.

From "Trash"
Monty: Damn you, Bridget! Damn you ta Hades! You broke my heart in a million pieces! You made me love you, and then y-- I shaved my beard for you Devil Woman!

Also from "Trash"
Saffron: He's my husband.
Mal: Well who in the damn galaxy isn't?

From "Shindig"
Badger: He won't deal with me direct. Taken an irrational dislike.
Jayne: What happened? He see your face?

There's many, many more but it's Friday afternoon and I'm freakin' exhausted.

#4

Lileron

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Posted Mar 10, 2006 @ 11:01 PM

I know that is far far and away beyond obvious, but I still love the dinosaur exchange more then most anything.
I also die laughing at the part where Mal discovers Mrs. Mal.
"This is Zoe. We need all personnel in the cargo bay." "All? I said Wash!"
"Jayne...Don't sully this!"
"We always hoped you two kids would get together. Who is she?"
"Oh sweetie, don't feel bad. He makes everybody cry. He's like a monster."
"You don't shame me. You have very nice qualities, but I never married you."
"How drunk was I last night?" "I don't know, I passed out" (nods)

#5

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Posted Mar 10, 2006 @ 11:14 PM

I love the title of this thread! I use it all the time when I don't understand why people are doing something.

Wash: "Here lies my beloved Zoe, my autumn flower, somewhat less attractive now she's all corpsified and gross..."

#6

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Posted Mar 10, 2006 @ 11:30 PM

Probably my favorite quote of the series:

Jayne: That's why I never kiss 'em on the mouth.


Pretty much says it all, I think.

#7

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Posted Mar 10, 2006 @ 11:46 PM

Jayne: That's why I never kiss 'em on the mouth.

Yes that was great. Know what else I love about this? I was reading the "Heart of Gold" shooting script recently and in there at one point is says specifically that when Helen (the blonde whore) kisses him he purposefully avoids kissing her on the mouth. Oh I do love continuity.

#8

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Posted Mar 11, 2006 @ 12:33 AM

I always crack up when I think about Jayne saying the following in "Safe":

"Dear Diary, today I was pompous and my sister was crazy. Today we were kidnapped by hillfolk never to be seen again. It was the best day ever."

#9

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Posted Mar 11, 2006 @ 12:40 AM

As someone mentioned, many lines are all about the delivery. The following is one of my favourites due to both delivery and context:

Zoe: "Sir? I think you have a problem with your brain being missing."

#10

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Posted Mar 11, 2006 @ 12:40 AM

My favorite quote was actually from the movie:

Jayne: Shiny. Let's be bad guys.

My favorite quote from the series is Wash's first scene.
Wash (speaking as the dinosaurs):
- This is fertile land where we will thrive.
- We shall rule over this land and call it "this land."
- I think we should call it your grave!
- Curse you sudden but inevitable betrayal!

I think "Jaynestown" gave some great quotes. Simon's delivery of "son of a bitch" is just so perfect after his scene with Kaylee about how he "curses when appropriate." And also:

Simon: No, this must be what going mad feels like.

#11

prodigalchicken

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Posted Mar 11, 2006 @ 12:45 AM

"Jaynestown" also gave us Wash's "Next time we're going to the crappy town where I'm a hero." And yeah, a lot of times it really was all about the delivery. Those actors sure could deliver some great lines. I loved that cast.

#12

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Posted Mar 11, 2006 @ 1:57 AM

When I first read this exchange from "Safe," I thought it was funny:

Zoe: Captain'll come up with a plan.
Kaylee: Oh, that's good...right?
Zoe: Possibly you're not recalling some of his previous plans.

Course the scene's not supposed to be funny, but I still like the quote.

Most of my favorite quotes are from "War Stories," like:

Mal: Ah, the pitter patter of tiny feet in huge combat boots...SHUT UP!

Wash: I'm the one she swore to love, honor and obey!
Mal: Listen - she swore to obey?

And, of course:

Jayne: I'll be in my bunk.

But it also contains one of the series defining lines; when Mal is fighting his torturer and Zoe, Jayne, and Wash are about to rescue him:

Zoe: This is something the captain needs to do for himself.
Mal: No! No, it's not!
Zoe: Oh.

In an ordinary western/action show, the big hero wouldn't need or ask for help. That was one of the ways it reversed expectations.

As far as the BDM goes, my faves are:

Zoe: At last, we can retire and give up this life of crime.

Kaylee: Goin' on a year now I ain't had nothing twixt my nethers didn't run on batteries!

The Operative: You cannot make me angry.
Inara: Please, spend an hour with him!

Mal: Do you want to run this ship?
Jayne: Yes!
Mal: (pause) Well, you can't!

Kaylee: You mean to say...as in sex?
Simon: I mean to say.
Kaylee: Hell with this, I wanna live!

#13

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Posted Mar 11, 2006 @ 12:28 PM

From "Safe":

Wash: "Yeah, we should start dealing in those black-market beagles."

The mental picture of beagles running around Serenity's cargo hold still cracks me up!

#14

Lutanite

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Posted Mar 11, 2006 @ 12:45 PM

Mal: Looks like we're just in the nick of time! What's that make us?
Zoe: Big. Damn. Heroes. Sir.
Mal: Ain't we just! Sorry to interrupt, folks. But y'all got something that belongs to us. And we'd like it it back.
Patriarch Dude: This is a holy cleansing. You can't think to thwart god's will.
Mal: Y'all see the man hanging out of the spaceship with the really big gun? [beat beat] Now I'm not saying you weren't easy to find. But it was kinda out of our way, and he didn't want to come in the first place. Man's lookin' to kill some folk. So really, it's his will y'all should worry about thwarting. [muttered] Gotta say, doctor, your talent for alienatin' folk is near miraculous."
Simon: Yes, I'm very proud.
Mal: Cut her down.
Patriarch Dude: The girl is a witch.
Mal: Yeah, but she's our witch--[cocks gun] so cut her the hell down.

Safe. This might be the point where I fell madly, completely, in love with this show.

#15

DeadParrot

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Posted Mar 11, 2006 @ 1:09 PM

Mal's "We're not gonna die. We can't die, Bendis. You know why? Because we are so very pretty. We are just too pretty for God to let us die. Huh? Look at that chiseled jaw." sets the tone of the series right from the beginning.

"Whoa. Good bible." and "Whoa. Good myth." are classic.

I love the whole beginning of The Message but "My food is problematic." is really funny. And useful.

War Stories has some of the best Wash lines. "She's terse. I can be terse. Once in flight school, I was laconic." and "Hey, I've been in a firefight before! Well, I was in a fire. Actually, I was fired from a fry-cook opportunity." are great.

Everything in Objects in Space is great, but the the funniest dialouge is probably
SIMON: Are you Alliance?
EARLY: Am I a lion?
SIMON: What?
EARLY: I don't think of myself as a lion. You might as well, though. I have a mighty roar.
and it's even better because of the awkward confusion between the two of them after. ("Oh. I thought..." "No. I was.." "That's weird.")

#16

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Posted Mar 11, 2006 @ 1:10 PM

One of my favorites was in "Our Mrs. Reynolds" where Jayne tries to trade Vera for Saffron.

Mal: Well my days of not takin' you serious are certainly coming to a middle.

And in Trash:

Inarra: And just what was our net profit on the great "Wobbly-Headed Doll" caper?

#17

petpluto22

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Posted Mar 11, 2006 @ 1:25 PM

From "Serenity":
Wash: Can we maybe vote on the whole murdering people issue?


From "The Train Job"
Mal: Hell, this job I would pull for free.

Zoe: Can I have your share?

Mal: No.

Zoe: If you die, can I have your share?

Mal: Yes.

#18

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Posted Mar 11, 2006 @ 4:10 PM

I feel I must relive my favorite moments of my favorite episode, "Jaynestown". It turns out there are quite a few.

Simon: My God, you're like a trained ape! Without the training. No, apes are noble creatures, you're some sort of man-ape-thing that went horribly wrong.

Mal: And there isn't a one of us looks more the part than the good Doctor. (looks Simon over) The pretty fits, the soft hands, definitely a moneyed individual rich and lily-white and pasty all over--
Simon: All right. Fine. I'll go. Just, stop describing me.
Mal: You're the boss, boss.
Jayne: He's the boss now? (growls to himself) Day keeps gettin' better and better.

Wash (to Kaylee): What happened to Simon? Who is this diabolical master of disguise?

WASH: I think they've really captured him, though, you know? Captured his essence.
KAYLEE: He looks sort of angry, don't he?
WASH: Kinda what I meant.

BOOK: What are we up to, sweetheart?
RIVER: Fixing your Bible.
BOOK: I--uh-- What?

RIVER: I'm--I tore these out of your symbol, and they turned into paper-- but I want to put them back, so--

SIMON: To Jayne! The box dropping, man-ape-gone-wrong-thing, hero of mudville.

RIVER (O.S.): No. Can't. Too much hair.
BOOK (surprised): Is-- Is that it?
ZOE: Hell yes, preacher. If I didn't have stuff to get done, I'd be in there with her...

And, of course, everybody follow the bouncing ball!
He robbed from the rich, and gave to
the poor, stood up to The Man, and
gave him what for / our love for him
now, ain't hard to explain, THE HERO
OF CANTON! THE MAN THEY CALL JAYNE!
Our Jayne saw the mudder's backs
breaking / and he saw the mudders'
laments / and he saw the Magistrate
taking / every dollar an' leavin'
five cents / so he said, 'can't do
this to my people' / 'can't crush
them under your heel'/ Jayne strapped
on his hat, and in ten seconds flat,
stole everything there was fit to
steal--
And here's what separates heroes/
from common folk like you an' I / the
man they call Jayne, turned 'round
his plane / and let that money hit
sky / he dropped it onto our houses
/ he dropped it into our yards / the
man called Jayne, stole away our pain
/ and headed out for the stars


#19

wlfdncer

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Posted Mar 11, 2006 @ 4:35 PM

First I need to chime in and say that reading these lines has been a blast so thank you everyone for sharing them and now you'll have to excuse me as I try to paraphrase one of my favorites from the deleted scene of "Mrs. Robinson"...

Simon: Brothers and sisters don't get married... well they do on some planets but those planets are really bad.

ETA: I totally forgot to include another line that had me laughing so hard that I had to pause my DVD to collect myself. I don't remember the name of the episode but it's on disc 4 and it's from Jayne.

Jayne: "What'd y'all order a dead guy for?"

Edited by wlfdncer, Mar 11, 2006 @ 4:41 PM.


#20

JerseyGirl291

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Posted Mar 11, 2006 @ 6:12 PM

The Jayne quote mentioned above was from "The Message."

I too love the deleted scene. The last quote is my favorite part.

River (after stuffing a pillow under her shirt): Now we have to get married. I'm in the family way.

#21

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Posted Mar 11, 2006 @ 6:14 PM

JAYNE: You got the light, from the console to keep you, to lift you up... they shine like little angels.
WASH: Did he just go crazy and fall asleep?

BIG NISKA DUDE: Keep the money. Use it to buy a funeral. It doesn't matter where you go, how far you fly -- I will hunt you down and the last thing you see will be my blade.
MAL: Darn. (kicks him in the engine)

Both from the Train Job.

#22

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Posted Mar 11, 2006 @ 6:18 PM

From the movie:

Mal: Dear Buddha, I want a pony and a plastic rocket.

Another favorite of mine from the movie is actually from the outtakes. It's during the scene after they've found Book's town massacred and Mal decides to make Serenity look like a reaver ship he says:
Take five or six bodies and attach them across the hull. Put Book front and center cause he's our friend.
(turning to Kaylee): And find Baby Jesus, we'll use him as a hood ornament.

#23

CliffHogan

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Posted Mar 11, 2006 @ 6:19 PM

Out of Gas
(From memory, so not verbatum)
“What’s that, sir?”
“Freedom!”
“No, what’s that on the floor?”
“Oh, step around that. I think something was living in here.”

From the movie:
“Yes, I’ve read a poem!”

#24

BitchySmurf

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Posted Mar 11, 2006 @ 6:37 PM

(turning to Kaylee): And find Baby Jesus, we'll use him as a hood ornament.

I remember that! I laughed so hard. So did Jewel.

The BDM had some good quotes.

Operative: Are you willing to die for that belief?
Mal: I am. (Shoots him) 'Course that aint exactly 'Plan A.'

ZOE: (On Jayne wanting to bring grenades.) We're robbing the place not occupying it.

SIMON: It's okay to leave them to die.

JAYNE: Eating people alive? Where's that get fun?

#25

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Posted Mar 11, 2006 @ 7:20 PM

RIVER: I'm--I tore these out of your symbol, and they turned into paper-- but I want to put them back, so--

This has to be one of my favourites throughout the series. I really enjoyed her interactions with Book.

(turning to Kaylee): And find Baby Jesus, we'll use him as a hood ornament.

Thank you! I've always wondered what he said there but couldn't make it out.

Here's the quotation that started it all for me, the reason I saw the movie which became the reason I pursued the series:

MAL: This is the captain. We have a little problem with our entry sequence, so we may experience some slight... turbulence and then explode.

#26

I Like Food

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Posted Mar 11, 2006 @ 8:17 PM

I thought he said "And find that kid who's taking a dirt nap with Baby Jesus, we need a hood ornament."

"And Jayne, try not to steal too much of their shit!"

Either way-funny.

Edited by I Like Food, Mar 11, 2006 @ 8:21 PM.


#27

Azurekite

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Posted Mar 11, 2006 @ 10:12 PM

MAL: This is the captain. We have a little problem with our entry sequence, so we may experience some slight... turbulence and then explode.

Jayne: I don't wanna explode!

#28

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Posted Mar 11, 2006 @ 11:53 PM

One more from "Jaynestown":

Zoe: River, he's putting the hair away now.
River: No good. It's still there...waiting.


And from the BDM:

Mal: Define interesting.
Wash: Oh God, oh God, we're all going to die?

#29

petpluto22

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Posted Mar 12, 2006 @ 11:52 AM

Having just watched "The Train Job":

Mal: This is why we lost, you know. Superior numbers.
Zoe: Thanks for the re-enactment, sir.

Mal: Whatever happens, remember I love you.
Zoe: Sir?
Mal: Because you're my wife.
Zoe: Right. Sir. Honey.

Sheriff: It was indicated to you that, uh, Joey had an opening?
Mal: Any job would do.
Sheriff: It's funny your uncle never went to mentioning the Bowden's problem. Or that Joey Bloggs ate his own gun, about eight months back.
Mal: Did he?
Sheriff: Yep. Blew the back of his head right off.
Mal: So... would his job be open?

#30

Chryss

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Posted Mar 12, 2006 @ 2:34 PM

And of course, from "Train Job":

Inara: And YOU! What will your husband say?

Zoe: I was weak.