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You Know You're Obsessed With Slop When...


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#1

peggybetty

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Posted Jan 9, 2005 @ 9:35 PM

You tell your boss you cant work that Saturday you really really really want to catch the new semi-ho episode so you can snark with your fellow TWopers! Yes it really ,really happened:(

Edited by peggybetty, Feb 8, 2007 @ 7:28 PM.

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#2

PornQueen

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Posted Jan 9, 2005 @ 9:42 PM

You get messed up by the holidays and forget it's Friday, not Saturday, and you get up and think, hee, new episode, and you flip on foodtv and there's no new episode.
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#3

peggybetty

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Posted Jan 9, 2005 @ 9:57 PM

YKYOWSW: You are happy that the special cake episode airs on your birthday. You feel like Sandy did it just for you!
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#4

Glark

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Posted Jan 9, 2005 @ 10:31 PM

Shouldn't the title should be "You're" not "Our"?
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#5

tabbygirl521

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Posted Jan 10, 2005 @ 1:46 AM

YKYOWSW you're on a weekend getaway with your beloved, having an amazingly delicious, and dare I say romantic, meal - yes, one worthy of a fancy-dancy restaurant, yet in comfortable, friendly surroundings on a remote island in Washington State. And occasionally as you are moaning with delight over the food, the thought flickers in, "How would Sandra Lee crap up a bunch of junk and try to insist it was just as good as this?"

"Begone!" you command the unwelcome image, and return to slurping, moaning, and (because, face it, you're a glutton) swiping stray bites off your sweetie's plate. (No, really, he offered. Really). But then...dessert options are presented. And you really don't even want dessert because why gild the lily? The meal was perfect. And your colon is just about packed as tight as it will go.

But you order the Brown Sugar-Bourbon Cheesecake with Butterscotch Sauce. Because doesn't it SOUND like a semi-homemade piece of shit? But you know it won't be. And indeed it is not. Words fail. Not too sweet...not too heavy. A mere trickle of a rich, buttery sauce lightly kissed with bourbon. Mmmmm.....

And as the waiter obligingly pries your fat ass out of your chair and wishes you both a fine evening, you still can't leave it alone. "What would Sandy do?" you muse. "I have it! Sara Lee cheesecake....with Kraft Artificially Flavored Butterscotch topping...with a half cup or two or WHOOT! maybe 3 of Wild Turkey stirred in to take away the artificial taste..." Until frankly, you just about make yourself want to go puke.

Top this if you can. It really happened.
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#6

mmeginger

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Posted Jan 10, 2005 @ 4:23 AM

Good morning, Tabby -- welcome back from your weekend.

That made me laugh -- it's a baaad thing, your experience! And yet it's one I've had myself.

We must not let this horrid creature ruin our genuinely beautiful food experiences! Then she will have won!! :D

We WILL be strong!
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#7

amnewsboy

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Posted Jan 10, 2005 @ 5:00 AM

Glark, the grammar whore in me caught that too.

And, BTW, YKYOWSW: you can recite the damned opening spiel off the top of your head.

You know, I've been cooking and entertaining (hand motion) for YEARS, the traditional way my Grandma taught me -- but it's a lot of hard work getting everything done! That's why I created shortcuts that all my girlfriends love and I'm thrilled to be sharing them with you.

(OK, so I messed up a word.)

Edited by amnewsboy, Jan 10, 2005 @ 7:08 AM.

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#8

sabi

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Posted Jan 10, 2005 @ 6:07 AM

YKYOWS when your little ADHD head is spinning from too many choices of where to post. And when you're getting a new furnace this week and you tell them that Tuesday is a bad day because.... well no reason, it just um, is.
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#9

leew261

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Posted Jan 10, 2005 @ 8:50 AM

...the traditional way my Grandma taught me...


I always get a laugh when they show her pouring the beer INto the pitcher at this point.
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#10

tabbygirl521

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Posted Jan 10, 2005 @ 12:44 PM

Thank you, mmeginger! it's nice to be home, although we had such a lovely and relaxing time that I can hardly wait to go back!

I'm relieved to know I'm not the only one whose brain is invaded by Sandra at inappropriate times.

I will say I was sort of relieved to notice that I forgot to POP a tape INTO the VCR before I left, and so I still haven't seen Not Healthy Part Deux. AND I didn't cry or anything when I realized.

I'm just so excited and beside myself to know that PAJAMA PARTY is coming up this weekend! Poached eggs, pajamas, and Sandra Lee. THAT is a party for sure.

sabi, - HEE! re: furnace scheduling!

Edited by tabbygirl521, Jan 10, 2005 @ 12:45 PM.

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#11

rhys7

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Posted Jan 10, 2005 @ 2:33 PM

Well, pout. MrRhys and I will be at a relative's house on Saturday. Do I dare ask for their TV guide to find the food network? Either that or go home from work early on, what, Tuesday?
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#12

peggybetty

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Posted Jan 10, 2005 @ 5:47 PM

YKYOWSW: Hunts snack packs are on sale at your "regular" grocery store. You want to get them for your son's lunch box. You take them off the shelf and look around to see if anyone saw you. You get to the checkout counter and pray the cashier is not a TWoPer. While placing your pudding cups on the counter you look up. Staring right at you is the old Woman's World magazine. Sandy smiles as if she can see your purchase.
This happened today. I truly despise this woman. I cant even go to the store anymore without seeing her in some form.
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#13

Lucygirl2

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Posted Jan 10, 2005 @ 7:33 PM

LMAO peggybetty, the exact same thing happened to me today... I got chills on my spine
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#14

InnerCanuck

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Posted Jan 10, 2005 @ 7:58 PM

YKYOWSW...you have made a ritual of printing out and reading through all of SLop's new show recipes Thursday evenings and begin to pick them apart even before seeing them on Saturday. On the phone. With your mother.

...you're in a nice restaurant, or watching a real cooking show and wonder exactly how Snadra would f*** up whatever it is you're enjoying eating/seeing prepared.

...you begin to overEMpahsize words in odd cadences because that damned woman has gotten inside your brain as the ultimate earworm. But doing it with snarky, ironic intent. Really. I swear.

...you wouldn't dream of leaving the house on a Saturday morning w/out setting the VCR to catch the latest atrocities committed by SLop.

...you feel dirty for going into a Michael's craft store.

Edited by InnerCanuck, Jan 10, 2005 @ 8:01 PM.

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#15

bbcookin

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Posted Jan 10, 2005 @ 9:01 PM

YKYOWSW


When you spy on other people's grocery carts to try and decipher exactly which SLop atrocity they are about to prepare. Angel food cake...check! Canned frosting ...check! Bagged coconut...check! Rum/champagne/marshmallow extract...check! Hmmm. you think...that must be the Christmas cake. Now if only they had a package of acorns. I mean corn nuts.
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#16

Irregardless

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Posted Jan 10, 2005 @ 10:08 PM

YKYOWSW:
you find yourself going "Whoot!" when something good happens to you. (ie: you look at when you're finals are scheduled, and find out you can start your Spring Break a day early: Whoot!)
a friend tells you she tapes FN shows, and you go on a pre-emptive strike to get her away from SLop. Thankfully, she thinks her name sounds too much like Sandra Dee, and is not interested.
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#17

PornQueen

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Posted Jan 10, 2005 @ 10:14 PM

YKYOWSW...you go grocery shopping with your spouse, call a halt to the expedition in the frozen foods aisle just so you can read the Cool Whip ™ container to see what it really contains. Yup, just as you always suspected, it's nothing but sugar and fat! Happened today, I swear, right between the butternut squash selecting and the choosing of the turkey (for later this week!) yummy!

And this frightens me! But at least this one has more actual "food". Do people actually want this taste? I always hated the way it felt like you tongue was covered by an oil slick with a chemical aftertaste. For god sakes people, whip your own or invest in a can of Redi-Whip!
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#18

peggybetty

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Posted Jan 10, 2005 @ 10:24 PM

you find yourself going "Whoot!"

I heard my 4 1/2 yr old say that one day. I asked him where he heard it. He said "You said it mommy."
YKYOWSW you cant remember ever saying that word but where else would he hear it?

Edited by peggybetty, Jan 10, 2005 @ 10:25 PM.

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#19

squeezeon

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Posted Jan 10, 2005 @ 11:08 PM

YKYOWSW..........You think by adding cheap/expensive (depends on what the "food" item is) booze or booze flavoring to something it will make it taste better and add that special touch

OR

You think by getting your guests drunk first at your dinner party and spending lots of $$$ on tacky decorations will help cover up the fact that your cooking is crap
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#20

nigeltufnel

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Posted Jan 10, 2005 @ 11:08 PM

You know, I've been cooking and entertaining (hand motion) for YEARS, the traditional way my Grandma taught me -- but it's a lot of hard work getting everything done! That's why I created shortcuts that all my girlfriends love and I'm thrilled to be sharing them with you.


Not only do I know it word for word, but I could actually picture everything that's happening, including the cartwheel (I miss it!) and her hair when she's sitting on the couch talking--one of her worst hairstyles ever. Although, amnewsboy, you've been far kinder to her than she deserves. She actually says, "I've created shortcuts...and I'm thrilled to be able to share it with you."

Also, YKYOWS...when you've Googled her more times than the Wallet has. (bada bing!)

Edited by nigeltufnel, Jan 10, 2005 @ 11:19 PM.

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#21

LlamaSpank

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Posted Jan 11, 2005 @ 12:00 AM

YKYOWSW. . . you just keep going back on FoodTV to look up her recipes and see if they've been changed yet or to see if the reviews are different or if some of the bad reviews have been REMOVED! (because then you get to write complaint emails to the Food Network)

. . . . you know the Fandras who give 5-star reviews by name

. . . you pretend you've made the recipes and get indignant at those same Fandras

. . . you explain the phenomenon to ANYONE who will listen, even as they give you that "get the hell away from me you freak" look normally reserved for kids in black trench coats that ask you for cigarettes and spare change*





*I don't really consider them freaks; actually those people tend to be the best friends you've ever had, but I had to make a point so I picked a group that I bet Snadra's afraid of.
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#22

jkingstl

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Posted Jan 11, 2005 @ 12:28 AM

YNYOWSLW:

I'm shaking out my sheets by the dryer and I get a sudden urge to put on a white blouse (tied at the waist), get that Mona Lisa smirk on my face and run down the steps in my back yard and do a cartwheel. No, really.

That's, of course, after I've checked in on my grape and herb garden and picked some faux fruit for my tranquil tablescape.
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#23

TexasTallGal

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Posted Jan 11, 2005 @ 12:49 AM

YNYOWSLW:

You want to make an 8-hour round trip to see her live on a Thursday night. (Check out the 'Sandra Lee in the media' thread.)
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#24

halfbakedcake

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Posted Jan 11, 2005 @ 8:33 AM

YKYOWSW: Angel food cake stays on your mind...

You see a display of angel food cakes in the grocery store and think about rescuing them so that no local Fandras will be able to defile them.

You spend actual time and brainpower contemplating whether or not a boxed angel food cake would taste better than a pre-made one. You consider doing a taste test.

You realize while in the process of making a real angel food cake that they are kind of a PITA to make from scratch. You can understand why someone might buy one in a pinch. But you are still confused about the embellishing, so you don't contemplate killing yourself after all.
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#25

keeperrox

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Posted Jan 11, 2005 @ 11:28 AM

YKYOWSW:

You've vowed to boycott all of FoodNetwork, for sending you a nasty email about not using the reviews as a message board, when you wrote a "Shame on you FoodTV" review, but then break down after 2 weeks of abstaining, and watch SLop anyway.
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#26

SanchaPanza

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Posted Jan 11, 2005 @ 11:45 AM

Kindred souls, all of us!

YKYOWSW....you break every traffic law in the book to get home from your pedicure in time to catch the show......

YKYOWSW....upon seeing the December issue of Woman's World magazine at your local grocery store, you then engage in a long diatribe to the complete and total stranger standing behind you in the checkout line (thereby earning a look such as that described by Llamaspank)....

YKYOWSW....you actually do searches for her and the Wallet on gettyimages.com....
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#27

bbcookin

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Posted Jan 11, 2005 @ 11:58 AM

You've vowed to boycott all of FoodNetwork, for sending you a nasty email about not using the reviews as a message board, when you wrote a "Shame on you FoodTV" review, but then break down after 2 weeks of abstaining, and watch SLop anyway.


I was wondering how long you'd be able to maintain that level of righteous indignation. ;-) 2 weeks IS a very long time to be Sandra Lee Free!
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#28

tabbygirl521

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Posted Jan 11, 2005 @ 12:24 PM

YKYOWSW you miss your bus to go home after work because you have to check the posts ONE MORE TIME.
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#29

OoogleEyes

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Posted Jan 11, 2005 @ 1:51 PM

YKYOWSW when you visit Borders, you move all of her cook books to the "Fun with Pesticides" area.

Edited by OoogleEyes, Jan 11, 2005 @ 1:52 PM.

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#30

Stefferdoos

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Posted Jan 11, 2005 @ 3:12 PM

I'm trying to figure out why anyone would make mock Cool Whip to begin with since its actually mock whipped cream (which has less ingredients).
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