I'm calling it now: Regional semis next year. Yeah, there's bizarre voting trends every year. But it was TOO weird seeing basically all of southern Europe - Switzerland, Austria, Slovenia, San Marino, Croatia, Serbia, Montenegro, Albania, Macedonia, Cyprus, Israel, and Bulgaria, with Latvia thrown in for giggles - booted in the semis (along with Portugal, Andorra, Turkey, and Bosnia & Hurtsyourvagina Hurdygurdia Herearesomeletters not being present at all), followed by most countries in the final ending up in regional groups. Denmark and Norway at the top. Russia, Ukraine and Azerbaijan were together at the top. Italy and Malta were seventh and eighth. The Netherlands and Belgium were close all night position-wise, but wound up being split by Hungary/Romania/Moldova. There was fifteen points between Sweden and Iceland, nine between Georgia and Armenia, and only two between Estonia and Lithuania. And right down the bottom, France and Spain.
That said, I'm very happy for Anouk and the Netherlands - ninth overall, and sixth if you exclude the constant noise at the top of the table that is Russia, Greece, and Azerbaijan. But I wonder if those results are going to be declared final, given Azerbaijan were busted trying to bribe Lithuanian journalists into rigging the phone vote.
The opening film with the caterpillar travelling from Baku to Sweden by air, land, and sea? That must be a result of the open borders UKIP and Golden Dawn and all the other ultra-right-wing parties across Europe are bitching about.
Best interval act since Riverdance? It seems like it. Between all the Swedish references, the gratuitous nudity and cock-and-balls drawing (oh, Sweden), the "quit stealing our thunder, Finland" gay kiss, a Swedish Chef cameo, and Carola being blown off the stage - while singing "captured by another storm", of course - it was pure brilliance.
Lena, Lena, Lena. I love you, but (1) you're no Anke Engelke, and (2) never give the Australian commentators the chance to congratulate you for getting straight into the votes. Their complete inability to predict anything correctly five seconds before it happens is turning into a curse - among other things, they seemed to be surprise about Cyprus's twelve going to You-Know-Where. (In other vote-reader news, wow, Israel's guy has aged since last year.)
I'm disappointed by Australia's coverage this year. I love Julia Zemiro, but Sam Pang seemed even more disinterested than usual, and they basically used exactly the same jokes in the final as they did in the semi. Which weren't funny to begin with (It's past Switzerland's bedtime! The Ukrainian giant is carrying us to our commentary booth for the final if they don't qualify! "Pasha Parfeny on the Piano" is a tongue-twister! Finland were saying "For you!" over and over, not "Fuck you!"! Hohoho!). It felt more like a serious, Olympics opening ceremony-esque commentary, and that's not what I come to Eurovision for - I mean, if you're going to make a mispronunciation/accent joke at this particular Eurovision, it really should have been accidentally calling Jon Ola Sand "Julian Assange". Add in how much of the show's SBS cut out of the broadcast we saw - all bar two or three of Petra's song introductions, the Lynda Woodruff skits in the second semi and the final, and most bizarrely, the Dutch votereader giving their twelve to Belgium (we cut straight from ten points to Belgium celebrating), and with jumpcuts all over the place in other sections - and I really find myself hoping they either put the UK broadcasts on SBS2 in a few weeks, or bring back that dickhead we sent to Riga and Istanbul all those years ago.
I whether we should even bother anymore if we are simply there to fight over the bottom 5 places with the French (what was that about by the way, did my ears deceive or did we hear the first Eurovision entry about S&M?)
"I'm your slave and you're my master, oh baby come on take a shot" was a lyric in Finland's Marry Me as well. Because nothing says "equality" quite like BDSM.
Edited by SnideAsides, May 20, 2013 @ 2:36 AM.