Hm. That would probably cheer them up. It makes me think that they should at least send the ones who enjoy activities on that kind of date - Personally, I'm afraid if I am looking for the right guy I would want only to talk to him, because that is what I would be doing should we end up together. But it's true that some of the women are more the "kinetic" type - and their dates should be activity-based, with conversation stemming organically from that. You know, like Blind Date, where they cobble shoes together or something. Hee.

Arian was obviously joking. The guy was laughing. I don't think it was that big of a deal. Ok, she definitely has issues regarding her sexuality, but she even said herself that she just wanted to have sex.

I found the rape comment offensive mostly just because he even thought to go there. I also dislike the notion that a woman's actions can 'trigger' rape because, well, frankly, it's fucking bullshit, and secondly it perpetuates an idea however subconscious that, on some level, rape is acceptable. Hence why rape is still so common... it's definitely not because all rapists are mentally ill psychos.

I guess it depends on how you define relationship. If I just met a man and he reached over the table to grab my breasts, I think I'd have a really clear idea of his idea of a relationship. If I were interested in anything beyond that -- even having a companion who didn't grope me in public -- he'd be off my list. (Not to mention the fact that grabbing strangers is considered rude. I think it's just as rude for Arian to have done what she did as it is for guys to do it.) I also think the 'rules' are the same for Arian as they are for everyone else: first impressions count. If you want people to see you as party girl first and maybe something else later on -- if there is a later on -- I'd say Arian's got the routine down pat.

I didn't think of Arian's actions as inviting assault. I thought her behavior just screamed one-night stand to me. If a one-night stand is a relationship, she's right on the money. If she's interested in something more long-lasting, that's about the last way I'd advise someone to start off. Aside from the sex angle, people who act stupid in public bug me anyway. I would have assumed from that meeting that she was drunk, probably a little dumb -- ok, maybe a lot dumb -- and no one who needed to be taken seriously, but that's all. I wouldn't have thought, "Oh she's all over that guy she doesn't know! How self-actualizing!"

Seriously, I wish Steven would have told Arian that if sex is all she wants, sex is what she'll get. And with the sex may well come STDs and guys who treat her like shit because there's no incentive to do anything else.

Interesting conversation, many here have expressed my views better than I ever could.

Anywho.... Re: Jody and Shane

I definitely think Shane should have backed off once he realized Jody was reacting badly to his questions but I don't think he was that big of a jerk. To me this could have been a make or break moment for Shane the same way the ambition thing was make or break for Abiola.

Honestly I don't believe Jody hasn't found the "right person," I think Jody has issues, issues which may keep her from finding the right person or maintaining a relationship with the right person. (Her issues just aren't Arian and Taylor-sized issues). I would personally give the side-eye to any guy I met who appeared to "have himself together" yet couldn't maintain a serious stable long-term relationship. We don't know that much about Jody's history but do know that she was with someone long term that was emotionally abusive. Too me that's a total red flag. I think that if she had had healthy relationships early on but somewhere along the line had gone off the rails that might have been mentioned. Jody has just a much baggage as Shane and IMO is not any more or less of a catch than he is.

On the other hand, I don't really think either is that into the other and may be just forcing it for the sake of the show. We shall see.

Yeah, grabbing strangers is usually rude, and it's probably more than what I personally would do. But for all the freaking out over it, she was grabbing his leg, not his penis. Also he wasn't exactly a stranger at that point. She didn't really know him that well, true. But we don't see everything that happens in these shows. For all we know, they had sat there for hours chilling and talking and getting to know each other. And for being stupid in public? Well, it's a bar. That kind of atmosphere encourages people into letting their guards down and relaxing and being silly.

I'm just very uncomfortable with the idea that (even though I'm not like this myself) a woman cannot be very sexually open and express obvious interest in having sex because men won't be able to take her seriously. To me, that would be the man's problem, not the woman's. I can look at a man who's fixated on sex and desperate to be laid and recognize that he's more than just a walking penis. He's also a 3-D person with feelings and family and goals and non-sex related interests. I have no idea why a grown man with a working brain wouldn't be able to look at a woman in the same position and see the same thing. It just screams sexist double standards. If a person thinks that all they have to offer is sex, then that is a problem and that may be Arian's problem. But her overt sexuality in itself is not her problem.

And on a different note: if you want to talk about appalling and shocking behavior, that Shane guy was an utter asshat. I could hardly stand to watch him. My heart was just breaking for Jody. She had every right to be furious.

Folks, please keep the conversation focused on the show. Don't use it as a jumping-off point for a discussion of your own life, Wikipedia entries, survey research, or human psychology. When you write whole paragraphs (or entire posts) without so much as mentioning the show, you're off topic.

I'm going to leave the Arian thing alone. . .

You know, I see what Steve and the others were saying about Jody's date, and if he had ONE TIME, said "You know, you are so beautiful and smart and attractive, I just can't figure out why some guy has not snapped you up already !", I could buy it. However, he was very blunt, and kept pushing the conversation long after he could tells he was uncomfortable and THEN seems to be lectuing her in the car. If he had apologized on the spot, and changed the subject to something lighter, then I could have more easily excused it as just being awkwardly phrased.

Then, "You sucked down that wine too, huh ?" was just rude too.

I am all for second chances, but it would have to be one hefty apology for me. He would have to apologize for not only saying what he said, but continuing on once he knew I was feeling cornered.

Jennifer Anniston once said that Brad Pitt was missing a "sensitivity chip". I think Jody's date was with Brad the day that God handed those out.

To me, knowing someone for a few hours doesn't constitute some level of deep knowledge, so YMMV. And Arian wasn't sort-of rude; she was totally rude. Grabbing a man's leg, especially up near the crotch, is a sexual signal, particularly in the context of bragging about giving head and adjusting your boobs. Really, I look at the double standard differently. For me, both genders have no one to blame if all they can talk about is sex, or sports, or fashion, or whether they are fat, or comic books. People don't react to folks who go on and on and on about one topic and think, "Gee, I'll bet she is really well-rounded as a person," or "I'll bet this guy who can't talk about anything but Star Wars is a lot of fun." Too much of any one topic is too much. And sex talk is one area where it just might be that guys don't think about anything but, especially if you are waving the goods at him right off the bat.

By the way, I think men will take women who are sexually aggressive very seriously: they will understand and respond to the signals that they want sex. That they will understand. Whether their minds will go anywhere else .... maybe not. Neither gender can have it both ways, insisting that casual sex is just casual and then expecting people to head into deeper mental territory or commitment. I think your first signals and behavior do indicate what you expect.

I'm sure the show is scripted and Arian is just more willing or was chosen to play the hot, out-of-control one -- and she does it well. And yes, Shane was an asshat, completely. He just acted like he was kind of interested in observing Jody's reactions without any sense of caring for her as a person. Jerk.

Word to everything you just said. And I'm so confused as to why Steve keeps pushing this guy and Jody together and talking about their "beautiful connection." Does anyone else think that for all his talk about being one of the most successful matchmakers in the country that he has no idea what he's talking about half the time?

He has. Most memorably when he said that she can get any guy to have sex with her, but she's not going to find one to put a ring on her finger. At which point, Arian went upstairs and raged about how he said she was unlovable, and later called mommy crying to go home. I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that Arian doesn't handle criticism well...

I changed channels during parts of the Jody/Shane thing because it was so uncomfortable. Although in retrospect, Jody freaking out over needing a cigarette was kinda funny. I can see the scene at dinner and in the car playing out the way it did if Shane were stuck in analytical robot mode, but it's not a good sign if that's the way he reacts to emotion.

Since my husband was with Brad Pitt and Shane when God was handing out the sensitivity chip, he said he could tell Shane wanted to back out of what he was saying but didn't know how and he just kept making it worse.

I really don't think Shane is so great of a catch and I don't blame Jody for not wanting to have her first possible marriage be to a person who's been down the road before. Although I do think the second wife gets the better end of the deal.

Like several posters upstream, I think that Shane was told by production to follow that line of questioning. So this:

also has me thinking that Shane went with the line of questioning the producers told him to say, and when the convo tanked, he didn't know how to get out of it or make it better, or if he even should try. He isn't that good of an actor. I certainly hope he isn't really that much of a jerk-off. This also may be why Steve is still pushing for Jody to go out with him again. Production made the situation explode, not Shane, and maybe they should have just left things alone since the date was going so well. I bet they had no idea that it would cause such a meltdown with Jody (although that turned out to be reality show gold for them). If Steve has a smidgen of any real concern for any of these women, he may have realized the goof needed fixing. Hence, the apology next week.

I also understand where Steve was coming from with Arian, but wish he had used a different term, like attack (as mentioned above) or assault. But so far soft words and beating around the bush have had no affect on her, so he brought out the big guns. Smacked her up side the head. Anyone (male or female) who acts like she did on a first date, regardless of how casual the setting, AND who sees nothing wrong with it, needs a loud wake-up call.

I just can't understand why Shane's question was so offensive. It was the third date; by that point I would be expecting to delve into past relationship territory. She knows all about his failed marriage, why can't he know what she's been up to these past years? I think that she seriously overreacted and made a mountain out of a molehill in this case. I think that his wine comment and the dessert thing were his way of trying to lighten the mood (albeit very poorly done), not him being an ass. If Jody signs up to play the dating game, she needs to be ready to be a grown up and participate. She shut down immediately and her stubborn refusal to recover from it and continue to throw a fit only drove him to dig his heels in and stubbornly demand a resolution. "I haven't met the right guy" - how hard is that to say? The guy has a kid and an ex-wife that will have to be okay with any potential girlfriend; knowing how many serious relationships she's been in or if she's ever been engaged or whether or not she has a restraining order out there is necessary information to figure out how well she may or may not fit into his world.

Jessa needed to make a freaking move. If she had just done it, the tension would have vanished instantly. I thought that the discomfort exhibited during that date was sexual tension and if she had just stopped with her Rules-ish crap and handled the kissing, he would have relaxed and become far more at ease with giving her the affection she wants. It's not his job to read the non signals she was sending. Hell, in my experience guys are usually a little impressed/intrigued by a woman who takes care of that business. It could only have worked in her favor. Unless he was a shit kisser, at least.

The initial question I did not think was that offensive. And Jodi did seem to over react somewhat. I mean I really really was completely unable to keep a straight face when she told the camera earnestly how offended she was that he was judging her and she was doing this whole experience with an open mind. Not so much Jodi. You had to be stroked to get there and you still aren't all the way there yet.

But it was immediately obvious as to how upsetting that question was. And I think if he had pulled back and let her change the subject or had been able to step back and articulate that he meant it as a huge compliment, not as an attack on her choices in life and her personality in a way that she misread the quesry as an attack? Instead he kept pushing and Jodi just went barrelling down the path of unhinged at neck breaking speed. And still he would not let it go. When you are driving back from a date and the woman beside you has her back to you?! It's time to say "I'm sorry" and then STFU about the matter.

I felt Jodi read way too much offense into his comment. Her reaction was very similiar in some ways to Arian in the prior episode when she totally ignored what Steve said and simply decided out of her dysfunction he was telling her no one would love her nor did she deserve to be loved. But there was also a huge difference in Jodi explained to Shane her interpretation of his comment and why it offended her. And then made repeated attempts to steer him in other directions. And he refused.

Jodi seems way too tightly wound. And while I think that her emotional reaction went from 0 to 60 without seeming to shift gears, I also think it was genuine. And at some point, Shane should have read some of those signals. Flashing lights. Sirens. Even if he just thought she was flat out crazy, he should have realized crazy wins every argument no matter what.



I think Jessa's problem is she sends out the wrong signals. Whether as a defense mechanism or just out of social ineptitude. But there was not a single moment in the footage I saw that suggested she wanted to spend time with this guy past the greeting at the door. She decides she wants him to show interest? But then she seems to actually pull back any signs she has interest in him. Dating at the level she wants it to go requires reciprocation. Plus I have no idea why she seems to think she already has taken her side of the exchange prior to the dancing date as far as she could without getting him to take a step or two further. At best she just seemed to be detached. At worst it was like she withdrew every time an opportunity to further interact to "test" him which to me seems like a signal that she wasn't interested in the guy. then she comes home and cries about him just not proving he was the one. I'm not sure if that just her being a famewhore or if she truly had that level of emotional attachment to just the idea of the two of them. If the latter I can see why she considers herself a stalker. Because if she had put forth in front of the guy, even an ounce of the emotion she displayed weeping her regrets, he might have thought it was worth extending himself a bit further.

Ditto with Jodi being a bit too tightly wound. Even before the dreaded "why are you single" question, you could tell that she hadn't completely let go yet. I don't remember exactly how it went, but in the beginning of the date, Shane had said something like "There's something I haven't told you yet," or something along those lines. It was clear to me, by the quasi-smile on his face, that he was only half-serious. I even guessed that it was about a dog or something.

So instead of going along with it, Jodi kinda rolls her eyes and says something like "Well, just go on and tell me, because now I'm uncomfortable." Jeez, lady, take it easy. He probably didn't set himself up in the best way, but I think Jodi overreacted a bit. I think he might have felt bad about upsetting her, and instead of changing the topic, he tried to explain what he meant. This, of course, just made things worse, and made it seem like he was drilling her, rather than trying to dig his way out of a hole.

I just never saw all the "chemistry" between those two anyway. We always see clips of his feedback, and he seems lukewarm at best about her. It seems like he is doing this as a favor to Steve. Then Steve gushes that he is "crazy about her." I don't see it.


Now, about Arian... Steve said that he purposely chose that guy for Arian. Did we ever hear why he chose that guy for her?

I was also surprised that Jody had such a strong reaction to Shane's question. Although, as I posted earlier, he was a jerk.

But, she said something about being single at 39 and living it every day. It is probably the same question that Jody has had to listen to from relatives, friends and people that she's run into who ask how she's doing and it really gets on your nerves. So, finally, she's out with this "great" guy and he asks the question she hates and is sick to death of hearing.

On top of that, he won't let her off the hook.

I ran into an old co-worker who I hadn't seen in years and she asked me if I was seeing anyone. I said no and then she said that every time she's ever asked me - I've always been alone. And she said "alone" the way you say "death". I mean WTF? I wanted to ask her why, after 15 years does she have the same hairstyle every time I see her.

So, my point is - this is not the first time Jody has heard this and when people ask, you feel like you have to apologize for something that has been out of your control.

Then, Shane spoon feeding her dessert to mellow her out? She's been feeding herself for the past 38 fucking years - I think she knows how to do it. At that particular time in the conversation, that gesture was rude and condescending.

Also, sucking down the wine? He's a real class act.

The thing is that everyone is on their best behavior in the beginning of a relationship. They are not going to behave any better after that. I could never go out with Shane again. I'd rather just learn from the experience and move on.

I had totally forgotten about that. Yeah, that was condescending in that context. I agree with those saying the initial question wasn't a bad one for a third date, especially if you consider he has a kid in the mix and might want to be careful about the kind of women he exposes his kid to, but when he saw how uncomfortable she was, let it go. It was almost pathological on his part. That's why I wonder if it wasn't at least semi-producer induced.

I don't get the feeling he's at all interested in her, so I'm not sure what Steve is up to there.

With Jessa, as much as she says she liked that guy (never did get his name) she sure didn't seem interested. If she is as edgy as she claims she is, why didn't she just kiss him? This isn't 1910, women can take initiative now instead of demurely waiting for a guy to make the first move. Who knows, it might have loosened him up a bit. Maybe he's camera shy, maybe he thought she wasn't into him. She'll never know because she was a passenger in every date with him. She needs to step up and take control of her life instead of waiting for a guy to make the moves on her.

I think they did know. I also think that's why they kept trying to film the conversation. Do these contestants do some sort of personality profile? Mental testing?

I'm wondering if the producers are having a hard time finding someone willing to date Jody. Shane seems very insecure. He also made some comment about her height and she said "I'm wearing flats."

Word. And it was probably just me, he annoyed me constantly calling Jody a "girl." I don't know...it was somewhat condescending to me.

I kept waiting for her to seize the opportunity and match him on his question - sort of like, "What would you say if I asked you why your wife left you? How would that make you feel?" She does need to roll with the punches a little better. She had a complete melt-down.

.
Wording is all important in the kind of discussion Steve was trying to have with Arian (the key word being "trying), so I think he should have put more thought into how he phrased his comments. Maybe he thought using a hammer was the only way to get through to her, but it seems to have had the opposite affect.

For real, platys. I was offended for Jody when Steve started pressuring to give him another chance, and tried to explain Shane's behavior away by saying that Shane thought Jody was too good to be true. That was total BS, if ever I've heard it. Now it's entirely possible that the questions were the producers' ideas. I'm always willing to believe that when it comes to outrageous behavior on a reality show. But if they weren't, then Shane doesn't know how to read a damn room, and no one needs that from a supposedly grown-ass man. I hope he apologizes and that Jody still dumps his lame ass.

I wanted to reach through the television and smack him.
I too loved Jody yelling for a cigarette. That was real moment for sure. Heh.

Sorry, I should have phrased that differently. I would imagine they knew that Jody would have some sort of reaction to the questions (if they were indeed producer-driven). Maybe they thought she would get defensive or angry. This would give Steve the opportunity to put Jody in the hot-seat or at the very least allow him to discuss how she should handle herself when asked hot-button questions. Instead, she had a batshit-crazy meltdown. I can see being pissed off at being repeatedly asked the questions, shutting down in the car when he continued with the questions, even being angry back at the house when she got home. But the crying hysterics were really off the charts. Jody seems capable of writing someone off for bad behavior, so why not do that? Maybe she thinks this really is a show where she is going to be set up with someone and it is all real. I kind of view it as a workshop- they are placed in "dating" situations with actors or recruited dates, and the male participants are directed in what to say or what to do. If there is a connection, great. But at the least Steve is getting a chance to critique the women's behavior and change bad habits. Even though Steve is a matchmaker, I'm not really seeing the show as a matchmaking show, more like a fix-it show.

Or I could be totally wrong.....

But, what expectation did she have of getting anything else? He didn't tell her she was being matched up. They were in some place "to have fun" that she'll probably never be again. He blew off the question of whether it was a challenge in a way she could have interpreted that she didn't have to worry about how she acted. So, why shouldn't she feel free to go for it? That the show would have done some screening of the guys was a safe bet.

I still think Arian was behaving really inappropriately.



I guessed she was a stripper or a former one by her banter; I haven't seen previous episodes, but I've known so many like her. It's a way of directing conversation away from anything personal and from my view she was uncomfortable, and not having fun with the guy. She leaned back most of the time unless she was squishing her boobs on the table. And then she made sure that everyone in the bar knew she was really very sexual, too, so it was not just to get her rocks off.

She repeated a similar string of banter when Steve questioned her, including putting on a faux masturbation show on the chair with the rocking. I really think there are huge issues lurking underneath the surface, and she knows to steer everything to a carefully hypersexual constructed surface where she controls what goes on, especially with men.

I believe that's why the rape comment set her off so bad. I think it was completely inappropriate, you never say something like that, but I get why he said it. He's trying to tell her that she can't control everything, maybe on a Vh1 show or the champagne room you can control it and put on a performance, but in real life you can't dictate how other people will respond to you - and if you push hard enough, you might find yourself no longer in control of the situation.

That guy Jody was on a date with was creeee-py. The mellow you out comment and the red wine were huge red flags for me. He seems extremely controlling - even the way he brought out the pictures was designed to put pressure on her. That's why I think it was his idea to keep pushing, it fits in with what else I saw. This shaded my view of the gift giving, in retrospect it seems like it was, "Hey, look how thoughtful I am." When really, giving a Rolling Stones fan Sticky Fingers on CD probably isn't that thoughtful. It's like giving a cook a stirring spoon.

I haven't read most of this thread so I don't know if it has been said, but I always think that when Steve sees Arian or that other one that looks like Arian being all overtly sexual he gets a hard on.

I wouldn't be surprised it they hooked up.

Shane may just not be a very expressive guy. But I thought it was unlikely that he or any of the guys will be a perfect match for these women. I think Steve is sticking with Shane for Jody is that she has a very emotional reaction to him. Every time he cuts bait on one of these guys, it seems the woman has absolutely no interest in him. I think if Jody didn't care about Shane, she'd just unload a bunch of vitriol on him that night and been done with it. She doesn't like it when Steve asks her about her history but she was absolutely crushed when Shane did.

Basically, the only woman who likes her guy is Jacklyn and that's because she's Miss Freakin' Bridezilla and she just wants a guy to put a ring on her finger. Jessa is the more interesting version of Natasha. Jessa likes guys who make all the moves, but then they get what they want, she's invested and she starts stalking them. Natasha should get some sort of refund because she isn't even talked to on thsi show.

I am willing to give Shane a break (and I think this may be why Jody is willing to give him one as well) because I can think of one showdown with my mom where she nailing me for something and was giving me the laser eye of death and all I could do was laugh - nervous laugh - hysterically. I knew there was nothing going on that was funny and that I would pay and it was almost like someone else was laughing and me-outside-me was seeing my life flash before my eyes and I just COULD!NOT!STOP!LAUGHING!

I am willing to believe he might have realized - uh oh, wrong turn - and just COULD!NOT!STOP! And I do not think Steve pressured her, but explained background and ASKED if she could handle giving him another chance. And then Jody responded with the "I could forgive him if..." deal. So I think on some level, if Jody had a thought answer like that, she liked him enough to figure out how/if she could forgive.

Background / qualifications / whatever aside, the Steve we see with these women I find gives pretty spot on advice most of the time. And I find his balance pretty reasonable in terms of when he steps back and when he presses a little bit.

Word.

I find it interesting that they don't feature highlights (or lowlights) from all the women's dates. I guess the editors only wanted to focus on people who are having dramatic moments. But so far everyone has had a moment, except for Natasha. It's like she's not even there. The only time I recall them talking about her was during the photo shoot. Weird.

It's like, if this was Gilligan's Island, Natasha would be "....and the rest". Except that after they opening credits, they gave Theprofessorandmaryann some raison detre.

'Tis truly a mystery. Mayhaps since they are breaking the mold by making this a non-eliminationatory show, they are also aiming for originality in concentrating and completing the story arc of a character all at one time. Maybe the last few weeks will be All Nat, All the Time!

Is it possible that they are afraid of the long list of bad boys she has collected and want to avoid even the look of an unflattering edit? Is she a lawyer, who found a loophole in her contract allowing her to collect major damages?

Perhaps there is a reason they cannot talk to her, which, if divulged, might embarrass her - like maybe 9 out of 10 times she gets near a camera or boom, she has a grand mal seizure salad with nosebleed. Worse yet, her hair goes limp and lifeless.

I thought Jody was completely within her rights to be offended. Why is the assumption that something is wrong with you if you are single? After all, the person dating you IS SINGLE TOO. There's no good way to ask that question. Just let the relationship happen, already.

And what kind of stupid shirt was he wearing, while we're at it. Did it have a dragon on the back or was I seeing things?

Not only that, the person dating you was a miserable failure at his relationship. At least Jodi didn't fall into a relationship, have a kid, only to make it the product of a broken home. I think Shane's situation is worse. If I were Jodi, I would have countered his questions with, "Why have you been single for 8 years after your divorce? Is something wrong with you that your wife bailed on you and nobody else wants your ass?!"

ketose:

I think you may have hit the nail on the head. Though I am one to have stated that Shane was "coached" by TPTB, I would also agree that Steve, aka "matchmakers", are typically Jungian: There is not "love and hate" but "passion and apathy".

To say you don't like a guy because of his feet? That's pretty apathetic. To have a complete meltdown because someone is getting too intimate, too fast, means there is something there. It's not Bridezilla's puppies and rainbows, but there is something there that cracked Jody's "here is my resume and business card" approach to a date.

I don't think there will be any permanent relationships made here (except over Bridezilla's cold, dead body!), but their barriers and behaviors are being exposed and tested, which is usually a good thing, if you are not happy with what results you are getting now.

On the other hand, and I forget which one voiced it, but bad breath can be a total deal breaker for me, too!

Why is the assumption that he thought something was wrong with her? There are reasons to be single at 39, and if you want to get to know someone, you might like to know what hers is. "I never found the right guy" is a short answer, but it does make you wonder if she's picky or extremely reserved. You can still be interested anyway, but depending on which it is, you're going to proceed differently. Other possibilities: She spent a lot of time in love with someone who just wasn't interested in marriage and she kept hoping he'd be ready; she wasn't ready to settle down herself; she was in a long-term relationship with someone who died. Nothing "wrong" with any of those answers. If you're interested in someone, wouldn't these be things you'd want to know?

I think Shane handled it badly, but getting a sense of someone's romantic history is a perfectly reasonable thing to do on your third date. First date? No. Third date? Yes.

As for Steve asking her to give Shane a chance, I think there were a couple of factors. One, it could be a communication problem, and those are typical in a relationship, so working through it would be useful. Second, the extremity of Jodi's freak-out indicates that she has an issue, and getting her to at least hear Shane's side of things could give her some perspective.

Jodi is six feet tall? That could lead to issues.



Divorced parents thank you for your kind understanding.

I've read alot on this board that I agree and disagree with. I do believe that Arian's behavior was inappropriate, however I understand it. Her sexuality is where she feels strong. Regardless of what may have happened to her in the past and I'm sure there is a story there, Arian feels that she has control when controlling the sexual tempo of the relationship. I think that Steve was really concerned and that he just didn't convey that concern in a manner that would reach Arian. He was attempting to shock Arian into realization that she was harming herself. She's there seeking a relationship and she was on the verge of ending up with a one night stand. Again I go back to the control. Venturing into a relationship you have to let down your guard and allow people to see the real you good, bad, and ugly. Maybe she's not at a point she can do that yet. It's obvious she can't do it with herself. She's charming. She's intelligent. She's a good friend. As seen in the interactions with the other women in the house, but until Arian sees in herself what everyone else sees in her, then she'll continue down this destructive path.

Of course it was a challenge; she's on the show. Arian may be willing to act like a fool on television but she's surely not that stupid. Besides, she doesn't need any extra practice in setting up one-night stands; for that she could give lessons. Every one of these encounters, even if they are set up by the show and offer no danger, are supposed to be an opportunity for the women to practice their non-self-defeating, more mature behavior. In Arian's case, she needs to practice toning down the sex talk and the party girl behavior. If someone has to stand over her and remind her not to talk about blow jobs to every guy she meets, she's either too far gone to help or needs to apply for Rock of Love Bus. Really.

You know, if you need to improve your table manners, you don't do it once in awhile. You do it at every meal until it becomes a habit. Same with Arian and her behavior. She shouldn't do that stuff ever, anyway. It's embarrassing to watch and not funny.

I thought the premise of this show was to teach the women why they're possibly not involved in a long-term relationship or married. I know I have friends who think they are spotless and can't understand why they don't meet "good men." To me it's pretty obvious. Some are argumentative, some are too much of a homey, and some need to work on their appearance.

Now after a few episodes, maybe the point is to get them to realize each one has a quality that the others could be benefit from. A little more sexiness, more confidence, less craziness, and self-pity.

Yeah, I think it's unfair to judge someone whether they're single,divorced, have a child out of wedlock, or anything of that nature. I also think it's natural for someone to be curious of Jody's situation like Shane. I mean part of the problem with that whole scenario is, if I recall correctly, she never gave any type of answer to his question. Mind you, she didn't have to give him an answer. But, if she would have express clear discomfort with the issue of front, I think it could have help the situation. Clearly he should have STFU from the minute she looked uncomfortable, but some people need verbal statements given to know when to back off.

I'm a single 26 year old african american male with two jobs and no kids. Anytime I go on a date with someone or when we first start having phone conversations, the women I date always seem to be shocked that I work two jobs. If I say I have no kids, I usually get asked why I don't have children or why I'm not married. First, I never understood why it seems weird to people why I don't have kids or that I'm not married. I'm 26. But some peple find that weird and that to find out why or how this came to be.It doesn't offend me and I just tell then the truth.

There is no reason for Jodi to feel insecure about that the fact that she is 39 and single, or the fact that she doesn't have any kids. it might not be the normal circumstance for some people, but people choose different paths in their lives. Not all of them involve marriage, love or kids. If Jodi is going to actively seek a mate now though, she has to be prepared for this line of questioning. Hopefully they wont all be a tool about it though.

Other thoughts:
Jessa kills me. She keeps going on and on about how great the guy is but she doesn't feel it because he wont make a move. She was just as awkward as he was from what we saw. Honestly, I wouldn't know if she wanted me to kiss her or not. I always try to respect a women when it comes to going for a kiss. I don't want to make them feel uncomfortable or what not so I tried to read the clues that she wants me to make a move. Jessa would have made me feel like she just wasn't interested and I wouldn't had made a move either.

Taylor: I could help but laugh everytime I think about the way she said "His breath..." It just makes me laugh and I knew where she was going as soon as she said that. I actually like her this week.

I feel like Bridezilla's main problem (the fact that she is all about marriage too quickly) is getting glossed over. She clearly keeps hearing wedding bells everytime he does anything the least bit kind and I don't think that she is taking it slowly in her own mind and letting this relationship develop. She's already imagining him with their kids and all that (which isn't bad in itself), but she should just be enjoying his company and keep the wedding thinking to side for a bit. That's just my interpretaion on how she has been acting around Brock so far.

Lastly, I don't think producers fed questions in his ear. I don't see what their reasoning for that would be anyway. At the end of the day, when I watch reality shows I just jump too the it's all the producers or editing mentaility. Even if it is, I don't want to think about that. I always feel like the fact that camera is always jammed in these peoples faces will always screw with how they actually act because they are all to familiar with the fact that they are on television. It has to effect how you act and what you say. Because of that, we end of seeing things that a normal person wouldn't do but something that someone who is on t.v. would do or a say. Besides, the average person who would get involve with any reality show aren't that normal to begin with. If that makes any sense. I know I'm rambling.

What a good point about Bridezilla Jr82!

I think that every time she is on screen with her date but then quickly forget about it due to all the other shenanigans going on with the other women.

I also agree about TPTB not always feeding people lines. I have been in conversations with assholes like Shane before. Just because he was an ass doesn't mean TPTB intervened. It is very plausible to me that someone woudl act that way.

Six-foot women thank you for your kind understanding.

But what about the fact that Jody started to cry? To me, that's a clear sign of discomfort. I'd like to think that someone crying over your line of questioning hint to someone that they need to back off.

Ideally, that's true, but Arian chose to take a break, as many would; shows like this are usually shot over a much shorter time than they're aired, so it's more intense than it looks. If Steve had recognized what she was doing, he could have taken an approach that wouldn't have offended her; perhaps something to do with needing to keep at it to not fall back into old habits, rather than OTT emphasis on why she should break those habits (he's already done that and there's little point in continuing but to insult/offend).

I suspect that part of the reason Jodi went off the deep end is that Jodi herself does think there is something wrong with not being married at the age she is. I agree that there shouldn't be. I'm a gay male in my late twenties. I have a great job even in this bad economy. I live a nice life. And yet I am constantly treated to people matchmaking becasue they assume I cannot be happy on my own. Sadly most the matchmaking comes from people who know the nicest girl from church or my neighbor's daugher who just got out of law school. But even those who throw their personal trainers and stock brokers and even two rabbis at me cannot fathom why I am not a complete slut and I like having my own space. So I do get Jodi's antipathy about somehow not fitting in the mold others think is the right one. Even in the wonderful but still to me baffling world the sudden rise in gay marital rights has transformed into.

But two things with Jodi are quite different than what I perceive to be my situation or others who happily chose to live on our own. First of course is that Jodi immediately saw Shane's comment as an "attack". While I thought it was awkward and rather clumsily put, I never saw it as an outright condemnation. And I was pretty taken aback when she started verbalizing to Shane her reaction. Of course, unlike Shane, I was yelling in my head "abort abort..forget that reboot reboot...for the love of god just terminate!". And I did understand once I heard her own take on his question, why she might be tired overall of having to "explain" her choices that brought her to this point. But I still thought she was overly sensitive on the matter considering that she clearly put herself out to this man as wanting to change her situation. Change it to something that was pretty much the opposite of her current situation.

Second of course is that Jodi is not being asked this by a co-worker. Or by a friend. Or by a client. She is being asked this by a date. On a dating show. That she agreed to be on. Seeing Shane's question as nothing but a judgement on her seems to tap into a core problem Jodi has. I think Jodi's over the top rage might stem from the fact she herself is disappointed she is not in a personal relationship to the level she wants. And even more that she feels left out of a tradition that deep down she has bought into but just as never been able to acheive.



I definitely got a "my man" vibe from her during their date and I'm not sure he was buying into it as deeply. I can definitely see part of her story arc in a week or two being him scared off by the intensity and presumption of them being the couple on top of a tiered cake. I do think the physical attraction is there. And the personality are meshing in the short time they have spent together. But she is just buying the surface levels of his personality and character as if they are rooted in fact, beyond second date selling points, and in long term customary interaction. Her demeanor and reactions to everything said "let's go home to my parents house this weekend so you can meet them" while his still seems firmly rooted in "hot and nice and sweet and interesting and I'd date her again".

Instead of watching drunks and druggies careen between sobriety and famewhore cameras, Steve and Dr. Drew would have been a great pair up for this show. Steve giving out the rough common sense with that Pilly accent of his and Dr. Drew giving out the cool calm actual pyschotherapy I suspect all these women might need. An upated reality version of Love Lines without the douchy sidekick making smart aleck remarks. Instead kind of hot sidekick who brings the bald snark.

I'm a divorced parent myself. If I had waited until I was mature enough to handle all of the real life struggles that marriage and children entails, I might have been better prepared for it and stuck with it. Jodi in my opinion is not a failure because she didn't make that leap and hope for the best. I don't think she should be chastised and made to feel like something is wrong with her for it.

There's another couple whose connection I just don't buy. (I'm know I'm being so contrary, but I swear I disagree with practically everything out of Steve's mouth.) On the surface level, they're a perfect couple, as they look like the perfect match, both of them being the rather bland, conventionally attractive types. But for all their surface perfection as a match, have they even really looked at each other when having a conversation? The guy just seems so zoned out, like half in his own world most of the time, and you can practically see Bridezilla thinking "Is my eye makeup smudged?" every time she talks to him. They don't seem to really see each other as individuals, but rather as hunky hot guy who'd be a good dad and hot blonde who'd be good arm candy and possibly the mother of my children. I dunno, maybe that's overly cynical, and I'm sure they've had plenty of interaction that hasn't been captured on camera, but so far I'm not buying it.

Honestly, I feel that Shane should have backed off long before the crying. What I was trying to say is that if she had tried to shut down that line of questioning in the beginning, the date might have had a different outcome. If she expressed discomfort verbally and he still pursued it, then I would just write him off all together. As it stands, I think it was a mix of bitchassness (trademarked by Diddy), curiousity and not knowing when to move on. Truth be told, if I had to deal with someone like that on a date, I probably would have just wrote the person off and moved on. Part of me wants to say that she should hear him out at least and see where he is truly coming from and part of me wants to just tell him to *uck off. I just think the situation isn't as cut and dry (he is a obnoxious tool) as it was shown.

Definitely. I think her crying and him still pursuing his line of questioning just made him come off even worse.

Maybe. I sorta think that even if Jody had shut him down, he would have still found a way to work it back into the conversation.

You're welcome.

It is hardly unusual for a tall girl to become extremely self-conscious. We saw in the photo shoot that Jodi doesn't feel sexy, and others have commented that she tends to slump a little and doesn't carry herself well. I don't think she'll ever get to the point of busting out the four-inch heels, but I would like to see her becoming more comfortable with her own shape. Jodi works in the fashion industry, so she has been around tall, beautiful women, but she doesn't seem to have picked up anything from them. Over at Project Rungay, they were reviewing Michelle Obama's fashion choices for her European trip and rejoicing that she ditched the flats for a more flattering kitten heel. It's not a major change, but it makes a difference. That's the sort of thing I would expect Jodi to be aware of, but it's information she hasn't applied to her own situation.

Jodi stuck out a "mentally" abusive relationship for three years, which doubly implies issues with self-confidence -- she experienced the abuse and she was willing to tolerate it for a long time. Given everything she's dealing with, I wonder if she's really ready for a committed relationship right now. But she does seem to be the most diligent about doing the work, unlike Arian. I suspect she needs someone with better emotional attenae than Shane, though.

Honestly, none of the women on this show are really wired, at this point for a serious relationship, and I don't know that the men are any better (particularly Shane, even if you aren't expressive or really emotionally intuned, take it from another member of that group, you choose possibly the single worst way to ask that and to handle that).

Ariane reactions toward criticism imply that she has deeper problems that repelling serious relationships with overly sexual behavior (but when Taylor seems embarassed by your behavior? You have a problem).

I feel badly for Jody, but then, the reason some people just give up (I'm not recommending this, but being honest there are people who give up) is precisely because most people you could be in a relationship when you get past a certain age is going to have serious baggage (sure everyone knows of an exception in late in life marriage but there's a reasons those are *exceptions*). With Shane its not just the divorce and child but also the fact that, quite frankly, he just *isn't* emotionally responsive or sensitive at all (not just weak in that area, but at all) which probably isn't going to work with someone like Jody who's already guarded anyways. I have to disagree with Steve on giving him another chance just because each persons particular brand of baggage is not going to mix well with the other's.

I'm kind of split between thinking that Jessa should have been more clear/made the first move and thinking that there just *wasn't* physical chemistry with that guy.

Here's the huge problem with Arian's behavior in the bar, at least for me. With someone who is already that offensive herself and seemingly clueless or uncaring about how she comes off (c'mon, she cannot be that stupid or childish, can she?), where's the percentage is trying not to offend her? That may not be fair, but it's real life. Why would anyone objectively think she's sensitive? If Steve had really been watching her, they'd have instructed her 'date' to take her up on her offer, or loudly ask his friends if she'd pull the train for them, or have someone come spray her with a fire hose. You want some subtlety, don't act like a rhino in heat.

I'm a divorced parent and I'm not offended. While I'm grateful for my kids and now grandkids, when my neice got married and divorced twice I was very glad there were no kids involved because I have seen what my kids went through with a neglectful father.

As for Arian, count me in the group who believes that she might have been sexually assaulted in the past. That type of trauma often produces that kind of reaction as well as promiscuity issues.
Dr. Drew has a sex rehab showing coming up, maybe that should be her next step on the reality program road.