I can't believe we don't have a quotes thread!! We have a favorite scenes and episodes but no quotes!

Some of my faves off the top of my head:

From Tithonus: "Hi... My name is Fox Mulder. We used to sit next to each other at the FBI."

It's DD's accent when he says it. Kills me every single time.

Bad Blood: "And second of all... I don't even have a second of all, Mulder! $446 million! I'm in this as deep as you are, and I'm not even the one that overreacted! I didn't do the *stabbing motion* with the thing!"

Scully: "Mulder... what happened to trust no one?"

Mulder: "Oh I changed it to trust everyone didn't I tell you?"

Oh man, you KNOW I'm game for this thread.

Also from Bad Blood:

Scully: "What do you mean you want me to do another autopsy? And why do we have to do it right now? I've just spent hours on my feet doing an autopsy, all for you. I do it all for you, Mulder. You know I haven't eaten since six o'clock this morning and all that was was half of a cream cheese bagel. And it wasn't even real cream cheese it was light cream cheese. And now you want me to run off and do another autopsy...?"

And Mulder: "Finally, you left."

Though really that episode is chock full of good quotes, I really can't just settle for those, but they are the ones that immediately come to mind.

From Small Potatoes

Scully: "Did he have a light saber?"

From Szygzy:

Mulder: "Go ahead."
Scully: "No, you go ahead."
Mulder: "No, no, no. Be my guest. I know how much you like snapping on the latex."

and of course,

Scully: "Sure. Fine. Whatever."

Jose Chung:

"All he said was it was someone who looked like Alex Trebek."

"And always watch out for the lava men."

War of the Coprophages:

Scully: "Mulder, are you sure it wasn't a girlie scream?"
And later
Mulder: "I never thought I'd say this to you, Scully... but you smell bad."

Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose:

Scully: [to Mulder] I can't take you anywhere!

A few of Scully's greatest hits ...

"I'm not going to ask you if you just said what I think you just said, because I know that's what you just said."

"Dammit, Mulder, that is not my job. You'll pursue anything, to the point of insanity, and expect me to follow you. There has to be somewhere to draw the line."

"I'm here to tell you that if he dies because of what you've done, three days from now nobody will stop me from being the one that will throw the switch and gas you out of this life for good, you son of a bitch!"

All of Bad Blood should be in this thread. "Y'all must be the gummint people."

Scully: "Well I'm fairly happy, that's something."

Mulder: "Grandma Top Gun, will you shut the hell up!"

Word. "Don't say I never did nothin' for ya."

Ok, why is one of the most unfunny "funny" lines ever the title of this thread?? There were so many that were so much better over the years.

Okay, some gooey MSR ones.

From Tooms:

Mulder: "If there's an iced tea in that bag, it could be love."

Scully: "Must be fate Mulder. Rootbeer."

From EBE:

Mulder: "I think it's remotely plausible that someone might think you're hot."

From Folie A Deux:

Mulder: "Scully, you have to believe me. Nobody else on this whole damn planet does or ever will. You're my one in five billion."

From Amor Fati:

Mulder: "There was one thing that remained the same. You... were my friend, and you told me the truth. Even when the world was falling apart, you were my constant... my touchstone."

Scully: "And you are mine."

I know that there a lot more nice ones but these are the ones that immediately came to my mind.:D

Mulder: Sometimes the need to mess with their heads outweighs the millstone of humiliation.

I just love the way he sighs at the end of that one.

Mulder: I have seen the life here Scully, which is why I am looking elsewhere.

Sigh. The touchstone quote breaks my heart. I cry every. single. time. That's cos I'm a sap.

Ahem. On topic.

Some random ones....

Scully: Last time you were so engrossed, it turned out you were reading the "Adult Video News."

Scully: My instinct says that burial in cement is murder...

Scully: I'm just constantly amazed by you. You're working down here in the basement, sifting through files and transmissions that any other agent would just throw away in the garbage.
Mulder: Well, that's why I'm in the basement, Scully.
Scully: You're in the basement because they're afraid of you, of your relentlessness, and because they know that they could drop you in the middle of the desert and tell you the truth is out there, and you'd ask them for a shovel.

hee, I love when Scully get all exasperated. She's the best.

Mulder: You know, they say when you talk to God it's prayers, but when God talks to you it's schizophrenia.

"I've heard the truth. Now what I want are the answers." If only people on other shows thought that way; Lost, I'm looking at you!

No discussion of great WOTC quotes is complete without: "Crap."

As do I jenn! ; )



Weirdly enough the touchstone quote didn't resonate with me as much as the MM speeches and voice-overs or the conversation in the hospital room in Redux II or the FTF Hallway scene. Maybe because there was eau de Foul-one around the touchstone speech.



Love it! I forgot about that one Crass! I vaguely remember the context but I'm having trouble remembering which episode that was.

It's so true about being able to quote the entirety of Bad Blood!

From Home:

Mulder: "Scully, would you think me less of me as a man if I told you I was a kind of excited right now?"

From Bad Blood:

Mulder: "Prison, Scully! Your cell mate's nickname is going to be Large Marge. She going to read a lot of Gertrude Stein."

GA totally lost character here because she hides her face and smiles behind her hand. I love that.

And also from Bad Blood:

Mulder: "Your satanic cultists have some sharp little teeth!"
Sheriff Hartwell: "What satanic cultists?"
Mulder: "Go ahead, tell him your *Mulder makes finger quotation marks* 'theory'."

Heh.

ETA: Scrambled Eggs where's the Grandma TopGun line from?

Dreamland II. So awesome.

Squeeze:

"Mulder, I think it's bile."
"Is there any way I can get it off my hands quickly without betraying my cool exterior?"

Perfect combination of gross and funny.

Ice:

(everyone's about to take off their clothes to check for infection)
"Before anyone makes any judgements, keep in mind we are in the arctic."

One of those foreign language titles I'm too lazy to look up:

(just as Scully finishes saying witchcraft isn't real, frogs fall from the sky)
"So, lunch?"

If the oppurtunity ever comes up, I'm so using that last one.

Triangle:

Skinner: "Right, me and my dog Toto."

Scully: "Mulder, I want you to close your eyes and I want you to think to yourself, 'There's no place like home!' "

I love this thread already.

From Drive:
Mulder: That was an apology, right? Gee, I don't know if I can see to drive my eyes are tearing up so bad.

My absolute favorite from that episode is "That's Mister Mulder to you, you peanut picking bastard." So much love for DD on that line reading.

From Millennium:

"No one likes a math geek, Scully."

I do I do!

Wait wait, how could we forget this gem:

Scully: Please explain to me the scientific nature of the whammy.

or, from Small Potatoes:
Skinner: Who wrote this report?
"Mulder": I did, Sir.
Skinner: You spelled "Federal Bureau of Investigation" wrong.
"Mulder": It's a typo.
Skinner: Twice.

hehe, that little exchange gets me every time.

Also from Triangle:
Mulder: Hey, Scully.
Scully: Yes?
Mulder: I love you.
Scully: Oh, brother...

and...
Mulder: I once saw Elvis in a potatochip.

From The Unnatural:
Scully: It's not ice cream. It's a non-fat tofutti rice dreamsicle.

Anddddd, I promise I'll shut up after this one, but

Mulder: "Dear Diary, today my heart leapt when Agent Scully suggested Spontaneous Human Combustion".

and

Mulder: "Woman, get back in here and make me a samwich! Did I not make myself clear?"

hee.

Mulder: I bet the air in my mouth tastes better than that.

Dreamland II. So awesome.

That's right! Thanks insanityjones!


smrou you beat me to it! I remember hearing him say that and wishing Scully asked him if that was a hint. *sigh* Well she does ask him... in my head.



I love that one too jenn! It's also the look on Skinman's face.



OMG I'm laughing so hard I'm crying. And I just wanna go back and watch all these episodes right now!

Okay I've got a couple from Arcadia that I just love:

Mulder: "Oh, yeah. Nothing weird going on around here. Hey... ooh, wait a minute. You didn't let me carry you over the threshold."
Scully: "You ready?"
Mulder: "Let's get it on, honey."
Scully: "All right, then."

I still remember on the first viewing thinking they were actually going to start getting it on and nearly falling out of my seat. The way it actually plays out was still kinda hot though.

Mulder: "You want to make that honeymoon video now?"

Win Shroeder: "Sweetheart? Did you use the dolphin-safe tuna this time?"
Cami Shroeder: "Dolphin-safe all the way, Honey."
Win Shroeder: "We always use the dolphin-safe."
Mulder: "You've got to love those dolphins... although they're pretty tasty, too."
Scully: *bursts out in this really loud over-compensatory laugh*

Genius!

Also from Arcadia:

Scully: "Sure it is. It's unexplained. What do you want, aliens? Tractor beams?"
Mulder: "Wow. Admit it, you just want to play house."

I don't think I ever appreciated the great lines in this show before. It just makes me want to go out and recruit more X-Philes.

Seriously. When conversing with someone as hot as Mulder, the correct response to "I bet the air in my mouth tastes better than that," is "I can check that for you."

Krycek: You must be getting slow. I can beat you with one arm.
Mulder: Isn't that how you usually beat yourself? (Krycek cocks his gun) If those are going to be my last words, I can do better.

...

Eegah, I remember watching that episode (name which escapes me at the moment) and literally cackling to myself because I was laughing so hard. Kind of like I'm doing now. IIRC Mulder/Krycek had some pretty awesome one-liners.



insanityjones, jennisaurusrex already mentioned your favorite line!

Ah, must have skipped it. Damn you, ineffectual search button!

Hee, which was your favourite, insanityjones?

Also, Buff, you owe me a message :)

Just to keep on topic, I'll go with.. Three Of A Kind...not much of a quote, but it's one of my favourite moments, when Scully's giggling like crazy on the bed and goes, "Hey cutie!"...that whole episode cracks me up.

I just laughed so hard reading this quote I had to grab a napkin to keep from spitting out my food.

From Closure:

MULDER: I'm fine. I'm...free.

I love the look on his face here, you can see the burden of all those years of searching just melting away.

From Paper Hearts:

SCULLY: Mulder... let's get a team out here. Let somebody else do this.

MULDER: Help me, Scully.

GUH. That one kills me. Just the look on his face, or the way his voice kind of cracks...I don't know. It just kills me.

From Pusher:

PUSHER: Haven't you caught on, Mulder? They all kill themselves.

It's so cold, it makes me want to go through the screen and punch him myself. But it's very well done.

And now back to the funny. From Chinga, right before the pencils start falling on his head:

MULDER: It’s amazing what I can accomplish without incessant meddling or questioning into everything I do.

Okay, let's try this again

Eve

EVE 6: Cut off the chains... then we'll talk.

MULDER: They're probably there for a good reason.

EVE 6: No. Bad reason. I paid too much attention to a guard. Bit into his eyeball. I meant it as a sign of affection.

Another one from Chinga:

Scully: [describes in detail all the signs of witchcraft]
Mulder: [pause] Marry me, Scully.
Scully: I was hoping for something a little more useful.

Aww. Man. That kills me, too.

Also from Chinga:
Scully: Some things are better left unexplained.

Hee! Her expression (well, that whole scene) really just cracks me up.

Darn, Mack the Spoon just beat me to the "marry me" quote!

Mulder: "When he gets old enough, you tell the kid I went down swinging."

Best Skinner quote ever: "This is where you pucker up and kiss my ass."

"Who's the private dick who's a sex machine to all the chicks? Shaft. Who's the cat who won't cop out when there's danger all about? Shaft. He's one bad moter watch your mouth! But I'm talking about Shaft. Then I can dig it."
(back to present)
"I did NOT!"

This must be one of my all-time favourites, and I've actually got to use it once, too. There's not much call for English quotes in my day-to-day life, what with my being Swedish and all, but sometimes I can sneak something in. For I while I'd mutter "Oh, brother" at anything anyone told me, regardless of the context. Good times.

Hee! Good one, smrou.

Another favourite of mine has got to be the "Roswell! Roswell!" from José Chung. It's all in the delivery.

Buffangel, the "millstone of humiliation" quote is from Squeeze. I had it as my screensaver for a while.

Small Potatoes

Mulder: Do you think the fall killed him?

Humbug

Mulder: But I am an FBI Agent.


Circus guy: Some swamis can draw their testicles back up inside their bodies...

Mulder: Oh, I'm doing that as we speak.

(Mulder falls onto a bed of nails)

Scully: Mulder, are you all right?

Mulder: I'm OK Scully, it's more comfortable than a futon.

Triangle

TLG: ...the walls have ears...

Scully: I have ears...


Arcadia

Mulder: The thrill is gone.

Forgot from where:

Mulder: Whatever tape you found in the VCR, it isn't mine.

Scully: Good, because I put it in the drawer with all those other tapes that aren't yours.

I suppose it's all relative - I think it's a great line made all that much funnier by GA's delivery, but YMMV. I like that it's instantly identifiable to fans without being too obvious or cliched. Which one would you pick? As you point out, there's a lot to choose from.

I'll submit something from FIGHT CLUB:

I LOVE that line!

I will now proceed to quote the entire episode of Humbug... j/k, but here are a few gems...

-Do you recall what Barnum said about suckers?

-Mr. Nutt, the kindhearted manager here, convinced me that to make a living by publicly displaying my deformity lacked dignity. So now I carry other people's luggage.

-You'd be surprised how many women find my size intrigingly alluring.
-You'd be surprised how many men do as well...

-Imagine going through your whole life looking like that.

-Probably something I ate.

And from Tunguska-

-You're an invertebrate scum-sucker whose moral dipstick is about two drops short of bone dry.

Heh! ejluther, you've hit the nail on the head with this one!



So good!

Fantastic submission from ejluther:



I know I'm going to say this a lot... a lot, a lot (heh) in this thread but that is one of my favorites! It just never stops being funny!

Once again it's just one of those things where GA's facial expression takes the line and the scene to a whole new level.



BWAHAHA... Oh David!

*sigh*1013 really lucked out with DD and GA!

Detour:

Stonecypher: "And then, when I stood on Hank's shoulders and placed the electric pencil sharpener on top of the pile, I knew: I never could've done that on my own."

Mulder (to scully): "Shoot me."

later that episode:
Mulder: "Go on, partner! Just one more lifeless body and we win the piling contest!"

(on the phone, Scully goes through her usual spiel about possible causes for a seemingly supernatural event)
Mulder: What are you wearing?

Gryffindork and Eegah great posts! They're not even quotes that I think of immediately but the minute I read them I thought how could I forget?

Detour I think is another one which is quotable almost in it's entirety.

There's one quote that I can't remember the episode or the exact quote but I just remember DD's delivery and I know I loved it. Mulder says something to Scully about how hard it is to keep smiling when they're asking you to bend over and grab your ankles or something like that? Anybody?

Is that part of the 'monster boy' exchange from Folie a Deux?

It's from The Host. I cheated. I looked it up.

Ok, here is one of my favs that no one ever talks about from Trevor because it gets totally overshadowed by the whole "spontaneous human combustion" exchange:

Scully: Should we arrest David Copperfield?
Mulder: Yes we should. But not for this.

Hilarity!

Off topic - I'm new here! I want to play! (Oops. Sorry. Talking doll flashbacks..)

Hehe, excellent. Welcome, psychic-- we're glad you're here! I hope you get as addicted to the boards as the rest of us have! :)

As for the exchange from Trevor, I totally nearly posted that part (cos I love it, too!) but I'd already been talking so much that I stopped short. I'm glad you did the job for me.

Topic? Uhm.... This exchange tickles me:

Mulder: Do you know where she is?
Scully: In a mental institution.
Mulder: I'd go with you, but I'm afraid they'd lock me up.
Scully: Me too.

Scully: I like baseball, too.

Scully: You're in on it. You're one of them. You're one of the people who abducted me. You put that thing in my neck. You killed my sister!

Scully: Doesn't that make you sad? It makes me sad.

Also from Wetwired:
Mulder: Scully, you are the only one I trust.