A rump roast.
Fried artichoke heart
and a salad with a vinager'ette
and tops it off with a vanilla wafer topped with pudding and a banana.
Assume for one moment that was a real menu.
Now what the fuck is wrong with this picture?!
What a load of crap. She tries to tell us the fried artichokes are a favorite. And of hers when she was a kid. Yeah right. The same family that makes lasagna with cottage cheese and canned soup was frying up artichokes. BULL-shit [ /Jon Stewart ]
How many times does she basically "recreate" crappy fast food every time the word "child" pops up and now suddenly dinner for a ten year old (or so) turns into an attempt to cook real food (a failed one of course).
Hair and outfit:
Its like she has two shows. How not to Cook. and What Not to Wear..While Pretending to Cook. And that top was so faux-Giada it was not funny. Though Giada usually wears something like that in her little curled-in the overstuffed chair moments. Not cooking with hot oil. And Giada's taste is a bit better. And who dresses like that for family night? Except maybe Paris Hilton.
Where did that table come from she was sitting on? And then where did it go?
I love how she HAZMATs the meat into the pan ignoring the fact her hand are contaminated by taking the wrapping off the meat.
"Just take and put" Not "add" such and such. Or even "put" such and such. I could even handle "take 2 cups and put". But the whole "just take and put".
I love how you hear the meat sizzling away in the background, and yet at one point, you can see the angle of the other set of burners and the pan is definitely not there... and then it is again. And all four burners controls are set in the exact same way.
Why on earth would you take a rump roast and make a pot roast out of it. What a twit. Why on earth not use a good slow roasting cut of meat that has great body and flavor? It is not the perfect cut for something like that. Cooked right a rump can make a great inexpensive slicing roast. Not making meat confetti. There is a reason why slow roasting cuts of meat are so handily butchered into long flatter pieces. And since a rump roast shreads longways like that? Get out the dental floss. Because even if moist, it is going to be stringy. And I love how she says it will shrink about a quarter of its size. More like shrink to a quarter of the size (I know, it was a rump stunt double again, still it was funny how she categorized the shrinkage this time). Sure enough. She reduces the rump to shredded beef. Let it dry a little and you have great leather shoe strings.
She calls it a vinagar'ette by using a salad dressing already made and adds yogurt
. Okay. It's not "let's re-enact the Rape of the Sabine Women with an apple pie and call the end result a Napoleon". But that has to be the stupidest way to make a "semi" homemade dressing I have ever seen, let alone misusing the term vinager'ette. Every salad dressing she makes is a vinager'ette.
Cooking is not about "cool". What a stupid thing to let her say. Is there no one involved with this show that cares about the FN's reputation at all?
And she basically serves a g-rated form of a limp biscuit! Jeebus almighty! She's serving a safe-sex limp biscuit. Yeah. it matters so fucking much how thick you cut the banana you are topping a vanilla wafer with. That's like having a segment on cheez in a can and crackers that tells you how to apply in a counter clockwise motion! A great idea. For a desserts and drinks party. Yeah. To follow up my wine and cheese party where I serve sliced vienna wieners on a Ritz and call it an amuse bouche.
Brycer just called. Anything Stephanie likes Brycer likes. He'll love all that pink I'll bet. And isn't Brycer older than Miss Stephanie? All kids should be equal but how incredibly offensive to lump an older brother with his little pretty in pink sister like that at that age. I wonder if the Malibu Dream Barbie beachhouse SLop gave Miss Stephanie also came with a note saying "Brycer can play with it too!"?
Either Miss Stephanie is a sugar junkie and SLop just indulges her with fix after fix, or someday SLop is going to be Baby Jane'd by a drunken 300 pound Miss Stephanie who resents her elderly widowed aunt she now cares for in their run down Spec-home cluttered with loads of crap.
Would it have killed her to just say you can add vodka or rum if you want too. But not add it? Of course the DT's in the middle of cooking show wouldn't go well. I wonder if she realizes that some poeple don't drink. At all. And most of us don't even drink every day.
My god. That table. A cake plate as a charger. What are they? Dogs? And jsut what to do for kids. Put their food up even higher away from them? unless Miss Stephanie has had a ginormous growth spurt all she is going to be able to do is look at that food through the bottom. And all that pink. Nevermind for a moment the extreme sexist implications of nothing but pink for a young girl. Typical Slop. But I am sure it's not just being a gay male that has me extremley put off eating at what looks like a giant abstract clitoris.
Keep it lookin' family. Looking family? WTF?! Whose family? Should I park the volvo station wagon in the kitchen while I'm at it? Use a Golden Retriever as a centerpiece? or is the Cocker now king of beasts for the soccer and ballet after school set? Or maybe just plunk a woman in labor in the corner for all to watch and cover all bases?
Edited by heebiejeebie, Jul 23, 2005 @ 10:58 AM.