Remember, no posting until after the episode is over.

She's disappeared! No wonder the effects people put in a little effort this time. And, uh, what happened to her eyebrows?

OMG, she thinks the jewelry Marilyn wore in the movie was real! That's hilarious!!! I have to say that I'm rather disappointed she didn't choose the white dress.

She's calling the tortillas chips while they're still in large tortilla form. I was hoping they wouldn't really grill the crisps. Because it's stupid.

She screwed up the name of the chicken soup, that was a bad VO. That dip is just vomitous. That is NOT FONDUE that is hot condensed soup and sour cream, that is disgusting!

Her "southern accent" is so bad. So is that costume. And how did she mess up telling people to stick the olive in the meatball? The VOs are really horrid.

The FN recipe for the meatballs doesn't call for worcestershire sauce. That's random.

Woah, she looks horrid in the Cleopatra getup. That's like the cher outfit. What the hell did she do to her chest??? Where did the puddin cups go? They look tiny in that getup. Positively flat chested.

The pumpkin bundt cakes are nothing like the FN recipe. All those poor Fandras won't know if they should frost the whole thing or not. She did make a glaze for them, she didn't frost them. She also didnt stick two of them together like a pumpkin. And that sanding sugar VO was done in a southern accent!

How drunk was she during this shoot?

Those are really more like chocolate tarantulas. Also, most people stick the pretzel legs into the side a bit so the spiders don't fall apart. Leave it to Slop to mess this up. It's the only thing she's ever made that I would eat, though. That must count for something, I guess.

Did she just say that she doesn't accept drinks from disapproving gentlemen? And did she just claim that Audrey Hepburn would have made punch out of gingerale and berry vodka? She's slipping though, that was barely any vodka.

WTF did she do to that mask? That looks ridiculous. Even by tablescape standards.

I was holding my breath in fear that Sandra would suffer from a wardrobe malfunction.

Hah! She is wearing the curtain outfit from Gone with the Wind. I really wanted to see the Carol Burnett version, though.

How do you screw up “unseasoned bread crumbs” so that you need a voice over? And then another voice over for the olive eyeballs.

The eggs are the Semi-Homemade part of the pumpkin cakes?

Two more actresses? So the show description was holding out on us?

Cleopatra. Cleopatra. And I thought her Marilyn Monroe was scary. Yikes, that outfit does the girl no favors.

Wait, I didn’t quite get those directions. Back and forth, back and forth? I need to write that down.

Audrey Hepburn? Oh, the sacrilege.

Instant klassic! Where was Snads during the intro? Stonehenge? Easter Island?

Snads as Marily is SCARY. Jeebus, could she pick anything that would make her look saggier and bonier? Seriously.

I can’t believe that those black sesame seeds will stick to the pre-made chicken tenders. Actually, I can’t believe that she thinks that we’ll believe that they will stick

And the dip. The DIP. I can’t see anyone eating that. Snads tells me I can take all the credit for it, but I don’t want it. I want someone else to be blamed for that konkoktion.

Great balls ‘o fire, what was under that Scarlett O’Hara dress? I think she was going for the hoop skirt look, but for whatever reason it was only poofed in the front. Is that where MV hides during the shoots?

Didya know chili sauce adds sass? Or does it just make it taste like ass?

Spider bites. Another food product that looks like a pre-school class project. Except not as skillfully done.

The Cleopatra costume was awesome. Almost as awesome as Cher. Five thumbs up, Snads! If anyone can publish a screen shot of her CRAZY eyes as she’s dishing up the pumpkin cakes, I would be eternally grateful.

Sandy as Audrey Hepburn. NO. Just NO.

The tablescape was predictably horrid. Everything she does looks so cheap. But of course, it’s anything but cheap.

Oh God. Oh my sweet Jesus. Fuck me, was way better than last year's show. Comedy at it's best. I could hear all of the fellow Shrikes across the country howling with laughter right along with me.

While watching Skeletor create her Halloween menu, Spoonlet said, “You know, The Yucky Cooking Lady™ makes funny food, too.”

In more ways than one, my son. TYCL™ put “pre-frozen”, breaded chicken on the grill. I've never, ever heard of putting that kind of stuff on the grill. The ones that I get call for baking them in the oven.

So brownie bundt pans are just smaller than muffin bundts? So we can't call them mini muffins? And yet again, she's confused the Fandras with the non-instruction. Didn't the website have some sort of convoluted construction technique?

The spider bites didn't look that bad. I'd eat them. I wouldn't make them, they look incredibly time consuming and I don't have that kind of patience.

That punch looks just like dragon's blood? Really, Snads? You know what dragon's blood looks like? Idiot.

I think this tablescape was the only one she's ever done that was appropriate for the occasion.

Sandy, shut the hell up and step the hell away from Audrey Hepburn. Bitch.

I was literally yelling "take the damn gloves off!" at my television during that first segment.

While she was describing the horrid "tablescape" (I HATE that word), there was something in it that she said "only cost cents". WTF? Is she on drugs or what?

My eyes! When she walked out as Marilyn Monroe, the visual impact sent me reeling back and pinned me to my seat. I couldn't look away, and yet I wanted to oh so much. Even she has to admit she's a little old to play Marilyn Monroe. And why the hell is she cooking with those gloves on?

I can barely even see her food, so distracting is her costume. But not so distracting that I can't notice that her chicken strips are completely limp. Is that grill even on?

Please, do not let her ever attempt a southern accent again. Although I do find it hilarious that she declared that she would never cook from scratch again and then proceeded to make her meat eyeballs from scratch. Unless the apricot jelly and chili sauce were supposed to be the semi-homemade part.

"If you think these costumes look fantastic, you're going to lllllllove the tablescape."

Well, what if I think your costumes are the scariest thing I've seen all Halloween season? It also scares me that you're changing costumes three times in the course of cooking a single meal. That would mean you're spending more time fussing with your clothes than with your food. But then again, I guess that's pretty consistent with your priorities.

"It looks just like dragon's blood!"

How do you know what dragon's blood looks like? Oh, wait...that explains everything...

I really don't understand. She's dressed up as Hollywood icons, cooking up spiders and eyeballs and her tablescape includes roses, masks and a pirate hook. Is this supposed to be coherent? It's like she just took a two minute brainstorm of what "Halloween" means to her and threw it all together. If there was a Halloween country, I think they would actually be offended. Do we have any Celts in the audience?

Blech. I would save this one for posterity except I don't EVER want to see her in those costumes again.

Jinx! You owe me a Jinx-tini.

<snerk>



I suspect she was confusing it with dragon's breath. Which I'm sure she wakes up with most mornings, given the booze consumed the night before...

Damn, cannot type today. Breath/breathe, what's the diff?

According to my CC, it was a spider. A spider that looked like it was made from black pipcleaners.



Alcohol is a drug, isn't it?

Sweet mother of fuck, I need a Watermelon Fizz after watching this SLopisode.

You know, I've had those prefab buffalo chicken tenders. They're not bad, but they're total salt bombs and if you cooked them on the grill I think the buffalo seasoning would burn and get gross. The addition of sesame seeds is completely baffling to me. I can't even think about the dip. GAH.

I'm offended on behalf of the entire South, and I'm not even from there. Holy hell, that accent is terrible. I'm not offended by the pumpkin bundt thingies yet. I have a pumpkin muffin recipe I like better, but I bet those aren't terrible.

I realize that I'm something of a calorie fascist with a bit of dirty hippie stirred in, but god I really really dislike regular old store bought peanut butter. I got hooked on all natural peanut butter a couple of years ago and now the stuff off the shelf tastes like peanut butter flavored shortening to me. All that said, the spider bite cookies don't look too bad. I'd probably skip all the stupid leg crap and just make haystacks. I mean how can you go wrong with pretzels, chocolate, and peanut butter? That sounds pretty good to me. Oh good, she's going to "finish them off," which means she's probably going to "fuck them up and make them gross."

Who the hell is she supposed to be in the last segment? Oh, Audrey Hepburn. WTH? Audery was delicate and beautiful and feminine, and Sandy just like dropped her voice an octave to impersonate her. And by "just a drop" she means "half a shot" of orange likoor.

The tablescape is stupid, but that's nothing new.

Sidenote: did they shoot that Newport News ad with My First Fisher Price Camera? It looks like they spent about five bucks on it.

SWEET JESUS, I just looked up and saw the hot mess that is her Cleopatra outfit. Ha ha, I know someone else whose consistency is pretty loose, SANDY.

Just so I can say something nice: with the proper foundation garments and the occasional hoisting of a barbell, she'd have a really nice body. As it is she's just skinny-fat with saggy tits.

She really likes to play make believe. I bet she carries it Into real life.

She just makes so many mistakes. For example, she crushed the bag of pretzel sticks with her hands then said they were chopped while pouring them out of the bag. I chop with a knife. She also says a lot that something just takes a second but really doesn't. She may be throwing off the Fandras. She doesn't concentrate very well. She can't seem to talk and do a task at the same time without getting something mixed up.

I wanted to see that Cleopatra headpiece come off onto the table. That thing looked heavy.

Too bad Mammy isn't still alive; she would have whupped "Scarlett's" butt real good.

Way to ruin my wonderful memories of this book, Sandy. Bitch.

I was sort of expecting Sandy's token black friend Reggie to come onto the set dressed up as Mammy.


Reggie taught her that

That's what.. three or four funeral scrapes this season? Wow, she must be deeply depressed or something. On Halloween you might have an excuse, but there was no excuse for the rest of them.



Me too, I'd eat those. You can't go wrong with chocolate, peanut butter, and pretzels. I thought the eyeballs were a cute idea too. I thought that sauce looked like it would be gross, but the meatballs are a cute idea.

Audrey.Hepburn. Do NOT tarnish the beautiful image of Audrey Hepburn. Get thee out of that costume immediately!

How many of those chicken things did she touch with those gloves.. hee, she totally ruined them. And that hoop skirt was seriously lopsided. I don't know what happened to her hoop, but it sort of collapsed. I won't even go there with the Southern accent.

I went and read the recipe for the pumpkin cakes. I see her thought process, Stick two bundts together to make a cake shaped like a pumpkin. My guess is that she made that up without trying them, then when MV tried to execute them Snads realized it couldn't be done, so they were out the window. You'd have to cut the top off the cake that was going to be the bottom half, then probably put a toothpick in it to hold it together, and then it still wouldn't really look like a pumpkin.

I'll see your Sweet mother of fuck and raise you a Fuck Me Running because that was absolutely....well, I can't put it into words.



PA you are channeling my thoughts - last night On Demand my boys rented Blades of Glory, and Amy Poehler did Marilyn Monroe and got points for her authenticity because of the pills......since I just watched it last night, I saw the Marilyn Monroe this morning and couldn't get the warm and fuzzy feeling about how grand it was to be her because well, now we know she was tragic. Then again, so it the cooking so, yeah, it fits.

The only thing I was wrong about, is the meatballs - just when it might have made sense to use a frozen prepared meatball, she makes her own: she could have easily added a slice of olive to just a few on top to give the affect because honestly, I don't think I'd like a briney green olive that's been fried.

Wanted to get a second look at the hoop skirt disaster but I turned on the closed captioning... this episode is even better with it! The CC goes between "imitating marilyn monroe", "imitating scarlett o'hara", "normal voice", "southern accent" (even the CC people had to acknowledge it was a crappy imitation), and "imitating Audrey Hepburn". And I always giggle at the CC "Whoo!" It's hilarious.

But, yeah, there was something wrong with that skirt. Whatever was under there seemed to be more an "A" line thing rather than a hoop. Or it was a bustle involved and Sands just didn't put it on correctly.

"As God as my witness I'll never cook...from scratch again!" Pretty sneaky Sandra! And is this like subliminal advertising since her upcoming shitty memoir is called Made from Scratch?

Vnutt, I always watch with the CC on, and they just lllllllllllllllllllove her. When she says "garglezola", that is exactly what they type.

As far as the hoop skirt goes, I'm gonna hafta catch this again on Monday because I was howling so hard I had tears running, but what probably happened was that they did use the whole hoop and then realized that she wouldn't be able to fit behind the table. Which would have made the whole thing even funnier.

But I have to say, for the benefit of the MV's that are reading here (and we know they are) Aunt Sandy may be funny in Scarlett's Window Dressing, but she's no Carol Burnett.

Do you think those were silver-coated Jordan almonds on the tablerape? If they were, then she'd only have "just cents" for those goddamn pipecleaner spiders. There goes our girl.... representing "every woman" once again!

- Why take the time and effort to make the meatballz look like eyeballs if you're going to just dump sauce all over them, obscuring the effect?

- I see the Baggie™ trick is back. Speaking of that, as I watched her splooge icing all over the bundt kakes, my mind went to the baaaad place.

- The costumes? Just fuck it. I liked last year's much better. I think SLoP is firmly in self parody mode now *rolleyes*

Okay, let's see:

Pumpkin quick bread mix + apple cider + orange liqueuer icing = White Pumpkin?

I liked the toned-down outfit and makeup in the introduction, though she fucked it all up again with the over-the-top costumes. I kept expecting her to lose one of Scarlett O' Hara's curtain-pull tassels in one of her creations.

Black on black tablescape...again. Why not red or orange with the black? Maybe some of those paper "fallen leaves" as a centerpiece? Who has a budget for silk centerpieces?

Well, at least she wasn't cutting up paper plates or ruining pumpkin pies for this one.

Oh, damn, did I miss it? There's another one listed for noon tomorrow and I thought that was the one. Would hve liked to have gotten a load of those costumes.

Love Halloween but I could do without some of the more gross dishes folks like to dream up. I.E. anything containing eye-balls. Martha Stewart one time whipped up a tomato soup garnished with eyes made from olives sunk into tiny mozzerella balls. Food shaped like spiders and other bugs is fine. But nix on the brains and eye-balls.
Reminds me of that game we played as kids, "Old Mrs. Grundy." Eyes closed, we passed around various things meant to be her body parts. Spaghetti for intestines or brains; peeled grapes for eyes, etc.
*****


As she herself would say, "Huh! Ain't fittin'!"

Tacky, tacky, tacky.

She did not construct any pumpkin cakes, or frost them. Ha ha, FN Fandras! Have fun sandwiching "cakes" on top of each other in search of a pumpkin!

I'll skip any food commentary (well covered here) to note that Audrey Hepburn was a beautiful woman, a gifted actress, and, with or without sunglasses, a humanitarian. I mourned her passing, and today it just galls me that SLop thinks she could ever reach that level of class and sophistication.

Elizabeth Taylor is a humaritan too, with her work for AMFAR, but she's still among us to defend herself. And everybody thought it was Cher anyway.

I completely tuned out to the fact that she was trying to channel Elizabeth Taylor. It just didn't work, though I did think it was the best costume of this show. Sandy really does the drag queen look well, imo.



Are you suggesting she should do something that actually makes sense?

I would like to thank the Food Network for providing the scariest edited FoodTV sequence I have ever seen: Sandra dressed as Cleopatra. It would only have been improved if they handed out 3-D glasses and let you feel even more like her nose was coming through the screen to eat you. Seriously, did she do her own make-up and have no idea how to contour down that honker?

The food? Inedible. The decor? Abysmal. RobertBl...err...TrentSketch's enjoyment level? Through the roof. This is going to be the bestest Halloween ever.

I watched this episode as it aired, shaking my head in disgust, but I did think it was pretty funny. I then showed MrsTableScapeHtr this episode and I watched the expressions on her face as she was watching it. She had this WTF look on her face. A Priceless Kodak moment. I was howling with laughter just watching her reaction. Mrs...Htr had me rewind the tape 3 times when she said "you gotta wash yo hands". That was the funniest SLop episode that I have ever seen. I can't wait until tomorrow's episode, I've never seen that one.

Not only was SLop dressed as other people, but most of her arrussippess are copies also.

And there was absolutely no way that grill was lit. No way. Could you imagine that outfit and live flames?

As Elizabeth Taylor is the only persona Sandra imitated who is still alive, I can see why she didn't name names. I may have nightmares after this episode.

I have to comment on the curtain dress, which she *BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA* kept calling the WINDOW TREATMENT dress: it was cheap. Cheap cheap cheap. There was something tremendously wrong with the hat, the sleeves were flopping in weird ways, the velvet was about as cheap as it comes, and it looked like they only used the top 6 inches of hoop. I know that using the whole hoop would have been impossible, but using something that ends up looking like 2 cats are fighting under her skirt wasn't a good idea.

Hee, I'm 12. Dang, pass the brain bleach, please.

But that dress did look like it was going to fall apart, didn't it?

I spent most of the Scarlett O'Hara section trying to figure out what was wrong with that hoop skirt. Well, I did after I laughed my ass off at her referring to the "window treatment" dress. And she never mentioned Liz the whole time she was in the Cleopatra getup; probably afraid Liz would come after her.

Let's review the recipes, shall we?

- Buffalo chicken fingers heated up with some random seeds on them. Not a recipe, that's a serving suggestion.
- Meatballs in a sweet-and-sour sauce made of jam and chili sauce. That was a staple on the military entertaing circuit in the 1960s; it appears in every single Officers' Wives Club Cookbook of that era. No credit to Sandra there.
- Spider bites or similar Hallowe'en goodies have been made by Girl Scouts for longer than Sandra's been alive (and we know that's been a while!). Another no-credit to Sandra.
- The dip was vomitous; I'll let Sandra claim credit for that one, I can't imagine anyone else heating up condensed soup and calling it dip.
- The cocktail? Juice, soda, and overpriced specialty booze, like most of her cocktails.

I had to stop by Michael's today to pick up some sticks to use for making caramel apples, and decided to check out the price of those silk flowers. I coulnd't even find black or silver flowers; the Fandras are going to be running all over the damn place.

Also, why would you try for a "sophisticated" Hallowe'en decorating scheme (I know, I know, but this is Sandra's definition of "sophisticated), but a menu that was distinctly casual or even aimed at children? Nice attention to detail, Sandra.

The black roses are available at WalMart and other fine Halloween retailers. They run anywhere from 99 cents to 2.50 a rose. Semi-homemade saving time and money again.

It could have been worse, she could have made it out of Kimono Kraft™. I thought it looked like Robin Hood's cleaners forgot the starch.

What movie did Audrey Hepburn play a praying mantis in?

And what on Earth is a kollage of kandles?

That just perfectly describes what was wrong with the costume.

That was just terrible. Last year's show was much better -- regarding costumes and make-up. I hate to say this, but of all of the knock-offs, I thought that the Audrey Hepburn one was the best, overlooking the half-on, half-off shades. The Scarlett get-up was horrid, as well as the "accent." What is even sadder is that I thought that Robin Miller's same take on "bat wings", "wrap chips" and sauce seemed more appetizing than Sandra's. I can only imagine what we have in store for next year. I personally would like to see her do the characters from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show."

I don't know why she didn't drag TNFNS's Rory in for this one. That woulda been a WHOOT!

Things I learn from drunk aunt Sandy:
If you add too much orange liqueur to powdered sugar it will turn into water.

Thank you! Holy cow, how did I forget THAT one?

[small voice] ...those buffalo fingers are good; don't ask how I know...[/small voice]

It's from Aunt Sandy's Guide to Alchemy. In the chapter following "On Making Things Thick 'n Rich 'n Delishus".



Oooh, I would vote for this one, too!

I see that despite the written arrussippee, Aunt Sandy did indeed use a glaze for the pumpkin cakes. Although, silly me would have used melk instead of likkor. Clearly I have not learned enough yet from our wise Sensei. Oh, and I also never dress up to cook, either.

I wasn't home to see this hot mess -- son's first high school homecoming all-day extravaganza cut into my Saturday FN viewing! -- but I have to comment on this:The Family Circle magazine that contains the big feature story on SLop and her autobiography also features a recipe for mini pumpkin bundt cakes that sound suspiciously similar to what SLop intended to do. They are the cakes on the cover and the recipe is on page 206. The directions call for baking 24 mini bundt cakes from cake mix, cutting off and discarding the bottom (flat) half of each one, then gluing the rounded tops together with canned icing, covering the remaining ball of cake with icing, and sticking a pretzel stick into the top for a stem. Now I can't wait to see what she actually did on the show. This recipe -- cake mix, canned icing, inedible presentation, wasting half the cake -- sounds like a recipe just made for SLop.

Chef Lee looked her best in the opening segment - simple outfit, simple hair, lighter that normal makeup (i.e. no racoon eyes). It was all downhill (or should I say "down-hills") after that. However, Mr. Pie pointed out that she was sporting some major league camel-toe in those jeans. EW. EW. EW.

I hadn't yet figured out the second costume when she let loose with the southern accent, and my first thought was that she was dressed as Blanche DuBois. For a moment, I thought it was a revelatory glimpse of self-awareness...

That would probably have been a more accurate portrayal. I can't wait for this episode to air again tomorrow. I think I was in too much shock to actually hit the 'record' button on my VCR yesterday.

Is there no one in her camp who has the balls to say, "Sandra, none of this is a good idea. You look ludicrous in those costumes and the food is really really really bad."

Had I been nauseous in any way, this episode would have put me way over the edge. The costumes alone......

I think Elizabeth Taylor should hold a seance to contact Marilyn, Vivian, and Audrey, (may they all rest in peace), and have their spirits haunt the hell out of SLoppy until she apologizes for this travesty. Geez, I hate her.

I'm sure that there is. I'm also pretty sure that if they opened their mouths, they'd get canned.

Holy cow.. I haven't seen this one yet, but I fast-forwarded through it out of morbid curiosity, and well.. holy cow. It looked like a parade of Castro Street drag queens from where I was sitting. I'm making myself refrain from watching it til my son's home for a visit, as he appears to be a new compulsive Sandy addict. His fascinated horror is a thing to behold. Also, I have a rather odd question, being a somewhat new Sandy viewer. Her more recent shows appear to show she's had some plastic surgery, but, unless I'm mistaken, she was far prettier pre-surgery, with rather perfect facial features She's still a pretty woman, in spite of being in imminent need of institutionalization, but did she go and actually have her face de-prettified somewhat? Perhaps I am boofed or have my chronology all skewy, but I am confuddled.