Some of my favorite ads are ones that promote a product that promises results that can't possibly be true. This thread is for a discussion of the expectations game. Which ads can't (or if you actually purchased the product didn't) live up to their claims and which met or exceeded their claims.

My favorite type of "That's got to be bullshit" ads are the work at home ones. I love how they claim that all of the people in the ad have been able to make $50,000 in their first six months without actually telling the potential customer what they will be doing to make that money (sell houses? exchange foreign currency? day trade ? sell crystal meth?)

That Oxyclean stuff. They show the host dumping a whole ink bottle in a bucket of water with a white shirt, then a few scoops of Oxyclean and voila! the white shirt is so bright you need sunglasses. Doesn't happen. My whites didn't get whiter than white.

The ads for the "Pasta Express" thingy.
...I don't have it, but the vast majority of stuff I've heard from people who own it is that "it doesn't cook the pasta well..."

The biggest thing I notice about the "I went to this website and now I'm making 50,000 dollars a month" ads is...The website changes every time the thing runs! www.10gain.com...
www.17Money...com...Methinks they're staying 1 step ahead of the federales?

"The Dyson Animal upright vacuum creates 150,000 times the force of gravity to spin the dirt out of the very air."

WE WOULD ALL DIE.

The 11work.com (or 10work.com) ad is exactly what was bugging me tonight. My guess is that it has something to do with spam. I've googled it in the past and couldn't find any clues. I'm not curious enough to subscribe on their site to solve the mystery.

I despise cleaning the bathroom, mostly because it makes me feel squeamish, so I'm a sucker for any new bathroom cleaning product that minimize my contact with yuckiness.

Ones I've tried and love:
The little white disposable squares you attach to a plastic wand and use to clean the toilet. (I'm a ad exective's worst nightmare - I saw the ad, bought the product, and now can't remember who makes it or what it's called!) They're somewhat awkward to use, but I love that I don't have to touch anything dirty and can flush them away.

Mr. Clean Eraser - looked too good to be true. Wasn't. (Well, I hear it contains formaldehyde, but nothing's perfect. I'll try not to eat it.)

Mr. Clean (?) Disposable dust brush - Just like that wacky lady in the commercial, I actually find this fun to use, and useful. Not great for the environment, but I like it otherwise.

Swiffer - See Disposable dust brush.

Ones I hate:
A new Mr. Clean product I just saw on TV and rushed out to buy. A long handle attached to a head which has different disposable cloths for cleaning the bath and the sink. I'm not a swearing person, but I was sorely tried in the cursing department by these. At first I couldn't figure out how to put the cloth on, so as I tried to clean the bath and the sink, the cloth was flopping all over the place. Finally Mr. D. solved that problem, which left me with the fact that unlike in happy TV - land, in real life a large hard plastic head is completely unsuitable for all the nooks, curves and crannies of a tub and sink. I felt stupid trying to make it work. It's back to the old cloth.

Re the "mysteriously make gobs of money" scams, I figured the numerical variations in the URLs (9moremoney.com, 7moremoney, etc.) were to keep track of the sources of their marks, I mean, customers.

The latest issue of Consumer Reports absolutely excoriates the Pasta Express. I could tell from the first ad it was bad news (at least for pasta), because it obviously doesn't keep the water boiling, plus there's no room to stir. I predicted clumpy and gummy.

I hadn't heard about formaldehyde in Magic Eraser, but I've found it scratches all but the flattest of finishes.

I ordered the "Introductory Offer" of Ready-Strip for $10.95 - Luckily I checked my account the next day - I was charged over $60!! But at least they did cancel the order immediately on request!

These direct-order ads are notoriously good at bait-and-switch. We saw a product for cleaning hard-to-reach spaces that TudorPrince thought looked good, advertised for $10. I called the number and they said 'well $10 is the basic model, but we'd be happy to send you the deluxe model for $30'. I said no, thank you.

Then there's the whole 'ONLY on TV!' thing. TudorPrince wanted a 'wallet owl' magnifier for $10 and they kept saying 'ONLY on TV!' so I ordered it and it came to $16 with S&H. Then a few days after it arrived we saw it at Linens & Things for $10, no S&H, exact same thing. I called the customer service people who said, basically, well we can't help you, we're allowed to charge for shipping'. True enough, I guess, but I no longer order 'ONLY on TV' items, knowing they'll show up elsewhere eventually.

Oh, and I find the Pasta Cooker - the pot with the strainer built into the 'lock-in' lid - shoddy and unwieldy. Haven't tried the Pasta Express, for the reasons given above. It just doesn't sound like a good idea.

Starting with that Dyson guy!

Has anyone ever really mistaken a DiGiorno's pizza for delivery? Any time I've ever baked one up, the crust is so hard and dense I could use it for a manhole cover. Am I cooking the damn things wrong?

AXE has never made mobs of sexy women throw themselves at guys and never will, unless they start formulating it with drugs.

I've never gotten those Space Bags to be as flat as they are on TV. Maybe I need a Dyson with its humanity-destroying suction.

I have never, never seen a dishwasher remove caked-on food from dishes that haven't been rinsed. Thoroughly.

<tiny voice> I own a Dyson Animal and I love it. </end TV> It's truly been everything it's cracked up to be in the 'bert household consisting of three cats.

So it doesn't clog? My vacuum keeps getting clogged due to my cat's hair.

Nope, no clogs, VersesBatman. And I've had mine well over a year. I figure it's probably paid for itself just with my not having to buy bags anymore.

Then I need to save up for one.

At least 10 years ago, I saw a TV ad (or was it a mini-infomercial?) for the Sobakawa pillow, a pillow filled with buckwheat husks. I never order from TV but I always had bad neck pain and stiffness in the morning so I decided to bite the bullet and called them with my credit card number, fearing the worst. I was a little worried, since with shipping and exchange, it cost me almost $60.

Best money I ever spent! Despite the fact that every time I moved it rustled loudly, from the very first morning, I awoke almost pain-free. For 10 years I used it nightly, taking it everywhere when I traveled. My only fear was that someone would spill liquid on it and it would turn into some kind of oatmeal. Only downside? Finding a similar pillow in KMart for about $20 less, but then I realized I'd needed the inspiration of the TV ad, to convince me to buy it in the first place.

Finally, this year, I retired it. It no longer rustles - I fear it's full of nothing but buckwheat dust now. But what a great purchase that was - better than advertised.

This is exactly what has kept me from believing that advertising is the root of all evil. Without commercials, how would I have ever known about this beautiful product? I always think the bristle brushes are disgusting anyway. However, the flushable ones don't work. You have to use the throwaway ones.



Actually, about a year before I saw any commercials for this, I used one that a friend had and thought it was the best thing ever. Maybe hers was just better...?

I don't find DiGiorno's dense, but rather too doughy and airy, so I must be cooking them wrong too. Unlike those people in the commercials, I'm not stupid and there is no way DiGiorno's could be mistaken for delivery (at least not in the New York metro area, where pizza is done right).

I remember those! The ad had this guy dropping lead balls or something into these tubes of pillow filler, right? Foam, feathers, and buckwheat husks. At first I just rolled my eyes (I sleep with my head, not with a lead ball dropped from a height of two feet) but the pillows were great. I should get another one.

If we're all cooking them wrong, maybe there's no right way to cook them. I feel better.

I tried a DiGiorno's and I found it very dry. Hardly any sauce at all.

Not at all. By having the different websites they can keep track of which commercial you watched before logging on, and can therefore figure out what station/network is driving traffic to them. Helps them figure out where their ad dollars are most effective.

You'll find that logic with the phone numbers on infomercials, too. If they run the same ad on five different cable stations, the 800 number flashed on the screen will be different for each.

I dont get the point of the Pasta Express, how exactly is it supposed to save time, you still gotta boil the damn water which is what eats up most the pasta cooking time anyway, and then, you gotta use transfer the water over, so your using two items instead of just one, plus its not very good for adding sauce and it does not cook a lot....why would somone make such a product?

Awhile back, having watched the Nad's commercials too many times, I broke down and ordered it. If you don't remember, Nad's was the "all-natural" hair removal system which, as it turned out, was really just the equivalent of room temperature wax. Or more painful than that perhaps.

I tried it and got two strips in and gave up. I could no longer face the pain of ripping all the hair off my leg like that. I don't know how the models didn't scream in agony on the commercial. Maybe they were drugged? Or maybe I have wimpy skin.

Oh yeah, Nad's hurts like a sonofabitch, don't it? But man does it work. I'm torn (heh) between using it and using traditional wax and having my skin break out afterward. I have really sensitive skin.

I thought that Nad's was supposed to be like fruit rollups or something. Wasn't it completely natural so you could eat it?

Or maybe I've confused it with that Rio hair straightener that Debbie Allen and her friend Snacky used to advertise. You know, the one that made you go bald, but your hair was really straight as it lay on the floor.

I don't believe the Pasta Express solely because of the physics. You're supposed to take boiling hot water and pour it into an uninsulated plastic tube with equal amounts of cold/room temp pasta or veggies? Thermodynamics says that the temp of the contents will be lower (maybe way lower) than boiling. How is this supposed to cook pasta?

Results of a local TV station's test of the Pasta Express.

I thought that was COPA.... and Debbie Allen was so convincing in that infomercial I almost bought it! Thank God for Better Business Bureau reports.....

Ok, it's now time to hang my head in shame. I bought one of those ab belts that pulsate and promise to 'vibrate' the pounds away. At first it tickled, then it made me queasy (not while I used it, but when I would eat later on in the day, it left a weird sensation in my midsection). I guess if bulemia is the intended effect, it is a good product for weight loss.

Speaking of hair stuff, does Pantene work for anyone? Every once in a while, I buy the shampoo and conditioner, because the commercials manage to suck me in with all that shiny, shiny hair. And every time, it starts out ok but by the third or fourth time I use it, my hair is greasy and dull, yet also frizzy. Am I just Pantene-challenged or is it a crock?

That happens to me too. It does work for a while, but it starts weighing down my hair.

I'm not sure what the Pantene shampoos for brown hair is supposed to do but my hair doesn't look any different.

Suave is my god. Especially since I can get it from the dollar store. I remember back when we were all 'gasming about Dove. Then it started to cost an arm and a leg and I thought "Eh, I keep my hair in a ponytail most of the time."

The reason your hair gets weighed down is because the 'cones build up on your hair. This in turn makes it feel, first, oily and then, second, frizzy. 'Cones work for some people but not most.

And back when I used to go to a particular hairdresser, she told me quite firmly that the models in the ads definitely are not using the shampoo/conditioner being advertised.

I would assume near-boiling water would eventually cook pasta.

I think the theory behind the Pasta Express was that spaghetti doesn't fit in the pot right away since it's too long and doesn't bend while dry. So let's cook it in a tall tube o' water instead! But it really strikes me as a poorly thought out solution to a nonexistent problem.

Hmmm....

Cost of pasta express: 19.95

Cost to break pasta noodles in half to fit in the pot: free.

You do the math....

My hairdresser told me to not use Pantene; she said it has wax in it, and that's what makes your hair so shiny and soft. However, it also clogs your follicles like crazy! When I used to use it, I did find my hair super soft, but man, it came out in handfuls.

Aaaaaa! Mine too! Perhaps he wasn't just making that up, then.

On the Pantene theme, here's a completely different opinion. My hairdresser told me a few years ago that I should start using it, as he thought it was a good product. Then he warned me not to use the conditioner, just the shampoo, so my hair, which is rather fine, would not get weighed down. I was shocked, having been a dedicated conditioner user for many years, but he was a great hairdresser so I listened. A good 5 or so years later, I'm still using Pantene, shampoo only, no conditioner. People compliment my hair all the time, so I have to say it's working for me.

One hair product that does not work as advertised (at least for me) is John Frieda's Frizz-ease hair serum. In the commercial and on the package they show a woman with hair that can only be described as a rat's nest - super frizzy (in short, my hair). Use the trusty serum, and whizzo-bango! Perfectly frizz-free luxurious curls, a la Melina Kanakaredes. Um, no. Not even close.

Word, wordnerd. I first tried that Frizz Ease serum in high school hoping it would tame my hair in the humidity. The ads looked so promising! But as you say, not even close. My hair's not nearly as wild as the girl in the ads and it still didn't work. I just ended up with a slightly shinier frizzy mess.

Does anyone remember those Pearl Drop ads with the woman who licked her teeth? I haven't seen them in years but when I was a kid, I begged my parents to get me some of that stuff. I couldn't even tell what Pearl Drops was supposed to do. Was it an early tooth whitener? I didn't notice anything new when I licked my teeth.

ETA: Oh hey Pearl Drops still exists! I haven't seen an ad for it in years. Now I want some again. That must have been a good ad campaign to make me want the product some twenty years later.

Fast food owns this thread.

Has anyone actually had a fast food item that looked EXACTLY like the display picture or television commercial?

My latest disappointment involves Hardee's new Philly Cheesesteak burger (yes, I know, I know, but my cholesterol is normal and so is my blood pressure, and I don't have diabetes, so shaddup!!!). If one was to believe the commercial, that burger would be a monster, a mouth-watering combination of a huge slab of meat, followed by a gigantic amount of cheesesteak meat, and then covered in mountains of onions, green peppers, and cheese.

But is it? Oh noooooooooooo. It is a measly looking thing, with barely any substance to it at all. Barely any meat and definitely not even close enough to match what falls from the sky on your television screen, completely with "squick" sound effect.

Sorry, everyone, but once again, fast food fails to live up to what is seen in their advertisements. And please, don't even get me started on the Taco Bell "Good To Go!" spicy chicken whatever-it-is.

I wish this weren't so true! The other night we were watching an ad for Burgers from some fast food place, with the Burger all juicy and delicious, with crispy lettuce and bacon and lovely thick tomato slices, on a fluffy sesame-seed-coated bun, and I said, "Yum! That looks so good! I suddenly want one!" and Mr. D. said, "Yeah, but will you still want one when you see what it really looks like?" and I said, "Oh, right. No."

I'm so glad I read this. I've been using Pantene and my husband has been complaining that the shower drain is always clogged. I don't have thick hair, so I need to keep as much of it as I can. I guess I'm going shampoo shopping today.

I've heard (dunno if true) that the sudsing agent (?) sodium laureth/lauryl sulfate and other nefarious chemicals in cheap/conventional shampoo can cause hair loss. Maybe Pantene has a lot of SLS.

Rarely. And in a way, I'm glad. I'd eat way too much if the food looked that good in person all the time. Some things that look almost like they do in the commercials are: Subway sandwiches (it depends on the kind of sandwich), Wendy's Frosties, and every once in a while I get a Pizza Hut Pizza that looked like it did in the ad. Or I used to. I stopped ordering from them after Jessica Simpson's hair started flopping all over their pizzas.

Papa John's pizzas don't look they do on TV, though. I used to order them at a place I used to work, for a meeting, and they were the saddest looking things I ever saw. You'd think their cheese was from a diamond mine, as stingy as they were with it.

I worked at a Papa Johns my senior year in high school, and (I have no clue if this is still the case) we were told to put the exact amount of cheese the company specified (and it was usually only a cup) 'cause where they ordered it from would charge them an arm and a leg for distribution.

I usually got in trouble because I would put more cheese than necessary. The pizzas just looked so wimpy without it.

We tried the Papa John's steak fajita pizza because it looks so good. It was terrible. The "steak" was just these tiny cubes of meat and there wasn't much sauce. The green salsa that came with it smelled like mustard.

Those anti-frizz serums only work if you use a defuser on your hair dryer and you scrunch up your hair with your fingers.

I actually like Pantene. I have naturally thick, poofy hair and Pantene is the only shampoo and conditioner I've tried that actually made my hair sleek and smooth. Plus, it's super soft and shiny. I haven't had any problems with it and I've been using it for years.

Papa John's lost my loyalty when they discontinued their spinach parmesan pizzas - the only chain pizza I ever really liked. (Though now that I live a mile away from a Mom & Pop pizzeria where I can get New York style by the slice from the surly cook that baked it, who needs to eat at chains?)

I'll give McDonalds props for their chicken selects looking a lot like the advertising, unlike McNuggets where the horrifying pressed chicken remains look nothing like what the people in commercials are eating.