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7th Heaven: There Is No God


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#1

MisterZ

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Posted May 30, 2005 @ 8:29 PM

STDs! ESWs! Divorce! Birth! Dancing and "singing"! Poverty! (And, sir, hunger!) Glen Oak has seen a lot this season, and here's a place to discuss the best and worst of it.

I'll start: for me, the highlight was the twins coming into their own and bringing the snark in the episodes after Annie told them that they weren't hers. (Potential future TWoP recappers?)

The lowlight (well, the lowest light, since there were so many lowlights) was the horrendous "musical" episode with the All-Dancing! All-Singing! Boys' Baseball Team. Joss Whedon has so much to answer for.
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#2

Kelzen

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Posted May 30, 2005 @ 9:01 PM

The Gayest Baseball Scene in the History of Television manages to be a highlight and a lowlight for me. On the one hand, it's awful and excrutiatingly embarrassing and it seems thoroughly impossible that anyone, even the most devoted of 7H watchers, could sincerely, genuinely enjoy it. On the other hand. . . Dancing. And Singing. Baseball players. The sheer camp value there is hard to match.
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#3

UndergroundMan

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Posted May 30, 2005 @ 9:20 PM

The major thing I took out of season nine is that even with Eric's influence, Glen Oak is a horrible place to live. Not in the "oh, he controls everything" sort of way but if you consider the amount of crime and immorality that is rampant in this town, it's shocking.

I mean, consider the major recurring "motif" this season. Either California sends all their (white) orphaned children to Glen Oak or there is a SERIOUS abandonment problem in that town. That being said, one one of Reverend Camden's greatest "victories" this season was to get an emotionally immature high school student and his equally emotionally immature girlfriend to get marride despite having no familial or financial support instead of giving their baby up for evil-adoption since that would be oh so much worse for the kid (Fathers).

Annie- God bless her. I mean seriously, isn't she what we want all our mothers to be? Taking vacations away from her family just like all mothers do (though I've never heard of tghis ever), disowning her family since they wanted to make stuffing for Thanksgiving, calling the Dan of Matt's school like he was in third grade, ignoring her own disabled children, or messing up her older one's booty call in song.

Eric- remember in the second episode when he invaded dinner with Simon since he was dining with a girl they didn't know? And he had all those creamy, greasy fatty foods on Simon's dime? That defines Eric for me the entire season.

Lucy- wonderful role model Lucy. Teaching girls everywhere that you don't need qualifications, just your daddy to get you a job...which you can proceed to not do for the entire season, that being bed-ridden is a perfect excuse for not getting a paper done, and if you want to be independent, you're sinful and wrong. And maybe someday, if you're really good, you'll give birth in a Target too.

Matt- why would he need a plot? I mean, he's an adult actor whose character may/may not have things going on in his life so why would we need to be concerned? He is much better used travelling to Glen Oak to be Mary's messengerboy or hanging out for no conceivable reason. Clearly, he doesn't like the family family and his marriage is obviously in the crapper, but whatever.

Martin- his father's a marine in Iraq and he's better than you. You have no right to even gaze in his general direction.

Best part of the season: Vincent's story about his parents. "We're atheists since they think parenting is too much hard work."

And everyone, don't forget to vote in elections and eat. Both of which are important enough to go avant-garde on our asses.
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#4

Nflux Forever

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Posted May 31, 2005 @ 12:40 AM

STDs! ESWs! Divorce! Birth! Dancing and "singing"! Poverty! (And, sir, hunger!) Glen Oak has seen a lot this season


If by a lot you mean a few issues replayed over and over, with each time being more stupid or boring than the last.

What I've picked up from this season is there is no need to know the proper names of any STD's since they are all exactly alike in symptoms and appearance. It doesn't really matter though because if you do get one, you're damned for life since none of them are curable or even treatable. You're just better just off not having sex (until after marriage, of course, because married people never EVER get Sexually Transmitted Diseases. DUH.) instead of getting any type of info about protection.

Edited by Nflux Forever, May 31, 2005 @ 12:42 AM.

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#5

sophronia

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Posted May 31, 2005 @ 4:13 AM

Don't forget Simon and the story arc of "If You Have Premarital Sex, Your Life Will Go Straight Down the Crapper!" First, the evil sex puts him on academic probation, then he gets a pregnancy scare and finds out his girlfriend is a lying psychobitch, then he has to date a 30-year-old with the same name as his mom, then he almost gets an STD. Truly a downward spiral to end all downward spirals. And just think, if he'd only kept it in his pants, he might have ended up as mentally healthy and sane as Matt!

It is kind of funny that it's only when Simon finally gives up the sex that he ends up the helpless plaything of a much smarter, more manipulative psychobitch. I think the writers may have screwed up the end of this plotline a bit.

Seriously, it continues to appall me that the Camdens had his back 100% when his carelessness killed somebody, but now that he's doing the dirty deed, they act like he's Ted Bundy. Priorities, people!

Since nothing else that was even remotely new occurred this season, I guess that's the lesson we're supposed to get from it all. Manslaughter = forgiveable, maybe even beneficial. Premarital sex = unforgiveable. Learn it, live it, and in the real world, end up in a mental ward.

Edited by sophronia, May 31, 2005 @ 4:17 AM.

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#6

FlippinChipmunk

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Posted Jun 1, 2005 @ 1:04 PM

I think one of the biggest lessons I learned this season is that there is no logical reason to sign away parental custody to a more fit parent. If you do that, you are abandoning them & are a Horrible Mother & Wife.
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#7

shrimpy

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Posted Jun 1, 2005 @ 5:43 PM

I learned that adoption is always wrong and evil, except sometimes it's ok.

I also learned that a family member getting killed in an auto accident can be a positive family experience and lead to lovely afternoon bike dates.

Edited by shrimpy, Jun 1, 2005 @ 6:25 PM.

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#8

Henrietta

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Posted Jun 1, 2005 @ 6:04 PM

I learned that having pre-marital sex is either the result of a serious personality defect or a manifestation of an undiagnosed mental illness. No one ever makes a rational, well thought out decision to engage in pre-marital sex.

Childbirth is a very clean and quiet process.

Also, foster care that is provided in group homes, or by families that are not affiliated with RevCam, is the seventh circle of hell. Foster care provided by families browbeaten by RevCam is a paradise, and the envy of all children "in" social services. Children "in" social services, especially the older ones, are incredibly well adjusted and have no behavior problems or emotional issues whatsoever.
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#9

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Posted Jun 1, 2005 @ 6:56 PM

And manipulating a couple to take in more kids (one being in a wheelchair) they ever handled before is a good thing. It doesn't at all make the potential foster parents angry or give the potential foster kids false hope. The future foster father doesn't need to talk to his wife before making this decision. She'll be happy with whatever he decides.
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#10

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Posted Jun 2, 2005 @ 2:04 AM

I learned that being an actor does not automatically qualify you as a singer or a dancer, and that being on the most popular show on the WB for 9 or 10 years does not automatically qualify you as an actor.
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#11

Halcyon

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Posted Jun 2, 2005 @ 5:11 AM

I learned that America's high schools are filled with well-dressed, lip-glossed teenagers that are poor (and, sir, hungry!). There are also midgets in some of these schools.
I also learned that food stamps are the panacea for those who are poor (and, sir, hungry!) and America's teens who are poor (and, sir, hungry!) should bully their parents into applying for said food stamps.
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#12

WebRat

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Posted Jun 2, 2005 @ 8:28 AM

Childbirth is a very clean and quiet process

It also only takes a few minutes and babies are born freshly clean and equipped with a towel. The mother can get up and walk through a parade of people afterwards.

The best part was the coffee-kids and the fact that they were never heard from or referenced again. I also enjoyed watching this big guy say he's hungry and say "this blows".

I didn't like the whole "vote" thing. They spoke an awful lot for people that have nothing relevant to say.

The absolute worst was the musical episode! It wasn't funny! It was mean!
My God! I can't believe I thought Ruthie was a bit hot when she was doing her seductive dance.. NO! WAIT! FORGET I SAID THAT!
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#13

Kelzen

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Posted Jun 2, 2005 @ 2:29 PM

There are also midgets in some of these schools.

But this is balanced out by the school's consistent enrollment of twenty-five year olds. (Seriously, what is up with the casting?)

I've learned that, while strolling around the hallways with your disparately aged classmates, if you feel like doing an inappropriate, "sultry" dance, complete with awful lip-synching? Go for it! Hell, compared to what goes down over by the baseball fields, this is normal.

Edited by Kelzen, Jun 2, 2005 @ 2:29 PM.

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#14

tothemax

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Posted Jun 2, 2005 @ 4:35 PM

But this is balanced out by the school's consistent enrollment of twenty-five year olds. (Seriously, what is up with the casting?)

To be fair (I know, I know), Benjamin McKenzie of The OC is 50 and he plays a teenager as did Luke Perry (78 yo) of 90210.
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#15

Miss Daisy

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Posted Jun 2, 2005 @ 5:25 PM

the DO's and DON'T's of season nine
DO tell your six year old twins that they aren't your family
DON'T tell your ex husband to tell your brother to tell your family that you are getting a divorce and signing away custody of your son to his more competant father
DO make like the good daughtor and give birth in an elevator in the Big Big Department Store
DON'T have (give birth to?) the afterbirth OR have a messy birth
DO walk in on your son's date, be rude to his girlfriend, and eat various expensive meals at his expense
DON'T worry about what those fatty foods will do to your bad heart! as long as it prevents EVIL! premartial sex, it's cool
DO admit you have a problem (sadly not the twins or annie or any camden)
DON'T sell all the expensive things in your house that you don't need to get food but instead wait untill your teenager faints from hunger (at least it's on her expensive bedspread!)
DO trick unsuspecting aquantinces who have a daughtor in college and whose financial situation you don't know into adopting 4 kids, one of whom is in college and will surely need monetary aid and another of whom is handicapped
DON'T let teen parents give their child to a good home. instead, get your daughtor's ex-boyfriend to convince them to get married

i hate this show
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#16

Kelzen

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Posted Jun 2, 2005 @ 5:47 PM

Benjamin McKenzie of The OC is 50

Heh. True, true. He and Adam Brody look nothing like high school juniors, but I think it's pardonable because they're so cute. (I'm shallow like that, see.)

DO make like the good daughtor and give birth in an elevator in the Big Big Department Store

Oh my gosh, I forgot about the name "Big Big Department Store". As minor as that detail was, it was a low point of the season for me. If it was intended to be a joke, it wasn't funny; if it wasn't, then I'm very, very scared.
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#17

jennifuh

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Posted Jun 3, 2005 @ 9:26 AM

This season has me totally convinced that the writers, hell maybe all of TPTB, think this show is a huge joke and are laughing at its fans. I think they're testing us to see just how bad they can get, still keep fans and stay on the air. The lame plots, the terrible acting, the "Big Big Department Store," the need to shove either angels or a marriage proposal into at least every other episode... all the reasons above, really. I just wish someone other than us would call them on it.

ETA this quote I just read from sophronia in the Media thread:

Could it be that even some of the die-hard fans realized they were being mocked when that horrible episode aired? I sure hope so.


See? Glad I'm not the only one!

Edited by jennifuh, Jun 3, 2005 @ 9:27 AM.

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#18

Bumbies Mom

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Posted Jun 3, 2005 @ 10:16 AM

I quit watching the show after about the second episode this season... I was embarrased by watching the previews, much less an entire episode. This show used to be cute... and somewhat subtle in its messages. Now it's in your face to the point of complete cheesiness. Seriously... they should have killed off Mary last year. Simon... gay. Matt.. his wife cheats on him to get ahead in med school... he leaves her, starts smoking and drinking. Annie has a nervous breakdown... Eric helps her through it. Lucy's husband gets fed up with her crap and files for divorce with joint custody. let's get real here.
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#19

SpiffBereft

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Posted Jun 3, 2005 @ 10:23 AM

Annie has a nervous breakdown... Eric helps her through it.


I think a more-likely scenario would be: Annie has a nervous breakdown...nobody notices.
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#20

tothemax

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Posted Jun 3, 2005 @ 11:58 AM

Annie has a nervous breakdown... Eric helps her through it.

I think a more-likely scenario would be: Annie has a nervous breakdown...nobody notices.

Or: Annie has a nervous breakdown, everyone thinks she's more rational than before.

Edited by tothemax, Jun 3, 2005 @ 12:09 PM.

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#21

Mr. Hairy

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Posted Jun 4, 2005 @ 11:37 AM

The most prominent thing about this season is that Brenda has accomplished something she's never done before.

Namely, she managed to thoroughly piss off people who actually LIKE this show.

Think about it: Simon became a player(or, at least, Brenda's idea of a player...), which pissed off all the remaining Conservative Christian viewers that didn't bolt when Matt married a Jew. True, it was fun for us, but unfortunately it didn't stay that way.

Lucy and Kevin fulfilled the tweeners' fantasies by squeezing out a baby(and in the process, throroughly irritating older fans who actually have given birth by depicting it as no more difficult than taking a quick crap)...and then ticked them all off by refusing to move out, therefore spoiling the other main point of all those Kevin&Lucy4EVA fanfics that used to sprout like mushrooms elsewhere. And now they're all GONE! Poor tweeners; their desires teased and then let down so hard...

Matt came back...and proceeded to do absolutely nothing except stick his greasy-haired nose in everyone else's plots. Disappointment abounded.

And then there was "Red Socks", an episode so awful that even diehard fans snapped it off halfway through. They're still complaining about it on other sites.

And then there was Brenda's biggest blunder of all:Mary. Brenda obviously misjudged why the remaining fans like this show: they love the CHARACTERS(I'm not going to kill any brain cells trying to figure out why), not really the WRITING.
They wanted Mary to come back, not to be exiled forever. But. Brenda's desire for revenge must be sated, and so Mary has been cast out of the Camverse for good--completely dashing the fans' hopes and pissing off everyone.

How mad are they? Even TVTome's resident 7H reviewers---who used to be ardent champions of the show---have done a 180 and can barely tolerate it; one of them seems to have bolted for good.

Ratings are close to an all-time low, and the media is ignoring the show more than ever. If you saw all those TV Guide features on this year's season finales, 7H was completely snubbed except for a tiny "close-up" on the last ep. Looks like being TV's "longest running" family show(Does Bonanza no longer qualify as "family"?) doesn't mean squat.

What happened to Hans The Bold?
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#22

Readster

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Posted Jun 4, 2005 @ 9:19 PM

Word to all this Mr. Hairy. I still see people on TV tome and a few other places that still think the Camdens are great parents only to see others quickly go: "Maybe in the first few seaons but if my parents were like that I get as far away as possible from them." Brenda truly did alienate the true die hard fans of the show. Several are now hating Kevin, they don't find George so "hot" anymore and how bad of an actor he truly is. Several still support Beverly but they don't say she is an awsome actor, she's just ok and it's amazing she is even able to portray what Lucy has turned into the last 4 years with out busting out laughing from her behavior or bitching out Brenda for what they keep giving her. Tyler isn't going to be in every episode next season because of college but will still be a regular but says he probably won't come back for an 11th. It's also amazing how Catherine Hicks who honestly is so hated now thanks to this season. Is praising her work when just last year she was ready to call it quits. Amazing what some extra cash and a quick boost in ratings will do to an actor. However, as said about the tweenies, they got their baby only for them to go: "WOuld you two fucking move out." And then they go to a dump next door that of course has never been seen and the tweenies left for Bufflo.
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#23

Miss Daisy

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Posted Jun 5, 2005 @ 8:45 AM

...And then they go to a dump next door that of course has never been seen and the tweenies left for Bufflo.



I was going to just leave a big word but then I saw this sentence. Serious kudos to Readster.
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#24

The Palace Worm

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Posted Jun 5, 2005 @ 10:27 AM

Well, I learned something too.

Now, we all know that, once you get married, you should live with her parents for months at a time. And we all know that you should purchase a house that gives the frickin CamPound a run for it's (collection plate) money, only to have your Wife (sorry, I just threw up a little in my mouth-Lucy, Wife! nooooo!) decide it's just yucky, then sell it back to a sweet individual known as Old Man With Whom I've Just Had The Most Bizarre Conversation Of All Time With. And we all know that you get to bitch to your Wife about how hard it is, even though you do nothing to contribute* and you get to "sing" really lame ass songs.

I mean, DUH! We ALL KNEW THAT! So what did 7th Heaven teach us this season?

Once you get married, you must become interested......no....obsessed with the non-sex life of your Sister in Law. And that is regardless of how young she is, or whether or not she requests your assistance. No matter what she might be doing at that specific time, be it pretending to sing, trying to dress "cool"# or, dare I say, "talking" on the phone after her date, just stop her, sit her down and have a good long talk about being sexually active and why it is bad. I mean, dude, you're married now. It's not like you have your OWN family to worry about.

Oh yeah, I also learned that The GlenOak Theatre has somewhat of a cool usher staff.

*Um, no. Just bringing home a paycheck does NOT constitute a contribution in and of itself. Granted, we all know this, AND Lucy wouldn't know what a job was if it jumped up and bit her on the butt, however-Kevin gets on her about all kinds of stupid crap ("Where are my shirts?") He was a dick before they got married and I don't see how it's gotten any better.

#I guarantee that, next season, Ruthie will be in those really tight pants with the words on the butt. Brenda probably saw them in the mall and thought, "How disgusting! I should have MR wear them to boost ratings!" Knowing this show, Ruthie will have either "Christ" or "Abstain" going across her rear end.

I can't wait for next season. For this, I should probably be shot.
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#25

Miss Daisy

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Posted Jun 5, 2005 @ 12:46 PM

I can't wait for next season. For this, I should probably be shot.



So good to know I'm not alone!
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#26

HyeChaps

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Posted Jun 5, 2005 @ 2:46 PM

What is this "Christ" of which you speak?
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#27

sophronia

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Posted Jun 5, 2005 @ 2:52 PM

I've always wondered why the fans love Kevbot, because his constant meddling in the Camden affairs seems to indicate that they needed him to come in and straighten the kids out -- which would imply that the CamRents really are awful parents who have lost control of their kids. Also, he's not all that hot, and he has a wonky eye.

Knowing this show, Ruthie will have either "Christ" or "Abstain" going across her rear end.

With these t-shirts, no doubt. The Camdens would totally dig that "My Father is Watching" one.
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#28

Miss Daisy

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Posted Jun 5, 2005 @ 5:07 PM

With these t-shirts, no doubt.



I really, really, really, hope this is just a sick joke.
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#29

Shelwood

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Posted Jun 5, 2005 @ 5:19 PM

Heh. Interesting that they only offer two boys' shirts. Also, if anyone sees these, well, we had a special word for those boys and girls when I was in school. So, getting back on topic, I totally believe Ruthie is wearing "I'm saving it!" boy briefs. And so is Martin. Simon had to burn his briefs (or maybe he goes commando. Because only the evil go commando.)
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#30

Miss Daisy

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Posted Jun 5, 2005 @ 6:27 PM

This could make for a very *interesting topic. I can see it now The Camdens; Down Under. Who would visit it, or, dare I say, post on it. Maybe some things on this show should be left alone to imagination. Unlike anything else on this show. Oh gosh, could you imagine if our dear friend Brenda visited this forum? I'm sure the one thing she would take away is that viewers want to know what kind of underwear the Camdens wear. We would surely be seeing a Very Special Episode about it. It would probably be similar to Red Socks, although I don't exactly know why.


*And when I say interesting, I mean it in a disgusting way.
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