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TV Lessons I've Learned


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#19501

bilgistic

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Posted Apr 4, 2014 @ 10:33 AM

Yeah, no one lays in bed watching TV and eating a whole dark chocolate bar like someone I know. *cough*


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#19502

hlisy

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Posted Apr 4, 2014 @ 4:57 PM

And they're accessible by tapping at a keyboard or phone for a few seconds. Imagine what terrorism would look like if that were true.
 
I've learned that bacon is like having a million orgasms at once. Chocolate too, but only if you're a woman.

Also certain shampoos.
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#19503

Alexandria Bay

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Posted Apr 4, 2014 @ 6:17 PM

Well, what the hell else are we supposed to do--no one's making viagra for women.


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#19504

Sandman87

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Posted Apr 4, 2014 @ 11:42 PM

Clearly there's an untapped market for a bacon & chocolate scented shampoo.


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#19505

Cobalt Stargazer

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Posted Apr 5, 2014 @ 1:16 AM

I've learned that bacon is like having a million orgasms at once. Chocolate too, but only if you're a woman.

 

It's even better if the bacon is chocolate-covered. Yes, that's actually a thing. But only at the State Fair.


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#19506

xaxat

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Posted Apr 5, 2014 @ 11:58 AM

And if you're a woman, you have to take a teeny tiny bite of a one- inch square of chocolate, then smile like you've just gotten away with the naughtiest thing ever 

 

I have to admit, I'm a guy and for good chocolate, I do take tiny bites. And more than naughty smiles, if the chocolate is really good, I go full blown orgasmic eye roll.


Edited by xaxat, Apr 5, 2014 @ 11:59 AM.

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#19507

corvus13

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Posted Apr 5, 2014 @ 9:26 PM

 

It's even better if the bacon is chocolate-covered. Yes, that's actually a thing. But only at the State Fair.

I made chocolate covered bacon for Christmas.  It was delicious.


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#19508

cosmom

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Posted Apr 6, 2014 @ 4:16 AM

Plain Jane's who are focused on are always oddly dressed*, usually a bit overweight and are socially awkward to the point that it is noticeable within seconds of seeing them.  By oddly dressed, they wear clothes that don't fit well, are probably 10+ years out of style and more suitable for a woman much older than them.  Plain Jane's only wear sensible shoes.

 

Plain Joe's usually wear sweater vests, are also noticeably socially awkward but usually on the skinny side.


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#19509

TattleTeeny

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Posted Apr 6, 2014 @ 10:06 AM

 
And if you're a woman, you have to take a teeny tiny bite of a one- inch square of chocolate, then smile like you've just gotten away with the naughtiest thing ever 
 

 

Why, why, why can I not be irrationally enraged every time I see this tiny bite business? Oh, I hate it so much! The Ghiradelli commercial with the stupid little song is the worst. I mean, OK, maybe that chocolate would be two bites (though in my experience, it's less messy to just shove the whole thing in at once). But there is no reason to nibble off the corner only, then lick your fingers!

Plain Jane's who are focused on are always oddly dressed*, usually a bit overweight and are socially awkward to the point that it is noticeable within seconds of seeing them. 

 

Or thin but hunched over because they are lanky and tall and, for some reason, ashamed of their height, I guess. And they think that the most demure of V-neck is too risqué and thus reason to never be taken seriously as an intelligent human being. But no worries--a magical gay will likely swoop in and convince her that she's one set of pricy highlights away from being a vixen (upon which she will become a temporary asshole, start fucking up at her serious job, and then learn a lesson about… something or other).


Edited by TattleTeeny, Apr 6, 2014 @ 10:11 AM.

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#19510

DedicatedFan

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Posted Apr 6, 2014 @ 10:52 AM

Women always go straight to the hospital when labor starts. No one hangs out, waiting for contractions to get stronger or closer together.

Except for Pam, on "The Office," who wanted to wait until after midnight to go to the hospital, because her insurance paid for only two days of hospitalization, and she didn't want the day her labor began to count as one of her days.  In the end, though, she wasn't able to wait until midnight.

 

It's even better if the bacon is chocolate-covered. Yes, that's actually a thing. But only at the State Fair.

David Bradley Chocolatier makes chocolate-covered bacon.  And chocolate bacon bunnies for Easter.


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#19511

ribboninthesky1

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Posted Apr 6, 2014 @ 5:53 PM

The bacon obsession is kind of lost on me.  I mean, I enjoy it on a good cheeseburger, but I usually prefer sausage for breakfast.  But it's apparently heresy if you don't LOVE bacon, especially in the South.   


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#19512

Cobalt Stargazer

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Posted Apr 6, 2014 @ 9:25 PM

It's even better if the bacon is chocolate-covered. Yes, that's actually a thing. But only at the State Fair.

 

David Bradley Chocolatier makes chocolate-covered bacon.  And chocolate bacon bunnies for Easter.

 

Huh. Learn something new every day. Thanks, DedcatedFan!


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#19513

millk

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Posted Apr 7, 2014 @ 5:18 AM

In news reports of the British royal family, the only thing you need to be a royal expert is a British accent and a passing knowledge of the fad gossip. Also, every story must include mention of Diana. How else will we know who they are talking about?
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#19514

cosmom

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Posted Apr 7, 2014 @ 8:41 AM

If you sleep with a stuffed animal, you always sleep on your back with the animal under your arm and peeking out of the covers.

 

If your child has a stuffed animal they are attached to and carry around with them, it is remarkably clean looking and plush.  It never gets worn and nappy looking.


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#19515

DedicatedFan

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Posted Apr 7, 2014 @ 8:55 AM

You're welcome, Cobalt Stargazer!  (I love your name BTW.)

 

If you sleep with a stuffed animal, you always sleep on your back with the animal under your arm and peeking out of the covers.

 

Scroll down to see the picture of the week:

 

http://www.monroenjo.../index.php/home


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#19516

MethodActor05

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Posted Apr 7, 2014 @ 11:44 PM

   So, with the end being near, I  thought I'd share my favorite T.V. lesson....

 

   If you happen to look exactly like, or remind someone of their dead loved one, they WILL become obsessed with you and eventually kidnap you. Unless, of course, you got plastic surgery to look like said dead loved one in order to scam them. Bonus points if they're actually a ghost, they think you're their long-lost dead loved one, and they're plotting to kill you in order to be with you forever in eternity.

 

See: Little House on the Prairie, One Tree Hill, Baywatch, Footballer's Wives, and numerous Lifetime movies.

 

  It's a special kind of crazy when someone decides to "substitute" their long-lost loved ones with a look-a-like.


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#19517

cosmom

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Posted Apr 8, 2014 @ 8:36 AM

Because it is what on the outside that counts - doesn't matter if you are a vile, murderous, scumbag on the inside as long as you look like the dead love-of-my-life,  I'm in.


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#19518

lucindabelle

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Posted Apr 9, 2014 @ 8:36 AM

Plastic surgery us capable of changing you so completely you will look like someone else to everyone, including your parents.
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#19519

braggtastic

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Posted Apr 11, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

That does happen sometimes in real life; Jennifer Grey for example.


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#19520

Batman Beatles

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Posted Apr 11, 2014 @ 1:10 PM

Clothes can easily be ripped off with a few tugs.


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#19521

ribboninthesky1

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Posted Apr 11, 2014 @ 2:05 PM

And no one cares if their clothes are ripped apart - it's all about the passion, baby!


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#19522

Shanna Marie

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Posted Apr 12, 2014 @ 7:15 PM

Something I thought of while watching a movie on Hallmark this afternoon (I'm on allergy medicine, don't judge) and that I then realized was more universal when I started thinking about series pilots:

 

The first person you meet when you arrive at a new place will either become your true love, your best friend or your nemesis. This person may start out seeming like a nemesis before becoming the true love or best friend. If you're rude and snarky to the first person you meet, this person is likely to turn out to be your new boss, your new work partner or someone you're going to need something from very soon (before this person becomes true love, best friend or nemesis).


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#19523

lucindabelle

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Posted Apr 13, 2014 @ 12:03 AM

Jennifer Grey looks different but not like completely different the way people evading the law look when they go in for plastic surgery. A nose job can change your face but on tv, people basically turn into other people and have no scars... Frankly the wigs on The Americans do that much better.t hey almost ok well they do make me want to own a wig or two.
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#19524

TheRedHead77

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Posted Apr 13, 2014 @ 7:04 PM

Clearly there's an untapped market for a bacon & chocolate scented shampoo.

 

 

Sandman87 they make chocolate scented shampoo 


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#19525

corvus13

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Posted Apr 13, 2014 @ 10:06 PM

Not to mention bacon shampoo.


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#19526

melissa1925

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Posted Apr 14, 2014 @ 5:53 PM

Bacon shampoo ? Why would anyone want to smell like dead meat ?


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#19527

PrincessLuceval

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Posted Apr 15, 2014 @ 1:30 PM

Delicious, delicious salty dead meat.


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#19528

SmithW6079

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Posted Apr 16, 2014 @ 7:28 AM

Parents will jostle each other to make sure they get just the right angle to film their little angels in their recitals. Fights will ensue.

Actually, between helicopter parents and video cameras everywhere, that's not so farfetched.
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