If loving infomercials is wrong, then I don't want to be right. I love them!

My current favorite is The Magic Bullet. I don't make guacamole or sherbet often -- or ever -- but gosh darn it, I think I need The Magic Bullet in my life. All it takes is 6 seconds! (Nevermind the part where you have to get all the ingredients together and they count to six really slow.... and nevermind the fact that a blender or food processor could probably do all the same stuff.)

But you know what infomercial freaks me out? Those ones with the preacher on BET at 3AM. It amazes me how he can talk for an hour and really say absolutely nothing. The only things he says that are direct and clear are the parts where he asks for money. My favorite, though, is when he starts speaking in "tongues." All the sudden, he'll just stop and go, "humminah humminah abudeedah." It's like WTF? But I'm serious when I say it freaks me out. I got really curious about it and I found this article: http://www.trinityfi.org/press/tulsaworld02.html Now it freaks me out even more... and now I hope something bad happens to him.

Okay, and what was with that lady Nancy Nelson hosting every single infomercial for all of the 90s? What kind of a job is that and how can I get it? I don't think she's hosting them anymore because the latest Showtime Rotisserie infomercial with inventor Ron Popeil has some random lame dude co-hosting. I really did love the Food Saver one she did with that guy Jan too. I still want that thing -- I'd never use it of course, but I want it.


The Infomercial drinking game!! Take a drink when:

• It saves time
• It saves money
• They'll take off one whole payment
• Nancy Nelson hosts
• One of the hosts has a British or Australian accent
• A washed-up celebrity is co-hosting
• "Promise to tell a friend and we'll give you..."
• The audience waves money in the air, yelling they want one
• They purposely try to damage the product
• "Wow, that is amazing!"
• A totally worthless, cheap bonus product is included

I don't think Robert Tilton counts as an infomercial. BTW the technical term for speaking in tongues is glossolalia.

My favorite has to be the one for the Q-ray energy-bracelet-thingy. You know, the one that'll reverse your polarity, de-ionize your aura, and realign your knuten. Someone out there has Great. Big. Brass. Ones. for coming up with that.

Ooo, don't forget to add "Black and white footage of person doing activity in the stupidest, hardest way possible"

I had posted about my informercial obsession as a teen in the "Strange Reasons To Like A Show" thread, and I was surprised to see how many people also chimed in with their love of infomercials.

The Magic Bullet is indeed probably one of the best current informercials.

The preacher on BET is Brother Gerard, right? What an odd show that is.

Ron Popeil will always remain my favourite though with his food dehydrator, pastamaker, and rotisserie. "Set it...and FORGET it!"

My #1 hated infomercials are The Bedazzler (COULD YOU GET MORE OBNOXIOUS?) and the Rejuvenique facial mask thingy. It looked like a fucking death mask.

Rejuvenique masks were some of the scariest things I'd ever seen.


Aha! The Food Saver! Loved that infomercial and I always wanted one. I remember Nancy freaking out when Jan (aka the Foodsaver guy) would used the vacuum thingy on a bowling bowl, lifted it mid-air, let it fall into his hand after he turned it off.

Oh, and I always liked the steam cleaner thingy. Except when they'd use it on the toilets. Yeah, I'd rather not see crusted urine and dried fecal matter get washed away.

Other infomercials:
-BodyFlex, hosted by an annoying petite 50something woman named Greer Childers with horrendous bleach blonde hair. You do breathing techniques and exercises with this plastic bar and never need to diet. Last I heard, she was being isued by the FTC.
-Michael Thurmond's 6-Week Body Makeover. Eat more, exercise less: diet according to your metabolism and work out 2 times a week according to your body type. Annoying.
-Anything with that crook Kevin Trudeau.

No, it's "Brother Bob" also known as thief and psychopath Robert Tilton. See the link in my first post there. Or here's his homepage!: http://www.successinlife.tv/


I definitely think it counts. It's an infomercial where he is basically trying to sell God, miracles, and whatever else. It airs at 3AM amongst all the other infomercials and it is complete bullshit. Thusly so, I think it counts. And my point with the talking in tongues was just that Tilton is completely faking and is actually just purposely making weird noises. ;)


Hee! Good one!

There was an infomercial a long time ago for a spray that you put on your car and it fixed burns, dents, scraps and whatever else. That one was a favorite of mine. The Australian guy in the suspenders putting on goggles and gloves to smash a car with a jackhammer? Awesome!

Another one I remember was some sort of outdoor grill that was really portable or something. I distinctly remember them saying something like, "So easy to carry, you can ride your bike with it!" and they showed this girl with this big grill strapped on struggling to ride a bike. Heh.

Adding to the Drinking Game:

Chug when the VO announcer says, "But Wait!" as a prelude to knocking off one payment.
Chug every time you hear the phrase "And clean-up is a breeze!"

My favorite is and always will be the Magic Bullet infomercial. I'm not ashamed to say I know that thing by heart at this point, and never fail to lose it when the hungover guy exclaims, "Hey, that tastes great! Not like vegetables at ALL!"

Is Pasta Express long enough to be an infomercial? Because I freakin' LOVE LOVE LOVE that commercial. Silly me, I thought making pasta the traditional way was a breeze...what an idiot I've turned out to be!

But the part that kills me is when they use the Pasta Express to make...hot dogs. That's all kinds of wrong, folks.

In the rare case I'm watching an infomercial (like for music compilation discs), I notice the commercial they show every 10 minutes of the half hour. The commercial... in an infomercial. Essentially a half-hour commercial with a commercial in it. Twice. Of course it's just the infomercial distilled inside the full thing. Twice.

Actually, what annoys me about them in the music ads is that some of the same song snippets repeat, making it feel more like a commercial for a product instead of a music montage. I like the montage feel until it's the same tune by the same artist all over again.

But, mostly, I just love the insipid absurdity of a commercial with 2 little versions of itself inside.

I need to see a shrink to find out why I watch these things again and again, when I have them memorized and have no intention of purchasing what they're shilling.

My all-time favorite is still Little Giant, probably because it's a really good product that accomplishes all it says, but is out of the price range of practicality for people who aren't professional renovators.

My current guilty pleasure is Easy Crown Moulding. Peel-and-stick plastic, errr, I mean peel, place, and push plastic with no backing that allegedly [you never see it really close up] looks like wood, and is paintable [though it would likely collapse if you tried].

For the drinking game: Take a tiny swig every time they repeat the annoying tag line [like "... that certain part of the male body -or-"You can't clean the air if you don't move the air"]--just a tiny swig or you'll be wiped out just five minutes into the ad.

What happened to Alzare? I used to love that one! Alzare had it all: the slutty hostess Jenny with the unbuttoned blouse, [Damon] Davis [obviously phony name always voiced over], the slutty dancer/model/actresses [whom nobody's ever heard of] testifying to the attractiveness of a man's confidence [which he'll have if his dick's big], the on-the-street interviews with people who've never used the product, audience questions that sound absolutely unrehearsed and candid [ha!], unsubstantiated statistics--it was a jewel that hooked me night after night.

Mibbitmaker, oh man, you just reminded me of the Time Life 70s Music Explosion infomercial with Greg Brady and some random girl. I love that infomercial! I watch it when my mom is around and I constantly ask her, "Do you remember this song?" "Did you like this song?" I like when she reminisces about them, heehee.

But I don't see the point of a music compilation CD. If you have iTunes, you can buy every song there for 99 cents. Or if you're a thief (not that I know anyone like that, of course!) you can download them all for free online. Maybe most people my mom's age aren't that technologically savvy? I did look-up the 70s Music Explosion compilation on amazon.com and then I just downloaded the songs I wanted, teehee! ;)

Actually, the Bedazzler is back, with a new name and an old hostess:
The new take on the Bedazzler is called GeMagic - and the hostess is Kathy Mitchell - who I've religiously watched as far back as the heady days of MicroCrisp. She is also the woman who claims to have invented the combination whisk/tong device that lets you stir and flip your food with the same utensil. Furthermore, she attempted to ram a chopping device called Le Presse into every kitchen.

A few years ago, my sister and I would watch the Thunderstick (and later, the Thunderstick Pro) infomercials all the way through several times. They didn't quite get me to buy one -- I'm a cheapskate -- but years later I still want one. A lot.

And man voice-overing, "Oh, no! Not again!"

I love how they use it to make about 80 things other than pasta. It's like they knew weren't nobody spending that damn money just to make spaghetti. You can make other kinds of pasta! Gnocchi! Hot dogs! Peas! Why do I want to pull out a knife when the lady says, "Peas that are SURE to please"? Peas? That's your big come-on? Hey, I got something that does that already! It's called a pot.

I have that! I got it at Big Lots for $1.00 several years - the whisk/tong - and I really liked it as a tong. It wasn't a very good whisk, but as a tong it was nice and sensitive. Until it broke (so cheaply made. I could have constructed something sturdier with paperclips and rubberbands.) and now, it is useless.




I have pots, but I still want this. I can't figure out why. It's terrible. I desperately wanted the Turbo Cooker, too, even though I am quite smart enough to realize that it wasn't going to revolutionize my cooking. Le sigh.

Why is it that every drunk girl on every Girls Gone Wild infomercial sticks her tongue out when she lifts up her shirt?

I sat through the entire 30 minutes of the Hee Haw DVD collection infomercial and darn near bought the set. It brought back memories of my sister and I rolling our eyes and groaning as mom watched Hee Haw every weekend.

Hee! Long time lurker...just had to de-lurk when I remembered this informercial from way back. It was for a small hand-held sewing machine, I can't remember what the name was. Anyway, there was a snippet (in black-and-white footage, of course) that had them show how inconvenient a regular sewing machine was. Well... (LOL And I'm laughing as I'm typing this), they had some poor lady holding a big, regular sewing machine up next to her drapes, like she was going to sew her drapes without taking them down, and she was just going to hold her big sewing machine up while she did it. LOL! I laughed so hard, and I'm still laughing at the absurdity. Its during times like these when I really wonder if advertisers really do think we're all stupid out here in real life.

I know exactly what you're referring to, and now I'm laughing too. I know people are dumb, but damn. I mean, come on. Now I'm scared that there are people who've actually tried to do that.

I don't know, maybe she's implying that she's a cunning linguist?

*groans to self*

Okay, that was pretty bad.

I had forgotten the coolest one of all -- Esteban!!!

Oh man, that one is a classic! How hard is it to take the drapes off?!

---
There's a part in the pasta express ad where they make ravioli, and every time I've seen it, and I've seen this ad a 100 times, but for a split second I always think that the person is about to make iced tea in their pasta express. The ravioli looks like tea bags.

Haha, I always laughed when this one was on. I think it's the stupidity and the general look of disappointment on the woman's face.

I think the sewing product in question is either the Handy Stitch or the Magic Stitch. They're both equally useless.
It's Sew Easy!

I'm pretty sure it's the Handy Stitch, what with it's micro-technology.

Not sure if direct response commercials are included as infomercials, I guess they are just short ones. The patron saint of these spots have gotta be Billy Mays, beard and all. I worked at a TV network that ran a ton of his ads, and we found this website that is a must for Billy Mays fans/people that he drives nuts. The Sounds of Billy Mays were a personal favourite. Man, this guy gets excited about a little floor cleaner!

Two words, people: Miracle. Blade.

My brother and I have spent hours of our lives watching the Miracle Blades infomercials, marvelling over how you could slice a pineapple in mid-air. Mid-air! Coupled with the video footage of the woman hacking into a turkey with a regular knife, bits of turkey meat flying through the air, it was impossible for us to change the channel.

As a kid, I loved the Be-Dazzler infomercials, or anything with that 234-year-old man who could still do chin-ups because of the fruit juicer. I think I saw him on tv a while ago, which brought back memories. Good times.

I love the music collection informercialls. I am tempted to buy the 80s collection but not that those prices. Maybe if the Magic Bullet ["5 second chicken salad!"] drops below 30 bucks I'll get one.

So ... it's not just me, then? And hey, you probably could make iced tea (or hot tea) in that thing! How come they don't say that? That's a hell of a lot more interesting than peas.

The other kickers in that:

The main guy is talking about how easy it is to fillet fish with a Miracle Blade, and, to show us, cuts a tomato into ever thinner slices. I don't know why I found that so unbelievably funny, but I did.

Also when they give it to a worker at a Construction site, that's steps away form the studio, to show that hey, it can cut drywall too!

Isn't that Jack LaLanne? He's still around, I think he's about 296 now.

Me too! I simply *must* have that thing. I don't know how much longer I can resist the commercials.


Those exercise equipment informercials always bug me. I want it be "just that easy" to lose weight/tone up, but I know better. That "folds for easy storage" (another one for the drinking game) feature is actually very agressive and will attack if you aren't on your guard. Anything with tension bands will strangle you given half a chance and that exercise ball? I can't even sit down on the stupid thing without it squirting out from under me and dumping me on the floor.

It probably vanished in a cough and a spit, and only aired in the Baltimore area. But about ten years ago someone showed me a videotape of what is probably the best infomercial ever --

Santo Gold.

Anyone else ever see this? I won't try to describe it, I just encourage you all to go to the link and lay eyes upon the wonderment.

The greatest thing about the Miracle Blades is that not only is the pitchman named "Chef Tony", but every other tradesperson addressed on the show is also called "{job} {firstname}", like the carpenter they meet to show off the drywall-cutting ability.

Chef Tony! Hee! I love how that guy tells us how his "inventions" will cut the fat in our food. If he uses his own devices then... nevermind. I also enjoy his sales pitches and the way he calls us "friends." I am Chef Tony's friend! The plastic that you can put in the oven really weirds me out. I don't think I'd feel comfortable using it, even if it was made of a "special material" used by NASA.


When I think of juicing, I think of The Juiceman juicer with Jay Kordich and his powerful sexy eyebrows.

Ooh, Smartware. You can actually find silicone bakeware almost anywhere these days. I have a loaf pan, and it works well -- truly non-stick, but no teflon to flake off.

I love infomercials, yet I've never bought anything directly off a tv offer. I always wait for the stuff to show up in stores... and somehow I've wound up with an embarrassing amount of stuff that has been seen on tv. I even got a genuine Magic Bullet for Christmas (after lusting after the $25 knock-off at Eckerd).

I love that dumb-looking guy who tastes stuff in the Turbo Cooker infomercial, especially his anguish at the thought of fish and brownies being cooked in the same pot. Why isn't this one on anymore? It's probably just as well; it had almost worn me down to the point where I would have bought one.

I know! It kinda makes sense to make tea in that thing. The tea steeps, you pour it out through the strainers and the tea bags stay in the pasta express.

Has anybody else seen the infomercials for 'bare minerals' make-up? Has anybody tried it? I feel like that infomercial is on all the time here.

For some reason, I have fascinated by the FoodSaver 5000 or whatever number they tack on to it. I could just sit and watch them vacuum pump sweaters, plates of food, marshmallows, whatever my heart desires all day long!

There's a new Little Giant ladder infomercial! Errr, ladder system infomercial. I am SO the Little Giant's bitch; I have sat through the ad three times in the last two days ...

I bought Bare Minerals from Sephora. They let your return it if you don't like it. I think it's great. It doesn't cover as well as I had hoped (maybe I should try Sheer Cover--Laura Ingalls would never lie to me), but it feels wonderful. I am waiting to see how it holds up in the summer humidity though.

That Bare Minerals CEO's look is not a good advertisement for her products. She looks like a drag queen.

I keep seeing the Lauren Hutton (?) makeup infomercial, and I'm really starting to want that makeup, even though I don't wear makeup. That's pretty sad.

(edited half a month later, because "madeup" wasn't the word I was going for)

I've used Bare Minerals before, but I don't like the fact that it's so loose, which is an invitaton for spills.

Yeah, and the most cringeworthy part of it is the end in which (after they've actually finished the juicer pitch), they somehow let him croak his old closing theme song with a split screen of his younger self doing it as a Mighty Mouse impression!GAK! What were they smoking when they let him do that?

LOVE me some Popeil! He's the Master as far as I'm concerned. I particularly loved the rotisserie rip-off by a company I cannot remember (Fauxpeil?) that was ballsy enough to use the catchphrase "Just SET IT...and WALK AWAY!" HEE.

Life Records Rock: The Best of the '80s. Hosted by the guy who played Greg Brady (oldest son) in the Brady Bunch. He wears a shirt with many colourful flowers and bell bottoms. Wild.

I've seen that infomercial 2 times. Both times I've been up worried by something, and after 1 1/2 hours of him and the music, I could sleep.

Saw Kenny Rogers for Life Records: Best of Country. Wish they'd played the Rock one instead.

One of the stupid things about this ad is where they claim it's nutritionally similar to cook veggies with this as to steam veggies. "No more boiling away nutrients!" they claim as they show the water used to cook the carrots being strained off. Excuse me? That and, the entire length of the ad, I can't stop thinking about what a pain it must be to clean, especially when they whip up the gnocci with butter.


Just caught this again yesterday. Every time it's on, I'm bugged by the age of the random girl. I bet she's not a day over 30. Yet she goes on and on about how she remembers the 70's (not the 80's like mentioned above) and each of these songs and how hearing them again takes her back to those good times. And Greg (Barry) just plays along like the trooper he is. I'm always mildly annoyed that the producers couldn't hire an actual woman who lived through the 70's, like being older is too unattractive to shill their product. Stupid.

I, too, cannot pry myself away from the TV during a Magic Bullet infomercial. My favorite thing about it has to be the lady who looks like an Old French Whore from the old SNL skits. She even has what appears to be a fake cigarette!

Once, at a friend's house, we saw an infomercial for a knife set. The chef threw a pineapple into the air and sliced right through it in slow-motion while it was still airborne! As if that wasn't funny enough, they showed it again on a fancy split-screen, so it was like 8 pineapples sliced in slow-motion in mid-air. I was dying.

I never saw this one, but a friend told me about an infomercial for some stuff that bonds leather. The host is all, "Don't you hate it when this happens?" and proceeds to STAB A SWORD INTO A COUCH.

Yes, yes, I do hate when that happens.

I hate the way Chef Tony butchers adverbs and adjectives. He'll say things like, "That came out absolute perfectly."