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Simon: Cowell By Name, Foul By Nature


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#1

lilyflower

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Posted Jan 4, 2004 @ 3:11 AM

Yes, his face does sort of look screwed up - kind of like it was once a normal face and then, it started to melt.


Well, of course it does. There was that time that a simple farm girl from Kansas poured water on him.

Thanks to InigoMontoya for the thread title!

Edited by Jacob, Apr 20, 2006 @ 12:45 PM.


#2

kingdead

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Posted Jan 4, 2004 @ 12:38 PM

There was that time that a simple farm girl from Kansas poured water on him.


Now I can't stop laughing!

A Simon Cowell impersonator? There are Simon Cowell impersonators now? Is this like Simon Cowell's erotomaniac "wife"? I want to know this happy story.

#3

shalozby

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Posted Jan 4, 2004 @ 10:18 PM

A Simon Cowell impersonator? There are Simon Cowell impersonators now? Is this like Simon Cowell's erotomaniac "wife"? I want to know this happy story.


I have put the transcripts together and am now finishing up my own comments on it. It's weirder than erotomania. It's sadder than merely impersonating him. I should be done with it in a few days - when I'm done, I'll post a notice here so anyone who wants a copy can get one.

#4

kingdead

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Posted Jan 5, 2004 @ 9:38 AM

Oh wow. That certainly sounds tempting. I don't know whether to laugh or cry, I guess I'll find out soon...Is Simon his spirit guide?

#5

shalozby

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Posted Jan 5, 2004 @ 11:36 AM

Well, I think it's a she, and so far, I think "Simon" is a part of a schizophrenic fantasy.

#6

kingdead

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Posted Jan 6, 2004 @ 3:58 PM

I think I can call AND raise you on your transcript, shalozby...not sure, though. Don't let your hate of Simon Cowell lead you into madness.

#7

shalozby

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Posted Jan 6, 2004 @ 8:04 PM

well now it's even worse because I am having a hardtime distinguishing my hatred for Simon Cowell for my hatred of this particular person.
Part of me really wishes it was Simon Cowell, cause at least I know what he looks like.

#8

TheAllMightyMe

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Posted Jan 7, 2004 @ 6:58 AM

I just need to say this once n than I'm done:

This guy is such a sleazy, arrogant bastard n I hope he drops dead!!! I surely hope I've seen the last of his sorry arrogant ass. Idiot!!! "Donkey".....Fucking idiot.

#9

burping frog

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Posted Jan 7, 2004 @ 12:32 PM

How I wish, wish, wish that Heat magazine had its pictures online. There's one in it today that would make the Simon haters hug themselves with glee. Its a extreme close up of our Si, and he has crusty saliva all around his mouth. Its grrrrross. Now I know this is something that seems to happen to old people, and you often see them wiping their mouths with hankies when there's no food in the vacinity, but frankly it looks like he's just after giving someone a blow job and hasn't wiped his mouth properly. Its fuckin' hilarious.

#10

shalozby

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Posted Jan 7, 2004 @ 1:23 PM

burping frog, if you love us, you will find a way to scan that picture. It's not just for us - it's for the world.
You're now on a mission from God.
Blowjob....or rabies?

Edited by shalozby, Jan 7, 2004 @ 1:25 PM.


#11

burping frog

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Posted Jan 8, 2004 @ 8:06 AM

I don't have access to any scanner! I don't even know anyone who has one! I'm sorry......I'm sure there must be other people around from this part of the world who devour Heat as much as I do and could scan it. Anyone? Bueller?

Actually, though, its a bit nasty. I don't know if you want to see it, seriously.

#12

shalozby

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Posted Jan 8, 2004 @ 11:52 AM

My grandfather had Parkinson's disease, and every Saturday, I would go over to his apartment to clean it. I had to scrub pee stains off the wall. Simon's geriatric drooly face would be more funny that gross.

Anyone, Heat? Please....

#13

Sarahj

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Posted Jan 11, 2004 @ 8:10 AM

In Australia, we are going to recieve American Idol 3 and the promos are all Simon Cowell, Simon Cowell, Simon Cowell. It's all about his comments and opinions and him driving a car!

Essentially, the network showing it this year believes that all we care about is Simon, and that's why we'll tune in.

#14

Kromm

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Posted Jan 11, 2004 @ 3:51 PM

Poor Australians!

Wait... those of us in the U.S. (and the U.K. of course) have been pretty unlucky too. We just want to share the pain!

#15

kingdead

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Posted Jan 11, 2004 @ 10:56 PM

It's all about his comments and opinions and him driving a car!


That's hilarious for some reason. Is it the Batmobile or just a regular vehicle? Apparently you should be impressed by his driving prowess?

As for our commercials, I am impressed by him sitting there and giving the EXACT SAME INSULT as in every other commercial. Come on, bring on the driving Simon.

#16

Sarahj

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Posted Jan 12, 2004 @ 6:33 AM

It's the clip from World Idol, where he's driving that black car. In another part of the ad, Simon insults this chick and she goes, "thankyou!" and he replies, "No, I'm telling you that you're BAD!" Which leaves all us Australians to draw the conclusions that Americans are dumb and Simon Cowell is really actually doing the whole world a favour by putting them down. Which, you know, is not good for world relations and whatnot, but HEY! TV ratings come first!

#17

Gilda Slice

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Posted Jan 13, 2004 @ 4:40 PM

kingdead:

Is it the Batmobile or just a regular vehicle? Apparently you should be impressed by his driving prowess?


Obviously, it must be the Asshatmobile. Apparently, LA is even getting outfitted for an Asshatman signal and Simon's t-shirts this season? Rubber nipples.

#18

triggerhappyjack

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Posted Jan 20, 2004 @ 9:30 PM

When that dude did that gross thing with his stomach and Simon deadpanned, "that's exactly what we're looking for," I almost forgot how unamusing Simon generally is.

Simon always sucks me into not hating him in the initial auditions. He's had some great ego-deflating, non-lame, pretty funny lines in the past two nights, and it sucks because I know how trite and cliched he's going to get over the next few months.

#19

shalozby

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Posted Jan 21, 2004 @ 8:35 AM

triggerhappyjack, I think that is the same way that Satan seduces you into being one of his worshippers. At least according to the 700 Club.
...and having to do recaps of the 700 Club is what evil TWoP recappers have to do if they are bad and go to Hell...

#20

RabbitEars

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Posted Jan 21, 2004 @ 9:04 PM

The nice thing about Simon this season is, he's genuinely amused at some of these asshats. At least he's loosening up a bit and allowing himself a laugh at someone else's expense, instead of finding a way to crush their souls.

But I'm also surprised at his smackdown of some contestants that two years he would have fawned over. He seems to have much less patience for the standard Whitney/Christina/Mariah wannabes. I wonder why.

#21

shalozby

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Posted Jan 21, 2004 @ 11:40 PM

A surprise to none but Simon, Whitney/Christina/Mariah wannabes are a lot more keen on not catching the clap than they might have been in his heyday.

#22

katiedid

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Posted Jan 22, 2004 @ 5:54 AM

Has anyone else noticed (it may be just me) that Simon appears to have slightly slimmed? His once rounded C cup moobs are now B cups. Maybe he and Randy were diet buddies? Or not. But there's one thing I do know. As you recall during the end of Wed.'s show - him in the snug white t-shirt and then getting water splashed across his body? Struck me as a wet t-shirt contest gone terribly, terribly wrong.

#23

kingdead

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Posted Jan 22, 2004 @ 11:38 AM

How tragic, he must have had a boob job. His back was probably starting to hurt. At least he wasn't wearing a bra under there, though. That would have freaked me right out.

#24

shalozby

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Posted Jan 22, 2004 @ 12:15 PM

Yeah, I noticed his boobies had shrunk on that show, but overall, his moobs are still more prominent than Randy's. Or Paula's.

#25

CarlyFC

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Posted Jan 22, 2004 @ 12:59 PM

I love Simon. And I can't imagine this show without him, it just wouldn't be the same. At the very least, it wouldn't be as funny. Simon on a good day hits the nail smack on the head, and tells it like it is, no holds barred.

Good Lord, but some of these wannabees are disillusioned about themselves and their 'talents'. It would be a disservice to them to allow Paula to placate them and send them on their way.

The sad thing is, even when Simon (and sometimes Randy, and sometimes even Paula) is brutally honest with some of these poor souls, they still leave thinking they're the best thing since sliced bread & that the judges were simply wrong, or they were simply having a bad day. "Well, I'll be back next year to show them" is often heard. Yikes.

#26

Rachel RSL

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Posted Jan 22, 2004 @ 5:41 PM

Dammit, I'm so torn. I know what an asshat he is and pretty much everything he says pisses me off, but I still think he's damned hot.

#27

SpyDaddy's Gurl

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Posted Jan 22, 2004 @ 10:47 PM

I love Simon. And I can't imagine this show without him, it just wouldn't be the same. At the very least, it wouldn't be as funny. Simon on a good day hits the nail smack on the head, and tells it like it is, no holds barred.


And here I was thinking I was the only one around here who actually likes him...
I totally agree with you. I was just watching an A&E biography on him and someone from FOX said that when they were talking about doing American Idol they knew they had to have Simon come do it because of his acerbic wit(or something to that effect). Couldn't have been more right. I can't imagine the show without him either. Don't really want to. Just remembering Paula in the first season... *shudders*
It's nice to see that someone will say what they're thinking and be totally honest, not caring what anyone thinks about it or if it might hurt someone's feelings.
Besides, the looks on his face during the bad singers are hilarious :~

Edited by SpyDaddy's Gurl, Jan 22, 2004 @ 10:55 PM.


#28

belsum

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Posted Jan 23, 2004 @ 12:06 PM

I saw the bio on A&E last night too! I'm becoming a big Simon fan. I always thought he was funny but he would still piss me off. Now, I'm starting to see deeper, like his gravelly voiced girlfriend was mentioning. Simon's always been Mr. belsum's boyfriend. I may have to fight him for him soon! Simon's so darn cute holding his nose against the giggles!!

#29

watchergirl

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Posted Jan 23, 2004 @ 2:19 PM

I have to weigh in with my Simon love as well. I've always enjoyed him because of the snark factor. And now, I'm finding him darn hot, too. Weird! And he did look *so* adorable holding his nose trying not to die laughing.

Anybody know when they're reairing that Biography? Sounds like it was a good watch.

#30

OBoogie

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Posted Jan 23, 2004 @ 3:01 PM

I love Simon. He has the wicked English wit that I love so much in my husband and his friends. The show would stink without him. I'm not foolish enough to get up in front of him and sing, so I'll never have to be on the receiving end of that mouth.

He bugged me last year, though, when he championed the freak that is Goat Girl. That made no sense, and I still want to believe that he was forced to do that.