21 replies to this topic

[Hellabored]

A little eyeshadow goes a long way.

Meeting your client is not “a waste of time.”

Jessica Simpson is actually a “rock” star.

A 4.0 from the University of Miami does not necessarily imply that you have command of the English language (i.e. "casted").

You can make it past the screening of 215,000 applicants to the final 5 only to be dismissed due to a lack of a college education.

If you’re going to prostitute yourself, you may as well go all the way and pose for Playboy instead of FHM.

Tony Danza is "one of the most popular television personalities of all time...a man whose career has stood the test of time."

Even after appearing a few times on the Apprentice, nobody still flies on Marquis Jets.

Mike Piazza has been recommended by 4 out of 5 dentists to deliver the keynote address at the American Dental Association’s next convention (for a nominal fee, of course).

You can be declared mentally unfit by popular vote. A psychiatrist’s certification is unnecessary. A wrongful dismissal suit would be thrown out of court because “everyone thinks you’re crazy.” Case closed.

Half-Indian and half-Irish genetics do not produce tennis prodigies.

It's OK (even humorous) to make fun of homosexuals, but questionable anti-Semitic comments are unacceptable.

Not only does the camera add 10 lbs, but it can also cause incessant blinking and spastic arm movements.

You can have a degree from Harvard and still fail miserably in the early rounds with immunity.

The token Asian and African-American will never be eliminated early, but will never win it, either.

The Apprentice is just a glorified Miss Universe pageant where DT is merely looking for a photogenic, well-spoken subordinate who'll just blend into the background during photo-ops. As long as DT gets his 1-hour commercial for his flagging ventures during primetime and the Apprentice-wannabes get a shot at Hollywood, everybody's happy.

Edited by Hellabored, Nov 2, 2004 @ 4:08 AM.

[djmama]

Even if you command a yooge empire, you can still look like a jackass when you dance.

[tennyoaisu]

It's all about the 3-ply.

[Agnes Bean]

Dressing like a slut gets you places in life. Being a whore doesn’t.

[mooncreek]

If you have a catfight in front of your boss, your job will be spared. In fact, you will be commended for having a backbone.

[CosmicRayRay]

If the place where you worked fired someone every week, with 33% chance that it would be the person in charge of whatever task was immediately at hand, then the backstabbing and scapegoating would ensure that nothing ever got done, and only the scum would rise to the top.

[Zivra]

If you are asked to join the cast of a Mark Burnett reality show, you might want to consider therapy. It’s not a stand-alone indicator of mental instability, but I think it should be added to those little “If you exhibit five-or-more of these traits...” checklists.

[JTMacc99]

If you are a poodle, and you see a short, stocky man, with a foul mouth and a preference for porcelain over berber, RUN!

[CheekyCricket]

If you're pudgy in life, you'll be even pudgier on camera. Best not to wear open-necked shirts.

Don't wink at the camera. Period.

If you're developing a marketing campaign, no need to fear that you might underestimate the intelligence of marketing executives.

[devans00]

Rudely interrupting your co-workers to make your point is acceptable. Interrupt the Donald and you are out of there.

[JTMacc99]

::Special cross-over lesson -- seen on both TA and TA:MS::

Baseball is death.

[ghettofabman]

::Special cross-over lesson -- seen on both TA and TA:MS::

Baseball is death.

I know! Baseball is definitely the kiss of death in business, unless you own a team or something or manage a stellar MLB player.

[angusgreen]

I know! Baseball is definitely the kiss of death in business, unless you own a team or something or manage a stellar MLB player.

Given the number of baseball teams that actually make a profit I would say that Baseball is definitely the kiss of death, especially if you own a team.

[JTMacc99]

See! It's just like what we are seeing on TA. The baseball idea got four people fired in the Dick's down 72% fiasco. The baseball player missing his flight got the previously pretty good Ryan fired on TA: MS, and he took the cute one with him. And now, we're getting the horns of bumbling playing as we watch Randal setting up his softball-themed task in a minor league baseball stadium.

Baseball is death for business.

I blame Donald Fehr.

[Alejandra]

Honesty can be a helpful trait when working in the business world. You should cultivate it.

Dishonesty can be a helpful trait when working in the business world. You should cultivate it.