Posted Jan 6, 2004 @ 1:42 PM
I don't think they even have writers on this show anymore. I think they have a couple of producers and a few boxers of Magnetic Poetry - Script Writer/Crime Drama. The producers toss the magnetic poetry against the side of a metal filing cabinet and POOF, they have an episode written.
1. Who had the magical knowledge of aphid secretions? In addition to jynni's excellent point about the dead doctor and the parking lot, wouldn't there be quite a number places throughout the Miami-Dade area with high-end landscaping? Did they do anything to establish that the honey-dew had to have been transferred recently rather than, say, a week or three ago? Hmm, no? What a surprise!
Magnetic-Crime-Drama-Element - insect droppings (an obscure but useful element). Check!
2. The timeline was way off. SO completely off. The process server was trying to serve DeadDoc with a complaint two weeks after the woman's death and DeadDoc's deposition was scheduled for... the next day? No no no no no. Also, wtf would the process server know this, unless he was serving a subpoena to testify, and wtf would he be serving such a subpoena only two weeks after the woman's death?
Magnetic-Crime-Drama-Elements: random insertion of familiar legalese (deposition); random extraneous court-related stressor (civil suit).
3. Why did they need a court order to exhume the woman's body? Didn't her husband ask them to re-examine her? Assuming the deceased could have been killed/autopsied/embalmed/buried w/husband back at work tying knots on, uh, sailboats, as quickly as happened here, wouldn't the husband's consent be enough to allow the exhumation?
Magnetic-Crime-Drama-Elements: We need a warrant to go any further!-moment. Check!
4. Why was everyone lying? Yeesh. I can can vaguely understand why, in such circumstances, the husband would lie, but why would the plastic surgeon lie? He has no reason to lie, let alone to conspire to create an alibi by offering crazy-surgery-addicted-woman free visits for life, beyond the demands of (too-thin) plot and the need to have HoCaine notice something clever (you're frowning!) during an interview, psychic (or is that psychotic) vampire that he is?
Magnetic-Crime-Drama-Element: idiotic red herrings. clever detectives! lying witnesses! - check.
I could go on, and I would go on except I have other things to do, but I think this is possibly the worst episode of the worst show I've ever seen. It's a "plot" held together only by the holes, followed by the most idiotic alleged plot twist ever. I mean, I bet the producers were really proud of that craptacular ending, but it's just another magnetic-crime-drama element: the evil needy/jealous woman hiding in plain sight.
The ONLY way the show could have been redeemed for me is with my fantasy ending:
HoCaine oozes on about DeadDoc's killer, eventually accusing Debbie, the nurse. Instead of turning wanna-be-Sharon-Stone-psycho on him. Debbie is shocked at his idiotic reasoning. She immediately offers a DNA sample (or, and perhaps better yet, forces him to work to get a warrant, which he just can't get because he has only the most ridiculously circumstantial "evidence" to compel her to offer a DNA sample), and she is exonerated because her DNA doesn't match the skin cells on the rope! (or: HoCaine is frustrated b/c he cannot get a warrant b/c there is no "evidence" and so on).
If the producers weren't using magnetic poetry thrown against a filing cabinet, perhaps they just used madlibs, blindly inserting random plot elements until they filled up all their blanks?