We've all seen them, especially late at night. LiveLinks "is the only line you need" to connect with other single people. And supposedly, they're all as good looking as Kate from Lost.
And the later it gets, the naughtier the ads are. You can have "wild" conversations with girls who are "barely 18," but just keep your credit card handy.

Then there are the local ads, promising that you can meet the "nicest people in <insert your city here>." Here in Salt Lake City, we have one that has no dialogue until the end, just "oooh's" and "aaah's" as a couple meets up for a date. Except there's cheesey porno type music in the background (IIRC), and it actually looks more like the guy is picking up a prostitute.

But numero uno in the hall of shame is for a gay men's dating/chat line. It used just about every bad gay stereotype you could imagine. Most notably, it featured a guy in a cowboy hat, leather pants and vest with no shirt, talking about how he likes to invite other sexy guys up to his "ranch." I don't think it's on anymore, but I was always torn between laughing at how lame it was, and being offended on behalf of it's target audience.
Anyway, please feel free to discuss these commercials here.

There's one that runs every night for some service. I can't recall the name, but I can recall that the line the icky, icky sex kitten at the beginning has morphed, from "My boyfriend thinks I call [XX] to hook up with older men... and he's right," to "My ex-boyfriend blah blah older men..." to the current "My ex-boyfriend blah blah men..." What prompted the changes? Were people actually calling up and complaining about the loose morals of the phone sex girl? Disturbed that she was cheating on her boyfriend and only wanted old men? And if they were calling to complain, couldn't they have also mentioned how annoying her voice is?

Strange, these commercials aways make me feel better about being single. Because you know if that many "dating" lines are successful enough to buy national advertising, men keep calling them. Kind of makes me wonder if women really are the superior sex. ;) We just aren't fooled. Most men aren't fooled either, but that doesn't stop them from calling.

But every time I see Evangaline's ad, I think of two things:

1) In one interview she stated that Lost was her first speaking role. Ever. Guess not? I would try to bury LiveLinks too, though. Christ, everyone needs a paycheck, and at least she was just acting. It's not like she was ever on the other end of the phone.

2) She's the most convincing phone escort ever filmed. Hee! (And eww, kind of. I'm a fan of Evangaline, but not in That Way.)

Lost=fastest path ever from LiveLinks to the Emmys.

Please tell me somewhere on Youtube, Evangeline's LiveLink ad is floating around. Because I can't remember it, though I'm sure I've seen it.

I think it's LavaLife that has an ad with a very long, very asinine song about their clients and the things they like and what they do on a first date. I have to change the channel every time it comes on, because that song gets stuck in my head for days. Hate.

One of them in our area has a nasty plastic-looking girl saying "And it's totally cheap," and then she pauses weirdly, like she knows the viewer at home is making obvious jokes about the line and is politely letting him finish before she stiltedly continues reading her cue cards. It freaks me out.

I have to say that the phone dating industry has the worst ads ever! I think they keep most people away or attract the wrong ones. They are good for a laugh.

I will be honest and confess: I use lines like these sometimes. I have met some very nice guys off of it. Yes, there are creeps, sluts, booty callers and prostitutes on there (I could tell you so many stories!!) but there are some very decent people on there as well. It seems stupid but once you get on there it is pretty fun. It is addictive. Plus, women talk free!

Plus, It so much fun snarking on people voice ads. There was this one guy...Ok, going to stop now before I go way OT!

She really is. Around the same time, Livelinks also had another brunette who couldn't deliver a line convincingly to save her life. Her only saving grace would be if a part called for her to sound like she was (badly) reading off a cue card.

My friends and I decided to stop drinking for a while, so we were forced to come up with new and exciting ways to entertain ourselves. Guess what one of them was?

Don't worry, we didn't do anything cruel. But we sure did laugh alot.

OK, I'm not sure if this should go in the informercial thread or here, or maybe not even here because it's a text chat commercial, but I just have to verify that someone besides myself has seen this wonderful, awful, evil commercial.

It is for something called "VIP Vibes", and comes on the E! Channel at 2 am weekdays (Central time). It's one of those hookup outfits, where you text on your phone a phrase or word, and you get some chippy to flirt with you or whatever. Maybe they have text sex. I don't know. Here is the amazing part:

It's a half hour "paid presentation" and they show women's pictures and statistics on the TV screen for about a minute. Then this woman with NO voice inflection gives a little summary about the woman. "This is Nikki. She is thin, and would love to have an adventure. Are you able to tame this wild one's heart?" And sometimes they won't have enough summary to fill up the whole 60 seconds, so the speiel will go like this:

"This is Nikki. She is thin, and would love to have an adventure. Are you able to tame this wild one's heart? She is thin, and would love to have an adventure."

So if you feel like Nikki is the one for you, you text "Nikki" to this number they show. It's from Canada, I think, and the women are REAL women, not models/actresses/waitresses etc.
There are older ladies, and average looking ladies, and some cute young ladies,
So, it's like a Home Shopping Network for women. It's awesome. and appalling. But mostly awesome. Anyone else seen this? I can't find a website for it, but it's so bad I actually Tivo'd it and have rewatched it a couple times. (If I'm not up at 2 am.)

Anyone?

I'm also going to post this on the infomercial thread because I've got to know if anyone else has seen this atrocity.

Oooo, I just saw this one on my local Fox affiliate. I think the name of the line is "Red Hot" or something like that...and this one was the "older men" edition. I cracked right up thinking of your post. Kind of gross, though, especially since the girl with the "older men" line looks like she turned 18 an hour ago. Eww!

Another funny part? There's a shot of a girl primping in the mirror, putting on lipstick (subtle, guys) and she says something like, "...blah blah blah when I meet a Red Hot guy, it's like BANG!"

???? Again, eeeewwww.

The weirdest thing to me, though, was that it aired during a sanitized repeat of Sex and the City. Because sexed-up older men are going to be watching the episodes *without* boobies?

Weird.

There's one commercial that runs in the NYC area that shows these people sitting in lavish penthouse apartments. You know, like Charlie Sheen's in Wall Street.

Now, if I were rich enough to afford that kind of apartment, why would I be sitting home alone on a chat line?

Because you are Charlie Sheen?

My favorite chat line ad is for Yes Girls. There's this one scene where this woman is laying on a bed, and I'm sure what's surrounding her are white rose petals or something, but it's amusing to just believe that they're potato chips. And then she delivers the following line so stiltedly: "I. always. say. yes." It's started the running joke between a friend and I where we'd call each other and make a completely disgusting requests, just so the other person will answer very vacantly, "Yes!"

My coworker had me cracking up yesterday. She's single, and said she would like to try one of those chat lines one night. Unfortunately, it takes too much effort since she would have to apply full makeup and put on a bikini before calling ...

These ads crack me up. Lately I've been seeing ones for Quest and a gay chatline called "Hardline." And for some reason, giant ads for gay chatlines are all over the Toronto subway. You can't avoid them.

The Lavalife.com Commercial needs to go away and never, EVER come back. EVER. They want to make it seem as though all these Hot Single People are at home clacking away on their computers at the same time as if it's the 21st century version of "Logan's Run" with bad music and even worse "dialogue." Oh, and they have a Free Trial! Well, that means I must try it.

Last year when I was a volunteer at the library, someone gave us all their VHS tapes of things they had recorded. I took them home with me and there were some Planet Of the Apes episodes recorded on Sci Fi Network in 1994 at around 1 or 2 in the morning. The commercials were included. Almost every other commercial was for a chat line! I know I'm stereotyping, but I could imagine a poor lonely guy watching Planet Of the Apes at 2 a.m. and thinking about calling one of those lines.

I don't know which line it was for, but me and my friend made fun of one where the girl in the commercial actually says, "It's not cheating if it's on the phone."

I suddenly remembered one from the 80s, with really bad actors/actresses saying all these horrible lines such as, "Are you good looking?" (No, I'm hideously ugly. So, anyway, are you free this Friday?); and, "I like your friend better, who was talking before on the line."
Just what someone beat down enough to resort to a chat line needs to hear to really boost his self-confidence.

And it caps off with this pouty, flouncy, chesty blonde who says in a taunting preschooler tone, "I called - why don't you!!??"

You just answered it for yourself, Bleachy McDoubleD. Now STFU and go away now.

I am insanely jealous of people who find things like that, purely for the commercials.

Kinda off topic...but not really.

My friend and I see all these really cheesy chat commercials on t.v. so for awhile we decided that we would call people we didn't like anymore (ex-boyfriends, ex-friends etc.) and pretend to be one of those chat lines to see who would talk the longest with us. We'd say things like "Hello, this is JiggityJugs, the nation's largest phone sex line, would you like to take a survey? " and not suprisingly, my weirdo ex-bf stayed on the phone with my friend for 35 minutes. They didn't actually flirt, it was more to just mock him really. Anyway, my friend and I try to make up bogus names for chat lines all the time and call unsuspecting victims.

I'm sure you've all really seen these commercials - why would any of you make this shit up? - but what I can't understand is, how are these 'chat lines' still in business? I mean, in the age of internet chat rooms and so forth, I'd have thought telephone chat lines had gone the way of telephone answering services once answering machines and voice mail took over.

A couple years ago, I set my VCR to tape a primetime show on CBS, and one of the commercial breaks included an ad for 1-800-777-GIRL. That's right, a phone sex advertisement at 9 PM on the Tiffany Network. It featured a bunch of filthy-looking women wearing tiny dresses and dancing around in front of a plain white background while chanting, "Pick up the phone! G-I-R-L Now... Pick up the phone!"

I guess that is a testament to the power of the human voice . . .

There is one ad that plays back home after 12 a.m. with a black woman who talks about "keeping it real" and "having more fun on the chat line than the club!" The thing that annoys me is that she goes, "I like it the most because it's OUR LINE," and the way she says OUR LINE just drips with venom. She should have just said "Don't you call here, whitey." I hate that ad so much.

Damn! I'm tearing up laughing. I love the "urban" chat line ads. I think I heard the term "conversate" in one of those ads. And those ones where you can text Melyssa Ford and get a call back.
The first time I saw a gay chat line ad was on the E! Channel around midnight a few weeks ago, so yay for progress. It was very tasteful. When the E! channel was running the Howard Stern show it seemed like every commercial was for phone sex. I guess they know their audience but it was still pretty funny. Now I notice that the E! channel has more chat-line ads than "barely legal girls frolicking by the pool" ones.

I spent six months working at a phone sex line and some guys will yak for over an hour. I guess they like the companionship. Plus they can hold the phone effectively with one hand, not so so much with typing. Heh.

Anyone remember when "party lines" were big in the late 80's/early 90's? I totally ran up my aunt's bill calling those when I was like 13. And back when everybody and their mother had a 900-number where you could listen to messages from The New Kids on the Block or Bobby Brown or whoever? Aaah, good times!

Yes, you [we] did.

There's one now where the woman [20-ish, blonde, skinny, pierced, tattooed, slutty] is unpacking as she moves into her new home. She stops to call whatever-the-fuck chat line so she can keep up with the hot single action in the area. Why? Because her job causes her to relocate so often, she's thankful that she can count on this important nationwide service.

I don't know what her job is, but I'm pretty sure I can guess the industry.


They've run on Bravo for a few years now. I think they might have started there when Boy Meets Boy was broadcast.

That's the current one for Quest.

The one I get a perverse laught out of is the Red-Hot Dateline ad. A group of models are "working out" in skimpy leotards (including one chick with a thick European accent who's basically just sitting on a giant rubber ball) and decide to use the Dateline to get a couple of "cute guys" to come over. Later on, the three women answer the door wearing slutty party dresses and greet the two guys they called up. Naturally they go ga-ga over the "cute guys", even though one of them looks like a shaved monkey, and the other apparently forgot all the complex mechanics behind operating a pocket comb.

So, basically, the message of the ad is, call this number and get invited to an orgy, even if you do look like a hairless primate.

Well, at least they're honest about the purpose of those chat lines--to hook up with strangers for anonymous sex. Most of the other ads imply that you're just supposed to talk and be "flirty."

lmao, yeah I've seen that one, comes on BET all the time when I'm watching Soul Food and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to make of that positioning.

Between this:


And this:


I am crying with laughter!!!!!

Hee, those were good times. I remember being five years old and seriously pissed that I couldn't call Guy's party line. The commercial was all, "Call now, and tell us who you're favorite guy is." Hmm, looking back now, I must have been allowed to stay up pretty late to know any of these party lines existed.



Is it wrong if I see this as progress?

We have a couple that are airing here that I just crack up at. The girls are big boobed and sloppy slutty in appearance but the cell phone they are using in the commercial are about 10 years old. One of the cell phones is the size of my toaster, and I recognize the other one as the first cell phone that my mom ever had back in 1994. Where the hell did they get those phones?

I just saw one of these commercials that made me roll my eyes.

There's a guy standing between two women. The first women says "(Guy's name) and I met on a dating site. We met at coffee shop and talked!" and then the guy chimes in, in a bored tone "for hours." Then the other girl says "We met on passions, and we met in a coffee shop, and his house, and the backseat of his car, and the bathroom, and standing up...and tied down." And he turns to give her a sleazy grin and says "for hours", sounding much more enthusiastic, of course, while the other lady just glares at them.

The celebrity 900-number ads ran all the time, especially on weekend afternoons when ad time was cheap. The "innocent" party line ads did too pretty much, and there were definitely some that aimed for the teen market.
I guess it was the pre-internet mode of sleazy anonymous hookup. Now I'm all nostalgic.

Are you serious??

Yes, though I wish I was making it up! Or that it was a bad dream.

So, no one else gets these in the middle of the day...on Nickelodeon...during SpongeBob?

Ok, then. Just me.

I swear, one for Vibeline comes on all the time on Nick.

That is really disturbing.

I haven't laughed this hard in a long time! They say the best sex is when you laugh, but I don't think this is what they mean!



Well, I can see it. Stay at home moms get lonely.....

Oh, man, I remember this one that my friends & I still quote (just the phone #) from the late '80s/early '90s. The phone number is (breathy voice) 1-900-500-(really breathily)5000.


At least back in 1994. Now, he'll just have the DVD set if it's available.

Remember the spoof Alec Baldwin did about this on SNL, except he was calling "real, live LongIsland girls." He said he was a doctor and the "girls" would "oohh" and they he said he had a corvette, and they would get orgasmic.


Isn't that what they would look like in real life (the guys, anyway), so they're just keeping it real.

The thing I really hate about the Red-Hot Dateline ads is the way the girls try and walk all slink-ily towards the door. They obviously think they're being sexy, but they really just look like one leg is longer than the other.

I've noticed a gay chatline ad that's been running late at night in the Cleveland area. The stereotypes are so awful that it makes me laugh! Each guy is doing this little cha-cha move, even though there's not really any music, then spinning around to morph into another guy. First of all, I don't think a single guy is wearing a shirt with sleeves. Secondly, the guy that gets to be the narrator for the commercial has this sort of New York/Puerto Rican accent...because if you are gay with an accent, that means you are SUPERgay! They're awful.

I love how it's all "Welcome to the Party!" kind of tagline.

I do not want to know the poor sap watching these commercials in his tighty-whities covered in cheeto residue, actually thinking when he dials these "hotties" that they are currently "partying", instead of sitting in a big room with other "face for radio" individuals.

and are these the same numbers that say dirty things to you and such, or are you just wasting you time gabbing with the cheerleader of your dreams about life's ambitions and favorite Cheesecake Factory entrees, only to hang up and realize you didn't even get off from your $45 soirée?

The 'gabbing with cheerleader' with one.

Is that what it's supposed to be? Since the first time I saw it was immediately after the a hetero line featuring a woman with a Russian-y accent, I guessed he was going for Eastern European. Apparently the real conclusion is that men, regardless of orientation, want someone who sounds like English is not their first language. I really don't want to think about it beyond that.

Props to Boost mobile for apeing those commercials. It starts with a relatively attractive young woman talking about how you can chat with other people, then it cuts to a goofy gym-jock guy, back to the first girl, then to the overweight black guy in a tub, then to a 60+ year old woman trying to look sexy but failing horribly in leopard-print.

Is that the one that goes, "Pick up the phoooooooone!" in a singsong voice? Anytime Mr. Btcpossee and I see a chat line ad, we sing that out loud.

Back in the day, I called the "DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince" 1-900 number to hear messages from them. My 11-year-old self thought that "$2.00 for the first minute" meant that if I hung up at 45 seconds, I would not be charged. One month later, my pissed off mom and the phone bill proved otherwise.

Is it like a rule that they have to hire the worst "actresses" for these ads? I'm not the target demographic for these ads, so just find myself face-palming from all the cheese when I happen to see one.