97 replies to this topic

[Singrrr]

Found this 'blog post today (not my blog), rushed right over to post it:

http://haibun.blogsp...010766300756116

A haiku for each of the 2004 top 12.

A taste:

matthew rogers
why is this dude here?
he is only this year's josh
except not a creep


Here's one I just came up with:

Ryan Seacrest is
hoping you won't notice his
rectangular head

[DivineBovine]

Where's Leah Labelle?
Oh, that's right, she's off somewhere
singing, calling wolves.

Matt's an opera star
Tell him to sing pop, though, and
he sucks lots of ass.

Lisa Leuschner, robbed
She'd be Top 12's very first
"Member of the Tribe"

Eric Yoder, oy,
You look just like Stifler, dude,
you could do his stunts.

[crab nebula]

TV teaches us
that anonymity is
A fate worse than death.

The glistening chest
of Matthew Metzger cries out
from beneath his shirt.

A boy is robbed of
his energy and life and
becomes John Stevens.

[SnarkinUSA]

SnarkinUSA
Has too much time on her hands
Here is the result:


Ryan Seacrest is
All alone, now Matt’s gone, and
Simon’s with Pauler.

Janet Jackson’s boob
Holds not a candle to the
Craggle mesh shirt nips.

Jasmine’s flower is
Really defense against Matt
It contains mace spray.

John stevens, nice boy
Loves his gramps loves his grams and
Puts me right to sleep.

Princess Diana
Pageant girl robotic one
More teeth than Seacrest.

JPL BicBoy
Cleans up nice, sings like frog and
Dances like monkey.

Camile Velasco
So laid back, so serene, so
Stoned out of her gourd.

Jennifer Hudson
Pretty in pink not so much
Makes scary faces.

George Huff is the EEEEEEEEEEEEE!
So so cute, awesome voice, but
Sure he’s not 40?

Latoya London
Overhyped, overpimped, which
Makes me not like her.

Fantasia’s shumpin’
Love her voice, love her shtick, but
Pimpin’ may change this.

Amy, oh peeenk one
Country was good to you, yes
Jury is still out.

Leah La Bellah
Big Star Mommy, Big Star Pop
OOPS! You missed that gene.

[Singrrr]

Randy Jackson is
a trifle touchy-feely
poor Paula Abdul

[Psychobunny]

Camile Velasco
Girl you really cannot sing.
Get off my T.V.

Jon Peter Lewis
You also bug me no end
Go and join Camile.

[and his name was bob]

flower in her hair
Hawaii floods the phone lines
Jasmine's been Chosen

love Jon Peter Lewis
the crazy dancing and all
family's to blame

[dominique]

I should be working
But Shack's recaps lure me in
Siren song of snark

[fatyellow]

dumb fantasia
her name takes up all
of seveteen syllables


alright alright it doesn't REALLY.... but it's EIGHT! you can't even put that n one line

Edited by fatyellow, Apr 5, 2004 @ 8:45 PM.

[cggb]

Jas your teeth so white
blind me like the noontime sun
a torturous blaze

Edited by cggb, Apr 5, 2004 @ 9:45 PM.

[happycamper]

Her singing is nice
but Fantasy Burrito
gives me lots of gas.

Is it natural?
Is he gay? Things I ponder
over Matt's singing.

Poor Jasmine, who thinks
a flower can replace a
personality.

Like Leah herself,
Leah's fairy grandmother
croaked on the first week.

Dancing banana?
That could describe Jon Peter
or a vibrator.

What is worse than a
burlap sack tied with ribbon?
Jennifer's new dress.

A sandwich left out
for a week emotes better
than Diana can.

If John wrote Haikus,
mumble mumble blah blah blah
just like ol' Blue Eyes.

When the judges say
that Latoya is classy,
they're calling her dull.

Unsteadiness and
slurred speech gets Camile a pass
or a D.U.I.

A smile can go
a long way to hide the fact
that Geroge is forty.

Leno and Amy
share both a big chin and a
lack of stage presence.

Paula Abdul's life
can be summed up in one phrase:
"Drugs are bad for you"

[MadeInCanada]

Wow, these are really theraputic

Toying with George Huff
Is not funny 19E
stop torturing him please

Yeah! TeenDean is gone
he's nice but voice is boring
makes me so tired

Aloha Kitty
at least the flower went home
Get voted off soon

[rolledeyes]

her lips glossy
a wink from a brit
feels so sleazy

a nice smile
when sustained forever
loses it's appeal

quiet and poised
the diva turns her head
fangs retracted

help me
why am i here
he croons

finally the truth
head hung in shame
cancel they say

[jennifuh]

Reviving this thread for AI4 poetry.

ETA: Ok, I'll get us started:


Oh, Constantine. He
of the many chins. Ass in
face and description.

Edited by jennifuh, Mar 10, 2005 @ 5:58 PM.

[Jess Sayin]

It's Mikles the Clown
blending Babs and The Nanny
to annoy the world
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Little Potterov
a hole in the neck has he
grooving to latin
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ConstantStink I see
dirty and grimy and gross
fangirlies are blind (& deaf!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lindsey Camisole
emotionless when she sings
always brings the bored
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Carrie Underwhelmed
white bread, vanilla, country
stick to lullabyes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mehrio with hat
like Justin Guarini's clone
same boring singing
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[ColdGreg]

Without hat, empty
Empty as Carrie's blond head
Come back to me hat

[Mmm... Free Goo]

He is Poserov
Like pope, tracheoctomy
Hole like Capri Sun

Constantine wears shirt
Justin Guarini belly
Get one that fits, bitch!

Vonzell has black belt
Great for times when Simon C.
Disses cow girl wear

Saves stray animals
That is Carrie Underwood
Never ever left her farm
(Yeah right)

Mikailah:

Seventeen with lips
Of collagen and fake boobs
Saline; disturbing

ETA: I didn't make up the part about the Capri Sun hole; some genius in the Anthony performer thread did.

Edited by Mmm... Free Goo, Mar 11, 2005 @ 7:25 PM.

[jennifuh]

Hole like Capri Sun

BWAH!

[Ariel]

"Nikko was robbed!" cry
fans. "Make a spot for him? Please?"
Shazam! It is done.

[jennifuh]

Ode to Mario:

I want privacy!
Ooh, another interview?
Sure, I'll talk to you!

[ColdGreg]

For Mario:

Personal issues?
Here's a personal issue
Anonymity

[jennifuh]

Underneath Savol
in Idol's dictionary
it says "See Carrie"

[Argillus]

Mario Vasquez
Likes to stop before the end

[Adammo88]

HamOnWry awesome. I loved the Nikko and Paula ones!

[sweetsoul]

From Jacob's recaplette. A Haikuer in the making:

Ryan is still fine
-tuning his very fine-tune
timing. So abrupt!