For example, I have learned basically to never travel to Las Vegas, Miami, or New York City because I will probably wind up dead in some odd manner. If I have sex in any of those 3 cities, my chances of dying go up about 1,000%.

I only watch the original but: my odds of being killed by a kid are pretty high in Vegas, if I join a group I need to make sure that it is completely mainstream, and if I develop a fetish it needs to be crushed immediately as I may end up in jail or on the slab.

I've learned that the basic rules of technology don't always apply.

You can't zoom in on that picture any further?? Well, Archie can take care of that. PIXELATE!

Let me preface this with : I'm a first year anth student.

And yes, there are some things i've had to learn, which were easier to remember, simply because i'd seen csi (trisotomy of the 23rd chromosome, for example). And yes, my notes actually say "as in episode (whatever)" - some of the physical anth stuff is REALLY dry to just read, but seeing them explain, and show, how they determined bone structure to be female, and why, etc, was REALLY helpful. Yes, they fake the science sometimes, (it is tv, after all), but when they don't, it's great to remember the whys and wherefores rather than a chart in the text.

Some cute ones here (kind of a fangirl POV).

Car trunk fibres are trilobal, hence, distinctive. This one's been beaten into our heads almost as much as what an ALS does. Useless information I will NEVER EVER use.

I've learned that if my children are in any way gifted and extremely smart, be very, very afraid.

Of course, I may have already learned that on X-Files, but now I actually have children, so it stuck better.

After you murder someone get rid of your shoes.

If you murder someone on a ship being followed by packs of hungry sharks, don't dump the body overboard. Dump the body in the garbage deck just before hitting port.

If someone has gone overboard into the middle of a bunch of hungry sharks attracted by blood in the water, shoot into them possibly hitting either the person or the sharks and put more blood in the water to attract even more hungry sharks.

There are bugs everywhere, and if they are present at a crime scene, they will single-handedly (or some other single appendagedly) solve the case.

I should find out if I'm in the 15-20% of the population who is a non-secretor before I commit a crime. If I am, I'm free to lick envelopes and stamps, sloppy-kiss or bite victims and carelessly leave used coffee cups lying around a crime scene. If I don't leave skin cells or hair behind I can commit any number of up-close and personal crimes. Whoo hoo!

That CSI's even use big dark SUV's as their personal vehicles, just in case they were to need to cram every bit of evidence from a crime scene in it.

I have learned that there is something very wrong with the equipment I use in the lab, mainly my GCMS. Because 1) I have to derivatize or do some other protocal to my samples before I can put them in said GCMS 2) my samples do not come out instantenously 3)I have to interpret the results, I do not get a huge print out that says what it is and in what amount 4) I have to clean my GCMS on a regular basis and I also have to replace parts (this cleaning and repair can lead to the machine being down for weeks at a time. Even though my model is the exact same one on CSI: NY, there is obviously something wrong with it.

I have also learned that CSI labs have the best damn ventilation systems on the planet. The labs are so well ventilated biological and chemical hoods are not necessary to protect workers. The ventilation also works extremely efficiently such that the air blowing is completely unnoticable.

I have learned that pigs decompose at the same rate as humans.

I've learned...

...not to piss off that nerdy, bug-loving, asexual, paste-eating weirdo in my American History class.

I've learned to never commit a crime. You'll just get caught.

Also, going to Las Vegas can only end badly.

Never ever stay in the hotel room nearest the exit. You will surely die there.

If you are a female CSI, your hair should flow attractively around your face. Because it won't contaminate the crime scene - it's magic!

I learnt that garages in Miami work so sloppily that even after three years, the electronic gadget a criminal used to kill the husband of the woman he then married to gain access to the yacht club will still be in place - mysteriously not working anymore so the new owner didn't get killed, too - but completely clean and with one perfect fingerprint conserved between the layers of tape.

Also, get rid of everything you used to murder them with. Don't put it in your damn closet in a box because cops know how to open closet doors and they know how to look inside of boxes.

And when you do throw it away, don't toss it in the dumpster that's right next to your apartment. Take an hour to drive four miles across town and toss it in a dumpster behind some random 7-11. And don't go inside and buy a bunch of stuff in front of the store's surveillance cameras and pay for it with a credit card.

Serial Killers are massive over-achievers. It's not enough to murder several people: they must elaborately stage the crime scene to replicate the scene at the traumatic events that set them on their spree, leave a miniature of the crime at the scene or some other elaborate action after the murders. Despite this, they are notorious for never leaving any physical evidence.

I've learned
-- that if you have enough connections with enough dirt on them, you can get away with anything.

--putting on sunglasses is more than just eye protection- it means you must leave the scene immediately after saying a stupid one liner.

--If you feed your victim to piranahas, make sure the person doesn't have high cholestrol. You will get busted.

--Never, ever drink through a straw, blow your nose, mess with any rope, or spit where a CSI is nearby- they will take it for DNA processing.

--Wear the wrong size shoes when you commit a crime, then when they measure your foot size they can't get you on it.

That as long as your name is Grissom you can be as sloppy as you like, the opposition wont think to scream cross contamination.

Horatio Caine always gets the last word, ALWAYS

That Grissom while annoying is easy to handle, you just focus on his backing band. HoCaine however needs a rock salt bullet to the shoulder.

You're too nice. I would think of another area. ;)

Also, I have learned that too much sunlass tanner will leave you looking like a peeled mango.

That works too care to take the shot?


I have learned that it is possible for Grissom to sound angry, impressed and scared at the same time.

Smiling surpresses the gag relex.

I use this one whenever Mr. Vita decides the whole family needs to watch all of his CSI-Miami DVD's over a holiday weekend. Commenting the whole time: "I love HoCaine (AKA William Shatner's red-headed step-child), I don't know why you don't like him"

I think that you owe Mr. Shatner an apology......

My husband bought season 1 of Miami a couple of weeks ago. My kids love it, I think my husband bought it to torment me......



LOL maybe it could be a salt covered meat bullet, then it would blend in with the reast of that flabby skin! I knew that watching all those old seasons of CSI would be good for something!!

That ice makes a very effective weapon, and that condoms can kill you.

Miami is the land of Eternal Sunshine. You can wear black in FL and not sweat your butt off.

That any photo, however blurry, can be cleaned up on a computer to reveal tiny details such as license plate numbers. Such is the genius of the lovely Archie.

I caught a rerun of a old Miama episode last night, where I learned that when confronted with someone driving a car and firing an automatic weapon at your sister-in-law's house, the best way to handle the situation is to climb out of your own vehicle, wave your handgun around, and yell 'Stop, Miami PD!'. Because people with automatic weapons are just so likely to decide that, hey, guy with handgun standing on the street - I better give myself up, rather than filling him full of bullets and driving away really fast.

Alas, the criminal in question didn't pump HoCaine full of lead. But I did get to see Caruso give his 'I can't believe the mere force of my personality wasn't enough to stop this crime!' look.

Also, sun glasses are always appropriate. Even if, say, immediately after you put them on you get into an elevator. Or you're standing belowdecks in a windowless boat.

I've been catching up on episodes I missed, and here's what I learned from CSI:NY's The Ride In.

If a friend collapses with an allergic reaction, the first thing you should do is not call 911 as taught in first aid classes, nor should you go pull out the epi pen he has in his first aid kit that will instantly return him to consciousness. No, the first thing you should do is give mouth to mouth. Even if you might have a deadly contagious disease.

I learned last night that you should only take plaster casts of foot and tire prints after everyone has traipsed around the crime scene. Also, if you're going to dig up a dead body in a construction site, it helps if a CSI person whose father might have killed the victim is standing by the construction site. I've also learned that CSI's never sleep.

Actually, they can. Your weight isn't evenly distributed in the shoe, which shows up when they check the tread depth. I think I learned this on CSI...

You can still leave fingerprints if you are wearing thin, rubber gloves.

"Never go naked on the hotel bedspread."

Goth girls date lab geeks, or cheat on their girlfriends with tatoo artists

There is apparently a transwarp conduit which connects Miami to the nation of Brazil.

The daughters of organized crime figures have extremely high mortality rates and die in bizarre fashion.

I've learned that there's no need to wear a hairnet or tie back your long, flowing locks when collecting/examining evidence. All hairs will magically stay in place, and there's no danger of contaminating a crime scene/evidence.