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Is This Because I'm a Lesbian? Law & Order Quotes


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#1

clear

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Posted Mar 8, 2005 @ 5:04 PM

In 15 years, they have so many of them. From the awesome:

Shambala: I'm going for an insanity defense
Stone: Yours or your client's?

To the heinous:

Branch:What are the odds that an elf will pop out of my desk and spit cider in my ear?

And everything in between.

#2

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Posted Mar 8, 2005 @ 9:59 PM

Schiff was always good for the quiet, non-descript quote. One of my favorites from him was: "Quick, lock the door. Someone might walk in with a case we can win." Of course it was all in Steven Hill's delivery.

Another quote that sticks out for me is, "You're as dumb as a box of hair!" I don't recall who said it but it was something like a mom and a daughter being monitored in a restaurant (the flower vase was bugged) and the mom said it to the daughter once the police took her into custody. I use this line routinely.

#3

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Posted Mar 8, 2005 @ 11:24 PM

I don't know from when this is from but I think it shows the relationship Adam had with Ben.
Stone: Better to light a match than curse the darkness.
Schiff: Be careful you don't light a fuse.

Schiff has been around so long he knows things can always get worse. I so miss Hill on this show. He was the best DA ever.

I also liked this exchange between them.
Stone: But on the other hand he killed a woman, so I had to play it by the book.
Schiff: You feel bad about that?
Stone: Twenty-five years - he's not your typical killer.
Schiff: He is - he killed somebody.
That's from Big Bang. It's one of my fav eps. Adam never had any qualms about doing his job.

This is from the ep where they have the sick Russian baby that dies. At first they think the mentally ill brother did it. I forget the ep name but it was another one where I the writing team hadn't gotten high before writing the ep.

Abbie Carmichael: I have a solution that will make us all happy.
ADA Jack McCoy: What's that?
Abbie Carmichael: No deals for anybody. Let's hang 'em all.

I love her. My kind of woman.

Edited by Curare, Mar 8, 2005 @ 11:25 PM.


#4

clear

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Posted Mar 8, 2005 @ 11:27 PM

Another quote that sticks out for me is, "You're as dumb as a box of hair!"


The season 7 episode "Matrimony". Trashy mother is berating trashy daughter for screwing up the marry-a-rich-old-man plan. She also says "Should I have danced a pole with you. We'd be the naked dancing idiot family?" Good times.

#5

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Posted Mar 8, 2005 @ 11:38 PM

Schiff was always good for the quiet, non-descript quote. One of my favorites from him was: "Quick, lock the door. Someone might walk in with a case we can win."

Awwww, Adam! One of my favorite quotes was when the lawyers were bickering about to whom they should offer a deal: "I flipped a coin in my head. It came up tails." Hee!

That's from Big Bang. It's one of my fav eps.

Word. That episode rocked. That's also the episode wherein we learned that Claire took Geology 101-Rocks for Jocks. (and Ben took Physics for Poets. Heh)

Tabula Rasa has some memorable quotes. I crack up every time Abbie says, wrt the obsessively possessive husband, "Or what, he'll start rearranging the teacups?"

And my all-time favorite quote comes from Discord. Ben, in his closing, attempts to paraphrase the lyrics of the defendant's song: "She ain't a lady. She, a bitch." Oh, Ben, I love you, but try to add some grammar words!

#6

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Posted Mar 8, 2005 @ 11:40 PM

Oops

Edited by add_duck, Mar 8, 2005 @ 11:41 PM.


#7

add_duck

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Posted Mar 8, 2005 @ 11:40 PM

Is this because I'm a lesbian?

Edited by add_duck, Mar 8, 2005 @ 11:42 PM.


#8

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Posted Mar 8, 2005 @ 11:41 PM

One of my favorite Lenny Briscoe wisecracks: "I asked for him to be put on suicide watch. Apparently at Riker's, that means that they watch you commit suicide."

#9

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Posted Mar 8, 2005 @ 11:51 PM

I'm watching Profile, right now, and just saw this great exchange:

Horace McCoy (James Earl Jones): Now, the night you were shot, you were unconscious for two hours. You lost half the blood in your body; you had major surgery. Now, through all that trauma, you don't have the slightest bit of doubt that you could remember or distinguish a voice you'd never heard before?

Mr. Jackson: I remember the voice of the first white man who told me I couldn't come in his store. I remember the voice of the doctor who told me I had a healthy son. And I remember the voice of the man who took out a gun and shot me!

I asked for him to be put on suicide watch. Apparently at Riker's, that means that they watch you commit suicide."

Hee! And, aww, Lennie. It just wouldn't have sounded the same coming from Fontana. When the current batch of episodes get syndicated on TNT, whose lines are they going to use for "the Wisecrack" section of their little mid-episode recaps?

Another gem from Profile: "Oh, they're just words? Words are what we do around here, Miss Kincaid!" I gotta add a redundant "Awww, Adam!"

Edited by add_duck, Mar 8, 2005 @ 11:57 PM.


#10

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Posted Mar 9, 2005 @ 12:01 AM

"She ain't a lady. She, a bitch."


Ben's reading T-squared's (that was his name, right? T-cubed?) lyrics was the best thing ever. I wouldn't describe what he did as paraphrasing -- he memorized that "song." You go, Ben.

#11

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Posted Mar 9, 2005 @ 3:38 AM

Ben's reading T-squared's (that was his name, right? T-cubed?) lyrics was the best thing ever. I wouldn't describe what he did as paraphrasing -- he memorized that "song." You go, Ben


C-Squared. Or, as Ben called him, Mr. C-Squared. Great ep.

#12

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Posted Mar 9, 2005 @ 12:00 PM

A few months ago, I discovered a terrific collection on Lennie quotes arranged by season. You can find them here.

#13

Justin Cognito

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Posted Mar 9, 2005 @ 3:24 PM

If I could cut and paste McCoy's "I can do it, I'm the DA" closing statement from that episode with slimy blackmailing Anthony Heald (forget the name), I would. Seriously.

#14

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Posted Mar 9, 2005 @ 5:52 PM

Branch:What are the odds that an elf will pop out of my desk and spit cider in my ear?

That would be reason #79753561 why I hate Branch and the writers who write this stuff for Branch!
The only way that line would have been any good is if an elf had actually popped up out of the desk and spit cider in Senator Leghorn's ear, but this isn't The Simpsons or Family Guy.

#15

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Posted Mar 10, 2005 @ 11:40 AM

As I said before, the second best bit of diologue this season was :

Fontana: I'd prefer to use bow and arrow, it even's the odds
Van Beuren: What weapons do the deer get to use?
Fontana: Same as the cows.

Sometimes they still have it.

Edited by Messy, Mar 10, 2005 @ 11:40 AM.


#16

screenwatcher

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Posted Mar 12, 2005 @ 3:50 AM

Lennie to ME Rogers: "What made you go into this line of work."

ME Rogers: "Free javelins."

#17

Curare

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Posted Mar 12, 2005 @ 1:26 PM

I love ME Rogers. She's awesome.

#18

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Posted Mar 12, 2005 @ 10:52 PM

I'm not sure which episode it was (I think it was the Benjamin Bratt days) when Van Buren says something along the line of : "If Lenny is defending the ex-wife, you know this is serious."

#19

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Posted Mar 14, 2005 @ 6:20 AM

Cragen in Heaven, with the fire at the dance club (the earlier, better one): "What is less than square one? Minus zippo? Negative bubkis?"

Defense attorney Deirdre Powell (the 2nd role played by Joanna Merlin on L&O, the 3rd being Judge Lena Petrovsky on SVU) in Atonement, with the model and limo driver: "Twenty to life instead of twenty-five?"
McCoy: "It's a gift."
Powell: "It is? What do you give your girlfriends on Valentine's Day, Jack? Jewelry made out of twigs?"

#20

Eris Rising

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Posted Mar 14, 2005 @ 7:00 PM

During an early abortion clinic-bombing episode:

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Do you think that God sees you as guilty?
STONE: Your honor, I object. This trial is being held on the temporal plane.

#21

Dana Girl

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Posted Mar 15, 2005 @ 7:29 PM

Abbie Carmichael: No deals for anybody. Let's hang 'em all.


The BEST part of this exchange is the cut to Adam, who looks terribly amused by Abby's statement, and then the cut to Jack, who looks vaguely horrified.

I miss Adam maybe most of all.

#22

LisaJunior

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Posted Mar 18, 2005 @ 2:52 PM

Eris that is one of my all-time favorite L&O lines!

Some other faves...

From Sonata for the Solo Organ,

Defense Attorney: What will take to make you happy, Ben?
Stone: Peace on Earth, the Mets in the Series, and Dr. Reberty in Dannemora.

From Blue Bamboo,

McCoy: If you're going to play stickball in Canarsie you better learn Brooklyn rules.

I use all three out of context on a regular basis!

eta: thanks dalek. I thought I was spelling that incorrectly.

Edited by LisaJunior, Mar 18, 2005 @ 6:57 PM.


#23

dalek

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Posted Mar 18, 2005 @ 3:58 PM

I'm pretty sure it's Canarsie.

#24

pomme de terre

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Posted Mar 18, 2005 @ 4:06 PM

In the episode when Danielle Melnick is shot, as the EMS guys are wheeling her to the ambulance, they whizz past Briscoe, McCoy and Southerlyn, and Briscoe says:

Look out, Jack.  It looks like it's open season on lawyers.


It's only funny because he addresses the remark to McCoy and not to Southerlyn. Because he either doesn't care if Serena lives or dies, or her finds her utterly unconvincing as a lawyer. Me too, Lennie. Me, too.

Edited by pomme de terre, Mar 18, 2005 @ 4:16 PM.


#25

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Posted Mar 18, 2005 @ 11:06 PM

One of my absolute favorite exchanges had to do with Jack and Abbie working through dinner, so Jack goes off and gets some food:

Jack: I don't know what you like, so I got you a salad with lo-cal dressing.
Abbie: Lo-cal?
Jack (looks her up and down): Well...
Abbie: Yeah, I burn it, I don't store it. What'd you get for yourself?
Jack: Ribs.
Abbie: Sounds great! I'll eat; you graze.

I miss Abbie so much, heh.

#26

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Posted Mar 18, 2005 @ 11:12 PM

From 4-69: "Discord"

There was a heavy metal song in this episode which seemed to have only four lines, but I only caught the first and last lines:

"One more time on the kitchen floor
...
...
You're my lady, you're my bitch."

So, when can we look forward to Law and Order: The Album?

#27

Doctor Nemesis

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Posted Mar 20, 2005 @ 7:22 AM

Love when Jack's crossing the murdering movie director in the 'L.A' trilogy:

"What's your latest movie about, Mr. Newmann? Talking bears? A daring, neorealist foray into Jellystone Park?"

#28

culturevulture73

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Posted Mar 20, 2005 @ 4:37 PM

From 4-69: "Discord"


Also:

Mike and Lennie show up to arrest C-Squared:

Manager of C-squared: We'll get our lawyers
Lennie: Oh no, not the lawyers. I'm scared, Mike, are you scared?
Mike: I'm shakin' in my blue suede shoes

And continuing the rock theme, from the third season ep with the Romanian terror squad refugee and his nephew, when Mike and Lennie are trying to find the sleazy band No Bozo Jam:

Girl Drummer: I don't want it gettin around I played with No Bozo
Mike: We'll try and keep it out of Rolling Stone

And my all time fave, from the first season, with Ben and the woman who's into S&M. They're searching her apartment, Ben gets her to open this big trunk:

Woman: My hope chest
Ben (pulls out a big tangle of chains and whips): What were you hoping for?

Edited by culturevulture73, Mar 20, 2005 @ 4:39 PM.


#29

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Posted Mar 24, 2005 @ 5:01 AM

I believe this was during the multi-part Hollywood episode, and they're standing in a hotel room listening to an anchor on TV talk about the case:

TV Anchor: Police are close to an arrest.
Lennie: We are? That's great!

#30

Eris Rising

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Posted Mar 24, 2005 @ 6:02 AM

(Lenny, Van Buren, and random cop are listening to a wiretap of a man talking about killing a horse by anal electrocution)

MAN: Don't even worry. He won't feel a thing.

LENNY: I'd like to send 120 volts through his rectum and see if he feels something.