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The Old CSI: Miami Thread


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#1

Isaboe

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Posted Jan 5, 2004 @ 6:38 PM

Tonights episode-

An anesthesiologist who worked in a beauty clinic is discovered swinging from a rope in his two-story condo, but the investigation points to murder, not suicide. The case intensifies when it's learned that the doctor lost a patient the week before during routine plastic surgery and that the victim's husband believes she was killed. Foster: Leonard Roberts. Winters: Jason O'Meara. Randy: Russell Howard. Garcia: Randy Lewis Hernandez. Roxanne: Kristy Swanson. Debbie: Lisa Lackey.


Whee.

#2

gaPeach

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Posted Jan 6, 2004 @ 4:52 AM

Wow! I came here expecting some good snark on the new episode and there is nothing here! Please tell me I am not the only one still watching this show.

They have gave Calliegh bangs and she looks like she is 12 now. Do not like the new look. And again with the cleavage. How do they bend down without one of the girls popping out to say hi?

The time frame on this case was too short. A women dies during surgery and two days later she is already buried and the hubby is already back at work. Wouldn't it take that long just to do the autopsy?

The women in the beginning that just had lopo done 2 days before and she is getting frisky with the doctor at his apartment. Um doesn't that kinda hurt for a couple of days? And you have to wear some tight fitting garment 24/7 so did she keep it on during the romp in the hay? I don't think so. Ew.

And tell me what man parks his expensive car under a tree that drops some sort of goo all over the place? The doctor left a big glob of it at the crime scene from his shoe. If that is the case the inside of that car is ruined. It must have that goo all over the floor mats. I am not manic about how clean my car is but even I wouldn't do that.

And as usual Horatio is an ass as he looks off into the distance wondering why he has to put up with common humans and hoping his mothership will come and take him back to his alien planet where he can be with others just like him.

#3

ChinkyGirl

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Posted Jan 6, 2004 @ 8:19 AM

I guess I wasn't the only one who thought this episode was too boring to comment on, lol. But, I couldn't help it - I had to come here!

What the hell happened to Kristy Swanson?! I had to do a double take just to make sure that it was really her. Looks like she did some "research" for her part, if you know what I mean.

And think back to the very beginning of the show (I know, it's hard sometimes with this show, but try!) when that kid was spying on people with his telescope. That girl, dancing for her guy? Horrible. Boob. Job. Awful, terrible!

And finally, no really good HoLines this time. But, this episode is further proof that Caruso has some sort of clause in his contract that allows him to a.) announce every commercial break with hands on hips + obvious comment, to b.) magically solve all of the cases, on his own and apparently without a team, and to c.) attend as many funerals (and re-burials!) as humanly possible.

#4

DaMare

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Posted Jan 6, 2004 @ 9:03 AM

c.) attend as many funerals (and re-burials!) as humanly possible.


And if I may be so bold to ask - why in the name of all things holy - was he smirking?????

Seriously - this show is so amazingly bad that it makes the Sweet Baby Jesus weep.

edited because traditionally, the u comes after the q.

Edited by DaMare, Jan 6, 2004 @ 9:04 AM.


#5

Isaboe

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Posted Jan 6, 2004 @ 9:42 AM

I came on here last night to rant but the boards were down. You've all pretty much said what I was thinking. Kristy Swansons gotten a little hefty in her old age. That chick at the beginning of the episode bouncing up the stairs was horrifying. As for the wife, I would think if she was hit hard enough for it to hurt like that, why didn't she have it checked?

#6

Mrs OldManBalls

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Posted Jan 6, 2004 @ 9:45 AM

My favorite part was how the writing seemed to pass judgement on people who have cosmetic surgery. Especially during the Delko/lab tech scene. It seems as if a certain writer is a bit bitter...

#7

jynni

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Posted Jan 6, 2004 @ 9:48 AM

And tell me what man parks his expensive car under a tree that drops some sort of goo all over the place? The doctor left a big glob of it at the crime scene from his shoe.


And wouldn't it have also been feasible for the DeadDoctor to have stepped in that stuff too? I mean he worked in the same clinic and parked in the same parking lot, couldn't he track goo back to his place as well?

The time frame on this case was too short. A women dies during surgery and two days later she is already buried and the hubby is already back at work. Wouldn't it take that long just to do the autopsy?


The woman had died a week or two before the DeadDoctor was found dead, I believe. When Blondie was being interviewed she mentioned that the DeadDoctor had lost a patient recently.

And could someone who knows more help me on one point. The leaking implants - that whole scenario didn't seem plausible. Wouldn't you notice that your implant was leaking? I would think that it would have caused problems well before she hit the table. Even so, wouldn't the clinic staff still have been somewhat responsible for her death?

#8

Brandon

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Posted Jan 6, 2004 @ 10:57 AM

My favorite part was how the writing seemed to pass judgement on people who have cosmetic surgery. Especially during the Delko/lab tech scene. It seems as if a certain writer is a bit bitter...


That seems even more funny when four out of the five characters (we all know the fifth is) looks like they should belong to a modeling agency rather than a police department.

#9

ciscokidinsf

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Posted Jan 6, 2004 @ 11:07 AM

And wouldn't it have also been feasible for the DeadDoctor to have stepped in that stuff too? I mean he worked in the same clinic and parked in the same parking lot, couldn't he track goo back to his place as well?



jynni must have read my mind as well, because that is what I thought, the killed doc could've very easily step on that stuff himself. Now even the writers are getting lazy here. No way Grissom would've handled this case like this.

The nurse killing the guy for the barest of reasons... I don't buy it.

But, they got the poor-man's version of 'Nip/Tuck' on the show... that plastic surgery guy whas a dead ringer for Julian Mcmahon (Christian Troy, one of the main 2 guys in Nip/Tuck) Almost spoke the same way, nails patients, etc, etc, A note to the CSI Miami writers, plagiarism of characters is a no-no. Your copyright lawsuit is waiting.

One case only? and boring to boot.

And as usual Horatio is an ass as he looks off into the distance wondering why he has to put up with common humans and hoping his mothership will come and take him back to his alien planet where he can be with others just like him.


Hee! gaPeach the sooner, the better. HoCaine's abilities are too much for us poor simple humans.

Alexx paid the price at the end of the episode... how come HoCaine doesn;t stand up for his team?? oh, right, I forgot.. he.doesn't.need.them.

#10

Mrs OldManBalls

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Posted Jan 6, 2004 @ 12:49 PM

What happened to Alex? I turned it off as soon as they figured out the nurse did it. She catch hell for going against that other medical examiner?

Edited by Mrs OldManBalls, Jan 6, 2004 @ 12:50 PM.


#11

emma675

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Posted Jan 6, 2004 @ 1:01 PM

What the hell happened to Kristy Swanson?! I had to do a double take just to make sure that it was really her.


Amen! It took me forever to figure out who that was. It wasn't so much that she's gained a lot of weight (I thought her body was still pretty thin), but her face was incredibly puffy for some odd reason. She looked haggard, not at all like I remember her.

Also, was the husband of the dead woman in "Drumline"? I cannot for the life of me figure out where I've seen him before.

All in all, yawn. It was incredibly boring and there was far too much Delko and not enough Speedle for my taste. The only part that interested me was Alexx and the other ME (and my cackling over Horatio showing up at the cemetery--apparently he's moved on from the kiddy spying at the park).

#12

Divaah46

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Posted Jan 6, 2004 @ 1:04 PM

The other ME buried her in all his backcases as a form of payback for 'snitching' on him. At least that's what I got from it. If this was Las Vegas, Gil would have put all sorts of bugs in that guy's soup.

#13

nerdyduck

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Posted Jan 6, 2004 @ 1:11 PM

I thought this episode was way boring. Nothing to really snark on and barely any Speedle. We hardly know anything about this guy. And what's with Delko being the one always getting screwed over? And Alexx getting dumped on at the end like that?

Also, was the husband of the dead woman in "Drumline"? I cannot for the life of me figure out where I've seen him before.


He was in "Drumline." He was also in "Buffy" (the TV show, not the movie like Kristy Swanson) as one of Riley's friend in the army Intiative.

#14

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Posted Jan 6, 2004 @ 1:23 PM

I spent the whole episode cheering for Forrest Gates (his Buffy name). And you know what? The only other thing I remember was that Emily Proctor needs to step away from the tanning booth and get better moisturizer. This was not entertaining at all.

#15

LizaJane

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Posted Jan 6, 2004 @ 1:42 PM

I don't think they even have writers on this show anymore. I think they have a couple of producers and a few boxers of Magnetic Poetry - Script Writer/Crime Drama. The producers toss the magnetic poetry against the side of a metal filing cabinet and POOF, they have an episode written.

1. Who had the magical knowledge of aphid secretions? In addition to jynni's excellent point about the dead doctor and the parking lot, wouldn't there be quite a number places throughout the Miami-Dade area with high-end landscaping? Did they do anything to establish that the honey-dew had to have been transferred recently rather than, say, a week or three ago? Hmm, no? What a surprise!

Magnetic-Crime-Drama-Element - insect droppings (an obscure but useful element). Check!

2. The timeline was way off. SO completely off. The process server was trying to serve DeadDoc with a complaint two weeks after the woman's death and DeadDoc's deposition was scheduled for... the next day? No no no no no. Also, wtf would the process server know this, unless he was serving a subpoena to testify, and wtf would he be serving such a subpoena only two weeks after the woman's death?

Magnetic-Crime-Drama-Elements: random insertion of familiar legalese (deposition); random extraneous court-related stressor (civil suit).

3. Why did they need a court order to exhume the woman's body? Didn't her husband ask them to re-examine her? Assuming the deceased could have been killed/autopsied/embalmed/buried w/husband back at work tying knots on, uh, sailboats, as quickly as happened here, wouldn't the husband's consent be enough to allow the exhumation?

Magnetic-Crime-Drama-Elements: We need a warrant to go any further!-moment. Check!

4. Why was everyone lying? Yeesh. I can can vaguely understand why, in such circumstances, the husband would lie, but why would the plastic surgeon lie? He has no reason to lie, let alone to conspire to create an alibi by offering crazy-surgery-addicted-woman free visits for life, beyond the demands of (too-thin) plot and the need to have HoCaine notice something clever (you're frowning!) during an interview, psychic (or is that psychotic) vampire that he is?

Magnetic-Crime-Drama-Element: idiotic red herrings. clever detectives! lying witnesses! - check.

I could go on, and I would go on except I have other things to do, but I think this is possibly the worst episode of the worst show I've ever seen. It's a "plot" held together only by the holes, followed by the most idiotic alleged plot twist ever. I mean, I bet the producers were really proud of that craptacular ending, but it's just another magnetic-crime-drama element: the evil needy/jealous woman hiding in plain sight.

The ONLY way the show could have been redeemed for me is with my fantasy ending:

HoCaine oozes on about DeadDoc's killer, eventually accusing Debbie, the nurse. Instead of turning wanna-be-Sharon-Stone-psycho on him. Debbie is shocked at his idiotic reasoning. She immediately offers a DNA sample (or, and perhaps better yet, forces him to work to get a warrant, which he just can't get because he has only the most ridiculously circumstantial "evidence" to compel her to offer a DNA sample), and she is exonerated because her DNA doesn't match the skin cells on the rope! (or: HoCaine is frustrated b/c he cannot get a warrant b/c there is no "evidence" and so on).

If the producers weren't using magnetic poetry thrown against a filing cabinet, perhaps they just used madlibs, blindly inserting random plot elements until they filled up all their blanks?

#16

jynni

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Posted Jan 6, 2004 @ 1:42 PM

He was in "Drumline." He was also in "Buffy" (the TV show, not the movie like Kristy Swanson) as one of Riley's friend in the army Intiative.


Oh thank you! That was driving me nuts! I knew I recognized him from somewhere! The worst part being that I watched "Drumline" about a half hour ago and still didn't figure it out. Now that it has been revealed I feel much better.

#17

emma675

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Posted Jan 6, 2004 @ 2:47 PM

Adding my thanks, too, nerdyduck!
That guy is a cutie, I wouldn't mind seeing him as a recurring character. Too bad he won't be.

And word about Calleigh's incredibly dry skin--I was marveling over Alexx's skin and shaking my head over Calleigh's. Girl, it's called mosturizer! Look into it!

#18

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Posted Jan 6, 2004 @ 6:22 PM

I have nothing to say re: last night's ep that wasn't said better by you all. Re: the repeat on Sunday which I hadn't seen before - am I the only one wishing I was watching a show about Det. Raymond Caine and not HoCaine? Sounds like Ray was the interesting brother.

#19

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Posted Jan 6, 2004 @ 9:04 PM

But, they got the poor-man's version of 'Nip/Tuck' on the show... that plastic surgery guy whas a dead ringer for Julian Mcmahon (Christian Troy, one of the main 2 guys in Nip/Tuck) Almost spoke the same way, nails patients, etc, etc, A note to the CSI Miami writers, plagiarism of characters is a no-no. Your copyright lawsuit is waiting.

I thinking just the same thing ciscokidinsf.

The nurse killing the guy for the barest of reasons... I don't buy it.

When Dr. Winters asked Debbie for the deceased's files, she got a little too much screen time. That was when I knew she was dirty. Same thing with that tech guy at the mock college girls' dorm room webcam.

He was in "Drumline." He was also in "Buffy" (the TV show, not the movie like Kristy Swanson) as one of Riley's friend in the army Intiative.

Nice to see another Buffy alumni on the show following Azura Skye's footsteps. Truth be known I couldn't stand his character and was happy with glee when he died (twice). Now in other roles I find him pretty enjoyable.

#20

Sumner

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Posted Jan 7, 2004 @ 10:08 AM

Kristy Swanson was in Playboy last year. Either there was a ton of airbrushing going on or she has changed a lot since then.
Also, how many people saw that comment coming from Mr. Nip/Tuck about Calleigh being beautiful and having perfect bone structure?

#21

Isaboe

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Posted Jan 12, 2004 @ 7:04 PM

Tonights Episode:

A diamond broker carrying $2 million in merchandise is murdered after his car is hit by another vehicle and he gets out to confront the driver. The only witness to the crime is a developmentally challenged man who says the killer is someone named Colton. Outside of town, Speedle and Delko investigate the death of a teenage girl discovered at a rest stop with a broken neck. Shortly after the victim is taken from the scene, her body disappears during transport to Miami.

Great, now they're losing them! Hope Horatio has his trusty cape and glasses!

#22

gaPeach

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Posted Jan 12, 2004 @ 11:14 PM

This must have just been a bad night for tv. This episode was just a snoozefest. And Horatio being all nice to the slow guy, well, I don't know the whole thing just fell flat.

I actually turned to something else the last 10 minutes of the show. Someone tell me it got better and I missed something great.

#23

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Posted Jan 12, 2004 @ 11:25 PM

So as I'm watching this diamond bump-and-run case, about halfway through Caine is telling Calleigh to do something (forgot what) and Yelina walks into the room...and suddenly we're watching slow motion and a wind machine blowing her hair. Please tell me I imagined this.

Edited by ersatzreality, Jan 12, 2004 @ 11:26 PM.


#24

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Posted Jan 12, 2004 @ 11:25 PM

HoCaine = poor man's Tom Cruise in "Rain Man" (at least he got the glasses right)

Aww, I felt really bad for the slow guy. And not just because Horatio was being a close-talker to him - seriously, I would equate HoCaine whispering in his face to get him to focus with certain people who yell at foreignors who don't understand English.

In more exciting news, there was one, yes ONE, commercial cutaway that did NOT feature the pantented HoCaine stance + glasses + obvious comment. And they didn't take advantage of a dead man to place HoCaine at yet another funeral. All is right with the world.

#25

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Posted Jan 12, 2004 @ 11:35 PM

Sorry gaPeach it didn't get any better. The "slow" guy died as a result of the beating he received. Ho promised the killer he would serve 2 zillion years or something. I can say that these last two episodes were actually equally bad. At least the writers are consistent.

#26

nerdyduck

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Posted Jan 12, 2004 @ 11:36 PM

Please tell me I imagined this.


I wish I could. I wish I could (Holy crap, I'm sounding like Horatio).

What really bother me was the damn violin music that was playing every time Eugene and Horatio talked. I wanted to crawl in my tv, find the damn violin, and smash it to pieces. It was really distracting.

I like the b-plot so much better. Alexx getting an attitude is awesome. And "Timmy"? Now, how many people can pull that off to Speedle? Yes, the story was a little stupid but it's much better than watching Horatio in anything.

#27

Delcia80

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Posted Jan 13, 2004 @ 1:54 AM

I can say that these last two episodes were actually equally bad

I'm guessing I didn't miss much. This is the first episode I have seen since the new year and I was a half-and -halfdisapponted. it was nice of "H" to help the slow guy but I wanted to turn the channel.

The second part of the story was a little interesting. And like nerdyduck said about "Alex getitng an attitute"? LOL, I have to agree with that!

Man, when is there going to be an eppy that i will actually like, so I can tape and keep. Even some of the episodes which are actually filmed in my own backyard are not all that.

#28

Nycnftm

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Posted Jan 13, 2004 @ 7:14 AM

My three cents:


edit staff to producers "Hey check out this new effect we came up with, lets see how many times we can use it in one show" Ugh annoying

Thank you Calleigh for the massive cleveage shot when you found the bullet. :)

How I thought it would turn out or if I wrote the script: Rainman wasn't really slow and he was the shooter. I thought that would happen because in the promo he said "i'm not really slow"

Alexx if you are going to cry for everyone who is on your table why did you become a ME?

Alexx ask yourself, did Quincy ever cry?

Did Yellina actually speak or was she just there?

#29

ChinkyGirl

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Posted Jan 13, 2004 @ 8:09 AM

Thank you Calleigh for the massive cleveage shot when you found the bullet. :)

But really, is there any other shot we see of Calleigh? This just proves my point of having a gun involved somewhere in the plot just to get shots of Calleigh showing cleavage and firing a gun at the camera.

#30

jynni

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Posted Jan 13, 2004 @ 8:42 AM

I didn't understand why the DeadTeen's body was dumped (presumably by her dad and aunt) and then the dad paid to get it back. Didn't make sense - why dump it in the first place?