Jump to content

"My Implants Have Frozen!" (Nasty Captions)


This topic has been archived. This means that you cannot reply to this topic.

4576 replies to this topic

#2701

rikraq

rikraq

Posted Dec 30, 2004 @ 4:51 PM

Seer: Oh God! What is that thing?!
Leo: Ok, Phoebe. You can cover up the Cooter Tat now.

#2702

Richyyy

Richyyy

    Fanatic

Posted Dec 30, 2004 @ 7:30 PM

"Jesus, the strap-on didn't look that big in the shop!"

#2703

Cobalt Stargazer

Cobalt Stargazer

    Stalker

Posted Dec 30, 2004 @ 7:45 PM

Leo: But...but...but...I just saved her life!!!

Seer: Who is this psycho?

Phoebe (offscreen) For the last time, Leo, get out of my way! Nobody prettier than me is allowed to come into this house and live. And she makes me look even more like a man than usual! She HAS to die!

(Phoebe explodes)

Piper (also offscreen) Leo, hon, get a mop and bucket to clean up this mess, you know how entrails stain hardwood floors. *addresses what's left of her sister* Now what was that about no one prettier than you being allowed in this house?

#2704

Blue Plastic

Blue Plastic

    Fanatic

Posted Dec 30, 2004 @ 8:53 PM

Nobody prettier than me is allowed to come into this house and live.

Gurgle hee.

#2705

Sir_Fireboard

Sir_Fireboard

    Fanatic

  • Gender:Female

Posted Dec 31, 2004 @ 12:09 AM

"Jesus, the strap-on didn't look that big in the shop!"

Seriously? Bwah!

#2706

pretorian1

pretorian1

Posted Dec 31, 2004 @ 2:36 PM

Leo: Piper, this is not what it looks like!
Seer: So he's not an avatar and I didn't see that one coming from a mile away, right sweetie?

Edited by pretorian1, Dec 31, 2004 @ 2:37 PM.


#2707

bloody_walker

bloody_walker

    Fanatic

Posted Dec 31, 2004 @ 4:31 PM

Dolt: Ahhhhhhhh!!
Not!Cordy: Damn it you Dolt, move away! I want to see it! ahh! For god's sake, what is your childhood trauma!
Phoebitch: Yes Leo! let her look at Phoebe's delicious body so she will burst into flames from the envy.

Not!Cordy pushes Leo aside and finally sees Phoebe, lying on the floor wearing nothign but cooter pants

Not!Cordy: Ahhh! Cover yourself, you delusional skank!
Dolt: Now you see what was traumatizing me?
Not!Cordy: I think I'm gonna be blind. I wish I had offensive powers so I can vanquish her sorry funbags
Phoebitch: Phoebe's funbags are not sorry! Phoebe's funbags are proud and happy and really cute. Wanna touch them?
Not!Cordy: I've refused to touch slime demons prettier than you!
Phoebitch: Don't be sarcastic, everybody knows there's nothing prettier than the Freebs!
Not!Cordy: My God! What is it with her and the third person? Did she stuck a crayon in her brain and became clinically stooopid? Or is she mentally deficient from birth?
Piper: No, apparently she was victim of a curse that made her become a self-centered idiotic skank around the time Prue was killed. It gets worse every year.
Dolt: Just like my penis grows bigger every year.
Piper: The only thing getting bigger every year is your lard ass. And your beer belly... And your Chimpanzee Face... And my desire to kill you and her...
Not!Cordy: Those are the understaments of the year! Duh! I mean. How could you marry this!
Dolt: It might be because of the Hot Dolt Action we engaged last year in that Ghostly Plane Alley whiel hunted by Demian the DarkCapper.
Not!Cordy: Hello! That disgusting scene I had to watch from my scrying pool!? I've had visions of Leprechaun Sex way more sexy than that!
Phoebe: Did you see the sexy Phoebs getting it on with ten leprechauns last month?
Not!Cordy: Thank God I didn't or I would've pluck out my eyes. And why would you do that?
Phoebe: The baby made the Freebs do it!
Piper: Idiot! You're not pregnant
Phoebe: Then the shiny swirly stuff made the Freebs do it! The delicious Phoebe likes shiny stuff
Piper: Admit it, you have a little people fetish!
Phoebe: The sexy Phoebs has a penis fetish!
Not!Cordy: You should totally write a book about matyrdom. I mean, if I had a husband like this piece of walking lard and this sister I would commit suicide
Piper: You're right. We should move to Los Angeles so I can write it away from these two!

#2708

Maracev1

Maracev1

    Stalker

Posted Jan 2, 2005 @ 7:17 AM

Holly: Does all this kissing up mean I'm about to be fired? Get them off!!!

#2709

Just'sin

Just'sin

    Fanatic

Posted Jan 2, 2005 @ 8:37 AM

Phoebe: PIIIIIIIPERRRRRRRR!
Paige: You've been screaming for twenty minutes, she's comatose!
Phoebe: No! I refuse to give up on Piper. She's my sister, God damn it!
[Paige's mouth drops to the floor.]
Paige: What the fuck? What's with the sisterly loyalty?
Phoebe: She hid my mirror collection. Bitch better wake up or she'll know the meaning of pain.
Paige: She's in a deep coma. She's not going to feel anything.
Phoebe: But does that mean I can still cut her?
Paige: No! I won't let you do that to Piper!
Phoebe: Last week you stuck an atom bomb in her panties. Why are you so protective now?
Paige: The bitch hid my little black book. I have had no greasy slampieces for a week. If I let you cut her, who knows what she'll do to it!
Phoebe: Whatever, I'm going to cut her.
Paige; With what? You know Piper child-proofed this place. We can't get into anything.
Phoebe: Duh, you just have to use force. It always works on TV.
Paige: But we aren't on TV.
Phoebe: SO what are the cameras in my bedroom for?
Paige: They're for an internet website I set up about you.
Phoebe: You mean you film me sleeping and having sex? If I weren't such a skank I'd feel disgusted.
Paige: I don't film you having sex. I film you and people use various weapons to kill you, dismember your body and bury it all in real time.
Phoebe: How does that even work?
Paige: Look, my life is full of leprechauns trying to get into my pants, rich magic addicts trying to get into my pants and greasy slampieces who should be getting into my pants but aren't because my comatose sister took away my little black book. My lot in life is not to question the workings of technology, but to use it to enable people to emulate your murder. Got it.
Phoebe: Gees, I just asked. No need to bite my head off.
Paige: Well, I'm horny.
Phoebe: And I'm not? I haven't had sex for an hour! I don't know how I've survived this long.
Paige: Oh, the woe that is your life.
Phoebe: Damn straight. You don't know the troubles I go through.
Paige: Yes, your troubles are very troublesome. But I guess that's what you have to deal with when your greatest problem is trying to figure out which co-worker to fuck on your assistant's desk.
Phoebe: Damn straight.
Paige: What the fuck ever. Now, we have to figure out a way to un-coma Piper.
Phoebe: Un-coma? Un-coma isn't even a word.
Paige: Yes, it is.
Phoebe: No, it isn't.
Paige: Yes, it is.
Phoebe: No, it isn't.
Paige: Like you would know more than me! I went to Berkeley! Where did you go? A crappy community college.
Phoebe: I worked hard for my degree.
Paige: I don't think working your professors' poles is the definition of working hard for your degree, Phoebe.
Phoebe: You tell that to my cooter. It was so tired out after the year and a half it took to get my Bachelor of Nothing In Particular that I had to rest it for a WHOLE day.
Paige: How traumatic it must have been for you.
Phoebe: Damn straight.
Paige: We're getting off topic. Back to the un-comaing of Piper.
Phoebe: Un-comaing is not a word.
Paige: This is not the time to be de'jaing this vu.
Phoebe: De'jaing isn't a word.
Paige: If you don't shut up right now, I will fillet you with you're own bony arse, capiche?
[Phoebe nods.]
Paige: Now, how do we un-coma the wench? Any idea, Phoebe?
[Phoebe stands there in silence.]
Paige: Phoebe?
[Phoebe stands there in silence.]
Paige: PHOEBE!
[Phoebe stands there in silence.]
Paige: If you don't speak I'll kill you!
Phoebe: Jesus, first you'll kill me if I do speak then you kill me if I don't. Make up you mind already, woman!
Paige: I hate you and I hope you rot in hell.
Phoebe: You are so harsh.
Paige: Yeah, well, NER!
Phoebe: Consider me admonished.
Paige: You don't even know what admonished means.
Phoebe: Yes, I do.
Paige: SHut it, I went to Berkeley and I know more than you. Therefore, I'm the authority on what you know. So there.
Phoebe: I don't like it when you're in charge. I want Piper back!
Paige: And I want my little black book. We don't always get what we want.
Phoebe: But, but, but..
Paige: But, nothing...Hey, wait, a plan is forming in my head.
Phoebe: I get that sometimes, but then it turns out to just be a stroke.
Paige: Shut up, I'm trying to think.
Phoebe: I tried that once. It didn't work. I only got a headache.
Paige: Would you shut up?
Phoebe: And then I took some pills and the headache went away. Headache pills are great.
[Paige knocks Phoebe out.]

#2710

Just'sin

Just'sin

    Fanatic

Posted Jan 2, 2005 @ 8:54 AM

Paige: Peace at fucking last.
****OOOH, TIME ELAPSING****
[Phoebe comes to.]
Phoebe: I think headache pills should be our next president!
Paige: Yeah. Ok, then.
Phoebe: Why am I the floor?
Paige: Because I punched you in the face and knocked you out.
Phoebe: That's mean.
Paige: Anyway, I figured out my plan. We're going to kiss her back to conciousness!
Phoebe: Kiss?
Paige: Duh, like in the fairy tales?
Phoebe: Ah.
Paige: Ok, so let's get to it.
Phoebe: What are we doing again?
Paige: Kissing Piper.
Phoebe: But why? She won't even talk to me or look at me.
Paige: Because she's in a coma, dipshit.
Phoebe: Has she been this way long?
Paige: JUST KISS THE WOMAN ALREADY!
Phoebe: There's no need for shouting.
Paige: DO IT!
[Paige and Phoebe go in to kiss Piper.]
Paige/Phoebe: MWAH!
Paige: Not down there, you whore!
Phoebe: Where else do you kiss people?
Paige: Sometimes, I wish I'd never found my family.
Phoebe: I think Piper should look into some vaginal powder for her twat. It's a bit stinky.
Paige: Do you even know how disgusting you are?
Phoebe: I have a vague understanding.
[Leo enters, singing.]
Leo: If you want my body and you think I'm sexy, dum dum dum dum big penis.
Paige: Here comes the dolt parade.
Leo: My gosh! What on earth has happened to poor, sweet Piper? Fear not, my darling, for your knight in shining armour has come to rescue you!
Phoebe: Huh? Why is Leo speaking funny?
Paige: It's the Prince Charming gene, it's on the Y chromosome. All men have it. It's usually activated by seeing a woman in a coma.
[Leo moves toward Piper and kises her. Piper begins to wake.]
Piper: I had the most won...ARGH! LEO GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!
Leo: For a brief, shining moment I got to kiss the lips of my beloved.
Piper: You kissed me? I feel dirty. My lips will never be clean again.
Paige: He had to, otherwise you could have been in a coma for ever.
Piper: I don't care, I wish you'd never kissed me. I would have stayed in that coma for...Why is my crotch wet.
Paige: Phoebe kissed it.
Phoebe: And girl, your beaver needs so cleaning. It's rank.
Piper: I think I want to cry.
Leo: It's because you're so emotional about being around me.
Piper: For once in your life, Leo, you're right.
Leo: You mean your tears are Tears of LeoLove?
Piper: No, they're tears of LeoLoathing.
Leo: I want to die.
Piper: Good, die.
Leo: I will.
Piper: Then do it.
Leo: I don't wanna.
Piper: Pussy.
[Leo exits, crying.]
Paige: Give me back my little black book.
Piper: No.
Phoebe: Give me back my mirror collection. I can't feast my eyes on my loveliness.
Piper: No.
Paige: Give it!
Phoebe: GIVE IT!
[Piper blows up Paige and Pheobe.]
Piper: Ah, the peace.

#2711

ladyrott

ladyrott

    Stalker

  • Gender:Female

Posted Jan 3, 2005 @ 2:33 PM

Kern (off camera): OK, girls, now slide off your clothes and, on the count of three, Alyssa and Rose each slide down about 7 inches.

#2712

The Done One

The Done One

    Stalker

Posted Jan 3, 2005 @ 2:42 PM

You want me to wear...a bra?

#2713

ladyrott

ladyrott

    Stalker

  • Gender:Female

Posted Jan 3, 2005 @ 2:48 PM

Shannen: You let Alyssa write the script and she did WHAT to my character????!!!!!

#2714

rikraq

rikraq

Posted Jan 3, 2005 @ 2:50 PM

Prue: You ever have one of those dreams where you are nekkid in front of a room full of people? Please tell me this is that dream.

#2715

alexias

alexias

    Stalker

Posted Jan 3, 2005 @ 3:03 PM

Prue to Piper and Phoebe: "I'm gone for three plus years and look what has become of you! Phoebe, you're a skank and a hag and I think I hear your tapeworm calling. And Piper! Honey, you've given birth to a psycho and an extremely gay, and equally pretty, son through that dolt of a husband of yours whose now an avatar? And by the way, back alley sex? Who are you, Phoebe?"

Piper: "I've missed you so much"

Prue: "Bite me. You never chant, you never summon...would it kill you to light a few candles?".

Phoebe: "Watch it, bitch, or I'll have the wall come out and play again".

Prue: "Hi, moron, I'm dead remember. You can't hurt me"

Piper: "Looks like we'll have to kill Phoebe"

Phoebe: "Yeah! So I can say the ghost vanquishing spell! Right"

Piper (tearing the spell out of the book and stuffing it in her pocket): "Yeah...sure. Whatever".

#2716

The Done One

The Done One

    Stalker

Posted Jan 3, 2005 @ 3:15 PM

Prue: "Bite me. You never chant, you never summon...would it kill you to light a few candles?".

HA!

#2717

ShunnedforLife

ShunnedforLife

    Fanatic

Posted Jan 3, 2005 @ 4:26 PM

Shannen: Ugh leftie is trying escape again.

#2718

payndz

payndz

    Fanatic

Posted Jan 3, 2005 @ 4:40 PM

Shannen: Ugh leftie is trying escape again.


Breast, or eye?

#2719

bloody_walker

bloody_walker

    Fanatic

Posted Jan 4, 2005 @ 11:24 AM

Prue: Raige, you're such an idiot! Why the fuck did you summon me without any clothes?
Faux Coleder: Because I asked her to. I want to perform an autopsy on the only death-by-wall registered in supernatural events. I want to discover how is it possible for a mysthical being to resist flaming balls of death but die by hitting a plaster wall.
Prue: And you are?
Faux Coleder: Coleder, Faux Coleder of the FBI. And not gay, I'm not gay at all
Raige: Don't worry sis, when he's done I'll give you one of your tit slings and then we'll just leave for some bulge riding
Prue: Great, so now my replacement is Phoebitch 2.0.
Raige: Hey! I'm not the one having Dorty Alley Sex with the idiot that dumped me for a promotion but never actually left.

Piper enters

Piper: Shut up Raige! It was pity sex, ok? I thought I was gonna die. There's no way I'm letting that fat idiot touch me again. (Piper notices Prue) Prue? Oh my god, you're back! You have no idea how horrible it has been!
Prue: I do, I wanted to come back, but that anorexic fraticidal sister of ours did some spell to keep me trapped Up There, or in some lame Las Vegas rip-off, I'm not quite sure.

Phoebitch enters

Phoebitch: What is SHE! doing here! Raige, do you hate me? Why don't you care about MY feelings? I specifically said...
Raige: Shut it hag! I don't care about you anymore. All I care for is the Bulge. And the Lord of the Bulge asked me to summon the one victim of death-by-wall so he can examine her.
Phoebitch: My cooter tat is growling in hatred
Piper: Actually, I think it is that tapeworm of yours you haven't fed in three years, you living dead slut
Phoebitch: I'm not anorexic, my funbags and teeth are just bigger and you're all jealous of ME because I get the dirtiest and most stoopid slampieces and have tons of desk sex and ride naked on the streets and...

Prue: Shut up you skank!
Raige: apple!

An apple orbs into Phoebe's mouth

Big Gay Chris orbs in:

Chris: Listen up aunts and mommy. I have come back from an evil future because found the true demonic threat that GETS to Wyatt and we must totally vanquish before he transforms him into a total psycho bent on banning gay parades and gay night clubs and I won't say anything because I don't want to alter the future and...
oohhhh, Special Gaygent Fauxie!
Faux Coleder: I. AM. NOT. GAY. AT. ALL.!
Chris: Really? How many MGM musicals did Judy Garland starred?
Faux Coleder: Sixteen, including "Little Nellie Kelly", "Ziegfeld Girl", "For Me and My Gal", "Meet Me in St. Louis", "The Harvey Girls", "The Ziegfeld Follies", "Till de Clouds Roll By", "The Pirate", "Easter Parade", "In the Good Old Summertime" and "Summer Stock"
Chris: See? You're as gay as Prue is bitchy
Prue: And I'm one hell of a bitch!
Faux Coleder: I know them because of my secret FBI training! And I screw Raige three times a day! That proves i'm straight!
Piper: With that moustache she looks like a transexual
Raige: Huh? I'm sorry, the Bulging Vibrations of the Bulge interferre with my reasoning and that's all I can think of

Phoebe takes off the apple from her mouth

Phoebe: Ooooh. Two little fruits for me! The funbags are tingling. They want me! Come on! There's plenty of funbags for the whole family
Piper: Shut up! Prue's back and we don't need you anymore!
Prue: Allow me!

Prue tks Phoebe into a wall

Prue: Now you finish her. You've had to live with her more years than me

Piper deploys her Hands of Sisterly Discontent and blows up Phoebe

Piper: Yay! She's gone! But I still want a normal life.
Faux Coleder: Stop groping me Chris! I'm so not gay!
Chris: Youre bulge tells me otherwise, special gaygent. Come on! In the future we will be together, and have tons of Big Gay Roleplaying Sex. You'll be James Bond and I'll be Octopussy!

Edited by bloody_walker, Jan 4, 2005 @ 12:06 PM.


#2720

rikraq

rikraq

Posted Jan 4, 2005 @ 4:23 PM

Prue's foot in Phoebe's ass

#2721

birdsonthebat

birdsonthebat

Posted Jan 4, 2005 @ 6:26 PM

Cole's %&#@" in Phoebe's ass.

or
Chronic's %&#@" in Phoebe's ass.

or
Miles' %&#@" in Phoebe's ass.

or

.....

Edited by birdsonthebat, Jan 4, 2005 @ 6:29 PM.


#2722

Blue Plastic

Blue Plastic

    Fanatic

Posted Jan 4, 2005 @ 6:29 PM

Phoebe (shrieking): Aaaaaaa! Aaaaaa! I said I'm *sorry*! I'll never do it again!
Prue (beating Phoebe): I don't believe you! Say it again!
Phoebe: Aaaaaoowww! I'm sorry! I should have listened to you!
Prue (still beating): And what else?
Phoebe: Aaaaaaa! All right, all right! I'm sorry, I should never have brought Cole into our lives. Aaaaa! I never should have lied to you about vanquishing him. Aaaaa! Aaaaaa! I'll never have another boyfriend ever again! I promise! Aaaaaaa!
Prue (finally stopping): Okay. That's better.

#2723

Huntley

Huntley

    Fanatic

Posted Jan 4, 2005 @ 6:31 PM

And then Prue drops dead.

#2724

Richyyy

Richyyy

    Fanatic

Posted Jan 4, 2005 @ 8:18 PM

...

Edited by Richyyy, Jan 4, 2005 @ 8:19 PM.


#2725

bloody_walker

bloody_walker

    Fanatic

Posted Jan 4, 2005 @ 8:22 PM

Alyssa: Don't please! Help me! Stop it, please!

Demian: You had my pretty husband fired! Now I'm going to punish you, you anorexic whore! I'm going to do the world a favor and erase that fuckin' cooter tat and then I'm going to send you to some acting lessons, you insuferable bitch!

#2726

sailorwind

sailorwind

Posted Jan 4, 2005 @ 11:24 PM

Phoebe: AAAH!!! Make it go away! I can't take it, don't make me look at it any more! I hate these damn visions, take them away! It hurts, it hurts!
Prue: What is it? What do you see? Is it an innocent? What kind of demon?
Phoebe: I don't know! It's a horrible looking demon with strange uneven eyes and big teeth. It's also wearing a paisley tit-sling. Make it go away!
Prue TK's Phoebe into the door frame: The vision is gone now, bitch. Yesterday you were trying to get me to give you this lovely tit-sling.

#2727

Alyna Kuirt

Alyna Kuirt

    Fanatic

Posted Jan 7, 2005 @ 2:05 PM

(Yeah, I know it's technically a girl, but I can pretend, can't I?)
Phoebe: Of course I know there's a hot guy behind me. He wants to do me.

#2728

ladyrott

ladyrott

    Stalker

  • Gender:Female

Posted Jan 7, 2005 @ 2:21 PM

Kern (off screen): Shannen, take off that mask and get out of here. You're fired, remember?!

#2729

ariah

ariah

    Couch Potato

Posted Jan 7, 2005 @ 2:24 PM

Phoebe: If the Wall doesn't work, there's always Plan B.

#2730

rikraq

rikraq

Posted Jan 7, 2005 @ 2:27 PM

"Ever had a chainsaw up your ass?"

(Alyssa looks good in that pic)