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Letters To The Apprentices


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568 replies to this topic

#541

DonaldsrugDoc

DonaldsrugDoc

    Just Tuned In

Posted May 12, 2005 @ 9:57 PM

Tana,
I really think that you have what it takes to manage a team. Your inter-organizational communication and management skills will make you a leader someday. I like your style and you certainly have my vote.
John R. Bolton

#542

crazykatie

crazykatie

    Channel Surfer

Posted May 15, 2005 @ 2:09 PM

Tana:

We are sorry to inform you that we have reconsidered employing you in our firm.

QVC

#543

crazykatie

crazykatie

    Channel Surfer

Posted May 15, 2005 @ 2:15 PM

Mistress Tana:

You ate that gigantic muffin and did not share. You stole those bitches/pretzles and wouldn't share. You wouldn't trust any of the stooges or your athletes or Vinnie to walk me so I had to shred up and shit on the American flag.

Your sister (the other witch) is offering a better deal. Don't try to find me.

ToTo

#544

funnymoney

funnymoney

    Couch Potato

Posted May 16, 2005 @ 4:15 PM

Dear Tana,

Thank you very much for your immense support in helping us win the 2012 Olympic bid.

Regards,

The City of Paris

#545

nubbs

nubbs

    Couch Potato

Posted May 20, 2005 @ 3:37 PM

Dear Donald, Mark:

You managed to cram three hours of boring into twenty minutes.

I don't know how you did that, but I may have to revisit my theories.

Can we get together?


Sincerely,

Stephen Hawking

#546

nubbs

nubbs

    Couch Potato

Posted May 20, 2005 @ 3:41 PM

Dear Bill:

Please continue to consult on the electrical and structural elements of that office tower. Please.

We love you,

Chicago Society of Litigation Attorneys

#547

thuganomics85

thuganomics85

    Stalker

Posted May 20, 2005 @ 4:49 PM

Dear Trump:

Thanks for hiring Kendra. Because if you hired Tana, I would have killed myself. God bless you, Trump!

Your first Apprentice,

Bill



Dear Trump:

I also want to thank you for hiring Kendra. If you had hired Tana, I would have killed her. Trust me, I know 10 different ways to kill a person with a pencil. And I would have used at least 8 of them on her. Thanks again.

Your second Apprentice (remember me?!)

Kelly

P.S.: Anyone want any Trump Ice? Please! Pretty please!!

#548

nubbs

nubbs

    Couch Potato

Posted May 20, 2005 @ 8:22 PM

Tana:

Well, it seems like it's been forever, doesn't it?

Hard to believe that it has only been 18 weeks.

Anyway, it's good to have you back, and I can assure you, you will be much happier here.

Sincerely,


Obscurity

#549

Wallyhorse

Wallyhorse

    Fanatic

Posted May 22, 2005 @ 4:00 AM

Dear Tana:

Thank you so much for possibly costing us our stadium with your effort on the nYC 2012 task. We may now have to move into the Giants new stadium unless we can build one next door to Shea Stadium if the Manhattan stadium is denied.

Sincerely,

The New York Jets

#550

ghettofabman

ghettofabman

    Stalker

  • Location:Jackson/Memphis, Tennessee
  • Interests:Snark, snark, and more snark....what else were you expecting?!?

Posted May 22, 2005 @ 3:16 PM

Dear Tana,

In the words of our famous rappin' sista Queen Latifah, "Who you callin' a bitch??!?!?"

Not your bitches,

Pretzels

#551

Blondie

Blondie

Posted Jun 3, 2005 @ 10:07 AM

Dear Tana,

I promised myself I'd stay professional and I think I've done that. Just wanted to thank you, tho, because your behaviour during and since the finale' has made me look even more so.

Kendra

P.S. Your "circle" concept was really great....really!

#552

itwasyouelaine

itwasyouelaine

    Loyal Viewer

Posted Jun 6, 2005 @ 11:49 PM

Dear Kristen,

You look so amazing in hats that I think I'll let you borrow mine

God Bless

The Pope

#553

musichic2000

musichic2000

    Couch Potato

Posted Oct 20, 2005 @ 6:26 PM

...

Edited by musichic2000, Feb 27, 2006 @ 10:53 AM.


#554

Lovechild

Lovechild

    Channel Surfer

Posted Oct 22, 2005 @ 11:01 AM

Dear Markus,

We have reviewed your resume that your fellow apprentices forwarded to us. Based on your performance in the Zathura challenge, we truly believe that you are very qualified to work within our company. When your contractual obligations are complete with The Donald, please contact us as we would like to hire you for our Customer Service position.

Sincerely,
Mr. Eggroll, Inc.

Edited by Lovechild, Oct 22, 2005 @ 11:02 AM.


#555

musichic2000

musichic2000

    Couch Potato

Posted Oct 28, 2005 @ 5:58 AM

...

Edited by musichic2000, Feb 27, 2006 @ 10:46 AM.


#556

johnnywang57

johnnywang57

Posted Nov 4, 2005 @ 3:14 PM

Dear Donald:

RE: Our last letter.

We meant it.

Love,
America

#557

Robert Loblaw

Robert Loblaw

    Loyal Viewer

  • Location:West Coast

Posted Nov 6, 2005 @ 10:44 PM

Dear Donald,

Thanks for the opportunity to remodel your place in Florida. Too bad all that work was destroyed by the hurricane.

Any other job openings?

Kendra

#558

nubbs

nubbs

    Couch Potato

Posted Nov 11, 2005 @ 6:43 AM

Dear Mr Rancic:

We'd like you to write a business primer for kids.

We already have a title in mind that we are sure will appeal to a lot of younger people:

'Bill's Big Book of Business Banalities and Blandishments'.

Please get back to use as soon as your tour guide of unfinished buildings gig is over.

Sincerely,

Random House
____________________

Dear Mr Rancic:

We are looking to replace Mr. Dress Up with a more up-to-date commerce oriented character called Mr. Step Up.

Interested?

Sincerely,

Public Television

____________________

Adam:

I hope they have Net Nanny on the computer in that apartment.

Sincerely,

Your Mom

Edited by nubbs, Nov 14, 2005 @ 5:11 PM.


#559

Lovechild

Lovechild

    Channel Surfer

Posted Nov 14, 2005 @ 7:09 PM

Dear Martha,

I wish you only the best as your run with "The Apprentice" is now officially ending. I know you will go on to do great things in the future. Perhaps you should send in a resume to my show. I would welcome you to try out in the 16 week interview to be MY apprentice.

Sorry, Melania just informed me that your show WAS basically an apprenticeship to see if you were worthy. Sorry, Martha - you're fired!

Sincerely,

Donald Trump

P.S. Could you send some of those sugar buns over for Melania and I? You have the time to whip them up now, don't you?

#560

pinkmamba

pinkmamba

    Channel Surfer

Posted Nov 30, 2005 @ 4:54 PM

Dear Alla,

The guys here in the big house can't believe I killed for you. But if they only new you the way I know you... Please can you give us a glimpse of your real self? That would be so much appreciated.

Still smitten..

Dead Man Walking,

#561

Calreusop

Calreusop

    Couch Potato

Posted Dec 2, 2005 @ 5:00 PM

Dear Trump,

What was that? This is our one and only shot at being on TV, and you had to ruin it by having a stupid rating grabbing double firing at the Final 4? We realized it would only be three people, one fewer than our predecessors in Seasons 1 and 2, but it's still something. And you did appear to respect their opinions. We may be big CEOs, and have more money than God, but you were our shot to be on reality television, and now we are majorly pissed. See if we ever help you again.

Sincerely,
The CEOs you tapped to interview the final 3

#562

musichic2000

musichic2000

    Couch Potato

Posted Dec 9, 2005 @ 12:10 PM

...

Edited by musichic2000, Feb 24, 2006 @ 4:41 PM.


#563

ghettofabman

ghettofabman

    Stalker

  • Location:Jackson/Memphis, Tennessee
  • Interests:Snark, snark, and more snark....what else were you expecting?!?

Posted Dec 9, 2005 @ 5:28 PM

Dear Randal,

Step up to the Play-te, Tor-ul!

Yours,

Kristi Caudill

P.S. - I mean Rand-ul!

Edited by ghettofabman, Dec 10, 2005 @ 1:10 AM.


#564

thuganomics85

thuganomics85

    Stalker

Posted Apr 8, 2006 @ 8:56 AM

Dear Tarek,

Dude, you need to stop this shit now. For the past few weeks, I've had random people come up to me on the streets, smack me in the face, and yell "Fuck you, MENSA BOY!" Ever quit being an asshole, or get plastic surgery. Or we are going to have some problems, bitch.

Sincerely,


Orlando Bloom.

#565

SeaBreeze341

SeaBreeze341

    Stalker

Posted Apr 24, 2006 @ 1:31 PM

Dear Randal,

Step up to the Play-te, Tor-ul!

Yours,

Kristi Caudill

P.S. - I mean Rand-ul!


Personally, I think it would've been twice as funny w/o the P.S. line, but I loved this anyway.

#566

nubbs

nubbs

    Couch Potato

Posted Jun 6, 2006 @ 1:47 PM

Sean:

Your ties are far, far too wide.

Regards,


Savile Row

#567

nubbs

nubbs

    Couch Potato

Posted Jun 9, 2006 @ 12:50 PM

Dear Omarosa:

You've got nothing on me bitch!

Ann Coulter

#568

PRgal

PRgal

    Fanatic

Posted Jan 22, 2007 @ 4:39 PM

Dear James,

We have been instructed to serve you decaf and only decaf.

-The baristas at your local coffee shop

#569

thuganomics85

thuganomics85

    Stalker

Posted Jan 27, 2007 @ 12:07 AM

Dear James,

What are you doing?! Don't you know that there is only room for one overcaffinated, hyper, loud contestant?!! If this keeps up, we're going to have problems, you bloody wanker!


Kisses and air-punches,


Sean Yazbeck.

Edited by thuganomics85, Jan 27, 2007 @ 6:41 PM.