Though there's plenty of great dancing on DWtS, it also has its share of great lines, many of which are supplied by host Tom Bergeron, who for example, said after Jason Taylor compared Kristi Yamaguchi to a thoroughbred racehorse and himself to the horse who has to follow her by watching her tail, Tom Bergeron said that if Jason ever wrote a motivational book, its suggested title should be "How to Watch Your Opponent's Butt At All Times."

Bruno's come up with some, um, interesting ones, too, like his telling Drew Lachey after his freestyle that "[he] looked like he could play the lead in Brokeback Mountain: The Musical."

Even the contestants have come up with some gems, like when Steve Guttenberg told his substitute partner Jonathan Roberts during rehearsals that "[he]'s a lot more delicate than Anna," Steve's partner and Jonathan's wife.

Pop in your choices for favorite DWtS quotes here.

Thank you Prettyeyes! What a great idea!

Maks quotes could fill up a lot of space all by themselves. My all-time Maks favorite comes from a last-year's rehearsal:

Exhausted MelB (collapsed on floor): "O-o-o-h, this is toh-tcha (torture)"

Calm and dry Maks (looking down): "No-o-o-o. This is cha-cha."

Tom Bergeron about Shannon Elizabeth, who (intelligently) sat on the floor and put her head on his shoulder to prevent herself from passing out: "There's so much heavy breathing down here I feel like I'm sitting next to a 900 number."

Bruno's great surprise about a move by Kristi Yamaguchi, Olympic figure skater: "Those jumps you did on one leg at the end of the choreography are so difficult, and you were right on it!" Wonder why. :-)

Carrie Ann about Adam Carolla's paso doble: "It was smooth, it was dramatic, your turns were fantastic, and then you got off the unicycle."

Carrie Ann: When you open your mouth you're just kind of like a truck driver
Mel: Every truck driver out there VOTE for me. You know, my peeps men.
Maks.: My peeps yo.

Drew: The stage manager wants me to tell you they are looking for your shirt, because they know how uncomfortable you are without a shirt on. ( Maks take his shirt off)
Tom: We know they're not looking for his ego.

Derek to Jennie: "You've got to shake your fun stuff."

Adam (looking at the Houghs): "Check out the Stepford siblings."

Drew: "Tonight, we eliminate yet another star."
Tom: "And one of the hosts."

Tom: "Right now, our lame duck fill-in host is backstage with the men. Drew?"
Drew: "Thank you, Father Time, for that wonderful throw."
Tom (rushes backstage): "I heard that!"

Mel (exasperatedly): "God!"
Maks (without missing a beat): "Just call me Maks."

I forgot which episode, but after Samantha returned and over the closing credits for a Monday.

Samantha: "See you guys next week."
Tom: (quickly adds) "Or as early as tomorrow."

Mel: (meeting Maks for the first time) "Oooh, I'm glad, it's you! You're hot and cocky and in love with yourself."

Alec: "Josie is deceptively unfit."

Marie Osmond: I'm not buying it!

Anna to Jerry Rice: What did your football coaches do?!? Feed you cookies?!?

Bruno Tonioli to Stacy Keibler:You are a weapon of mass seduction!

Alec: **something authoritarian**
Paulina: That's what they said in the Communist countries.
Alec: That's where I'm from.
Paulina: That's why we left!

Oh Paulina, you left us too soon *sniff*.

Mel (during rehearsal): "I'm S-TOCK! (stuck)"
Maks: "You're what? 'SSSS-TOCK!'?"

Fabian: I think the hardest part of the Vienese Waltz is going to be pretending we love each other.
Marlee: Pretend?!? I thought we loved each other.
Fabian: I was pretending...I don't know about you.

A few of my favorites from recent seasons...

Tom: You [Bruno] need a shower and Maks needs a new pair of pants.

Mel: I've ballroomed my hair.
Maks: Good, ballroom your ass right now.

Julianne: Ok, well, do it from your thingy.

Adam: Alright, I think I can take the training bra off now.

Adam: It's alright baby, you don't need to know math. You're hot!

Julianne: Screw the judges! I just said screw the judges.
Adam: As a matter of fact, if you want to get us some higher scores, that's an idea.

Adam: I lost twenty pounds of fat. I gained a hundred and five pounds of angel.

And basically anything else Adam ever said.

Len, describing Priscilla's attitude in tango: He comes close, you move away. He comes close again, "Don't touch whatchya can't afford, sunshine!"

Two weeks later, that still makes me laugh. I think it might become my new personal mantra.

Favorite line of this season. He did provide the best quotes.

Anna to Jerry about football: "You throw the ball up in the air and a bunch of guys jump for it."

After the doll dance.
Marie: "But I'm a doll designer!"
Tom: "Yeah, we know."

One random show:
Samantha: "We'll be...mumbling" (I cannot quote it because she mumbles, but I still laugh when I see that clip on youtube. It is as though she was spooked or something).

I just had another idea for the thread title: Slow, Slow, Quip Quip!... OK, maybe that's only really funny for a ballroom teacher.

Quip Quip Slow would work too.

I don't remember the exact quote, but I love it when Len said that Edyta was "flatulating" around her partner, George I think?

This thread is cracking me up.

I love this thread. I cannot remember the exact quote but I remember Drew's loin cloth comment and Tom saying something about a peanut shell after Drew's comment.

Paulina left too early. I believe Alec said "do not question the system".

Carrie to Priscilla after the v. waltz.
Carrie Ann fawning at Priscilla: "You can teach classes on this. You are able to create such drama with your facial expressions. You never let us see you falter. If I watch your face it is perfection. It is mesmerizing."
Priscilla stares, blankly with no facial expression back at Carrie Ann.

Julianne: Who thought to pair us together?!
Adam: God did.

*death*



Haha, yeah that one is a classic, LMAO. I think Tom's reaction is even funnier.

Samantha flubs her lines....again.

That clip will never not be funny to me. It's too bad that it is impossible to transcribe gibberish.

I was thinking the same thing, fallaway! And I'm not even a ballroom teacher. :)

I went digging through ew.com and found these bon mots from Tom:

''We advise you to use your calls wisely, because, you know, the White House is listening.''

''Right now John (O'Hurley)'s heart is running faster than a concierge from Russell Crowe.''

One of my favorite Tom Bergeron moments, when Heather Mills got the boot and pulled a speech out of her dress and started reading it and he cut her off with "Save your speech for later, and other venues."

Tom was lucky Heather didn't pour a glass of water over his head.

"You have more shake than a cocktail bar." Bruno to Marissa.

"It's about a lot more than just feet." Carrie Ann with Priscilla. I guess so, if you're gonna score a dance with a blatant stumble a 10!

From the season one premiere. The remark that basically started the mirror ball rolling to it's eventual outcome and IMHO, the most brutal comment ever made by a judge to a contestant.

Critiquing her first dance, Bruno to Kelly Monaco- "Was there a death in the family ?"

Ouch.

Bruno cracked me up when he described Priscilla as "Sensual, but not trashy. Available, but reassuringly expensive."

Someone's going to have to check last night's transcript, but all that stuff Tom did about the teleprompter guy cracked me up. I believ it can all be encapsulated by the oft repeated, "Good thing this isn't LLLLIIIIIIIVVVVEEE!!!!!"

"Go picture, go." Bruno, in response to Len's comment that he will shoot the moon in the supermarket if Christian/Cheryl end up in the bottom two. Tom said he hoped it took place in the frozen food section.

Kenny Mayne backstage explaining his cha cha:
I do not think Italian judge understood what we were trying to portray out there. It was suppose to be two children lost in the woods and there is a snow storm and the tanks are coming and we hide under the bridge and then we capture each other in the end and we almost drop the girl but she has fancy sequins, I pick her up... I'm married already but I am escorting her through the woods.

HA! Thanks for posting that quote, harvestbasket. Imagine how many more quotable nuggets we would have gotten if he had stayed on a few weeks longer.

loveisthedrug, ITA. Lost quotable nuggets. I loved his attitude and I admit that I did vote for him that week. I was actually pretty disappointed that he left that week. I am sure he had othe quotable nuggets from his rehearsal footage, but I cannot remember them.

One funny quote from Cristian during the group dance rehearsal "My biggest competition is still my left foot."

Tom's intro to commercial on Monday's show - " Can Jason regain his footing and where will Shannon and Derek put their feet ?

Carrie Ann commenting on Mario's v. waltz:

"Nice and stiff, just the way I like it."

Jason being dragged by Edyta to the tanning booth:

"I have a tan. God gave me a tan!"

I don't know the exact quote but in last season's finale they showed a clip of Helio talking to his feet, something like "You, go, don't wait for the other one." I thought that was funny (although "Oh, God!"/"Call me Maks" was just priceless!)

I also love how Tom has this way of delivering lines. I remember it was someone's 50th birthday and he said "I hear that 50's the new 30, so I guess that would make 30 the new ... 10?" If anyone else said that (myself and close friends included) I'd probably roll my eyes but he made it funny somehow!

THE most awesome quote of the season, maybe of all seasons.

Karina and Mario were interviewed on Good Morning America and were asked whom they think will win. Mario said either Kristi or Jason. Karina's response? "It would be fun to see Marissa go all the way [pause pause] just for the heck of it."

HAHAHA!

Edyta to Jason, about him and Christian being friends: "This is no time for friendship!"

During comments for Jaryd and Cara, when Carrie Ann said she wished they were hers so she could put them in her pocket and take them out to show people and Tom said "That's not what we do when we parent. We don't put them in our pocket. That's not good parenting Carrie Ann."

Since no one has posted it as yet, on Monday's performance after Cheryl's and Cristian's Viennese Waltz, about Cheryl's dress:

Tom: Is anyone missing a weather balloon?

And, another Tom-ism, from MyOxIsBroken:



I love me some Tom!

Tom told Marissa, “With you as his partner, Tony’s teeth have sparkled a little brighter.”

There were several cute quotes in the finale. Among my favorites:

Tom's line about spray tanning: "So many gallons of spray tan, most of it used on Edyta." and Bruno, about Jason and Edyta's freestyle: "You look like a couple of centerfolds dancing."

One of my favorite quotes from last night came from Christian.

Christian to Mark(complete with hand motions): I know how you think Ballass!!

Tom with Shannon slumping on him on the floor post-Jive:

"There's so much heavy breathing down here, I feel like I'm sitting next to a 900 number."

This thread gives me the giggles.

From "I Heart DWTS". Griffin comments on Mark and Kristi's freestyle costumes:


Seriously, Mark must really love sparkle.

Adam Carolla: "Listen, it'd be really easy just to come up here and lay down a bunch of plugs and pimp my radio show (that you can hear at AdamCarolla.com) or talk about Juliiane Hough's new CD (which just dropped today)...but the show's too good for that. And I want to say something quickly about Dancing With the Stars - this is why the terrorists hate us. And its not the glitter and it's not the pomp and circumstance. We got black and white. We got Hispanic and Asian. We got gay, straight, and Guttenerg, all working together for one common goal - to get the Mirror Ball. And the Mirror Ball doesn't care what color you are and it doesn't care how rich your parents are and it doesn't care what god you pray to. Its an even wooden floor, and may the best man or woman win. And I say, God bless Dancing With the Stars and God bless the USA."

That may be the greatest speech on a reality show ever.

I'm not sure if this is the exact quote, but Tom to Shannon:

"What the hell are you crying about now?"

I believe it was "You're crying again. What the hell is going on?"

Clearly I need to go back through the show and watch for these quotes. Win win win, and a big bowl of awesome.

One wasn't really so much a quote as it was the timing of alyric... during Marie Osmond's hellish wind-up babydoll freestyle, where the song goes "You make a grown man cry!" right as she thrusts her evil doll-crotch in Jonathan's face.

Also, watching Marlee and Fabian's Viennese Waltz clip, Samantha interviewing them backstage afterwards and asking Marlee what it would take to beat Kristi:

Marlee: An asteroid hit?

Laughed my ass off. Marlee rocks.