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Desperately Quotable


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#1

Slashgirl

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Posted Oct 9, 2004 @ 8:25 AM

What are your favorite Desperate Housewives lines? Some of mine so far:

Bree (to Rex, afer he asks for a divorce): "I'm not going to discuss the dissolution of our marriage in a place where the bathrooms are labeled 'Chicks" & 'Dudes!'"

Lynette ( holding up a piece of paper,to her sons): "This is Santa's cellphone number!"

And my personal favorite:

Rex (to Bree): "I can't believe you tried to kill me!"
Bree: "Yes, well I feel badly about that."

Post all your favorite Desperate Housewives quotes here.

Edited by Slashgirl, Oct 10, 2004 @ 1:20 PM.


#2

nerdyduck

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Posted Oct 9, 2004 @ 9:26 AM

I love it when Lynette is on the phone at the grocery store and one of her kids was trying to get her attention:

Kid: "Mom!"
Lynette: "Not right now, Mommy's threatening Daddy."

#3

americana19

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Posted Oct 9, 2004 @ 10:17 AM

Mary Alice: "Susan had met the enemy. And she was a slut."

Mike: "It tastes both burnt and undercooked."
Susan: "Yeah, I get that a lot."

Lynette's husband: "Let's risk it."
Lynette: *smack*

#4

superboy

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Posted Oct 9, 2004 @ 11:20 AM

Bree (to her son): Are you on drugs, because you've been fresh as paint for the past six months!

#5

Gayla

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Posted Oct 9, 2004 @ 1:13 PM

Lynette: "He got me pregnant three times in four years. I wish he was sleeping with someone else."

#6

RhondaGC

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Posted Oct 9, 2004 @ 1:16 PM

My favorite was Lynette threatening her kids with calling Santa Claus:
Lynette brings out cellphone number
Kid: "Where'd you get that?"
Lynette: "I know someone, who knows someone, who knows an ELF! I swear if you give me one moment of grief I'm calling him and telling him you want SOCKS!"

OK, granted, half the beauty was FH's delivery. It was hysterical.

#7

marlaas

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Posted Oct 9, 2004 @ 1:20 PM

Can I make a plea for someone who still has a recording of the pilot and/or a better memory than I do to quote that exchange between TH and her daughter regarding how long it's been since TH had sex? I know some people thought that conversation was a little strange, but it was actually among my favorite dialogue of the episode.

ETA: Thanks, Kariyaki!
I love how many quotables there are from just one episode...I have a feeling that by the end of the season this will be an extremely long thread.

Edited by marlaas, Oct 9, 2004 @ 1:31 PM.


#8

kariyaki

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Posted Oct 9, 2004 @ 1:25 PM

Like that's an unpleasant task...

Daughter (I don't know her name): You need to get back out there. Come on, how long has it been since you had sex? [Susan stops coloring] Are you mad that I asked you that?

Susan: No, I'm just trying to remember. I don't want to talk to you about my love life anymore, it weirds me out.

#9

FfrauleinN

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Posted Oct 9, 2004 @ 5:16 PM

Bree (to her son): Are you on drugs, because you've been fresh as paint for the past six months!

Hee! Fresh as paint! I don't know why, but that cracked me up! I'm dying to use that the next time I babysit.

#10

americana19

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Posted Oct 9, 2004 @ 8:01 PM

Daughter (I don't know her name): You need to get back out there. Come on, how long has it been since you had sex? [Susan stops coloring] Are you mad that I asked you that?


What I loved about this part was that not only did she stop coloring, but there seemed to be sound effect that made it sound like the marker was screeching to a halt.

#11

huntergrayson

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Posted Oct 9, 2004 @ 8:01 PM

Bree, at the wake: Now the basket with the red ribbon is filled with desserts for your guests. But the one with the blue ribbon is just for you and Zachary -- it's got rolls, muffins, breakfast type things.
Mr. Young: Thank you.
Bree: Well, the least I could do is make sure you boys had a decent meal to look foward to in the morning. I know you're out of your minds with grief.
Mr. Young. Yes, we are.
Bree: Of course, I will need the baskets back when you're done.

Priceless. Just priceless. Thank you Marcia Cross.

Susan: Sometimes people pretend to be one way on the outside when they're totally different on the inside.
Julie: You mean like how dad's girlfriend is always smiling and says nice things, but deep down you just know she's a bitch.
Susan: I don't like that word, Julie. But yeah, that's a great example.

Gaby: This table is hard-carved. Carlos had it imported from Italy. It costs him 23,000 dollars.
Jon: You want to do it on the table this time?
Gaby: Absolutely.

Jon: [if you love him] Then why are we here? Why are we doing this?
Gaby: Because I don't want to wake up one morning with a sudden urge to blow my brains out.

Susan: How would you feel about me using your child support payments for plastic surgery?

Susan: Tell me again why I fought for custody of you?
Julie: You were using me to hurt dad.
Susan: Oh, that's right.

#12

Fabrisse

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Posted Oct 9, 2004 @ 9:16 PM

Lynette: Ease up you little vampire. {to nursing child}

#13

kariyaki

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Posted Oct 9, 2004 @ 9:27 PM

Bree: That's half the reason I joined the NRA. When Rex started going to all those medical conferences, I wanted in the back of his mind that he had a loving wife at home with a loaded Smith & Wesson.

#14

Titus

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Posted Oct 9, 2004 @ 10:52 PM

Bree: Of course, I will need the baskets back when you're done.


It's all in Marcia Cross' line delivery. Awesome line.

GayMatt: Let's risk it.
Lynette: Risk it? {Punches him out}

#15

marlaas

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Posted Oct 10, 2004 @ 8:31 AM

"He said men lead lives of quiet desperation."
"And what do women lead, lives of noisy fulfillment?"

OK, so that's just paraphrasing, but I love that exchange so much that I just had to put that in! I also love the following:

Gabby: He said he'd give me everything I wanted.
Gorgeous Gardner: And did he?
Gabby: Yeah.
GG: Then why aren't you happy?
Gabby: Turns out I wanted all the wrong things.

Again, I apologize for any inaccuracies since I'm typing this from memory----feel free to correct me!

Bree: Well, the least I could do is make sure you boys had a decent meal to look foward to in the morning. I know you're out of your minds with grief.
Mr. Young. Yes, we are.
Bree: Of course, I will need the baskets back when you're done.


Love this scene. LOVE. Not only is MC's delivery perfect, but Mr. Young's understated yet mildly horrified reaction is priceless.

Edited by marlaas, Oct 10, 2004 @ 8:34 AM.


#16

baby8love

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Posted Oct 10, 2004 @ 12:09 PM

Lynette: "He got me pregnant three times in four years. I almost wish he was having sex with someone else!"

Hee. And a ton of other lines by Bree were also hilarious. The NRA, the baskets, the "And I feel bad about it." MC's got perfect comedic timing.

#17

Slashgirl

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Posted Oct 10, 2004 @ 1:24 PM

Lynette: "An erect penis has no conscience."

Bree's Daughter (to her brother): "Apologize, I'm begging you."

Re (to Bree? Where's that happy woman I fell in love with? Where's the woman who burned the toast? Who drank milk out of the carton? Who used to smile?"

#18

tommie

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Posted Oct 10, 2004 @ 2:47 PM

Rex: I'm sick of the bizarre way your hair doesn't move!

He said what we all were thinking.

#19

JulesP

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Posted Oct 10, 2004 @ 4:29 PM

Bree's daughter: Why can't we have French Onion or Navy Bean soup?
Bree: You know your father is deathly allergic to onions; and I won't even dignify the Navy Bean suggestion.

Again, it's all in MC's delivery.

#20

Lippy

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Posted Oct 10, 2004 @ 4:34 PM

From memory:
Rex: I'm tired of living in a laundry soap ad.

Bree's Son: you're campaigning for the mayor of Stepford.

#21

baby8love

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Posted Oct 10, 2004 @ 9:23 PM

"Oh, Susan, Edie's trash but she's a human being too!"

"Edie's a beggar now, she can't afford to be a chooser. (Picks out a particularly fugly item from Lynette's box of clothes.) Well, we don't have to add salt to her wounds."

Mrs. Huber got some great ones tonight.

#22

happycamper

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Posted Oct 10, 2004 @ 9:25 PM

Margeret Huber: Edie's a beggar now so she can't be a chooser (removing shirt from box) but let's not add salt to the wound.

Edited by happycamper, Oct 10, 2004 @ 9:28 PM.


#23

americana19

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Posted Oct 10, 2004 @ 9:26 PM

Julie: (sees Susan staring at Mike) Dear Diary: Mike doesn't even know I'm alive.
Susan: Shut up.

#24

Titus

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Posted Oct 10, 2004 @ 9:32 PM

There were too many good lines tonight but Mrs. Huber's were the best. Especially the "not adding salt to the wound" one.

#25

icequeen1501

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Posted Oct 10, 2004 @ 9:33 PM

While talking to Lynette about her mom:

Mrs. Huber: Smart lady. She's in a home now. Her mind's turned to mush.

It's funny because that's obviously where Lynette saw herself in 30 years.

Edited by icequeen1501, Oct 10, 2004 @ 9:41 PM.


#26

Warden

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Posted Oct 10, 2004 @ 9:46 PM

Susan: Edie will get there about 5:45 so her breasts would arrive at 5:30 so I should be there by 5:00.

#27

baby8love

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Posted Oct 10, 2004 @ 9:51 PM

Susan: Edie will get there about 5:45 so her breasts would arrive at 5:30 so I should be there by 5:00.


Bwah! How did I miss this one? Man, I gotta watch the rerun next Saturday.

#28

Irons

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Posted Oct 10, 2004 @ 11:46 PM

Bree: That's half the reason I joined the NRA. When Rex started going to all those medical conferences, I wanted in the back of his mind that he had a loving wife at home with a loaded Smith & Wesson.


Words to live by!

#29

asdfasdfjames

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Posted Oct 11, 2004 @ 2:35 AM

"Edie may be trash, but she's still human."

HEE!

#30

Slashgirl

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Posted Oct 11, 2004 @ 10:22 AM

Bree (to Dr. Goldfine): "What does Freud know?"

Dr. Goldfine (to Bree): "Just so you know, many of Freud's theories were later discredited."

Rex (to Dr. Goldfine, after Bree gave the Dr. the popourri): "The answer to your question is yes, you'll be making a lot of money off of us."

Susan (about Edie): "Edie is definitely a carnivore."