From FN:

Yeah, they shared them with her AND ALL OF AMERICA since they're on the FN website. HAAAAAAATE HER!

Dear God. She based the color of her kitchen on Mario's orange crocs. She based the freaking decor of her kitchen on his freaking shoes! I'm not surprised, but I am disgusted. And lookeee! Her new kitchen set is *cough* on the top of a mountain overlooking an evergreen forest!

Ah, crapping up the ravioli with balsamic vin-a-ger-ette. And Italian seasoning. Because every good Italian chef uses Italian seasoning in everything. That's what makes it Italian.

Did she just say that in Mario's restaurants WE make all the pasta from scratch? Is she hallucinating cooking on the line for him? She would never survive all that monkey business. Or pissing off a bunch of line cooks from Central America.

Has no one ever told her that kids love to eat food, they just hate the crap she serves?

Once again she doesn't follow the FN instructions for the ravioli. The Fandras will be so confused.

No, SLop, Mario is not happy or flattered about this episode, he is probably suicidal now over what you've done to his recipes. For that matter, WTF is "Mario's Kitchen?" That's not one of his restaurants and I seriously doubt he has ever let her near his home. Girl needs rehab NOW. She is having alcohol induced hallucinations.

Marinate the flank steak for about 1 to 8 hours? Why, those times are like totally similar. I won't even bother insulting the seasoning packet, that stands on its own.

Woah, she whisked something, with an actual whisk. But she did it inside a freaking ziploc bag, so she still fails.

Poor Brycer. He is gonna get beaten up again after this episode. And Bobby is gonna end up taking a restraining order out on him. She makes it sound like Brycer has a shrine to the guy in his room and is about 2 or 3 years away from stalking him hardcore.

So to grill her corn she is frying it in vegetable oil? Great. She claimed it was grilled corn more than once, so she clearly thinks grilling involves oil frying.

Bobby Flay: producing food that tastes like jarred smoked tomatoes since the 1980s. Poor Bobby.

Yes, SLop, god forbid your green onions should taste of green onion.

So, wait a minute? She won't give Brycer port but she will shove it down Miss Stephanie's throat? I guess SLop needs to groom a female drinking buddy for girl's night in.

Ah, no worries, she's grooming Brycer too, but I suppose 6 is too young, even for her. Wait a minute, 6? Isn't he older than that??

OMG, Mario Batali has MORE THAN ONE RESTAURANT! And none of them are decorated like that hideous tablescrape. Bolo does have a lot of orange and yellow, but not like that!
OOOOOOH! Hello, ant time with all that brown sugar thrown around.

This woman has lost her mind. I hope someone has Tivo'd this, because I have a feeling that this will never be rerun. I cannot believe for a sweet lil second that Bobby Flay and Mario Batali gave permission for this shit. And that's exactly what it looks like. Shit. Much like Aunt Sandy's own arrussipes.

I've never eaten at any of Bobby or Mario's resturants, and this episode does not make me want to run out and get a reservation. I noticed that she used the words “inspired by” more than once, but the implication is there. Then the next thing you know, she's implying that these are the exact same recipes but they aren't. My head wants to explode.

Another mention that BrycerSweetness llllllllllloves Bobby Flay. Poor child.

Orange KA = orange Mario Croc™.

“The white part of these onions tastes very onion-y and I don't like that flllllavor very much.” WTF?

I would swear that she said that it was Mario's “drive thru” compote, instead of “dried fruit”. How can Mario use fresh fruit if it's a dried fruit compote? No fucking way her dessert is healthy.

Okay so she didn't use a Croc as a nameplace, but I totally called the orange. That tablescape looks like the Seventies threw up. A sweet knot?

The Foley editors are drunk again. Methinks they may have drank too many ElFakeo Sangrias.

Egads. Her neck. "One more facelift on this one, and she'll have a beard!"

Ok.... who called the "Crocs Orange" kitchenscape??

Sigh. No. No no no no. In my world, Mario and Bobby did not GIVE you these recipes. You just downloaded them off the FoodNetwork site, bitch.

Nice draining of the beans. Mmm.... salty!

And alright. I watched Molto Matio from the time it started on FN. He's proven to me that you could make fresh pasta in the time it takses to stop at your regular grocery store and buy the won ton wrappers. And I've used won ton wrappers kinda as pasta before... THEY DON'T TASTE LIKE REAL PASTA. It's similar, but different. Kinda like how allegator tastes "just like chicken".

I can't decide if those were MV hands or SLop making the ravioli. The hands seemed to be a little shakey.

Someone who's eaten at one of Mario's places, please tell me the ravioli he serves look better than that. That recipe was just so, so wrong. On every level. HAlf-ass drained canned beans?? The cheater pasta? Dried herb mix?? Vin-e-grrrrr-ette? All the caper jooze that got in to the pan? Isn't each one of those a huge slap in the face to Mario's food philosophy????

Sigh.

Bobby is known for great, smoker flavor??? Huh. I thought that was cumin. Someone tell RayRay she's got it all wrong!!

Man SLop's hair is big today. Big big hair. We watched Reno 911: Miami, and her hair is really almost as big & poofy as Clemmie's comical hair.

They sell pre-crumbled goat cheese now?? Really??

We only saw an "O" on that one placecard, but I *know* it said "Mario". Sigh.

Holy fucking shit.

Sandra, why would I want to use your recipes when I can "log on" to the Food Network website and get Mario's or Bobby's recipes?
She must have picture of those guys with goats or something for them to allow her to crap up their recipes.

Yes, several of you called it. SLop's not-Crocs = an ornj kitchen (poor ornj KitchenAid).

And a really great idea for the tableskape: Raw brown sugar with fake flowers. Nothing like brown roses. I'm sure *both* Mario and Bobby have lots of fake flowers on their tables.

Does she need glasses? when she was making the raviolis she was bent over the counter so closely that her porn hair nearly got INto the food! (oops. rereading that sentence makes me 12)

Best line of the episode: about the sangria - "And for Aunt Sandy, a bottle of white wine".

And then she can't wait for the flavors to blend - has to have it "right now" with a big gulp.

I came in just to post the exact same thing. What the fuck is up with that?

Well, someone's gotta learn how to be the designated driver.....

When she was letting the meat rest, she said "That's why I let them sat here." Sat. I think I'll take English lessons from Ms. Lee. She's so smurt.

I thought the grilled corn thing was a fiasco. Doesn't sweet onion involve...onions...(reg ones)? I was thinking she would slice an onion thinly and sautee it for five to ten minutes until it gets caramelized (YUM), then mix it with the corn and serve. That would have been yummy but of course, nothing is tastier than raw bell peppers sliced up with un-whisked lemon juice (bitch please, it's lemon, not lime) and veg oil. I would imagine if "bobby" made this, he would whisk the lemon juice + oil while adding whatever ingredients. Terrible.

Did anyone else think that Bobby and Mario would be there while she cooked? That would indicate some sort of collaboration but I guess they were hiding under rocks during this episode. Poor guys. I'm not a Bobby Flay fan but I honestly felt for him during this epi. I always liked Mario so my heart broke for the guy.

Well, we know who the designated drinker is.

I couldn't agree more. I think Bobby FLay is an insufferable ass on TNFNS and his other shows, but I wouldn't wish a SLoPification(™TickyTock) on my worst enemy.

So, using a seasoning packet for the steak marinade "saves time and money" how, exactly? Using herbs from my kitchen cupboards is going to take me less time than tracking down a random seasoning packet, and it takes about 30 seconds longer to put the individual herbs INto the baggie than it takes to dump in a seasoning packet.

BURP THE FREAKIN' MARINADE BAG, IDIOT. God, that makes me nuts.

Also, I'm very sorry she didn't put the ravioli she made into boiling water, because I wanted to see them explode. She didn't get the air out of those, either.

Yeah, 'cause nothin' says "Mario Batali" like damp won tons sitting in a KitchenAid nonstick pot of lukewarm water for who the fuck knows how long.

Leave it to FA to distill the episode down to its essence. Good stuff!

.......sigh.......WTH?????

I'm thinking Bobby put a quick call into Mario and Mario's now calling some "friends" and putting a hit on SLop.

What a travesty.

The red wine marinade would've been great with just the red wine and rosemary (and a little chopped garlic) Of course SLop had to go one step over the edge and use a seasoning packet. Plus she didn't "burp" the air out of the bag, the stupid twit.

The only thing grilled about that corn mess was it was cooked in a pan NEXT to her indoor grill. And then added to raw peppers, lemon juice, green onions and more oil. Oh, and roasted tomato salsa. GACK

That fruit crap looked like menstrual output in a glass. With a yeast infection garnish. Gross

RAVIOLI's are square you idiot! That butter/caper crap looked nasty.

The cocktail-- what is her facination with chewable cocktails? Plus.. peach schnapps in SANGRIA???

I need to go lay down.

If anyone wants to call Mario's company, Pasta Resources, directly, to find out what the fuckity-fuck is going on here, the phone number is 646.278.0804.

OK - I want to know which FN personalities' recipes she's going to defile next. Alton? Michael Chiarello? EMERIL? Notice I named all men - no Giada, Ray Ray, Pauler...Because being a woman, you know the guys are gentlemen and probably wouldn't do anything to her. But if she fucks with the gals' food she's in for a catfight of biblical proportions!

SLop would just blind them both with one of her infernal seasoning packets. They wouldn't have any similar ammo. :P



I've seen them round too... :)

And nothin' says Bobby Flay like frozen corn.

And really, nothing says "chef" like extending one's index finger down the length of a KitchenAid knife blade.

Makes perfect sense in SLop's drunken mind. Use the part of the onion that doesnt taste like onions because I dont like the onion taste. Pardon me, I need a sip of sangria.

I swear I heard her say "plank steak" insted of flank. Anyone?

What is with her constant use of "some dish" lately? Is she channeling Charlotte and thinking she can save her show with the "some pig" analogy? "That's some dish" Can't quite call it good, but I can call it "some"thing and that will be the saving grace.

Arghhh. I should have taken a nap, instead. My eyes haven't seen that much orange since the poolside black bean nacho fiasco and it took my retinas days to recover.

Good. Lord.

Did she really say that Bryce was 6? Isn't he older than that?

My oldest son (16) watched this one with me. When she was screwing up the ravioli, he turned to me and said "please tell me you won't make that." I thought I raised him better than to think I would serve such crap! hehe...

The other thing that bugs me (and I know it's been discussed by others ad nauseum) is that she assumes that every child is a picky eater. Hell-O! I am happy to say that my boys are happy to eat anything put in front of them, and always have, and that includes stuff they've never had before. Shoot, from the time they hit about 10 years old, when we went out to eat they would intentionally pick stuff they'd never tried before, just for the experience. That's how my oldest kid got on his tilapia kick. hehe when he was 12 or 13 we went to a Mexican restaurant in my in-laws hometown and he ordered the tilapia. Out it came with the head still on... I was so proud that he was game enough to eat it... but he did turn it around so it wasn't 'looking' at him. :)

whew, sorry about the rant! back on topic... I think I'm gonna have to watch that again and take snark notes. I can't even remember all the rest of the stuff that went through my head... it was just so horrid...

I think I need to lie down first.

Or worse............HER

Yes, it does.

And Croc orange look better on his gigantic fat feet than on Sandra's tablescop.

Interesting story about Mario Batali. My freshman year at college in NYC, I was walking towards Union Square to browse the farmer's market for some snacks when who do I see but Mario. I see a whole lot of him because he's walking kind of shaky (he gets sloshed pretty darn often) and plows right into me, knocking me flat on my ass in the middle of an intersection. He then says to get out of his way and I called him a fat fuck. I then purchased some delicious small local farm apples and saw a movie.

So yeah, judging by how often Mario reputedly gets trashed, I'm guessing Sandy invited him and Bobby over for Cucktail Time at her one woman rainbow party and LLLLIterally charmed the pants off of them, then forged their signatures on the release when they still said no.

Yikes, that was awful. Why, why, why does she HATE real food? Of all of the awful things to get pissed off about today, it was the "sugar-free lemon lime soda" in the kiddie kocktail that was the final straw. I hate that some people, lead by Snads I think, are of the opinion that "sugar free" is better for kids because it keeps the kiddos from having too much sugar. But, that sugar free crap is SO much worse for you than moderately using actual sugar (I know soda has corn syrup, but it's still better than fake sugar). I think it just capsulates Aunt Sandy's whole stupid philosophy towards food. Fume.

What a lovely story, RobertBlue. If you ever audition for TNFNS, it's little golden nuggets like that that will make the difference and put you ahead of the pack so to speak. Personal anecdotes about friends, family, and fat fucks will truly make you shine, my friend.



yzzilyzzid, I imagine children are picky when it comes to dining at Aunt Sandy's. Remember the salmon flavored cream cheese and caper sandwiches? And how all her nieces and nephews love fried artichokes or whatever it was? I call bull shit on that one. And the beach SLoPisode with sandy-fried spinach and lobsters slathered in curry. Poor kids.

No wonder Batali and Bourdain are such good friends, they go drinking together. I wonder if Bourdain was up this morning and saw this ep. You know he called Batali and was like "WTF Dude?"

What Sandy said about the green onions.. OMG, she's insane! Seriously, that is one of the funniest things she's said in a long time.

I really felt like she was justifying herself over and over this ep. She kept saying how Mario and Bobby did this or that, and it's so good. But here is the crappy way because it's so much quicker and easier. Whatever honey, kept trying to justify your life.

I guess "interesting" can be subjective.

After further review notyomomma ,it sounds more likes SHe says 'fu-lank' steak...Choke-hazard punch does make words sound wuh-eird.

Speaking of the 'punch'...Why put frozen fruit in it AND then put it in the fridge???...Mushy SLop punch anyone?

Brycer,Brycer,Brycer...For the love of God,DON'T TELL AUNT SANDY ANYTHING ABOUT ANYTHING EVER AGAIN!!!!....You seem to be an OK kid,but Aunt Sandy definitely ain't!

Edit:1 cup of peach schnapps=2 and a half cups of schnapps
2 cups of mango nectar=a splash of mango nectar
1 bottle of white wine= 1 bottle of white wine
Mango Sangria= one soused Aunt Sandy!

Sadly, TNFNS is a show I will never even get close to, because all of my signature recipes are just rip-offs of recipes from cook books and the food network. Like my Clockwork Orange Tea Cake, lovingly adapted from Gale Gand (see: insert orange juice instead of recommended cooking liquid). But yes, it never hurts to have a handful of bad celebrity encounter stories in you back pocket. You never know when those stories about theater people tossing cigarettes at me or film producers treating me like garbage at a convention can pop up in normal conversation.

I mean, as crazy as the story seems, I've got a leg up on Sandy because it had a beginning, a middle, an ending, and featured real life people as the subject.

As for Brycer and his Bobby Flay obsession: the Internet makes stalking very easy. Give that kid a PSP and he can hunt down Bobby Flay cross country if he wanted to without any difficulty at all.

Good Grief. That food looked awful. At least her hair looked nice for a change. Honestly, I would like to see her try and copy Paula's or Rachael's recipies. Those two would beat the crap out her easily.

Anyone know where I can purchase a "mirinade"??? There doesn't seem to be one in my pantry nor at the groshury store.


I'd also like to know which restaurant Bobby and Mario own together. Cause I know I heard Snads say, "Mario and Bobby's restaurant," so I'm sure she's right that they they're co-owners. snerk.

Sigh. I've been to five Batali restaurants (Po, Lupa, Babbo, Esca, and Otto) - Lupa's one of my favorite restaurants of all time - and none of them are full of orange and brown crap.

I actually do use wonton wrappers as ravioli skins... but that's because I work in Chinatown, next to a grocery store/noodle factory, so the ones I buy are fresh and actually taste like pasta. Those packaged things you buy at Safeway - blech.

Both original recipes are in "Simple Italian Food"... the original Batali ravioli recipe is actually simpler than the Semi-Ho version (calls for balsamic vinegar, not vinaigrette, and parsley, not "Italian seasoning". No capers.) Classic example of Sandy taking a very simple recipe and making it more complicated (and crappier).

The compote is indeed made with dried fruit (apricots, cranberries, cherries, currants, and quince), the alcohol is Moscato d'Asti (wayyyyy less alcoholic than port), and the goat cheese is aged and semi-dry. Classic example of Sandy making random substitutions in a quest to Semi-Ho things up, without understanding the underlying concept of a dish (I think the watermelon-rose-goat gouda skewers from "Rose Garden" were the worst example of this, but this one's pretty bad too).

That drove me crazy as well. The first time, I thought I had heard wrong; by the third or fourth time, I realized that she just needs to borrow Brycer's 1st-grade grammar textbook.

I am dying to know what sort of waivers Mario and Bobby had to sign in order for this episode to be greenlit. And just HOW HIGH WERE THEY AT THE TIME?

Proper grammar is monkey business.


That's priceless. Reminds me of the New York Times review of, I think, the first Semi-Ho cookbook; the reviewer said, "Why would you use these recipes when they cost more, take more time, and taste worse than traditional recipes?" I wish I'd saved that review, but it was from before I became a shrike.

Bobby and Mario have signed their souls over to Food Network. The pictures-with-goats theory works for me, too.

Okay, was she wearing a fucking wig or was it just me? And could her matching top have been uglier? Ugh.

VIN A GA RETTE, Y'ALL!

I hope Mario and Bobby take a bitch down.

I've used those wonton wrappers to make wontons (silly me) and I hate how they taste when they're boiled. She's a lunatic.

Ok, who wrote this one?

Bwahaha! I don't know but I applaud them.

That article is the reason I started watching the show in the first place. It was by Amanda Hesser. Here's a link to the full text:

http://www.food-lists.com/lists/archives/c.../1065224027.php

Hee, grammar is monkey business. Do we have a thread for all the Chef Lee considers monkey business?

The thing that stuck out in my mind is that she truly hates her family and friends. Brycer begs Aunt Sandy to let him meet Bobby Flay so she says he's going to love cooking these recipes with her. No he won't idiot, he would love to meet Bobby Flay. Why can't you stop being such a dick and let him meet the man? It seems like she could easily arrange it: why does she think he would rather cook her nasty food instead of meeting a real cook he admires? I know, because she's drunk.

Sandy has perfected the process of SLopification of normal recipes to demonstrate the principles of SLopinomics 101, an introductory course of reverse economics offered exclusively at URNFNS - the University of Regurgitated Nauseating Food Related Sickness - the world famous Shrike school. (Say URNFNS real fast)

Oh please oh please, let's have Greek Day when she defiles Cat Cora.......Ohh-pahh THIS, you stupid cow......actually she'd be all into that, knocking back the Ouzo between every recipe...

You have to admit this wasn't as bad as most of her food concotions, but that's only because it's Mario and Bobby's recipes.

I was outraged when she put that perfectly good green onion in the trash can. Even if she didn't want to use it in that dish she could have saved it. It's not like her fridge doesn't have room.

"Mario would use fresh fruit but we're doing it the semi-homemade way.." It must have been in the clause to clearly and repeatedly state Mario and Bobby would never cook this way. If I were them I would have wanted a disclaimer scrolling across the screen everytime she used my name.

WTF @ her acting like it's hard to add your own individual herbs to a mariande.

Individual herbs = monkey business

Man,there is so much monkey business with HEr cooking,in general,why not order out?...BSDH!™

(wow,that's kinda like RayRay's EVOO™...maybe I'll try to get that term into the Webster Dictionary,too!)

But that's hard work. <Whine>

Someone in the speculation thread had mentioned the possibility that Sandy would actually use the names Bobby and Mario on the place cards. She actually did it. I watched during the tablerape segment, and noticed one place card name ending in 'io'. I guess her production staff had to partially hide the name to avoid the unpleasant consequences of suggesting that Mario might actually attend one of her dinners.

And why is she picking on Bobby and Mario? Is it some sort of sick, drunken fantasy to 'taste a little of both'?

Ewww, gross.

Makes you wonder if she's gonna start on Pauler , Ina, and Wretchel. I can hear Pauler now, "You skinny-assed bitch, go semi-HO somebody else's food and leave me the fuck alone. And put some buttah on that!." INA: "Get off my beach, you incompetent ass and .... Jeffery? Jeffery? What the hell are you thinking????" RayRay: "What say me and you go knock a few back and stiff some poor fucker waitress out of a decent tip?"

No no, she's only going for the men because she wants their attention and their validation - she's single now, remember, maybe this is how she thinks she's gonna git her some. If they were going to validate her fucking over their recipes, they would have shown their asses up - hell, she even made placecards for them!