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TV Lessons I've Learned


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#31

Dani257

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Posted Jan 18, 2004 @ 4:15 PM

The slappiest slapper ever was Catherine from Newradio. I believe they once had a montage of her dolling it out.


Yep, her last episode.
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#32

emace

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Posted Jan 18, 2004 @ 4:26 PM

Very few teens who get a job actually keep them into the next episode. (Unless the setting ties in with the show's theme or something) Usually, they quit a) after their first day - i.e. "I have to wear an ugly uniform and serve stupid people!" or b) after proving to whoever that they are in fact responsible and can earn their own cash, they quit.


It is also popular for all the coworkers to applaud when someone publicly quits, when in real life, they might rethink that option.
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#33

Lucy

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Posted Jan 18, 2004 @ 6:11 PM

The worst sin a man can commit while living with a woman is leaving the toilet seat up. Leaving the seat up is a sign that the guy is insensitive, selfish, and unaware of the needs of his woman. Never mind that the 1 second that it takes a woman to put the seat back down is not exactly a hardship, never mind that no one ever expects a woman to put the seat back up when she's done, to make it easier on the next guy to use the john. Nope, in TV land, women constantly bitch and moan about the damn toilet seat. Sweetie, if that's the worst complaint you have about your man....
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#34

FfrauleinN

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Posted Jan 19, 2004 @ 9:43 AM

A man may slap a woman across the face if A. she is hysterical

Yes, this is the only time it is okay. She will then pull herself together and thank him for slapping the sense into her.

'Good Girls' want a man who enjoys Enya, knitting, and perfoming weekend arts&crafts projects.

... and volunteering at the local retirement home.

Gentlemen: if you are watching a football game, and you are really into it, you will actually be holding a football.

Edited by FfrauleinN, Jan 19, 2004 @ 9:43 AM.

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#35

bella1013

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Posted Jan 19, 2004 @ 11:10 AM

if you are watching a football game, and you are really into it, you will actually be holding a football.


If you plan to watch the "game of the year", don't announce it. Your family members will choose the exact amount of time between the kick off, and whatever ends a football game, to annoy you with their problems.
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#36

HeadCase

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Posted Jan 19, 2004 @ 11:34 AM

It also never occurs to wives that planning a day out and expecting their husbands to watch the kids on Superbowl Sunday is a bad idea. Because after years of marriage she still hasn't noticed how important that day is to him. Not to mention the fact that no woman on the face of the earth is a sports addict herself.
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#37

emace

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Posted Jan 19, 2004 @ 12:04 PM

"if you are watching a football game, and you are really into it, you will actually be holding a football."

Also if you actually GO to any kind of sports game with a ball for a fun date, you will wind up catching the ball in the stands accidentally out of a zillion fans grabbing for it.

I've learned that if I am a youngster in a Disney TV channel movie, my best friend is almost always a) opposite sex, b) different race, or c) both! Bonus points if I'm say, a Caucasian boy who hangs out with an African American girl AND an Asian American girl. Because preteen boys never find the opposite sex "icky" and prefer to hang out with other boys at least in public.
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#38

bella1013

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Posted Jan 19, 2004 @ 12:47 PM

Also if you actually GO to any kind of sports game with a ball for a fun date, you will wind up catching the ball in the stands accidentally out of a zillion fans grabbing for it.


It's also possible to meet one of the players by accident, since there is no such thing a security at football games, and to sustain a black eye from a blind ball or puck.

People will always be amazed by seeing themselves upon the huge tv screen above the stadion, which will or has caused them to do something stupid, or propose to their girlfriend in front of the entire stadion.
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#39

dhb

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Posted Jan 19, 2004 @ 6:15 PM

If I am a person who is currently in high school, losing my virginity will be one of the most traumatic decisions of my life. Easily on the same level as deciding to donate a kidney or being on a jury that has the option of giving someone the death penalty. It must be with exactly the right person who I truly, truly love, lest I end up emotionally scarred and ruined for life.

However, if I am a person who is currently in my mid-twenties to mid-thirties, I will regularly recall my sex filled high school escapades with the same "oh what fun" attitude that I would recall trips to the beach or amusement park. My many one night stands and frequent casual sex will just be fond, funny memories that have helped mold me into the well adjusted, happy individual that I am today.
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#40

watchin girl

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Posted Jan 19, 2004 @ 7:23 PM

People will always be amazed by seeing themselves upon the huge tv screen above the stadion, which will or has caused them to do something stupid, or propose to their girlfriend in front of the entire stadion.


Or the flip side, if I skipped school or called in sick to work, I will appear on the Jumbotron and my teacher/employer will see me on TV and know I was faking. If there is a chance of winning a huge prize, I will be in the winning seat.
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#41

HeadCase

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Posted Jan 19, 2004 @ 7:51 PM

If a group of people attends the game, the one with the least athletic skill will win the chance to shoot the winning basket.
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#42

bmills

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Posted Jan 20, 2004 @ 9:39 PM

In the future, space navies will radically redesign their uniforms every three years or so. Even so, at least one female crew member will wear an outfit that would make a stripper blush.
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#43

HeadCase

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Posted Jan 20, 2004 @ 9:58 PM

That female crew member will also be alien (or part alien or raised by aliens). Human womenfolk will know to dress appropriately.
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#44

Gulftastic

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Posted Jan 21, 2004 @ 7:39 AM

Speaking of the future and sports, in the future we will have invented completely different sports from the ones we now know and love.

These new sports will be either (a) incredibly violent, (b) incredibly complex or ( c) a baffling combination of both (a) and (b).

Edited by Gulftastic, Jan 21, 2004 @ 7:40 AM.

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#45

bella1013

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Posted Jan 23, 2004 @ 6:26 PM

When a character plays the piano, and the actor doesn't, they will only show hands moving on the keys. When there is a bodyshot of the person at the piano, the hands will be hidden to hide the fact that the music is just playback, and there are probably no keys on the actual prop piano.

The only acceptable composers of classical music are Beethoven, Chopin and Bach.
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#46

Gulftastic

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Posted Jan 23, 2004 @ 6:44 PM

At some time, one of my friends will find themselves in a situation where they have to wear an absolutely ridiculous costume.

Whatever the situation is they will find that they have to walk through the streets or use public transport in the aformentioned costume.
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#47

HeadCase

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Posted Jan 23, 2004 @ 7:40 PM

At some point in my life, a group of people will walk into the bathroom while I am taking a bath and proceed to have a conversation while I try to cover myself with bubbles.
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#48

pellenaka

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Posted Jan 24, 2004 @ 7:03 AM

When I'm crying and someone offers me their handkerchief, I should always blow my nose in it to much laughter from the audience.
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#49

Natchou

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Posted Jan 24, 2004 @ 8:44 AM

Here's a lesson I learned just recently. Never get so emotionally invested in a show that you're sad that they shot their series finale even though it won't air for another 5 months...
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#50

FfrauleinN

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Posted Jan 24, 2004 @ 11:58 AM

At some point in my life, a group of people will walk into the bathroom while I am taking a bath and proceed to have a conversation while I try to cover myself with bubbles.

But it's okay, because there's always enough bubbles to cover you.
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#51

cal331

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Posted Jan 24, 2004 @ 2:31 PM

The only acceptable composers of classical music are Beethoven, Chopin and Bach.

You forgot Mozart.

That female crew member will also be alien (or part alien or raised by aliens). Human womenfolk will know to dress appropriately.

Yeah, but there will always be one alien woman crew member who is serious and cold yet beautiful with a great rack, and she will need to be shown how to loosen up and get down by one or more human male crew members. This must be some ancestral-memory fantasy with guys since it turns up so often. The non-sci-fi equivalent is the librarian or the professor who wears glasses and has her hair in a bun; at some point she will undo her hair and sexily whip off her glasses.
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#52

nazlan

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Posted Jan 24, 2004 @ 2:46 PM

at some point she will undo her hair and sexily whip off her glasses.


Because women who wear glasses are never sexy, just intelligent and occassionally wacky. In the same vein, if a bespectacled woman is being given a makeover, she will always be given contact lenses. Never, you know, a more flattering pair of glasses.
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#53

watchin girl

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Posted Jan 25, 2004 @ 2:13 AM

Necklaces have cheap clasps that break as soon as the necklace is jerked by someone.

Knuckles expand as soon as you put on someone else's ring, making it impossible for you to remove it without hilarity ensuing.
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#54

steering fish

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Posted Jan 25, 2004 @ 3:32 AM

People occasionally don't know the sex of their own pets and are sometimes surprised to see that a pet assumed to be male appears to be pregnant or has given birth.
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#55

Airisu

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Posted Jan 25, 2004 @ 7:35 AM

If I ever become one of the "popular kids", then crowds will automatically part like the red sea for me, and I will strut down the school hallways with the rest of my Popular Posse in OhSoFlattering! Slow Motion while the other losers gawk and stare at the side.

Edited by Airisu, Jan 25, 2004 @ 7:37 AM.

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#56

Quag

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Posted Jan 26, 2004 @ 10:33 AM

When I'm crying and someone offers me their handkerchief, I should always blow my nose in it to much laughter from the audience.


And once I've deposited my snot in their handkerchief, I will always offer it back to them. Whether they take it back depends on how much hilarity needs to ensue.

if a bespectacled woman is being given a makeover, she will always be given contact lenses.


Or laser surgery.

Edited by Quag, Jan 26, 2004 @ 10:34 AM.

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#57

ChinkyGirl

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Posted Jan 26, 2004 @ 1:18 PM

After I pick up a ringing phone and find out who's calling, it's perfectly acceptable to put your hand over the receiver, whisper something like, "It's Jim..." and then go into extended conversation with whoever is with you in the room, despite the fact that Jim must still be talking to you.
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#58

LadySmith

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Posted Jan 26, 2004 @ 1:52 PM

If I ever become one of the "popular kids", then crowds will automatically part like the red sea for me, and I will strut down the school hallways with the rest of my Popular Posse in OhSoFlattering! Slow Motion while the other losers gawk and stare at the side.


In the same vein, if I'm not popular, I will never care about the cool, unpopular friends I have. As soon as I get the chance, I will drop them like a sack of potatoes and smooze with the in-crowd. Of course, this is a great setup to learn a leason about who my real friends are since my dumbass couldn't recognize it in the beginning.


People always were shoes in their house, even if they aren't planning to go anywhere. No one ever walks around barefoot or in there socks.
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#59

HeadCase

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Posted Jan 26, 2004 @ 2:01 PM

After I pick up a ringing phone and find out who's calling, it's perfectly acceptable to put your hand over the receiver, whisper something like, "It's Jim..." and then go into extended conversation with whoever is with you in the room, despite the fact that Jim must still be talking to you.


Also, once I go back to talking to Jim and lie about the other person not being home, he won't suspect a thing even though I was clearly talking to someone else.
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#60

emace

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Posted Jan 26, 2004 @ 3:22 PM

"Because women who wear glasses are never sexy, just intelligent and occassionally wacky. In the same vein, if a bespectacled woman is being given a makeover, she will always be given contact lenses. Never, you know, a more flattering pair of glasses."

Even if it's in an era where relatively few people wore contacts - American Dreams, I'm looking at you.


Re: Sex of pets: My guinea pig got impregnated by my sister's, despite their not sharing a cage, and she (guinea pig) proceded to give birth one night when my dad was reading us a story.
Cats and dogs, it's a bit easier to tell, unless you chalk the weight gain up to greediness.

Re: Red Sea of Popularity: Instead of merely ignoring my unpopular friends, the popular kids will keep ganging pu on them, until I am forced to make a speech about Tolerance and get a standing o.
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