684 replies to this topic

[nerdyduck]

I love it when Lynette is on the phone at the grocery store and one of her kids was trying to get her attention:

Kid: "Mom!"
Lynette: "Not right now, Mommy's threatening Daddy."

[americana19]

Mary Alice: "Susan had met the enemy. And she was a slut."

Mike: "It tastes both burnt and undercooked."
Susan: "Yeah, I get that a lot."

Lynette's husband: "Let's risk it."
Lynette: *smack*

[superboy]

Bree (to her son): Are you on drugs, because you've been fresh as paint for the past six months!

[Gayla]

Lynette: "He got me pregnant three times in four years. I wish he was sleeping with someone else."

[RhondaGC]

My favorite was Lynette threatening her kids with calling Santa Claus:
Lynette brings out cellphone number
Kid: "Where'd you get that?"
Lynette: "I know someone, who knows someone, who knows an ELF! I swear if you give me one moment of grief I'm calling him and telling him you want SOCKS!"

OK, granted, half the beauty was FH's delivery. It was hysterical.

[kariyaki]

Like that's an unpleasant task...

Daughter (I don't know her name): You need to get back out there. Come on, how long has it been since you had sex? [Susan stops coloring] Are you mad that I asked you that?

Susan: No, I'm just trying to remember. I don't want to talk to you about my love life anymore, it weirds me out.

[FfrauleinN]

Bree (to her son): Are you on drugs, because you've been fresh as paint for the past six months!

Hee! Fresh as paint! I don't know why, but that cracked me up! I'm dying to use that the next time I babysit.

[americana19]

Daughter (I don't know her name): You need to get back out there. Come on, how long has it been since you had sex? [Susan stops coloring] Are you mad that I asked you that?

What I loved about this part was that not only did she stop coloring, but there seemed to be sound effect that made it sound like the marker was screeching to a halt.

[huntergrayson]

Bree, at the wake: Now the basket with the red ribbon is filled with desserts for your guests. But the one with the blue ribbon is just for you and Zachary -- it's got rolls, muffins, breakfast type things.
Mr. Young: Thank you.
Bree: Well, the least I could do is make sure you boys had a decent meal to look foward to in the morning. I know you're out of your minds with grief.
Mr. Young. Yes, we are.
Bree: Of course, I will need the baskets back when you're done.

Priceless. Just priceless. Thank you Marcia Cross.

Susan: Sometimes people pretend to be one way on the outside when they're totally different on the inside.
Julie: You mean like how dad's girlfriend is always smiling and says nice things, but deep down you just know she's a bitch.
Susan: I don't like that word, Julie. But yeah, that's a great example.

Gaby: This table is hard-carved. Carlos had it imported from Italy. It costs him 23,000 dollars.
Jon: You want to do it on the table this time?
Gaby: Absolutely.

Jon: [if you love him] Then why are we here? Why are we doing this?
Gaby: Because I don't want to wake up one morning with a sudden urge to blow my brains out.

Susan: How would you feel about me using your child support payments for plastic surgery?

Susan: Tell me again why I fought for custody of you?
Julie: You were using me to hurt dad.
Susan: Oh, that's right.

[Fabrisse]

Lynette: Ease up you little vampire. {to nursing child}

[kariyaki]

Bree: That's half the reason I joined the NRA. When Rex started going to all those medical conferences, I wanted in the back of his mind that he had a loving wife at home with a loaded Smith & Wesson.

[Titus]

Bree: Of course, I will need the baskets back when you're done.

It's all in Marcia Cross' line delivery. Awesome line.

GayMatt: Let's risk it.
Lynette: Risk it? {Punches him out}

[baby8love]

Lynette: "He got me pregnant three times in four years. I almost wish he was having sex with someone else!"

Hee. And a ton of other lines by Bree were also hilarious. The NRA, the baskets, the "And I feel bad about it." MC's got perfect comedic timing.

[tommie]

Rex: I'm sick of the bizarre way your hair doesn't move!

He said what we all were thinking.

[JulesP]

Bree's daughter: Why can't we have French Onion or Navy Bean soup?
Bree: You know your father is deathly allergic to onions; and I won't even dignify the Navy Bean suggestion.

Again, it's all in MC's delivery.

[Lippy]

From memory:
Rex: I'm tired of living in a laundry soap ad.

Bree's Son: you're campaigning for the mayor of Stepford.

[baby8love]

"Oh, Susan, Edie's trash but she's a human being too!"

"Edie's a beggar now, she can't afford to be a chooser. (Picks out a particularly fugly item from Lynette's box of clothes.) Well, we don't have to add salt to her wounds."

Mrs. Huber got some great ones tonight.

[happycamper]

Margeret Huber: Edie's a beggar now so she can't be a chooser (removing shirt from box) but let's not add salt to the wound.

Edited by happycamper, Oct 10, 2004 @ 9:28 PM.

[americana19]

Julie: (sees Susan staring at Mike) Dear Diary: Mike doesn't even know I'm alive.
Susan: Shut up.

[Titus]

There were too many good lines tonight but Mrs. Huber's were the best. Especially the "not adding salt to the wound" one.

[icequeen1501]

While talking to Lynette about her mom:

Mrs. Huber: Smart lady. She's in a home now. Her mind's turned to mush.

It's funny because that's obviously where Lynette saw herself in 30 years.

Edited by icequeen1501, Oct 10, 2004 @ 9:41 PM.

[Warden]

Susan: Edie will get there about 5:45 so her breasts would arrive at 5:30 so I should be there by 5:00.

[baby8love]

Susan: Edie will get there about 5:45 so her breasts would arrive at 5:30 so I should be there by 5:00.

Bwah! How did I miss this one? Man, I gotta watch the rerun next Saturday.

[Irons]

Bree: That's half the reason I joined the NRA. When Rex started going to all those medical conferences, I wanted in the back of his mind that he had a loving wife at home with a loaded Smith & Wesson.

Words to live by!

[asdfasdfjames]

"Edie may be trash, but she's still human."

HEE!