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Syfy: AKA The Sci-Fi Channel


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#1801

MrPissyPuppy

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Posted May 11, 2012 @ 3:36 AM

Make it Hungry Hungry Zombie Hippos and I'm in!
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#1802

redshirtx

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Posted May 11, 2012 @ 5:36 AM

Being The Asylum, we would either get a dozen genetically mutated hippopotamuses (with fangs, naturally, we can't forget those) that are the size of a double-decker bus or one hippopotamus that's the size of a DC-10. And I guess that opens the door for...wait for it...

Mega Shark vs. Protopotamus.

(If by chance some Asylum rep is reading this...we double dog dare you. Make this movie. You're not making good movies anyway!)
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#1803

TVspectator

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Posted May 11, 2012 @ 8:22 AM

On another note, if The Asylum does do the Hungry Mutated Hippopotamuses movie, I can see them probably casting a bunch of low-budgeted actors and one or two cult Sci-fi actors (if we are lucky, they will be in the lead).
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#1804

redshirtx

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Posted May 11, 2012 @ 8:33 AM

Oh, we'd need Paul Logan and his emotion-killing face for this one. I don't think anybody would care who else is in the movie. :)

Briefly drifting back to Syfy itself for a minute: I was reading about Total Blackout's ratings, and am I right in assuming that "series record" means "the highest ratings a given series has ever attained"? If so, in this case I really wish they'd just said "Oooh, the ratings went up!"
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#1805

ganesh

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Posted May 11, 2012 @ 12:04 PM

I cannot believe how awesome everyone ran with my hungry hippos idea. These are seriously as good as any of the movies they have now. But I would agree they would need to have fangs. Maybe genetic experiment gone wrong? That's been a fairly well used plot. Then we could have a shot of the mad hippo rising out of a lake like Apocalypse Now! The horror!

zomg, someone seriously needs to pitch this.

They're hippos. And they're hungry. For people!
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#1806

bmills

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Posted May 11, 2012 @ 2:41 PM

Moh 11: Dinohippopotapocalypse.

Earth is attacked by giant prehistoric hippos made out of hyper-diamond.

(Well, I thought it was funny.)
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#1807

SerenitySky

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Posted May 11, 2012 @ 2:56 PM

LOL. Somehow I read the above as dino hippo potato pocalyplse
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#1808

Shanna Marie

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Posted May 11, 2012 @ 3:02 PM

Somehow I read the above as dino hippo potato pocalyplse


That'll be on in the fall, I'm sure. And I would totally watch it.

I may have to watch the fake Battleship because it might actually be more fun than the real one, and certainly cheaper. Plus, it'll be easier to play drinking games with it at home.
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#1809

redshirtx

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Posted May 11, 2012 @ 4:40 PM

Heh...cheaper in every way, Shanna Marie. That's not always a good thing. :)

And now I'm picturing Siffy's disembodied announcer going "You won't have time to prepare...for the hippopocalypse." Seriously, Asylum, make this movie...we promise we won't sue you for plagiarism or anything like that. The idea is too cracked out to go there with, anyway.
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#1810

merylinkid

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Posted May 11, 2012 @ 5:01 PM

It's not really that cracked out. Hippos just look like fat animals that sit there blowing bubbles. They are some of the nastiest critters around. You go into the water with them around, you got little chance of coming out. If they can do megagator, a hippopocalypse is not that unbelievable. I can see them as being bred to be the ultimate river soldier. Something like that.

But then we always did up with more believable ideas that SciFi. Why? Because we like the genre.
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#1811

ganesh

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Posted May 11, 2012 @ 8:41 PM

...a hippopocalypse is not that unbelievable.

Please someone make this movie. I'm dying over here.

I don't know why you would want a hippo river soldier though. Maybe you could use them for their stealth and they could attack boats? I was thinking maybe they could be adapted as all purpose pack animals to carry supplies, etc., in certain climates. So if there's a monsoon or you have to cross a lot of water bodies, they can handle it. And they can eat off the land so you don't need extra supplies for them.

The genetic experiments would be to make them smarter so you could train them. But then: they get a taste for human flesh. And these hippos get very, very hungry!

I could pitch the shit out of this movie!

zomg.

http://www.bestweeke...-1335368553.jpg
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#1812

Bruinsfan

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Posted May 12, 2012 @ 7:10 PM

So if you want to watch a horrible film go watch American Warships instead of Battleship namely because American Warships will not cost you anything except time.

Will the Asylum version be able to match Taylor Kitsch looking pretty in a Navy uniform? Because that's really all I ask of Battleship.
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#1813

TVspectator

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Posted May 12, 2012 @ 11:01 PM

So, while watching Growth I was able to see some previews for American Warships (and yes they did use the phrased "They won't sink my battleship" in the preview) and it looked pretty bad but if this shlock is supposed to be better than the actual Big Screen movie, then I would rather see American Warships.

Edit:

I don't know why you would want a hippo river soldier though. Maybe you could use them for their stealth and they could attack boats? I was thinking maybe they could be adapted as all purpose pack animals to carry supplies, etc., in certain climates. So if there's a monsoon or you have to cross a lot of water bodies, they can handle it. And they can eat off the land so you don't need extra supplies for them.

The genetic experiments would be to make them smarter so you could train them. But then: they get a taste for human flesh. And these hippos get very, very hungry!-ganesh


ganesh, those hippos will have alien DNA in them (thanks to a mad scientist's retro virus, that was extracted from a meteorite) that will make them smarter than the average human, hell bent on eating all of mankind. The backstory can be that the mad scientist wanted to rule the Earth and created a race of hyper intelligent hippos , on a remote island somewhere off the US coast, that rebelled. Then X amount of years later a group of young 20s somethings come to the island, as the only survivors from a boat/plan crash, looking for a way back to civilization. As they reach the mad scientist's compound they discover the truth of what happen and discover the only survivor, which will be the mad scientist's rugged assistant (Paul Logan), who has gone mad and believes that the hippos must be fed.

The next board game to movie will be Candyland, followed by Chutes and Ladders, and then Risk.

Edited by TVspectator, May 12, 2012 @ 11:56 PM.

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#1814

ganesh

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Posted May 13, 2012 @ 12:16 AM

Chutes and Ladders could be an awesome horror movie.
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#1815

Zanne

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Posted May 13, 2012 @ 1:54 PM

Chutes and Ladders could be an awesome horror movie.


It will be the American remake of the British hit, Snakes and Ladders.
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#1816

redshirtx

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Posted May 13, 2012 @ 8:34 PM

I'm kind of surprised there's never been (to my knowledge) a horror movie named Candyland. (It's obvious, isn't it?) But I digress...

...those hippos will have alien DNA in them (thanks to a mad scientist's retro virus, that was extracted from a meteorite) that will make them smarter than the average human, hell bent on eating all of mankind. The backstory can be that the mad scientist wanted to rule the Earth and created a race of hyper intelligent hippos , on a remote island somewhere off the US coast, that rebelled. Then X amount of years later a group of young 20s somethings come to the island, as the only survivors from a boat/plan crash, looking for a way back to civilization. As they reach the mad scientist's compound they discover the truth of what happen and discover the only survivor, which will be the mad scientist's rugged assistant (Paul Logan), who has gone mad and believes that the hippos must be fed.

Damn, TVspectator, that's very possibly the most awesome thing we'll see in this thread all week (month). :)

And now that I'm reminded: the whole B Movie Mogul thing seems to have faded into Bolivian </tyson>, since there doesn't appear to have been any word about the supposedly still-upcoming Roswell movie at all in over a year. With everybody's network upfronts going on this week, though, maybe it'll come up somewhere.
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#1817

Zanne

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Posted May 13, 2012 @ 9:06 PM

I'm kind of surprised there's never been (to my knowledge) a horror movie named Candyland.


Does Candyman count?
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#1818

Shanna Marie

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Posted May 13, 2012 @ 9:47 PM

IMDB has a listing for a Candy Land movie in development, and I think I've heard something about there being a movie based on the board game in the works. After seeing the Battleship trailer, I jokingly came up with a list of other possible game movies. My vision of Candy Land was directed by Tim Burton and was a kind of whacked-out fantasy quest adventure. I never imagined anyone actually would make a Candy Land movie.

Now I wonder what the SyFy version would be -- Sugarplum Land? Candy Quest? And which Canadian SyFy series regular would star?
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#1819

ganesh

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Posted May 13, 2012 @ 11:33 PM

After seeing the Battleship trailer, I jokingly came up with a list of other possible game movies. My vision of Candy Land was directed by Tim Burton and was a kind of whacked-out fantasy quest adventure. I never imagined anyone actually would make a Candy Land movie.

You look at a movie like Transformers or GI Joe, or all the comic book movies, some of which I think are good, but what's the motivation? Studios want pg-13 movies, big effects, easily written 7 minute scenes, and broad themes: revenge, awkward teen, and so on.

Candyland could be a whacked out quest movie or a VR simulation gone wrong, like maybe people were designing a deeper game experience and got trapped in it and had to beat the game to get out. Eureka did an episode like that that was quite well done. It's not like show biz isn't looking for a quick concept to profit off.
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#1820

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Posted May 17, 2012 @ 3:29 PM

I'm bumping this because SyFy's summer/fall scheduling has me concerned and pissed off. First they are having Warehouse 13 start it's third season in late July when it will be up against all the new fall shows and then I find out Haven isn't coming back until freaking September. I swear, I really think that the network is trying to end Warehouse 13 by doing this. They'll say that the ratings are terrible or something and it will be gone because it's too expensive. As for Haven I don't know why the fuck it's starting so late but to me it's a sign that it's a burnoff show since it won't even have the luxury of starting in the summer at all to get any rhythm.

I see there are a lot of new shows in development and I'm wondering, in my paranoid mind, that they are wanting W13 and Haven to end in order to make room. I mean, Lost Girl's an import and I'm sure that Alphas is cheaper so I'm sure those shows are OK but I am really thinking that SyFy is letting go of W13 and Haven.

This network drives me insane. They should stop doing scripted series altogether and just do those Saturday movies and reality shows only.
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#1821

TVspectator

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Posted May 17, 2012 @ 7:58 PM

This network drives me insane. They should stop doing scripted series altogether and just do those Saturday movies and reality shows only.-mathhater


IMO, this network has already given up on their scripted shows (including their Saturday night movies) and are just floating by with reality TV and wrestling.

Edited by TVspectator, May 17, 2012 @ 7:59 PM.

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#1822

ParadoxLost

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Posted May 17, 2012 @ 8:45 PM

I'm bumping this because SyFy's summer/fall scheduling has me concerned and pissed off.


This has always made me nuts. Do Haven and W13 already episodes filmed? Because really, its not like they need to schedule this way to kill a show. They can just cancel it. Farscape and Eureka are perfect examples that they'll even cancel shows that have been renewed.

They seem to make insane decisions with scheduling for every show that has any degree of popularity or critical acclaim, BSG, Eureka, etc.

I've never been able to figure out whether SyFy is inept or nefarious. Do they think that the scripted shows they do this to have enough of a cult following to survive the scheduling and they can use the shows existence, even if its a year between episodes, to avoid being a complete joke because not "all" programming is cheap reality shows? Do they think that they need to kill their own ratings to justify cancellation to not lose the goodwill of the viewers. Because that is not working.

I think SyFy is that special blend of nefarious and inept.
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#1823

Shanna Marie

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Posted May 17, 2012 @ 11:16 PM

I'm really not seeing the nefarious conspiracy here. The network has to schedule something, even if it is during the prime season. They're not just going to give up and air a test pattern because it's at a time when other networks will have their regular fall schedule up and going. Warehouse 13 has always run into the fall. I think this start date is only a week or two behind when it's started every other season. Moving Haven to the fall is probably more of a promotion than an attempt to kill it. It's not going to be up against much stiffer competition in the fall, since it's up against 20/20 and Dateline, which don't do summer reruns. The only major-network scripted show it will face is Blue Bloods, and I'm not thinking there's a huge crossover audience there. Otherwise, there might be a USA original in that slot, but that's just as likely during the summer, since USA programs originals during the summer. Haven has been shown to hold its audience throughout the season, and as I recall, the ratings have either held steady or even improved a bit over time, even into the fall. Since they don't seem to have much in the way of fall programming (at least, not scripted), why not move a steady performer to a period when ad rates may be higher?

SyFy does a lot of stupid, pointless and awful things, but I wouldn't put these two bits of scheduling on the list. Wrestling, stupid game shows and reality shows about people customizing cars or about people who use modern English to try to communicate with medieval European ghosts are much higher on my list.

I'm just waiting for the show on Ghost Hoarders, though I can't quite decide if it should be about people who hoard haunted objects, so their homes are as full of ghosts as the homes of animal hoarders are full of pets, or if it should be about ghosts who are hoarders. Given reality show trends, it's inevitable.
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#1824

ParadoxLost

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Posted May 17, 2012 @ 11:32 PM

I'm just waiting for the show on Ghost Hoarders, though I can't quite decide if it should be about people who hoard haunted objects, so their homes are as full of ghosts as the homes of animal hoarders are full of pets, or if it should be about ghosts who are hoarders. Given reality show trends, it's inevitable.


I hate to tell you this, but SyFy already came up with this one. I'm pretty sure that I saw an ad on SyFy for something caled Haunted Collector about a guy who goes around hunting for and collecting haunted objects.

I'm really not seeing the nefarious conspiracy here.


Personally, I don't think its the moving of these two dates is that bad. But I think that there is something more than stupidity driving them to putting nearly a year between a lot of their seasons. BSG was like 13 months once. There comes a time when the competition is less important than the fact that people that watched the shows forget that they exist.

Edited by ParadoxLost, May 17, 2012 @ 11:35 PM.

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#1825

ganesh

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Posted May 18, 2012 @ 5:50 PM

First they are having Warehouse 13 start it's third season in late July when it will be up against all the new fall shows and then I find out Haven isn't coming back until freaking September. I swear, I really think that the network is trying to end Warehouse 13 by doing this. They'll say that the ratings are terrible or something and it will be gone because it's too expensive.

I have no doubt this is the case. It's not a conspiracy at all. They're deliberately torpedoing the show. When Eureka got axed, I had said either in this thread or the Eureka one that W13 would be next, and they basically are setting them up to fail. It's the same thing as when Fox dumps a show to Friday nights. And Fringe is the exception that proves the rule.

The problem is no one stays at this network. So when people leave and new ones come in, they want to get their own shit on the air, so they pull moves like this or just flat out cancel Eureka who already had a signed contract for 2 more seasons.

Who cares about the new shows? They are the same derivative crap, and if they are reasonably good on the off chance, they're going to be axed when the network personnel turns over again. There's no reason at all to support this network when there actual good genre programming tons of other places.

Edited by ganesh, May 18, 2012 @ 5:53 PM.

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#1826

cutecouple

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Posted May 18, 2012 @ 11:45 PM

Isn't SyFy showing some Olympics this year?
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#1827

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Posted May 19, 2012 @ 3:44 PM

Battle for Los Angeles is going to be on SyFy (or whatever the fuck they're calling it now) tonight. Considering that this movie was in theaters, like, a week ago, can this be an indication of anything other than a staggering level of suckitude? I've half a mind to watch just to see how awful it is.
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#1828

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Posted May 19, 2012 @ 7:49 PM

Battle of Los Angeles is an an Asylum production and came out on the syfy channel Saturday March 12, 2011 and came out on dvd a week later.

Battle: Los Angeles was the movie that was in the theaters.

American Warships is the Asylum version of Battleship.
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#1829

taiko

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Posted May 20, 2012 @ 12:32 AM

Wow a double feature a faux military based releases. From what I saw while actually watching basketball American Warships started better then Battle For Los Angeles. I did not make it to the end
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#1830

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Posted May 20, 2012 @ 1:20 AM

an Asylum production and came out on the syfy channel

Wow, that's... kind of appalling. So it's a rip-off sham of a movie that bombed? I'm glad I opted not to watch a crappy imitation of a crappy original after all.

The battleship thing was a pretty decent comedy. I laughed out loud several times. Whoever wrote it clearly knew absolutely noting about the real ships. Among other bits of comedy gold: those 16 inch shells they just happened to have (full of explosives even though the ship was on its way to become a museum?) weighed no less than 1900 pounds (or more, depending on the type). You don't shove around crates full of the things by hand, and if one got to rolling, you sure as shit wouldn't be able to stop it with a bit of pipe. But if I had to pick one thing that was my favorite, I think it would have to be the notice at the start that the Navy denies any of this really happened.
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