This is for all of the times that you watch a commercial and think "I oughta write a letter. What were they thinking?" So if you could write an ad exec a letter, what would you say?

Dear Ad Exec:

I am a rather sane, normal thirtysomething with an attention span longer than Pamela Anderson's marriages. Therefore, it is truly not effective when you repeat something eleventy billion times in one of your commercials.

I am specifically speaking to you, Lexus adman, and you, Dunkin' Donuts pitchwoman. Stop it with the "someone" and the "coffee" (no airquotes, thankyouverymuch).

All your ads do is make me vow to avoid your product.

So good job!

Dear Ad Exec:

If there is anything more irritating, more obnoxious and more wallet-closing than your stupid, screechy, asinine, mute button-inspiring jingles, it is the talentless, screeching man-on-the-street MORONS you somehow persuade to sing - or even worse, whistle - said asinine jingles as off-key and whiny as only they can muster.
I'd name a few of you, but I completely block out your company name and product lines at the same time as I hit the mute button and/change the channel. You're all one big annoying blur as I spend my money with your competitors, who have fun, clever commercials that don't insult my intelligence or make me want to gouge my eardrums out.

Y'know, if I knew this thread existed, I wouldn't have posted this in the "Not The Intended Message" thread....

Hey, Best Buy?

You do know that it's never a good idea for parents to get their kids pets for Christmas, yes?

So I hope that you are planning on taking care of the adorable labrador puppy that the little brat completely ignored because there was a box from Best Buy under the Christmas tree.

Thanks for proving the SPCA's point, though.

Dear Sepracor PR department,

Please stop with that stupid Lunesta butterfly. Spend less money on airing that damn commercial and more on research to make your medications cheaper to the public. $40 for an inhaler and $30 for the useless plastic tube that goes with it is ridiculous.

*yawn*

Dear Ad Execs,

Please read the "Commercials We Love" thread and make more of those kinds of spots. Then you won't need to worry about people DVRing through your ads to get back to Ugly Betty or whatever. Make it cool enough and people might just FF through Ugly Betty to see your ad! Everyone wins!

Dear Aleve and Aleve's ad people:
"Liquid speed" is a very ambiguous phrase to use in a medication commercial. Expect many disappointed customers.
Consider yourself warned...
Shelwood

I am very disappointed. Here I was, hoping for extra energy, and what did I get? My lawyer will contact you

Dear Botox ad agency:

Remember that brainstorming meeting you had to come up with a new slogan for Botox? Well, when someone in the back shouted, "Express yourself!", that person was kidding. Or possibly high. That you took that slogan and ran with it means that you are stupid. Or possibly high.

You may want to consider some sort of IQ testing for your employees. And definitely make everyone pee in a cup.

Thanks.

Dear Ad Execs,

Women are not the only ones in the family to prepare dinner. When you make men idiots or women slaves in the kitchen, I want to throw things at the TV and never, ever buy your product.

Thanks.

OMG, I came to post the exact same thing! Grinning, smirking, laughing women!

Too bad NONE of these expressions are possible after Botox treatment. Just go watch some most of the older soap opera performers; you'll see I'm right.

Dear whoever came up with the new Jack in the Box ads:

Angus is not a part of beef, it is a breed of cattle. It should in no way be confused with cow anuses. Please make a note of it.

Dear Ad Execs:

Please stop blurring Lindsey Wagner so much on the Sleep Number Bed commercial. It makes me run for my glasses thinking it's my problem; which causes me to miss the phone number. Drat!

Dear Ad Execs,

Any commercial that features audible chewing, slurping, swallowing, smacking, or crunching does not make me want to purchase said product. It causes an immediate mute or channel switch along with a vow never to support whatever is being advertised. It's not cute, it's not funny, stop it now.

So much word!!! I can't even name any specific ones, since I immediately mute them and/or change the channel at the first disgusting eating sound.

God Bless You, walkindude. All this time, I thought I had a personality disorder.....

Word to infinity! This is making me laugh so hard I can't type fast anymore! I think this same thing when watching countless commercials these days. I think that ad people must be so robotic and programmed to please that they have lost all ability to think clearly and critically.

Well if you do, then I do too. I cannot stand when commercials show people talking with their mouths full about how wonderful the food is.

Dear Mr. & Ms. Ad Exec:

Dysfunctional families are not funny. They are not cutesy. They do not make me want to buy things. Enough, please, of the passive-agressive bitch wife/mother, training her daughter to be a passive-aggressive bitch so that she can manipulate her hapless, pussy-whipped husband into doing things for her. Let's see some grown-up people talk about what they want from a product in a grown-up way.

Oh, and let's see some gay and interracial couples too.

Thank you for your time.

Dear Mr./Ms. Febreze Ad Exec:

I don't know which one of your crack monkey ad writers thought that this latest series was a good idea, but they need a vacation. The ski-mask-wearing, fake-coughing-book-dropping, car-seat-sniffing, couch-humping, fabric-refresher-huffing morons in your commercials don't inspire me to run right out and buy your product. In fact, they make me fervently wish that your product was no longer on the shelves. And I thought the one with the creepy stuffed animals was bad.

Sincerely,
Seriously? Couch humping to sell fabric stinkum?

They are so lucky I already liked this product. I remember the very original ad campaign; it was up in bar bathroom stalls, selling on the fact of cigarette-stinky bar smell on your clothes. I thought "Fantastic-now I don't have to dry clean all the time." Not creepy, totally legit.

How about they show some people coming over to a house and being surprised that the people have a bunch of ferrets? If you can get rid of that smell, that's air freshener MAGIC.

I remember the original campain for Fabreeze as well......one commercial was for a woman with a few dogs, and she had a German accent. She simply talked about the product and then at the end said, "Come to my house!! You will not smell a thing!" meaning dog smell. Very nice, very straightforward, no woman driving backwards in her car smelling the life out of her carseat.

jessicajason wrote:
And while you are at it, Mr. and Ms. Ad Exec, try hiring a creative team whose collective sense-of-humor dial is not set at "immature second grade potty talk" with the knob broken off. These people have a long way to go before before they can even aspire to being twelve.

Besides, do you really want your food being associated in the public's mind with poo-poo jokes? *looks at burger without bun, looks at cowpie, looks back at burger without bun... reconsiders vegetarianism...*

Dear Kia Ad "Writers" (and I use that term loosely):

No matter how hard you try, or how many times you say it, NO ONE is going to start throwing around words like "Rondoism" and "Cabinocity". Kind of like when I tried to make people spell my name with an "i" instead of a "y", it was juvenile and I thought it would make me look cool (much like your ad). Can't you just talk about the good points of the car without trying to get all hipster and cooler-than-thou on our asses?

Thanks So Much!
Binky with a y

Dear Ad Execs,

Recently re-animated dead people are creepy. Really, really creepy. They do not, as you assumed, make me want to eat popcorn or vacuum. In fact they make me a little sick and feel like hiding. Leave the dead alone! I beg of you!

Sincerely,
JuliJBG

p.s. talking babies have the same effect.

Not to mention talking animals.

Dear DiTech Ad Execs,

Regarding your latest "People are smart" ads, come do my job for a while and you will see the fallacy of your premise.

a 911 Dispatcher

Dear Ad Execs:

When your commercials feature really stupid people using your product, I immediately assume that your product is for stupid people. Stupid people using and enjoying your product make me believe that, in fact, I will not enjoy using your product because I am not a stupid person. To sum up, the people who use your product should be of normal or better intelligence in your ads.

Dear Ad Execs,

I know that Married with Children started a really cool fad with the "less than perfect family" realism and every commercial and sitcom has embraced that forumula since. However people are competent people for the most part. There's a difference between foolishness, carelessness and straight up idiocy. There's nothing funny about a man getting a simple math problem wrong and then having his wife say "stay in school kids".

This next one is for the execs at Eggo specifically...
Everyone involved with the "animated father steals waffles from his daughter" campaign needs to be fired or resign from their position immediately.

Tanx!!!

Dear Monday Night Football people,
No, I don't remember this stuff. Because it NEVER happened and it NEVER will

signed,
Never happened

Dear Ms. And Mr. Ad Exec:

If you play your advertisements at a reasonable volume (EG: the same volume as the show they follow) I will listen to them. If you burst my ear drums, I will mute them. One of these is two your advantage, the other is not.

Eff CWTV online

Dear Ad Execs,

I'm a woman. I like chocolate. I really like it. However, eating it is NOT some orgasmic, psychedelic experience, so stop advertising it that way. okay?

Thanks,
Trini

Dear ad execs,

For the love of Pete, will you please stop with the Pepto Bismal ads featuring people singing about bodily functions?

Thanks,
Verses

Dear Ad execs:

Body parts are every bit as disgusting as bodily functions when they are shoved up into the camera for close ups. This includes crusty feet, stanky-breathed mouths, shaking asses, and, the latest, nasty armpits.

Go away now.

Yours in utter contempt,
MB

Dear Ad Execs:

Who the fuck is Anthony Sullivan and why can't you get him some help for his voice immodulation problem?

Dear Mr and Mrs Ad Exec,

If I buy the damn Ro-tel will you stop running the commercials twice in every commercial break on Food Network and BBC America?

Thanks bunches!

Dear Ad Execs:

The new Publishers Clearing House ads in which you replay TWICE the winners' screaming? Not a good idea. They sound like haunted forest animals.
Try something else.

Cheers!
A very annoyed TV viewer.

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Bell Canada Ad Exec:

Frank and Gordon? BAD IDEA!

- PRgal

Dear luxury car company execs,

Please stop insulting our intelligence by showing a guy decorating his house with Christmas lights to drop a not-so-subtle hint to his wife that he wants her to buy him a Lexus. Please do not try to make us think that most Americans have enough disposable income to buy our significant others a BMW or a Mercedes. We are not all on crack.

Dear beer ad execs,

Do you realize that if the people in your ads were really that obsessed with getting a beer that they'd knock people down, hit them with things, outright steal from their friends and neighbors, etc. they would be classified as alcoholoics? I find these ads very disturbing.

I'll see you those and raise you "food smeared on someone's lips or face". Not buying it. Not ever.

Dear Ad Execs:

Please stop referring to that creepy Enzyte guy as "our friend Bob." Not only is he not real, but we don't even know this annoying loser with a 24/7 boner outside of your annoying ads. After having been bombarded with these ads for the last few years, I no longer find the old "Miss Cleo" ads to be the most annoying and mute-worthy ads I've ever seen. Your whistling theme song is so annoying it makes me want to tear the tonsils out of whoever's doing it. Next time you decide to make ads for an enhancement product like this, you might also want to pick a team of adults and not a bunch of junior high boys who think they're being so funny and clever by making everything into a sexual pun. And if "Mrs. Bob" were a real woman, she wouldn't still have that smile plastered on her face. She'd be dead tired of all of that nonstop sex Bob wants.

I have visions of "Smilin Bob" turning into Mr Bill mid-whistle as Mrs Bob does a "'Bobbitt" on him. Dork.

Topic? What topic? ;P

Shouldn't Bob be seeking immediate medical attention for his priopism (sp?) which, according to the Cialis ads, is an erection lasting more than 4 hours? (Speaking of which, what do you think the medical attention for a 4 hour boner would be?)

I don't know for sure, but I keep thinking of a splintering sound.

I think on Grey's Anatomy, they had to take a syringe or something and draw the blood out.

But that was only after no less than three of the characters had sex with the patient.

I don't remember that part, but I don't think I'd consider that medical attention anyway. Not at my doctor's office, anyway.

Dear Mr and Mrs Ad Exec

Please don't overdub perfectly good advertisements that are already in English with American accented English.

Case in point - the multi-grain Cheerios "The box says 'Shut up, Steve'" ad. The one where the husband helpfully reads from the box all the low-calorie benefits of eating Cheerios resulting in the "do you think I'm fat" scenario.

This is one of my favourite ads. Why? Because it all works. Those are UK English faces with English accents and English intonation and delivery. The combination makes this ad sound like the husband is wandering down the path best not taken but wiggles out at the end. The American accent makes her sound snotty and him sound like a dick.

The advertising companies (on occasion) put a lot of thought into the nuances of a 30 second ad - don't mess with it.

When I had the misfortune of having the television turned to Nancy Grace on CNN there it was, badly overdubbed with some mid-western American accent. It lost it's charm. If i hadn't seen it in the original form I would have stuck in the same "bad ad" category as that weird deodorant ad.

Are Americans incapable of understanding English with an English accent? It wasn't Cockney or something mumbly. Was it done only for the audience that would watch Nancy Grace? Perhaps - there were people on that show who pronounced "negotiations" with the same accent that John Travolta used in Hairspray. I thought that accent was for fun. If it is an accurate regional accent I apologize but I don't demand that you overdub the show in mid-Atlantic standard so that I can understand it.

Oh, kbcubed, I can make the very strong case for what you are describing. The Cheerios ad bugged me to the point that I mentioned it here. Your explanation of why it fell flat with me makes sense. The whole thing would have come off differently had it clearly been for/from the UK.

Dear Wendy's Execs,

Really? A cannibalism commercial? That's seriously offensive and ridiculous.

Blech.

-one who changes the channel.