From the fools at FN:


Nothing says bright and beautiful like neon orange baby food! Whoot!

You can get <inexpensive> caviar at your reglar groshry shtore. Thank heavens she informed me of that. I was ready to don my scuba gear, head INto the ocean depths, and follow female fish around with a specimen cup.

Again with getting fruit INto kids. My kids have always eaten fruit. And basically anything else I cooked. I never had to force them, nor would I. BUT, if I put lime yogurt on top of the fruit, they might hesitate. Also, the lime yogurt dressing is going to serve as ... dressing!

AAARGH!!! Bitch used my super simple trick with buttah and honey. However, I've never used honey out of the bear. My husband is from the mountains and always brings back sourwood honey, which is nothing like you've ever had before.

Orange baby food comes out the same way it went in. Sorry.

Sandra went and changed INto a pretty party dress ... with white flowing sleeves. Damn. She missed a great opportunity for frying or dredging with those sleeves on.

And now we know that SLop is in the middle of her yellow period. Two weeks of yellow in a row.

I KNEW she would'nt make an omelet out of one egg! Knew it! She also added chives to the cream cheese mixture, which will confuse the Fandras, as that isn't called for in the arussipie. It's also redundant.

I actually had no idea that you can get canned grapefruit chunks. Do love canned lychees though. Fresh ones too. They REALLY don't go in the salad though. Such a delicate floral flavor can't stand up to grapefruit and pineapple. What a waste.

The yogurt topping is hideous. Hideous. Yogurt and lime will also kill lychees. Hideous. Just hideous.

Have I mentioned how stupid it is to fry up bacos? How really really stupid that is? Fried bacos and already cooked frozen potatoes. I also call BS on there being any heat to those potatoes.

A can of pre-cooked carrots? God I hate the way she talks.

I honestly don't have a tremendous problem with adding pureed carrots. Or even baby food, necessarily. The problem is that often the baby foods are really awful tasting. You would probably do better to puree canned carrots. I also have a problem with the fact that she just baked up hockey pucks considering she baked fat free muffin mix with apple juice (not sauce) and carrot baby food.

That she didn't mess up the honey butter just reinforces the old adage that a broken clock is right twice a day.

Jeez, thats a lot of Pama liquor. And the biggest "half" I've ever seen. Guess champagne isn't alcoholic enough for Sandy these days. I feel the sugar hangover. God, a sugar hangover at like 1pm.

WHOOT! Sandy made special snowflakes for her tablescape! I am SO disappointed by my elementary school teachers. We used to do the paper trick all the time and they NEVER had us make tablescapes!

CilantrA.

CONE-yak.

"Y'all know me....."

Shut the fuck up, Snods.

And we get the single crab-claw wave.

She's slacking.

“An omelet is something that everyone can enjoy.” Not if you don't like eggs, bitch. And I'm actually shocked that she's using actual salmon and not salmon-flavored cream cheese. And I'm oh so glad that I can make this at home for nothing. I guess if I go to my reggular groshree store and take the stuff off of the shelf, I can just bypass the checkout counter. Including the inexpensive caviar, 'cuz, it's just there to make stuff pretty. Who cares what the hell it tastes like?

I'm not familiar with lychee nuts, fruits or whatever they are. Are they supposed to look like testicles? Seriously. They looked terrible, and the yogurt wasn't helping any. Ick.

She's gotta quit with the yellow. I may send her my ophthalmologists bills. Lord knows I'm already blind as a bat—she's not helping.

I don't have baby food in my pantry. I should go buy some? How is that saving me money? Aunt Sandy's definition of silky is much different than mine—she must think silky means clumpy. Making the butter means yapping about cake pedestals. I forgot—we're using SandyLogic.

Red Eyelet—named so because your eyes will be very red the next morning.. Brandy and champagne? Blergh.

Damn. That dress doesn't look that bad—if you forget that she's the one wearing it. And that it had Salmonella Sleeves.

I need to make a trip to the home store. I don't have nearly enough plllllastic birdbath/water fountains to use as an icebox.

Breaking news from the US Agricultural Department: Sandra Lee is a retard. She said carrots aren't a vegetable by saying "if you wanted to get more vegetables into the kids, you could make zuchini muffins." I guess carrots are a faux, right?

I knew that pitcher was too small for cocktail time.

And I learned today that sparkling clementine juice from Izze is actually just bottled lemonade. I'm aware they make lemon Izze, but it was clearly the clementine bottles.

ETA: In other news, my breakfast almost literally left my body watching her make the omelet.

Congratulations to jadzia for totally calling the perfectly timed cutaways during the omelet removal and taste test.

Use the cheap caviar, you can find it in your regular grocery store.

The lllllllllllllllllllemons are back, she's recycling decorating schemes. She must be slacking.

A heaping spoonful is not a tablespoon! I hate when she does that.

Smoked salmon is fresh. Really? No, it's not.

Again, use the cheap caviar. Your friends aren't worth the good stuff.

Why are the cans for the fruit salad on the cooktop? It’s not a counter! You have PA’s, make them clear the counter after you make the omlets.

FN site says real bacon pieces, she uses bacon bits. And cooks them. She cooks Bac-os!

Corn syrup from canned fruit is not juice!

Fat free yogurt is disgusting. Watching her pour that gelatinized, gloppy mess every week makes me sick to my stomach.

It’s just lime, not key lime juice like the FN site says.

Again with kids not eating fruit. They will eat lychee nuts if you tell them they’re eyeballs. A good host would point that out.

Almost like a dressing? Isn’t it a dressing?

If you don’t have baby food, you can buy them. Isn’t baby food relatively expensive? That baby food looks like carrot soup. I’m surprised she didn’t just say to use a box of carrot-ginger soup, it would save her the ginger step.

Did I blink or did she skip the coconut?

Another tip for getting veggies into kids. Because 1/3 of a jar of baby food carrots is so nutritous. And she mentioned making zucchini muffins, but didn’t say how. Last time I checked Gerber didn’t make zucchini baby food.

Using lots of scraps of lace gives “a nice, layered, beautiful, thoughtful look.”

She gave more details about the "placecard and favor" in one than she did about the potatoes.

None of those bottles of lemonade were touching the ice in that fountain.

Might I also add from experience that domestic >inexpensive< caviar tastes like ass. I know; I've used it. In one of my French Laundry recipes, I didn't want to spring for osetra, so I used the domestic stuff instead. Big mistake. It's gross and tastes horrible. AND, it's not inexpensive. That shit is $20-30 for a tiny 1 oz. jar.

And, her omelet was bad. Way too stiff and just, ew.

Also, Sondra? Quit with the singing.... "taste-test tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimmmme."

Have another drink.

Wen I first saw the plasti-fountain I thought she had filled it with bottles of Corona. Silly me.

In the outro from segment two, there was this: "...Imunna make the best <VO> honey butter you've ever seen." But there was some anomalous background sound DURING THE VOICEOVER. Geez, if you need a retake because something got fucked up, fine, but at least get THAT right. So now we have:

Her editors hate her
Her web people hate her
Shrikes hate her
Milli Vanilli hates her
Her sound people hate her

Did I miss any?

Her fauxmily hates her?

I don't think her blood family is too fond of her, either.

When she was stirring stuff for the omlette stuff at the beginning, the sound people went batshit crazy with the noise. Granted, I would try to drown her out as well.

Ok.... at least when RayRay doesn't measure things, she's not far off. The "3 tablespoons" of sour cream was about a half a cup when she was done with it.

Why did she put chives in store-bought chive cream cheese???

I'll second PA - the caviar they sell in the groshery store tastes like ass. The only reason to use that stuff if you've never tasted (or were so sauced you can't remember) real caviar, but you think everyone will think you're classy when you use it, when you don't know any better and think your guests don't know any better.

Better get a lid on those potatoes if they're going to "cook UP". They'll fly right out of the pan! They'll be floating everywhere in the kitchen! It will be madness!

Is there really something wrong with plain, fresh fruit?? Why the gak-y dressing?? Why??

Ok. Putting the baby food muffins in to the oven... her fingers were on the oven rack. She's jut faux-ing her faux with this episode.

Sigh. Why does she hate her Kitchen Aid mixers?? Again.... yellow one right there on the counter, and she whips out the hand mixer. It's so mean. It's just taunting the poor KA! Does she not realize what a stand mixer is???? Does she think it's a faux counter decoration??? Are her KAs really just plastic, like plastic fruit??? My brain hurts.

ETA: Nothing says "Garden Brunch" like snowflake placecards!

I think I've figured out why she doesn't actually use the Kitchenaid mixers. They had it written into their contract that she would never be allowed to touch one of them again.

Just sitting down to watch this episode after being to our local arts festival. Gorgeous day for it.

SLop can't even follow her own recipes, can she? One egg, two eggs; who's counting? And no, Sandy, you don't have to continuously run the spatula around the edges of the omelet to keep it from sticking. Is it just me, or was that major flavor overload in the omelet?

Where did she hide the alcohol in that omelet to get her to actually 'sing' that it was taste test time? Doesn't she only 'sing' for cocktails?

So it's a lychee nut? According to Wikipedia, the lychee is a member of the drupe family. So I guess peaches are really nuts too? Or, maybe it's just our dear Aunt Sandy who's nuts.

And I haven't eaten baby food since I was a baby, SLop, and I have no intention of eating it again until I am old and infirm and must be hand fed by a gorgeous male nursing aid in a nursing home.

Color me confused: what does all the yellow have to do with gardens? No green evident except on the faces of her imaginary guests. Oh wait, we're out on the 'patio' and we're using a fountain to hold the color-coordinating bottles of lllemonade.

Boy, SLop was really stretching to marry all these themes together, wasn't she?

ETA: MissOrchidgal swears she hear SLop say 'slime' dressing for the fruit salad instead of 'lime' dressing when they cut to the first commercial break.

What the hell does "red eyelet" mean? She couldn't figure out how to make a yellow eyelet drink? What does eyelet have to do with a drink?
A red-eye flight? red-eye gravy, maybe? But red-eyelet drink?

Those scissors and punches are expensive, Snads. Thanks for the money saving tips when I can buy a big pack of paper doilies, pre-punched, thank you very much, for a two bucks. Crazy Beyotch

I was still in bed this morning when this show came on and rolled over and looked at the tv without my glasses on. The yellow was retina-burning, and I'm blind as a bat. That's all I could see - yellow. I wondered if it was a repeat of the other yellow episode.

EEEEEWWWWWWW!!!!

There is no way those muffins could taste good to anyone who has taste buds and has eaten before.

I love how she said her fruit salad was a good way to get fruit into the kiddies. If your kids won't eat fruit, chances are they are not going to like grapefruit, which is sour nor are mango and lychee the most kid friendly fruits out there. And yes, to whomever asked, that's the way they look out of a can, it's one of those things that taste better than they look (my sister and I went to this chi-chi bar not too long ago and had lychee martinis, boy o boy were they good).

The drink was reddish. Her dress was "eyelet". The doilies looked like lace. Some lace is eyelet lace. Wa-llllah! It all ties together.
There was some green in her menu. Chives are green, yes?
why do we have to change into a party dress to sit on the patio waiting for Miss Haversham's guests to arrive? And that was no sundress. it had sleeves.

The chives were an unwitting accomplice to the meal. They had no say in the matter. And furthermore, they direct all legal comments to their lawyer.

Late catching up with today's entertainment because I was playing outside as well. The real outside, not Snad's lovely indoor deck set.


PA - didn't you notice that it went magically from egg just sitting in the pan to stiff and ew? MV magic so that she could actually get the omelet out of the pan without dumping it all over. Probably after the 25th take of a real omelet, they got tired of the retakes.

BklynEater - so did I. That or Mike's hard Lemonade. And - I just want to see how a real plastic fountain from the craft store actually stands up to being filled with ice and bottles of likker or not, with people taking bottles out. Crash, splash.

- I noticed, when she was mixing the sour cream topping thing that the foley guys had her stirring when she wasn't, and then I laughed when she seemed to start up again as if she had to catch up with the sound.

That con-yak. Is not in the FN arussipee. Obviously Snads couldn't get by with just cranberry and passionfruit juices and cheap champagne!

Snad's tape dispenser (for the craft segment) matched her yellow skape color!

Who is Rose? That name was on one of the place-doilies. Also, what the h*@# were those yellow things that were hollow inside and had a zig-zag outside? Candles?

Yes, I always sit and cut snowflakes for a tablescape before I have people over. And then wrap it around a cute l'il box filled with candy. BTW - I thought she had some big snowflakes/doilies with names written on them, not like her example.

Something was wrong during this episode. The stove was on, and the pans were hot - there was steam when she added the eggs, and they began to "set up". There was also steam and cooking when the pre-diced pre-cooked potatoes were added to the skillet ... with the bacos and onions.

Snads snapped her fingers. Does she think she is on Simply Estupido? Also, she said she was going to "hit" the muffin tin with some of that spray. Channeling RayRay? Or is it just the same script monkeys write cue cards for all the FN shows?

Maybe I've just been doing it wrong all these years, but I've never had an omelet cook that quickly. I truly believe that SLop's leading us to the sink (and away from the food on camera) was just all part of an elaborate plan to distract us from the fact that she really can't cook.

If she had made that piece 'o shit omlit at the Cordonn Blue, with that way too browned and way too congealed "flap", she wouldn't have left there because it was all so much monkey business, THEY would have kicked her bony ass to the rue before she could say "f'ntastique".

Merde.

I had a difficult time following what she was doing to create the favors/doilies/placecards. It looked like she filled a little box up with white chocolate chips.

What were the yellow things that you could see outside the "window?" It looked like a series of yellow birdhouses.

You could read the names? All I could see were yellow smears that hurt my eyes, so I had to look away.

The first time I tried caviar, it was the good stuff, hand carried from Russia by mrjaz's uncle. We were in our local gourmet market a few months later, saw a jar of domestic caviar, and bought it. I don't think I've ever regretted a food purchase more in my life. That stuff was nasty. It was barely a step above bait. No way would I serve it to my friends.

So, not only does Snads know nothing about food, she knows nothing about fashion. "Pretty sundress!" Pretty, sure. Sundress, no.

Is a cocktail that is 1 part juice and 32 parts liquooooor really the best way to start your day?

There wasn't enuf cooking time for the omelet "filling" to get warmed. I wonder how many takes it took to get that egg to slip so easily out of that pan.

You people really know nothing about fashion. It's a sun dress because Sandy wears it when she goes out INto the sun. Jeez.

That "omelet" had my blood boiling. The pan was way too hot, she cooked it like a pancake, you could see that it was already overdone and then she walked over to the sink before adding the filling--which, of course, would still be cold and unmelted when served. It looked like the kind of omelet you get in a diner. Are the Fandras expected to make individual two-aig omelets for their guests? And after inexplicably using cream cheese inside the omelet and that disgusting sour cream mixture on top (1200 calories? How many grams of fat?), she uses low-fat yogurt in the dressing for the fruit salad. That dressing, by the way, looked exactly like what Roger horked up on this week's episode of "Mad Men."

She said she'd eaten that omelet at a "fancy-dancy restaurant in New York." I think she was talking about E.A.T., which is expensive, but casual (it's part of a food store), with homey food, some Jewish-influenced. I would never call it "fancy." If Eli Zabar, who owns it, ever found out what she did to his recipe, he'd be out gunning for her.

MissFancy - I did find myself wondering that as well. Definitely not a good brunch suggestion for people who are unfamiliar with "real" cooking and typically use pudding cups and seasoning packets!

Also, that pre-cut omelet "taste" - who tastes an omelet by taking a nifty little "V" section right out of the exact middle? And we didn't see her fork that cut either.

So, in this episode Snads destroyed another non-stick pan - after she added the chopped red onions to the pan, she poked around at them and the pan with the tip of her santoku knife. Skreeech.

No, I couldn't read those either. This was in the money shot at the beginning of the ep. The others were certainly yellow smears only.

When she put the muffin pucks onto the 3-tiered cake server and said they were great for muffins, I laughingly wondered why she hadn't used that for cupcakes also, instead of sticking them ONto an already frosted cake.

Oh - and that *sun*dress that Sandy wears when she goes out INto the sun -- it has long sleeves to protect her *from* the sun and other outdoorsy things. (Unless, of course, she is dragging a whole kitchen to the beach in Rhode Island)

You mean I was a guest at one of Sandy's parties????? Damn, I missed it.

I'll tell you what, I bet SLoP is kicking herself in the ass for not thinking of the Lychee Gelatin Shot - Chica SLoP got to it first. I thought I was going to die when she whipped out the can of Lychee Nuts - she duplicates everyone at some point or the other. Er, except a cook, that she can't do to save her life.

When she was messing around with the stupid doilies, did you notice the liver spots on the back of the hands? and the crappy manicure? You'd a thunk with her attenshun to detail, her hands would be better groomed.

I had the same thought about that filling,too.The filling would be slightly warmer than room tempurature,but it'll turn that omelet stone-cold!...and it does look like that was a MV-inspired omelet slipped out of that pan rather than the one she made...I guess she needs a refresher course on omelet removal from Cordon Bleu.



I love that after she was saying how great-n-rich-n-wonderful-n-d'lishus this 'omelet' was gonna be...then right after she downed that "V" section of that crap,they cut to a shot of the plate and don't show her reaction after tasting it...I KNOW she gagged on it!

Champagne = Brunch...Only in Sandy's world!


'F'ntastic' count: 11 times

'That's a beautiful thing' count: 3 times....Yeah Sandy,you are this generation's Martha Stewart....God help this generation!

On a serious note,I need some help from you guys out there...I was planning on preparing a dinner that involves eating different types of food and beverages,and I was wondering where I can go to buy the things I need to make this meal...I don't have a clue...*sigh*

Edit:


Hee...I thought they were using Skelator as the stunt hands there!

It's not working. I'm never distracted enough to forget that she really can't cook.

Well, Aunt Sandy informs us that we can find food right in our very own pantry or refrigerator or even the groshury store. However, I happen to know that our local regional home improvement center also sells groshuries (I kid you not; right across the aisle from plumbing, appliances, and windows and doors).

I noticed both those too... the omelet "V" had me laughing as much as the time Jim O'Connor took a first bite from a cheesesteak sandwich by starting in the middle. It was the oddest damned thing I ever saw.

And I shuddered when that knife went in to the pan.

That was no omelette! That was a train wreck!
Why couldn't she just use the salmon as a filling without the cream cheese and chive shit? Then she garnishes it with thick rich and delicious sour cream and caviar? Too much creaminess for me!

A nice fresh fruit salad with canned fruit??? Give me a break!

Honestly, that omelette was "gagtastick"! Ugh!

I'd like to get a "super-simple" count but I couldn't bear to watch this again.

Yes, and then "super super simple" when she gets really excited about something f'ntastic.

However it *was* fitting that she overuse the juvenile expression in an episode involving baby food as an ingredient.

In honor of this episode, tonight's fruit salad is mango, plum, and lychee. As suspected, the lychee nuts taste really funky after bite of mango. They just do not work together at all.

Aunt Sandy, I know you have never met me, but I don't like salmon. Just FYI.

Amen. I found myself talking back to the TV when SLop declared that everyone likes salmon. I don't. Many people don't. Salmon has a distinct flavor and is not pleasing to all. But what else should we expect from a woman who redecorates her kitchen for each meal and who has imaginary friends?

Well, and even people who like salmon don't always like smoked salmon.

Oddly... MrNutt is not fond of salmon (meaning if he is to lazy to go to McD's to pick up his own dinner, he'll choke it down when I make it) but he likes smoked salmon.

Yeah. I was at least mentally yelling back at the T during that part too.

Count me in as a salmon avoider. When she said everyone likes salmon, my husband and son both whooted loudly and pointed at me.

I love those guys. Snarking is one of our faovorite family activities.

I hate that 'declaration',too!...But usually when she declares that ''everybody's gonna llllove this'',she then meekly says ''...well,at least everybody in MY family''.But then she'll go on to deny her own family members what they like to eat!(Stephanie's sprinkles,'The Boys' white asparagus,switching cranburries for raisins,etc)...

Aunt Sandy,stop saying ''everybody'' and just say ''I'' when it comes to the liking of that krap you call 'cooking'...thank you.

BTW,I love salmon in any form....except the Semi-ho™ way,of course.

The "omelette" - the average Denny's fry cook could make a better looking version. I stopped the tape to give great good thanks that I'd seen Julia and Jacques make proper omelettes, and make proper ones myself. Thus fortified (and a bit smug, I'll admit) I continued watching...

Oh, the horror of it all! OK, was anyone else hoping she'd have picked up some eyelet trim and dyed it red to embellish the cocktail glasses? Just me? All rightee then... ;D

The eternal questions - WTF is she doing and WHY do I keep on watching?!?!?!

Personally, I thought cranberries, speared on the jeweled toothpick, floating atop the red drink, were plenty scary.

IC, since the explosion of reality TV fare has overtaken programming on the tube these days, I know the only reason I watch Aunt Sandy's show is because this truly is the only remaining sitcom on television today. Think about it -- the main elements of a successful sitcom are all there, especially in this Garden Brunch SLopisode:

-- A familiar cast of core characters = Kimber, Miss Stephanie, Brycer, C'leen

-- One dominant character around whom the show is created or revolves around = SLop

-- The cast of characters remain in a similar environment from episode to episode = SLop's kitchen, dining room, or imagination

-- Said cast of characters faces a situation or challenge, and hilarity ensues = Sunset Clambake, Indoor Lakeside Grilling, Cocktail Tree

-- The multi-episode thematic story arc = Brycer's rolling pin, kids will eat anything in a quesadilla, various basic important things are considered monkey business, Cocktail Time, Sandy's unrequited childhood

-- The placement of said sitcom in either a workplace or family setting = Semi-Ho achieves both (which really hasn't been done successfully since "The Dick Van Dyke Show")

-- The premise of the show being built around a foil (a minor character whose traits are the complete opposite of the main character; think Jerry Seinfeld and Kramer or George) = in SLop's case, she is the main character and her non-Fandra viewers are the foils because we can actually cook without opening a taco seasoning packet

-- And the bonus archetypical never-seen character who plays an integral yet invisible role in storylines moving forward (think: Norm's wife Vera on "Cheers", Wilson on "Home Improvement," Niles' wife Maris on "Frasier," Ugly Naked Guy on "Friends") = MV


Does that answer your original question?

I rarely make a true omelette anymore. Rather, I make more of a frittata, in that the thing is not folded, but flipped. And I do have the pan flip of the egg down pat. The trick is to flip the pan like you mean it. If you are unsure, it just won't work.

On topic: I REALLY want to see Sandy try to flip an omelette (or anything) in the air. I might even pay to see that fiasco with the food scattered all over the stove, counter and floor afterwards!