I just had to do it. The prospect of titling a thread? Priceless.

Love the sunglasses, hate the sidekick.

Damn it, you beat me to it. Mine was going to be "With the Power of 1,000 Suns: The HoCaine Hate Thread," but I like your's better.



The SOJ have so much more personality.

Meh, I like him.

Althought him & Marisol - creeps me out.

Sometimes, the SOJ are the only reason why I watch this show.

Well done DragonScribe. The SOJ are larger than life. They make the man. Without them, HoCaine would be impossible to watch.

What I don't understand is why they try and sell him as this sexy older man when he clearly isn't. I love the matured man just as much as the next (gay) guy, but he is...not hot. He's not tall, judging by the job he isn't rich, he's not attractive...what does Delco's sister see in him? Is blindness one of the side effects to her cancer? Maybe they said she could keep her hair and lose her eye sight, I dunno, but it makes zero sense to me.

::cackles at the thread title::

It's true though, HoCaine would be nothing without the Sunglasses of Justice to whip off dramatically every time he feels like monotoning.

The SOJ rock! And HoCaine does not. I was really, really hoping that he'd get shot when he went into the house in the last episode without drawing his gun.

Does anyone know anything about the SOJ? The brand name or what that style is called? I think I would like to have a pair.

Is it possible that she just hero-worships authority figures? I mean, granted, HoCaine isn't much of an "authortity," but technically he's in charge and not very threatening (even when he tries to be).

I think they're just normal Wayfarers, or possibly RayBans. The thing I want to know is, where did they originally come from? I will bet a million dollars that they're a gift from some child that he "helped."

Further proof that the SOJ are HoCaine's mother board:

"One of the things people are picking up on is how I use my sunglasses. Sunglasses are designed to speak to the viewers in a subliminal way. I use them to tell the viewers who I think the killer is." - Caruso

So really, without the SOJ, HoCaine couldn't communicate, or even be? If so, I can't wait for the SOJ to exhaust Ho and move on to a new host. Ho Jr.?

Actually, I've noticed that in more recent episodes, Caruso isn't playing with the SOJ as much. Perhaps because we're giving so much attention to the Star (and I don't mean DC) and not the sidekick.

Oh hee.

Subliminal? That requires subtlety, of which HoCaine (and Caruso) have none.

But this does confirm the roll of the SoJ--they tell him who the killer is, and HoCaine has to twiddle with them either because they shout the answer in his ear or he needs to adjust the signal strength.

So HoCaine discovered the BatCave and swiped some of its goodies....well I'll be damned, must have missed that episode.

hmmm, I was just checking the CBS online store. They used to sell SOJ but CBS doesn't seem to be offering them anymore.

Last Halloween I won $50 at a bar in a costume contest dressed as HoCaine. People kept calling out "Yo Horatio" and wanted to have their picture taken with me. Why? God only knows.

Oooh! What did you wear? Do you have red hair? Did you posture and brood? I would love to see a HoCaine costume!

I desperately want to play the David Caruso Drinking Game, but I need a holiday to fall on a Tuesday in order for this to happen. I have a feeling that I'd be so hungover that I'd be absolutely useless at work.

Yep natural red hair. I had my own Sunglasses of Justice and a suit. I even mastered his stupid pose and the way he says Faux-clever crap right before the end of a scene. The whole Magilla. I'll have to post a picture of me in it soon

I have a theory. The producers have struck a deal with some sunglass company to mass produce SOJ. And in evil genius form they'll subliminally force everyone to buy them by... making the show increasingly brighter each week until you literally cannot watch it without your every own pair of trademarked SOJ. Dressing the entire cast in blinding bright orange this week is just the latest step, my friends.

Oh, and I can no longer even look at HoCaine without laughing out loud. At the start of this week's episode they had the court scene, and it was stupid and all, and then they slowly panned out through a crack in the doors to show--skulking HoCaine and the SOJ. Bwahaha. He's the best comedic actor in all of television.

You know what I can't figure out about David Caruso? This show's been on what, three, four years? Are we really supposed to believe that Caruso has no idea he's a bad actor? I mean, he must look on the Internet for information about him and his show (come on, wouldn't you?) and see that the general consensus is that he sucks.

Hell, if I starred in a major television series ("The Most Watched Show On The Planet!") I would hire teams of people to troll through the Internet, because I'm just that paranoid.

But the thing about Horatio is that even though every major CSI:Miami website mentions his putting on the SOJs and puts his hands on his hips, after all these years he continues to do it. My God, it's even become a joke in popular culture.

(An opposite example of this was on CSI: Original when, for one episode, George Eads grew a mustache. So great was the audience public outcry on the mustache that George shaved it off in the very next episode).

You'd think that one of the many producers of CSI:Miami would have, by now, gone up to Caruso and said: "OK, you know that weird sunglasses and hip thing you do? Stop it. Just...stop it. Nobody likes it and it makes you look like an arrogant ass instead of a respected authorty figure."

One week as a director on that show and that's all I'd need.

What I can't understand is how much pull he seems to have over the production. I guess it's because it's 'one of the most watched' blah blah, but seriously...what cred does the man have? I could see William Peterson or Gary Sinise having more influence (as WP does) considering both had respectable roles before their respective CSIs, but all Caruso is really known as is a joke: that idiot who left NYPD Blue for a movie career.

Maybe he doesn't have as much pull as I imagine, but it's even more frightening to think of the writers actually thinking all of this shit they pull with Horatio is a good idea.

Caruso's massive, massive ego probably speaks to him in a different language. If he goes online and reads a review where the author claims, "David Caruso has the acting ability of an amateur porn star," he probably hears in his head, "David Caruso is the most awesome thing on this planet. He's the most versatile actor these humble eyes have ever laid upon. All shall praise him."

It's like dyslexia, but, you know, he figuratively reads things backwards.

I've read interviews where he acknowledges the whole SOJ/head tilt thing that people always laugh about. Basically the writers think is a huge joke, and they laugh about it all the time. They claim the audience thinks Horatio's mannerisms are such fun. I wish they'd realize we're laughing AT them, not WITH them.

They write that stuff because we snark on it?

Oh, good God! They're not trying to write a drama/cop procedural! They're trying to write High Camp! (And failing miserably at that as well.)

I share your confusion, Merreh. I mean, at least Gary Sinise is also the producer of CSI:NY, so he probably gives a lot of input. It makes me wonder if somehow David Caruso is blackmailing Jerry Bruckheimer.

Also, since Sinise became producer of NY his screen time has decreased, and he's given Hill and the other actors a chance to shine.

Lord help this show if Caruso ever became producer. He'd somehow find a way to get rid of all the actors and play all their parts himself. He'd wear a bad, blonde wig to play Calleigh, would spray himself tanned to play Delko, and for Ho Jr... well, it's essentially the same character with darker hair.

Has anyone watched the dvds with the commentary? I usually don't but I'm working my way through the CSI-MIAMI dvds and did watch two of the commentaries. One was the pilot of CSI-NY (the cross-over episode) where they did say some very nice things about Gary Sinise but also rave on and on about David Caruso.

The second commentary I watched was the one where the tidal wave hit Miami--and the commentary sounded like two of Caruso's fans talking...how well he does this, how strong an actor he is, etc. They also commented on how much chemistry (?) he has with his costars.

Apparently his writers and directors love him.

...

Well, it's not unheard of for the comentaries on shows to skew a bit and for TPTB to have favorite actors.

I just wonder how many viewers they realize only casually tune in to laugh at HoCaine? I know I'm not the only one who only occassionally watches Miami to see Caruso out-Shatner Shatner and laugh myself silly.



Well...they are...as long as they are performed in the spirit of mockery...I think it's terribly fun to try to get the HoCaine Patented Pose™ with SOJ Removing Action just right...

I watched CSI Miami for maybe the third time last night and every time Horatio spoke I burst out laughing. I swear that if I didn't know better I'd think he was part of one long SNL-type skit spoofing ....well, people like him. It's still hard for me to grasp he's being serious. But I know he is. Weird.

Running snarky commentary from me and Mr. Detroit during show: "He's so cool." "He's so tough." "He's just so tough and cool." "Oh my gosh, he's so cool he's running in slow motion." Endlessly entertaining to our little minds.

I actually used to watch the show for Horatio but he's been annoying me more and more as the seasons go by. Now I watch it for Ryan ;)

I have seen this show a grand total of 1 and a half times, and I have to tell you, when I flipped through and landed on it, I seriously thought that it was a joke, or at least...you know on L&O or something where they have the criminal, and it's written horribly, and this horrific actor just milks all of the melodrama and acting out of it? Yeah. That's what I thought. And then gasped in horror as I realized that this was the main character and that some people actually like him.

How can you not? He's better than ANY comedy on the air right now. Except maybe the original Brit version of the office. Of course, that's not on now.

From an interview with Paula Zhan:

ZAHN: I want to read something great a critic said about you this morning -- Robert Bianco -- he said, basically, what hasn't changed since you left "NYPD Blue" is your ability to "infuse every line and moment with so much intensity you are unable it look away." He says, "You belong on TV and we can only hope he found a vehicle to keep him there."

Wow. I mean, really? I guess it is true. I know I can't look away. And, damn it, I try.

Oh, God. That's just what he needs to hear. Now he'll become even more insufferable.

You know, I used to be so excited about this show, until I discovered the incredible wasteland that is HoCaine's "emoting." I remember after the very first episode (the cross-over with Original CSI) thinking that I might as well give it a chance (also, I liked the other actors). After one season, the BeowulfParents had given up on it (BeowulfMom can't stand HoCaine, even to make fun of him), but I stupidly still hung in there.

It's now gotten to the point where, during commercials, I go into the other room and actually act out what HoCaine is doing for the BeowulfParents. They think it's hysterical. (BeowulfDad does a spectacularly good HoCaine impersonation himself).

The thing is, Caruso seems, to me, to be completely unaware that there are other actors sharing the screen with him. I worked in professional theatre for four years, and I knew a lot of prima donnas that acted this way. He's constantly trying to upstage and out-act his fellow actors, which makes no sense because he's easily the worst thing in any given scene.

It sucks.

Measure your Horatio Caine-ness

This guy calls him Mega-man

Oh my God, Jank, that's absolutely hysterical. The best part is what pops up on the screen after you hit the Evaluation button. I laughed and laughed.

Yeah, apparantly I need upgraded Gingerware.

Dear me! I'm only average Mega-cool. Quick! someone get me an infusion of cool!

Heh. Loved the description of Calleigh there.

I thought his name was "H"... it's short for "Horse's Ass", of course.

Heard on my local radio station on the way to work this morning:"Today is Steven Segal's birthday. He's 55. Steven Segal: the worst actor in the world. Worse even than David Caruso." (I think some people here may disagree.)

From the quiz...
This guy has a way with words hehe

I just cannot believe it when i go onto CSI LJ's and sites and people have icons and banners professing their undying love for HoCaine. *shudders*

So last night I saw the episode where Horatio first rescues a woman while outrunning a tsunami, then rescues a man while driving a Hummer out of a building that implodes while they're actually in it. It may have been the same day, actually. It reminded me of Brendan Fraser in The Mummy, where he saves his son by outrunning the rays of the rising sun. Sure. They both must have taken Ignoring the Rules of Physics 101. (In case you're worried, Horatio emerged from his experiences water & dust-free. I do think his eyebrow twitched at one point, though.)

lol...but at least The Mummy Returns wasn't making any pretences of taking itself seriously.

I think A. Donahue and Co have character assassinated "my Horatio Caine". Over the last seasons the build a strong character only to shoot him down in season 4.

I don't know what season 5 will bring but I hope that they will go back to "serious" business and leave that romantic side-kicks out. Season 4 so far makes me weep and fear for viewer-rates.

For episode "Shock" I have already put a bottle of Jack Daniels next to my TV...just in case HOCaine kisses Aerosol...

Oh my God, did anyone see David Caruso on Entertainment Tonight last night? He talked about how he's trying to get in good physical shape for his upcoming love scenes (presumably with Marisol), and how Horatio is supposed to be an "excellent lover."

The sad thing is, I honestly think he really believes these things. It's like some kind of weird, anterior-grade amnesia--he just filters out all the bad criticism and absorbs his few compliments like a sponge.

I think that was a joke. He said the same about some scenes in season 3 he supposedly would have with "Rebecca Neves" (christina chung)- that they would snuggle up and he had to be in good shape for that. Those scenes never materialized.

David Caruso's so fucking creepy.

Oh, God, please let Taylor Ann be right. Because, seriously, I'm ready to mail the man my psychiatrist's business card.

Oh...oh god. I just threw up a little....

Excellent lover of what, though? Perhaps it would take the edge off to think he meant excellent lover of the SOJ, excellent lover of himself, excellent lover of egotistical monologues, excellent lover of posing dramatically while staring into the middle distance...