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TV Lessons I've Learned


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#17131

agora

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Posted Apr 11, 2012 @ 12:39 PM

Oh, yes, and male prostitutes only have sex with women. They never hit on other men, nor do they ever have sex with other men...

TV has also taught me that female prostitutes only have sex with men (or threesomes), its completely unheard of for prostitutes to have same sex partners or to be gay, lesbians or bisexual themselves.
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#17132

ChromaKelly

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Posted Apr 11, 2012 @ 1:16 PM

TV has also taught me that female prostitutes only have sex with men (or threesomes), its completely unheard of for prostitutes to have same sex partners or to be gay, lesbians or bisexual themselves.

Hiring a prostitute is also funny! It's not at all sad, desperate, or gross.
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#17133

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Posted Apr 11, 2012 @ 2:31 PM

Or else a long complicated, annoying, disgusting battle for custody has to occur at which time every single terrible thing the parent fighting for some sort of rights has done WILL be applicable and brought to light, even if it was something they did 20 years ago.

So my custody battle was televised?

TV family court judges are always sane and balanced; they don't have pre-existing biases that influence their decisions and result in bad or grossly unfair decisions. They frequently have a somber heart-to-heart with the children to figure out what needs to be done.

Occasionally, you get the wacky tv family judge who orders the feuding parents to live together for a short period of time which results in the feuding parents rediscovering twu wuv.
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#17134

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Posted Apr 12, 2012 @ 8:42 AM

TV judges are almost always wacky and quirky. They do things like interrupt the official proceedings to blow their noses loudly with honking noises or regale the courtroom with bizarre, TMI-type anecdotes about their personal lives, you name it. All the lawyers and their clients, however, sit with perfectly straight faces, unflinching, totally accepting of whatever craziness ensues because they know the judge can make or break their lives.

Apparently, judges are the supreme beings of the legal universe, and once they become judges, there is absolutely no one to answer to, no matter how insane they get...
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#17135

agora

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Posted Apr 12, 2012 @ 11:47 AM

Hiring a prostitute is also funny! It's not at all sad, desperate, or gross.

Not to mention, TV has taught me that hiring a prostitute - male or female - is always sexy.

In fact, TV has taught me sex is always sexy, unless it's a cable show sex will never be realistic, clumsy or get awkward half way through, people will always know what to do (even if they are virgins) and American Pie situations will be reserved for the reunion movie.
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#17136

Virginia Plain

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Posted Apr 12, 2012 @ 8:53 PM

If a woman on a tv show decides to just "become" a prostitute or a stripper, on her first night on the job she'll either strip for another member of the cast (unknowingly) or try to pick up her father or someone else she has a close relationship with.

This is completely unrelated, but people never run out of bullets. In gun fights nobody ever even has to reload their weapon!

Edited by Virginia Plain, Apr 12, 2012 @ 8:54 PM.

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#17137

taiko

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Posted Apr 12, 2012 @ 10:31 PM

This is completely unrelated, but people never run out of bullets. In gun fights nobody ever even has to reload their weapon

That is old school. Since TV cops have traded in their six shooters revolvers for 15 round semi-auto pistols they run out of bullets after firing two shots and the slide locks in the open position. The next time we see the weapon the slide is closed so the reload must have been off camera. ;)

edit to get rid of default font tags

Edited by taiko, Apr 12, 2012 @ 10:31 PM.

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#17138

agora

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Posted Apr 13, 2012 @ 10:03 AM

If a woman on a tv show decides to just "become" a prostitute or a stripper, on her first night on the job she'll either strip for another member of the cast (unknowingly) or try to pick up her father or someone else she has a close relationship with.

Also, anyone can be a stripper, the character just has to wish it and it will happen regardless its weight, background or social status. Even an amish girl could become a stripper in the movie of the week.
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#17139

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Posted Apr 17, 2012 @ 11:35 AM

I've learned that if my friends and I are trying to find a solution to a problem, and I come up with a good idea, I won't share it with my friends. I'll just say "I have an idea!" a couple times and then run off, even if I was asked what my idea was.

Or you could beckon your friends all to lean in close, and then mumble your Big Idea inaudibly while they nod sagely and prepare to fade into the next scene (of your triumph!).

Also, anyone can be a stripper, the character just has to wish it and it will happen regardless its weight, background or social status. Even an amish girl could become a stripper in the movie of the week.

I believe "stripping" is the sole work-study financial aid option at Hudson University.


Hiring a prostitute is also funny! It's not at all sad, desperate, or gross.

It's especially funny if you're pranking your buddy by sending a prostitute to their house. Because you've ordered up the one ugly ho! Who's actually a dude in a wig and dress! Ha ha ha!
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#17140

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Posted Apr 17, 2012 @ 12:59 PM

There are two kinds of mentally ill people. The lovable free spirited type that don't belong in an asylum, and the deranged serial killer type.
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#17141

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Posted Apr 17, 2012 @ 1:07 PM

Cold Case taught me that the majority of lobotomies and electroshock treatment leave you a complete vegetable and you need to rely on a cute doctor or friend on the outside to come kill you.

Law and Order taught me never to participate in any kind of medical trial with psychotropic meds because the people running it are even more insane than their subjects. Also the trial will likely be brought to an end with a homicide or suicide.

Edited by emace, Apr 17, 2012 @ 1:10 PM.

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#17142

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Posted Apr 17, 2012 @ 5:43 PM

RuPaul's Drag Race taught me to never take off my wig when I must Lipsynch For My Life. If I do, I better have some killer splits to back it up, so killer I can be accused of Swiffering the floor with my taint. But, if I do, I still run the risk of being asked to "Sashay...away".

Also, RPDR has reinforced that Admitting Fault or Choosing Myself will result in elimination. Jiggly Caliente was eliminated in an episode for telling the judges she messed up on a project for the show, and was eliminated. Conversely, Willam allegedly volunteered to lipsynch because she was the captain of a losing team, and was advised to not go off script. Later, she was disqualified for 'breaking rules'.

I first discovered the "Don't Volunteer Yourself" rule on Project Runway, season 1, when someone admitted they don't sew very well, and was kicked off in that episode. It crops up in other competitive reality shows, but ProjRun was what came to mind.

Edited by AtlanticVamp, Apr 17, 2012 @ 5:44 PM.

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#17143

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Posted Apr 18, 2012 @ 10:12 AM

You should always trust your "gut" or someone else's "gut" when solving a crime or mystery. It does not matter if no further explanation can be given to support following this path, even in a field that generally requires an analytical approach like law enforcement, law or medicine.

However, do not trust "intuition", especially "women's intuition". You will be openly mocked and your theories discarded as frivolous and baseless.
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#17144

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Posted Apr 18, 2012 @ 3:24 PM

Jiggly Caliente


Seriously?!
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#17145

agora

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Posted Apr 19, 2012 @ 10:18 AM

Game of Thrones has taught me that, the same age difference that makes a teenage girl dating her young adult teacher so "hot" in teen shows, might not look that way if you watch the little girl and teenage boy version of the dynamic.

And Ringer taught me that, sometimes, a teacher is just a teacher - or an accomplice in a major scam - and not a love interest.

Edited by agora, Apr 19, 2012 @ 10:22 AM.

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#17146

mmecorday

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Posted Apr 19, 2012 @ 12:27 PM

In 80s flashbacks, all men dress like Sonny Crockett and have Flock of Seagulls hair. Women all dress like Cindi Lauper or Madonna.
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#17147

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Posted Apr 19, 2012 @ 12:34 PM

Or Joan Collins.
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#17148

Cobalt Stargazer

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Posted Apr 19, 2012 @ 2:28 PM

Complete with massive shoulderpads.
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#17149

Virginia Plain

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Posted Apr 19, 2012 @ 4:39 PM

In 80s flashbacks, all men dress like Sonny Crockett and have Flock of Seagulls hair. Women all dress like Cindi Lauper or Madonna.


It doesn't matter if the flashback is set in 1980 or 1989, they all dress like it's permanently 1985.
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#17150

emace

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Posted Apr 19, 2012 @ 9:41 PM

In flashbacks, they often let the actors choose their wardrobes by reaching into a huge bag labeled "80's stuff" and grabbing whatever they want. So you can have someone wearing leg warmers, a Members Only Jacket, headband, and parachute pants, which people wore in back then, just not at the same time.
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#17151

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Posted Apr 20, 2012 @ 4:35 PM

Cold Case taught me that the majority of lobotomies and electroshock treatment leave you a complete vegetable and you need to rely on a cute doctor or friend on the outside to come kill you.


But that's okay, because any kind of brain injury is only temporary -- like, a week or two, tops. Even if you're so impaired that you can no longer remember how to make coffee (i.e. Foreman on House) you'll be back to your old self in no time, and it will never be mentioned again.
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#17152

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Posted Apr 22, 2012 @ 2:49 PM

You can tell if you were accepted into a college by the size of the envelope. This is universal on television, and completely untrue. It may have been true once upon a time, when you needed all your registration information in the mail, but now we have this magical thing called "The Internet."

When I got accepted to college, I was freaking out because it came in a normal sized envelope. There were two sheets of paper, a congratulations letter and instructions to log into the university website. Now it just pisses me off when they show this on TV because they almost gave me a heart attack.
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#17153

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Posted Apr 23, 2012 @ 1:09 PM

When I got accepted to college, I was freaking out because it came in a normal sized envelope. There were two sheets of paper, a congratulations letter and instructions to log into the university website. Now it just pisses me off when they show this on TV because they almost gave me a heart attack.


I had the exact same reaction when I got into college. I was so upset that my 1st choice college sent a small envelope that I didn't want to open it.

I just saw Castle from last week, and his daughter got regular sized envelopes for all the colleges she was accepted to, which kind of threw me off.
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#17154

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Posted Apr 23, 2012 @ 1:31 PM

But that's okay, because any kind of brain injury is only temporary -- like, a week or two, tops. Even if you're so impaired that you can no longer remember how to make coffee (i.e. Foreman on House) you'll be back to your old self in no time, and it will never be mentioned again.

And if you have been lying in bed in a coma for weeks/months/years, your muscles have not atrophied or anything. Nope, just spring out of bed like nothing happened.
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#17155

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Posted Apr 23, 2012 @ 1:51 PM

Army Wives just reminded me: if someone takes a pill, it is always because they are an addict on the verge of a breakdown. Nobody ever just pops headache or stomachache medicine. And it's super obvious if the character furtively swallows the pill (no water, slipping it in and out of a pocket as secretly as possible). Because nobody ever just wants to be discrete about taking medicine for a condition they'd rather not discuss.
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#17156

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Posted Apr 23, 2012 @ 11:34 PM

And if you have been lying in bed in a coma for weeks/months/years, your muscles have not atrophied or anything. Nope, just spring out of bed like nothing happened.


Sounds like the sheriff in "The Walking Dead".
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#17157

agora

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Posted Apr 24, 2012 @ 1:13 AM

Speaking of which ...The Walking Dead taught me love triangles could be all about the guys too.

It also taught me that you don't need to be a teenager to run away in a motorcyle with the resident badass and that, no matter what a comic book says, children aren't safe.

Edited by agora, Apr 24, 2012 @ 1:13 AM.

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#17158

Kel Varnsen

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Posted Apr 24, 2012 @ 7:15 AM

You can tell if you were accepted into a college by the size of the envelope. This is universal on television, and completely untrue. It may have been true once upon a time, when you needed all your registration information in the mail, but now we have this magical thing called "The Internet."



Even before registration was done over the internet, how many colleges or universities did the "big envelope means acceptance" thing? I mean I got accepted to university in the mid 1990's and maybe it is different in Canada, but the acceptance letters I got were small letters telling me congratulations and that a larger registration package was to follow.
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#17159

emace

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Posted Apr 24, 2012 @ 8:50 AM

You can tell if you were accepted into a college by the size of the envelope. This is universal on television, and completely untrue. It may have been true once upon a time, when you needed all your registration information in the mail, but now we have this magical thing called "The Internet."


Word. You can also take virtual campus tours, talk to people who attend the school, without even leaving your home, all options that weren't available a couple decades ago, but if you're a TV character you can only experience the school by going in person.

On a related note, TV people still job hunt by circling Help Wanted ads in the newspaper instead of using Craigslist.

Edited by emace, Apr 24, 2012 @ 8:54 AM.

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#17160

Bastet Esq

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Posted Apr 24, 2012 @ 1:45 PM

Well, there are far fewer scam job ads in the newspaper (where one has to pay to place the ad) than on Craigslist, so I imagine the newspaper is still one source for some job seekers. Trade publications are a lot more likely for many. What causes the disconnect for me is the fact most people, especially of the socio-economic class inhabited by most television characters, would be looking at the online version of any advertising venue, yet TV characters still almost exclusively whip out that red marker to circle and cross out ads. I guess it's thought to be a better visual than staring at a monitor.
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