119 replies to this topic

[Curare]

We all have eps we'd like to shove up Dick Wolf's hide. For me most of them are with Southerlyn and Branch.

[clear]

Oh, look. A thread for me to complain about "Chosen", "Suicide Box" and "Bounty". Again. (Sad thing is, I didn't have to look that up). In case you don't want to check the official sites, thoes are the racist ones of seasons 13 and 14. Also, that episode in season 9 (I think) for the first time where the killer was the teenage daughter.
Hmmm. Also "Caviar Emptor" for insulting the audience's intelligence, and nearly anything to do with 9/11 or the Middle East.

[add_duck]

Oh, look. A thread for me to complain about "Chosen", "Suicide Box" and "Bounty". Again.

Aw, you took all the "good" ones!

Let me add my vote for "Mother's Day" (Serena and her former Law School classmate compete to see whose acting is suckier), "Under God" (Serena Bitches out Jack for "killing God" - bitch, please, He killed himself when He saw your first episode) and "American Jihad." (From the title alone, we know that the writers should have just stepped away. Ick, ick, ick)

Season 13 really was the worst. season. EVAH. We'd finally become numb to the horror that is Elisabot, and then the producers dump Senator Cracker on us! And the writers started indulging heavily in the mind-altering substances.

and nearly anything to do with 9/11 or the Middle East.

Word, word, word. ("Dead Wives Club," I'm looking at you.) Also, any Mafia episodes.

Edited by add_duck, Mar 9, 2005 @ 12:09 AM.

[Curare]

The Mafia eps used to be good.

[Tarheel]

Word, word, word. ("Dead Wives Club," I'm looking at you.) Also, any Mafia episodes.

Ugh. Paradigm and Dead Wives Club were both so bad that they put me off of Mothership for most of this season. They involved the Middle East and 9/11 plus a lot of Serena and Branch, so go figure!

I don't like the Russian Mafia episodes in particular, on any of the franchises. Just once I'd like to see a Russian or a Columbian on one of these shows who turns out not to be a slimeball. Now that would be a shocking twist I'd have to see to believe!

Remember the one where Serena was a hostage and then almost got fired? That was bad for multiple reasons:

1. It showcases Lizzie Rohm
2. She didn't get killed
3. She didn't get fired

BWAH! That's the funniest snark I've read tonight.

Edited by Tarheel, Mar 9, 2005 @ 1:51 AM.

[Justin Cognito]

"Mother's Day" was exquisite torture for me, because it was the first time I saw the Paranoid Android. I spent the entire DA's office segment going "Shut up, Serena", with "Shut up, Serena's lawyer friend" and "Shut up, Branch" thrown in for good measure.

[spacedog]

I need to express my deep loathing of "Empire". We've seen our share of stunt casting in this franchise, but Julia Roberts takes the cake. Her presence was just this great big obstruction in an episode that was not so great to begin with.

I didn't think I could hate an episode more than "Empire". My God, how I've been proved wrong over the past few seasons.

[Tarheel]

I need to express my deep loathing of "Empire". We've seen our share of stunt casting in this franchise, but Julia Roberts takes the cake.

I don't think I've seen that one. Did that stunt casting happen back when Benjamin Bratt was dating Julia Roberts?

[add_duck]

I don't think I've seen that one. Did that stunt casting happen back when Benjamin Bratt was dating Julia Roberts?

It did, in fact. And Julia Roberts played a hooker with a heart of steel who got Rey in trouble because they shared a hotel room.

I gotta disagree on that one, BTW. Sure, it sucked, but it also made Rey look like a first-class chump, and that's a-okay by me!

[Curare]

That's why I liked it. I'm with add duck on this one.

[Justin Cognito]

I'd like to express a deep loathing for "Bronx Cheer", if only because it hammered in the setiment of "Jack McCoy, protector of sunshine and puppies!". I mean, it's good that we see that some prosecutors are greedy bastards. But yes, yes, Jack McCoy's prosecutorial strength is the strength of ten because his heart is pure, I fucking get it already. God.

Oh, look. A thread for me to complain about "Chosen", "Suicide Box" and "Bounty". Again. (Sad thing is, I didn't have to look that up). In case you don't want to check the official sites, thoes are the racist ones of seasons 13 and 14.

I probably know where you're coming from (hello, "Gov Love"!), but I haven't seen these episdoes, so... can you explain it to me? [/Casey]

Edited by Justin Cognito, Mar 9, 2005 @ 5:14 PM.

[clear]

Sure.

"Choesn" was about two guys who ran a gambling business, and one of them was embezzling money to send to Israel. His partner found out, so the first guy murdered him. But all the sending money to Israel stuff doesn't come out until the trial, after McCoy realises that the defense lawyer (Dworkin, and more on him in a minute) only picked Jews to be on the jury. Because all Jews are extremist greedy xenophobes who have no problem withthe premeditated murder of an innocent man, as long as somehow this results in ill-gotten money vaguely going to a cause they support. (Yes, all Jews unequivocally support Israel and approve of every last Likud party decision). Also, McCoy tells the judge that Dworkin should have given him advance notice of a justification defense, and the judge disagrees, so McCoy accuses the judge of, well, being a Jew. And then, in closing, McCoy gives the most OFFENSIVE white man's burden speech I have EVER heard. The jury convicts, though, because McCoy saves them from their innate tribalism by his shiny hugs-and-puppies-ness. Also, this episode featured the genesis of the Talmudic scholar jokes.

"Suicide Box." Same idea, except about black people. The defendant is a young black guy who was abused by the system, and McCoy argues for a conviction, and the defense lawyer accuses the police departments, the courts and society in general of being racist. But the guy gets aquitted, because the jury consists only of black people. Which is not only offensive, and not an accurate portrayal of anything, but the same thing happened JUST A FEW EPISODES AGO. The writers may have as well run a disclaimer saying "The following events are entirely fictional, and also, we are lazy. So, so, so lazy."

"Bounty". The Jayson Blair episode. Blair's defense is that (and this is pretty much verbatim, sadly) all black people grow up poor, in housing projects, and are uneducated and on drugs and so messed up that if even one black person becomes a reporter, he HAS to remain successful or all black people will lose hope. As an example of being the only successful black man in America, he mentions that Jesse Jackson, Spike Lee, and Al Sharpton are his close personal friends. How offensive is that? There are only 4 successful black people in the whole country, one is a criminal and the other 3 are nutters. And second, THOSE were the only example of successful black people the writers could come up with? Those guys haven't been remotely relevant since the 1980s. This episode featured Dworkin, too. And the punchline, which I'm not going to bother spoiling. McCoy outmanuvers Jayson by proving he once spent the night with a woman from Greenwich. Because (a) only white people are allowed in Greenwich and (b) if the public knew Jayson had a white girlfriend, they'd lose all sympathy for him. (This makes more sense if you've seen it in context). (Actually, no it doesn't).

You don't remember Dworkin? He's the "zany" "wacky" race-baiting defense lawyer., who jokes and is sarcastic and is supposed to be funny, but the writers these days are about as good at "fuuny" as they are at "realistic portayals of minorities". I actually liked him better than most of the people here, since his brand of defense lawyer evilness is less boring than the usual kind.

[Tarheel]

Because all Jews are extremist greedy xenophobes who have no problem withthe premeditated murder of an innocent man, as long as somehow this results in ill-gotten money vaguely going to a cause they support. (Yes, all Jews unequivocally support Israel and approve of every last Likud party decision)

but the writers these days are about as good at "funny" as they are at "realistic portayals of minorities"

Hee! I discussed some life lessons that I've learned from the writers' "realistic portrayals of minorities" over in the Everything I Know I Learned from L&O thread that you started. Perhaps you should go add some more to it, clear, because you really hit the nail on the head there.

Edited by Tarheel, Mar 9, 2005 @ 9:26 PM.

[Curare]

I hated Chosen so very very much. Talk about stupid.

[screenwatcher]

I just want to add my personal worst. Maritime. It had everything. The writing was so bad it prevented gagging, through paralysis of the throat. It was aimless, it had no resolution. Where it wandered I did not want to go. I kept waiting for the story, but it never came. In addition it had Rohmbot at her most aimless and wooden, Branch at his most syrupy and obnoxious. Jack was a dynamic as wilted spaghetti. The detectives were simply stunned. You couldn't even fall asleep because it was so bad that it froze your eyes open, just like Rohm's. That's the long way of saying it really, really sucked.

[Tarheel]

Which one was the episode about the "cupcake party" women? I posted about that somewhere else recently and remembered how much I disliked it. That was yet another episode where Serena, Girl Detective solved the case--and in that particular episode she even used her latent gaydar and lesbot instincts! *eyeroll*

Edited by Tarheel, Mar 10, 2005 @ 1:40 AM.

[Justin Cognito]

Wow. Thanks, clear. It's especially painful to read about McCoy's antics in "Chosen", because they're exactly the same thing he accused the defense of doing in "Blood Libel". And he was a Klan lawyer.

[Delcia80]

The episode that dealt with the death of a horse. And then the usual twist finding out that some heiress was missing or something. I don't know the name. All I know is Curtis was in the eppy and I think it was his first season because he acted like he didn't want to do the case. And Van Buren told him off!

And all I can say is I was falling asleep. Not because I was tired, but because it was boring!

[Divaah46]

There have been a lot of crappy L&O episodes, most with Blonde Zombie. Chosen insults me the most, but really any that has an ethnicity lumped together and makes BZ an instant expert just twists my gut.

[Justin Cognito]

The episode that dealt with the death of a horse. And then the usual twist finding out that some heiress was missing or something. I don't know the name. All I know is Curtis was in the eppy and I think it was his first season because he acted like he didn't want to do the case. And Van Buren told him off!

And all I can say is I was falling asleep. Not because I was tired, but because it was boring!

That would be "Corpus Delecti".

[culturevulture73]

I just happened to see part of "Corpus Delecti" again this week.

HATE that Rey comes off as the better shooter and they insult Lennie to do it.

LOVE Lennie's Mr. Ed imitation.

LOVE Van Buren smacking down Rey when he complains he didn't become a detective to find out who killed a horse.

Gotta agree on "Maritime." To this day, I have no idea what that ep was even about.

[add_duck]

So I mentioned it in passing upthread, but I just gotta pull out my old standby rant about "Mother's Day," which is currently on TNT. (Why am I watching it? Why? Why? WHY?????) Aside from the craptastic acting trifecta of Lizzie Rohm, FDT and Charisma-free Charissa Chamorro, and the general Serena-centeredness of the episode, it had some of the worst plotting and dialogue-writing to come out of the barren wasteland that was Season 13.

Here are some of my favorite (paraphrased) examples:

Mother of the Victim: The woman who killed my daughter's murderer must be punished! She must pay for the death of my daughter! (Um, WTF?)

***

Kay Hartley: Even though you hated me not five minutes ago, if I act like I'm confiding in you, will you help me breech doctor/patient privilege to make my case?

Serena: Okey-dokey!

Jack: This is a bad idea.

Branch: It may be, but I'm blinded by Serena's incredible beauty, so I say go right ahead.

Later ...

Serena: Kay Hartley used my help to breech doctor/patient privilege and make her case! That bitch!

Jack: I told you this was a bad idea.

Serena and Arthur: Shut up.

***

Arthur: Jurors are idiots who are too stupid to get out of jury duty! Why don't we just let me decide who goes to jail?

And then, the jury foreperson shows that he's right with this one...

Jury Foreperson: Even though we all agree that the defendant murdered her son in cold blood, can we send her home with a cookie?

And then, of course, there's this classic, that needs no paraphrasing whatsoever, "At least I work for my earrings!" It would, of course, have made the episode so much better if she's actually meant it in the "working girl" sense.

Conclusion: Haaaaaaaate.

[yadayada]

Remember the one where Serena was a hostage and then almost got fired? That was bad for multiple reasons:

1. It showcases Lizzie Rohm
2. She didn't get killed
3. She didn't get fired

See I had double the reason to hate this epi. Not only for the reasons you have listed but also because we were made to watch in first year crim law and analyze the ethics of her action blah blah FOR 2 FREAKING HOURS!

[Delcia80]

Gotta agree on "Maritime." To this day, I have no idea what that ep was even about.

Don't know what kind a mess of a storyline that was! It was horrible!! I couldn't bare to sit through another minute!

And thanks Justin Cognito on the eppy name.

[clear]

  Which one was the episode about the "cupcake party" women? I posted about that somewhere else recently and remembered how much I disliked it. That was yet another episode where Serena, Girl Detective solved the case--and in that particular episode she even used her latent gaydar and lesbot instincts! *eyeroll*

Seer. Ugh. And what was even worse, McCoy had to have an oh-so-in-character belief in psychics to further the plot. Or, "plot". And Serena solves everythimg because she knows about glove sizes. WHO in Dick Wolf Producions is a fan of Legally Blonde? Who? And wsere they also involved in the casting of the Elisabot?

[mrsdalgleish]

I love reading a thread like this. I stopped watching for a while during The Bot Years, so I've been spared some of these horrors -- but it's fun to hear you all bitch about 'em!

[BondGirl]

I don't remember the episode title, but it was based off of the Micheal Jackson case.
McCoy discovers that the pop star paid the family off BEFORE the molestation occurred. In short, the parents pimped their kid out to this guy, desperate for money for his sibling's cancer treatment. We've seen some monstrous family members on the show before, but this one took the cake.

Serena honestly can't understand why McCoy and FDT are so repulsed by what's happened, actually stating, "Why am I the only person in here who understands why they did what they did?"

Vomit-worthy. God forbid she ever have children. I can't imagine the kind of morals and values she'd install in them.

[add_duck]

Oh, and then there's the one where Serena implies that all battered wives deserve what they get, because they're too stupid to leave their husbands. Serena Southerlyn: Sociopath, or learning impaired?