He crashed a bus. He killed Curly. He raped Veronica. Yeah, the kid's really evil. But you think that's it? You think those are Beaver's only crimes? You fool! You ignorant fool!

We've found the root of all evil, folks, and it isn't money--it's Beaver. From the death of the dinosaurs to the Muslim Cartoon Riots, all the world tragedies can be traced back to that sixteen year old boy. For instance, did you know that:

Beaver smashed Veronica's headlights in the pilot. Sure, it looked like Logan, but it was Beaver in his Logan suit.

Beaver volunteers at the veterinarian clinic, but only to drown newborn kittens.

Beaver pronounces it "nuculer." Oh, and he caused the Chernobyl disaster too.

After Oprah gave everyone a car, Beaver had the cars towed.

Beaver sprays Aqua Net directly towards the sky, just to speed up Global Warming.

Beaver shot both 2Pac AND Biggie Smalls.

Beaver forced everyone to drink the Kool-Aid. At gun point.

Beaver invented Anthrax.

Beaver, not Butters, is Professor Choas.

Beaver's only been in hell for less an hour, yet he's already managed to overthrow Satan and become the New Evil Overlord.

Beaver sat in Baby Bear's chair, ate his porridge and slept in his bed. That's right--Beaver is Goldilocks.

Beaver convinced Arnold to run for Governor, and then fixed the election to have him win by a landslide.

Beaver got Limp Bizkit a album deal.

Beaver hired Micheal Brown to head FEMA.

Beaver dissed "Pride and Prejudice." Sure, it looked like Jackie, but it was Beaver in his Jackie suit.

Despite what the Springfield Stonecutters say, it was actually Beaver who made Steve Guttenberg a star!

Beaver launched Sputnik.

Beaver crashed the stock market in 1929.

Beaver says "irregardless" all the time, even though he knows it's not a real word.

Beaver wears white after Labor Day.

Beaver convinced Adam and Eve to eat the apple.

Beaver is Xenu!

If you'd like to know what else Evil Beaver has been up to, check out the "Speculation with Spoilers" thread, starting at about page 400.

What ohter evilness is Cassidy Casablancas is responsible for?

Beaver got Angel cancelled but kept Seven Heaven on the air.

Beaver spilt up Pangea.

He also made me miss the Daily Show and the Colbert Report.

(he actually did that one)

Beaver impregnated Britney Spears.

Beaver killed Kenny.

Beaver is the reason I am going to fail all my finals. (actually true)

This is effing hilarious, so on the topic of his "suits", I say:

Beaver killed Lilly, yeah we thought it was Aaron, but it was just Beaver in his Aaron suit.
And
Beaver also burned down Logan's house and the community pool.
Beaver is the BTK killer.

Beaver will soon replace Hitler in Godwin's Law

Beaver is responsible for the deterioration of the level of political discourse in this country.

Beaver is your mother-in-law.

Beaver hates freedom.

Beaver abducted Tom Cruise.

Beaver started MySpace.

Aww, these make the saddness of Beaver's SL a little easier to take.

Beaver is the King in the Burger King commericals.

Beaver told Kevin Federline to make a record.

Beaver created the CW.

And the only reason it got cancelled this year was that Beaver was to busy blowing up a bus to renew it again.

Beaver introduced Tom Cruise to Katie Homles.

Beaver told Bush not to worry about New Orleans.

Beaver created Scientology.

Beaver shot JR.

Beaver told Jessica Simpson she could act.

Beaver is the reason gas prices are going up.

Beaver encouraged Mariah Carey to make "Glitter"

Beaver created Dunkin Donut's new slogan, "The world runs on Dunkin" *cringes*

Beaver has all the weapons of mass destruction
Beaver killed Felix.
Beaver told Britney Spears to make Crossroads.
Beaver broke up Brad and Jen.
Beaver named Gwen's kid Apple.
Beaver caused WWII.

Beaver is the devil.
O.K., I really can't top that one.
Wait!
Beaver got Dubya elected. Twice.

Beaver wrote the series finale of St. Elsewhere.

Beaver replaced Duncan with an animatronic dummy in Season Two.

Beaver blew up the Challenger.

Beaver founded the IRA, ETA and the Barney Fanclub

Beaver makes the programming decisions over at FOX.

The root of Beaver is 666,666.666 which makes Beaver the root of all evil.

Beaver sunk the Titanic, I know it seems like the iceberg did it, but that was just Beaver in his iceberg suit.

It was Beaver's idea to wiretap U.S. citizens, not the NSA.

Beaver funded the production of Brown Bunny.

Beaver corresponds with Charles Manson, and has proposed to him twice.

Beaver was the real person that was seen throwing exploding tennis balls at stray cats.

Beaver stole the Lindbergh baby.

According to Kanye West, Beaver also doesn't care about black people.

Beaver's been writing for Desperate Housewives all season.

Beaver stole Christmas and framed the Grinch.

Beaver told George Bush that God wanted him to be president.

Beaver greenlighted Gigli

Beaver put Veronica Mars in the same time-slot as Lost for awhile, he just got caught up in Neptune's drama to keep on airing it on wednesday.

Ooh fun...

Beaver caused Hurricane Katrina.

Beaver kidnapped Natalie Hallowell(sp?)

Beaver told Ashlee Simpson she was the best singer evah and should pursue music professionally.

Beaver recommended the Harajuku girls to Gwen Stefani.

Beaver tells MTV that the kids these days think Real World is better than ever and should be on for at least 10 more seasons.

Beaver is TEH EVIL!!111

Beaver framed Roger Rabbit.

While he was having a good day on the meds, Beaver put the bomp In the bomp bah bomp bah bomp...but we wouldn't advise shaking his hand for it.

Beaver bought J. Edgar Hoover his first pair of frilly panties.

Beaver taught Chuck Norris everything he knows. In fact, that roundhouse kick you got in the face...? That was Beaver in his Chuck Norris suit.

Beaver unscrews the tops of all salt shakers he encounters.

Beaver popularized parachute pants.

Beaver invented the Macarena.

Beaver drives in the carpool lane even when he is by himself.

Beaver is so vain, he probably thinks this thread is about him.

Nipplegate? That was Beaver in both his Janet Jackson suit AND his Justin Timberlake suit. At the same time.

Beaver controls the weather and wrote the screenplay to Glitter.

Beaver got Aaron Echolls an Oscar.

Beaver coined the phrase "sellout."

Beaver cancelled Freaks and Geeks.

Beaver is the one at FOX that decides if a show should be cancelled or not.

Beaver's eyeliner is made of liquid evil.

Beaver has killed more people than the bubonic plague. (I think that's actually true.)

A census taker tried to test Beaver once. Beaver ate his liver with fava beans and a nice chianti.

And he named the other kid Moses.

Beaver fathered Brett Ratner.

Beaver invented MSG.

Beaver brought leggings back into the fashion world.

Beaver orchestrated guest appearances by both Paris Hilton and Kristin Cavallari on Veronica Mars.

Beaver is the reason that the Palladinos are no longer working on Gilmore Girls.

You may have thought that Simon Cowell was mean to Katherine McPhee a few weeks ago, but that was Beaver in his Simon suit.

Beaver crashed Oceanic Flight 815.

Beaver was actually the one whizzing in the Kain's flower bed not poor old Molly, he framed her.

Beaver set up Bennifer...both of them

Beaver killed the radio star

Beaver started the bubonic plague.

Beaver wrote the book Never Cry Wolf and The Odyessy and told all teachers around the world to make their students read it, act it out and then have to re-read it again in some other grade.

Beaver is Michael Jackson.

Beaver is chopping down all the trees in the rain forests.

Beaver created standerized testing.

Beaver nailed Jesus up to the cross.

Beaver created Advanced Placement U.S. History.

Beaver was Regina George in Mean Girls.

Beaver told Paula on The Real World to be anorexic.

Beaver made Angela Chase die her hair red

Beaver killed Hoffa and buried him in an undisclosed location

Beaver gave those pesky Laguna Beach kids an extra 2 minutes of fame

Beaver's accounting skills brought down Enron

Beaver made Adam take a bite of that damn apple and blamed Eve

Beaver invented Spanx panty hose and the girdle

Beaver also invented exercise

Beaver knows how much wood woodchuck chucked but won't tell us

Beaver gave Britney spears a fertile womb

Beaver is the reason that it snowed in my city in May.

Beaver knows the answers behind Lost, but wont tell us.

Beaver is the reason why MI:III was made.

Beaver told Felicity to cut her hair.

Beaver wrote Buffy seasons six and seven (except for the musical ep, which he still took credit for).

Beaver was actually driving the 18-wheeler on Supernatural.

Beaver stole the $50,000. You thought it was Lianne, but it was Beaver in his Lianne suit.

Beaver is responsible for Backup's absence.

Beaver told RT to make Veronica wear that horrible wig in S1 during the flashbacks

Beaver convinced Flavor Flav that he and Brigitte Neilson make a cute couple, but when it fell through Beaver told him to star in his own reality dating show because women from around the world want him.

Beaver was the one who shot 50 Cent 9 times

Beaver told Nicole Richie she looked a little fat.

Beaver emptied Capone's vault the night before Geraldo Rivera went in.

Beaver was the one who started wearing socks with sandals and told everyone it was cool.

Beaver wrote "I'm too sexy" for Right said Fred.

Beaver told UPN to pre-empt VM for three weeks straight in NY so that he could watch the Nets.

Beaver talked Madonna out of retirement.

Beaver talked Jay-Z into retirement.

Beaver was on the grassy knoll.

Beaver was the one that told WWOR(My9) to instead of airing the new VM episode after the Nets games, air "The King of Queens" repeats and anger loyal VM viewers (and CB) by waiting to air it on Sunday. In fact, Beaver is the programming director for My9 and doesn't care about UPN and would rather screw them over since they will become a My Network TV affiliate in the fall.

Beaver single-handedly caused the fall of the Roman Empire.

Beaver invented infomercials

Beaver sank my battleship and

Beaver was in charge in 1968 when NBC cut from their football coverage of the Jets and Raiders to show the movie Heidi

Beaver broke up the Beatles.

Beaver O'Leary kicked over the lantern in Chicago and had fresh steak for dinner.

Beaver killed Cedric Diggory. You thought it was Voldemort, but it was really Beaver in his Voldemort suit.

Beaver impregnated Katie Holmes but Cassidy's to blame for the name Suri.

Beaver killed Laura Palmer.

Beaver invented tele-marketing.

Beaver made Luke rape Laura.

Beaver tried to rape Buffy. You may have thought that was Spike, but it was really Beaver in his Spike suit. OMG, like Spike would EVER!

Beaver is the monster of LOST island.

Beaver charted the course that the Minnow took on that three hour tour, that fateful day, but he miscalculated and they were actually all supposed to be far away from ANY land. Even evil geniuses have off days.

Beaver has propogated the myth that Brussel's sprouts are good for you. They are, in fact, full of empty calories and will give you cavities and STILL taste like poo and you have to finish them before Mom will let you have dessert.

OJ's glove? Totally fit Beaver's hand. Just sayin'.

Beaver sunk the Titanic. He also drowned Jack and married Rose when she was saved.

Beaver lured Brenda away from Beverly Hills, 90210.

Beaver invented one-night stands but Cassidy jumped in and followed it up with STD's.

Beaver is responsible for hangovers. Before Beaver, you could drink as much as you want and never get sick.

Beaver's the reason why women have to fake it.

Beaver is responsible for TD's stellar acting.

Ahh, thank you Cassidy.

Beaver got Shannen fired from Charmed.

And then when she got cast on North Shore; he got that show cancelled.

Beaver set the community pool on fire. You thought it was Logan and his toadies, but that was actually Beaver in Logan & Toadies multiple suits.

Beaver is responsible for women's menstrual cycles including cramps, bloating and back pain. *nods*

The original line from Julius Caesar?

"Et tu, Beaver?"

Beaver dressed up like a snake, convinced Eve to take an apple, talked Adam into eating the apple, and then pinned the blame for everything on Eve.

Beaver voted for Ruben.