I just used one of my favorite JD quotes for the title, if anyone else thinks of a better one, feel free to change it! I think this is going to be one of my most visited threads from now on.

another of my favorites:
JD-"Why are we lying in the parking lot?"
Turk-"Your hook shot knocked you unconscious, so I lied down next to you so everybody would think we were chillin'."

From "My Best Friend's Mistake"


JD's Thoughts: Just tell him how you feel without sounding like a girl, for once.
JD: I miss you so much it hurts, sometimes.


...and at the end of the episode....


JD: I can't believe you lost our bottle opener.
Turk: Yeah, I know... I miss it so much, it hurts sometimes.

From a ton of episodes...

Elliot: "Frick!"

Laverne: Heyyy Poopie.

So glad Scrubs has been added! Dr Cox is my favorite character so here are a few of my favorite lines from him.

Dr. Cox: Okay, think of what little patience I have as, oh, I don't know, your virginity. You always thought it would be there, until that night Junior Year when you were feeling a little down about yourself and your pal Kevin, who just wanted to be friends, well, he dropped by and he brought a copy of About Last Night and a four-pack of Bartels & James and woo hoo hoo, it was gone forever - just like my patience is now.

Dr. Cox: The answer is yes, it was me who saw you doing leg lifts in the gym on that inflatable ball. It was quite the display of girl power.

Dr. Cox: [laughing] Give me a break. The kid's like... he's like a... have you ever seen a drunk baby?
[Carla stares at him]
Dr. Cox: Eh, it's a long story involving my son, a rum cake, and a low counter. Suffice to say, it turns out that, at first, it's... it's endearing to watch them bounce off of the walls, but man... you take your eyes off them for one second...
[hits the table]
Dr. Cox: ... and bam! They got a bucket on their head, and they're plowing right through your brand new flat screen TV.
[whispering remorsefully]
Dr. Cox: God save me, it was barely out of the box.
[Carla continues to stare at him]
Dr. Cox: The point is... Newbie is my drunk baby.

Dr. Cox: No, it's a cotillion joke. My God, Newbie, it's been two furiously frustrating years - how is it possible that you still don't get me? I would never compare you to the gays. I like the gays - I like their music, I like their sense of style, I especially like what they've done with Halloween - but our thing is that you are a little girl. That's who you are. But that's really not fair...

Dr. Cox from "My Office":

"I'll tell you there Bobb-o, either this kid has a lightbulb up his butt or his colon has a great idea."

Dr. Cox from "My Common Enemy"

"Lady, people aren't chocolates. Do you know what they are mostly? Bastards. Bastard coated bastards with bastard filling. But I don't find them half as annoying as I do naive bubbleheaded optimists who walk around vomitting sunshine."

I love whenever Laverne says in the way she does: "Jesus knows"

Woo-hoo! A Scrubs thread! Between this and The Office threads, I may never see natural daylight again.

Some of my favorite Cox-isms:

"You know, the only way you could be more useless right now is if you actually were the wall."

Julie: This drug is the best one on the market. The only side effects are nausea, impotence and anal leakage.
Dr. Cox: And, I'm getting two out of three, just from having this conversation.

"Newbie, if the next two words out of your mouth aren't 'See ya' then the third word will be 'Oh my god. My crotch. You've punched me in my crotch.'"

"You're a wonderful and passionate person, and that's why I can see myself with you when I'm 70 and you're 65 and your face is 40 and your boobs are 29."

"By the by, this moment is so great that I would cheat on that other moment with it, marry it, and raise a family of tiny little moments."

"People aren't chocolates. Do you know what they are mostly? Bastards. Bastard-coated bastards with bastard fillings." (ETA: Ooh, Spyder beat me to this one. But I'm keeping it here because it's geee-heeee-nius.)

"I suppose I could riff a list of things that I care as little about as our last week. Let's see... low carb diets, Michael Moore, the Republican National Convention, Kabbalah & all Kabbalah-related products, Hi-Def TV, the Bush daughters, wireless hotspots, the OC, the UN, recycling, getting Punk'd, Danny Gans, the Latin Grammys, the real Grammys, Jeff that Wiggle that sleeps too darn much, the Yankees payroll, all the red states, all the blue states, every hybrid car, every talk show, everything on the planet, everything in the solar system, everything, everything, everything, everything, everything, everythingj every-everything that exists past present & future, in discovered and undiscovered dimensions!...Oh, and Hugh Jackman."

Hee! I love Hugh Jackman, but I also love Cox's seething random hatred of Hugh Jackman.

Dr Cox and Jordan are giving each other a stare-out and J.D just has to break the silence by saying:

Banana Hammock!

And my most favouritist Janitor rant:

A wad of paper flies into shot and falls at the Janitor's feet. He looks down at it and picks it up. He looks up and sees Turk in the "free throw" pose.

Janitor: You know, loose debris can get sucked up into the air conditioning vents. And when that happens, I have to spend the entire day crawling around inside the wall, and I don't like that. You know why? 'Cause there's not enough air. I spent a day inside that wall thinking I was a mermaid. So here's the thing: you don't throw around loose trash, and I won't have to waste an entire workday granting the wishes of imaginary fisherman. 'Kay?

From My Clean Break.

Cox and Jordan are in the park with Jack. Random lady walks over with her baby.

Random Lady: (To Jack) Hi Cutie. (To Cox and Jordan) Since you have so many balls, and too many toys can be over-stimulating for an infant, Brantley here was just wondering if he could borrow one to play with?

Cox: Well, that's funny, because Jack here was just wondering why the crazy lady who just spent the last hour chain smoking and talking on her cell phone while her kid ate sand, would come over to two complete strangers and give them parenting advice.

Jordan: Oh, oh! He also thanked me for not naming him Brantley.

Cox: Yeah. (Lady leaves) I love our family.

I'm constantly laughing at this show, but nothing has cracked me up as much as this. No matter how many times I watch that opening scene.

"Dr Cox, does this lipstick make me look like a clown?"
"Why no, Barbie, no... it makes you look like a prostitute who caters exclusively TO clowns..."

I love it when Cox says "reheheheally."

Elliot: My life is a mess!
J.D.: At least you're pretty.
Elliot: Yeah, well, pretty don't pay the rent!
Carla: It does for my sister.
Elliot: Oh, my God, your sister's a prostitute?
Carla: She's a model. Come on, Elliot, we talked about thinking before we speak.

Oh god. I was content, you know? 1 out of the 8 shows I watch (yes I know, too bleebleeblahblahboo! BTW, when I first posted this "too bleebleeblahblahboo" was replaced with "bleebleeblahblahboo!" Any thoughts, haha?) wasn't really on TWoP.

I may honestly die right now!!! Scrubs has always been my favorite! And my favorite (recent, that I've been repeating in school everyday since Tuesday) quote:

J.D.: "He hid them in his pantalones. He loves these apples, he makes apple pies, and apple juices with them."
Elliot: "Paco you can't talk remember? You lost you're tongue in that cider pressing accident. Now BACK to the pickers' bunkhouse with you!"
J.D.: "I hate dee pickers' bunkhouse."
J.D.'s Thoughts: "And I hate Keith..."


Edit! I understand why "bleebleeblahblahboo" keeps appearing! I've decided to leave it because I officially LOVE it!

Better yet, it was actually "apples pie" and I think "apples juices" too.

I dunno if I like this because it's hysterically funny, or because Dr. Cox was oddly sexy saying it. Oh, hell, it's both.

From My Case Study:

Turk: I don't get it, Dr. Wen. Why would Kelso's anniversary make him less of a jerk than usual?
Dr. Wen: Well, tonight after work, Dr. Kelso will take his wife to a candlelit dinner. Then, after they've toasted to forty wonderful years together, they'll go home and....
Dr. Cox: *miming spanking someone's ass during sex* Bam! *spank* Bam! *spank* Bam!
Carla: I actually think it's really sweet that at their age they still....
Dr. Cox: *both hands behind his head, really giving it all he's got* Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam!

Some of my favorites that no one's listed yet...

Carla: Just listen to your heart.
J.D.: My heart hates uggos.

J.D.: (singing) I'm feeling so good today... (falls, then immediately gets back up and starts singing again) I still feel good, 'cause nobody saw me fall...

Elliot: She's the Peppermint Patty to my Marcy. Y'know, aside from the thick glasses and strong lesbian vibe. [It's really more Sarah Chalke's delivery that makes this one hilarious to me]

Laverne: Dr. Cox, would you like to try one of my homemade deviled eggs?
Dr. Cox: No thank you, I've already had diarrhea.

Turk: See, that's actually pronounced "analgesic," not "anal-gesic." Sir, the pills go in your mouth.

Turk: How can you make love to your wife if she's at fat camp?
Dr. Kelso: The real question is, how can I make love to her when she's not at fat camp.

J.D.: Look, uh... (struggles to remember the Janitor's name) Janitor, I'm gonna be straight with you. I saw your penis, and noticed a possible melanoma on there that you should probably have checked out.
Janitor: When did you see my penis?
J.D.: Last night, while you were showering.
Janitor: Where were you?
J.D.: Oh, I was outside, in the bushes. (Janitor is at a loss for words) Look, it was just a coincidence, man. I mean, if you had looked out the window, you'd have seen my penis.
Janitor: What?! Why?!
J.D.: Because I had it out while I was looking at yours.

J.D.: They actually arrested someone for stealing pudding and toilet paper?
Janitor: No, they found twenty bottles of Vicodin in his backpack. (beat) Wait, did you steal pudding and toilet paper?
J.D.: What? No! I hate pudding and I don't use... toilet paper... (Janitor stares) I have one of those French things that shoots water up your butt.
Janitor: Bidet?
J.D.: Bidet to you, sir.

The Todd: Oh, Ms. Pac-Man, I would sex that bow right off your head. Eat those dots, you naughty, naughty girl.

And I don't remember much of this one, but it was the exchange where J.D. tricked another doctor (Doug?) into asking "What's up, doc?" during a conference.

Elliot: You know, when I was a kid, I got a sunburn like that and just peeled all the skin off, put it in a pile, and ate it.

Dr. Kelso: Good Lord!

Dr. Cox: I'm fairly sure that if they took all the porn off the internet, there'd only be one website left, and it would be called "Bring Back The Porn".

THE TODD: What, he can call you Smelliot but I'm not allowed to call you Vagina Face?
ELLIOT: It's not the same, Todd!
[Todd storms off in a huff].

and who can forget

JD's mind: "Throw her down on that gurney and mount her like a lion!"

Elliot: "...and please stop leaving bedpans in my locker, they make me cry."

Patient (the one who is always admitted because his friends and family beat him up): "Too frank? Thats what my mom said when she pushed me down the stairs. She is fat though. Aaaand boring."

Laverne: "You don't have to apologize to me. You will have to answer to jesus."

and of course

Imaginary Opera Guy: "Mistaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake!"

Dr. Kelso: Well, sweetheart, you're here early.

Elliot: Yeah, well, you know I didn't have any plans last night, so I went to bed at 8 and then I woke up at 4. And then I realized that the sunrise just looks beautiful through the trees, and that my neighbor gets his paper in the nude...and that he needs to lose like 900 pounds.

Dr. Kelso: In the future, the appropriate response is, "Yes, I am here early" -- it's called 'small talk', not 'my depressing life in thirty seconds'.

Oh Bob-O, so kind yet so cruel in just a fration of a second.

Janitor: Gentlemen. Crazy-Eyes Margo. I've called the Brain Trust together for one reason. I have to find a way to make Blonde Doctor mine.
Randall: Burn down her apartment.
Troy: I have an idea. But we're going to need a tugboat.
Janitor: Tugboats and arson, that's all I ever get from you guys.

Carla: Why is there a pancake in the silverware drawer?
Turk: I think you mean, why is there silverware in the pancake drawer? WhasSUP

From episode 1.12: Elliot is jus' jellus that JD is Cox' go-to-guy and tries to win Cox' respect:


From episode 2.05:J.D. walks into the hospital, sporting a white lab coat.

JD: I can't believe I just walked naked through the hallway singing Me and Bobby McGee.
Turk: You didn't.
JD: How did you know?
Turk: Okay, I'm not very proud of this, but - the truth is, I can pick your boy out of a lineup.
JD: Well, uh, he's different from the last time you saw him. He got a haircut.

Just this for now:

NURSE: You know, Doctor, I'm getting a little tired of the sexual innuendo.
TODD: In your endo.

Hee.

Turk - Why's it gotta be a color commentary? <- Favorite quote ever

I've got too many favorites to even single out one other to put down. I'll have to think about this.

Todd: Why won't any women talk to me?
Nurse: Because you're slimy. And you turn everything into a double entendre.
Todd: Not true.
[Nurse leaves, Todd stares at Turk]
Turk: Go ahead.
Todd: I'd like to double her entendre.

Haha liquidguy that's one of my favourite The Todd-ism. Because by that time he's earned the right to abuse sayings like that.

I remember also when Dr. Wen made fun of Turk having Carla babying him in the surgical room to which The Todd:

"Good one Dr. Wen! STERILE Hi-Five!"

The Todd: The Todd appreciates hot regardless of gender.

remember when Carla still called J.D. "Bambi"? what happened? why did she stop?

Janitor (talking about the hot new nurse): She looks like a young Carla (as the men turn in horror to stare at him)

...

I can't remember it exactly, but...

J.D. to surgical interns: "I'd like you to know that I consider all of you my pee-pees."

From His Story (one of my favorite eps ever, partly because the delicious Eric Bogosian played Dr. Cox's psychiatrist):

Cox: Doc, Kelso asked me to give him a physical. I did it, and he thanked me and said he owed me one.
Cox's shrink: You're telling me that you actually made a decision that had a positive impact on your life?
Cox: Well, a resident (J.D.) kinda talked me into it.
Cox's shrink: You mean to tell me that you actually took the advice of another human being? This is a big moment for me.
Cox: Congratulations.
Cox's shrink: Well, by God, Perry, if there is a person in that hell-hole of a hospital that can give you advice, keep that person around you for as long as possible. Because that person is a genius.
*Cut to J.D in an elevator, singing and dancing*
J.D.: Everybody was Kung-Fu fighting! Those kicks were fast as lightning!

Season 3: My Friend, The Doctor

Dr. Cox: Carla, I have a six-month-old child. I'm gonna be one of those weird old guys who brings my son down to the park, where everybody is like, Hmm, is he the dad? Is he the grand-dad? Is he the grand-dad's grand-dad? And, oh, my God! Why is he pushing a traffic cone on the swing while his five-year-old little boy is in the mud crying? Is--is he taunting the little boy? No! He can't even see the little boy! And, now look, he's actually taking the traffic cone, putting it in the mini-van, and driving away while the little boy cries and the traffic cone sits quietly and watches 'Finding Nemo' on DVD.

Oh my gosh. Words cannot describe how much I love this mini speech.

This is from My Sacrificial Claim, Season 1, when Turk asks Dr. Cox to help him work out.

Dr. Cox: The key to my exercise program is this one simple truth: "I hate my body."
Turk: What!?
Dr. Cox: Do you understand that the second you look in the mirror and you're happy with what you see, baby, you just lost the battle!
Turk: You should give speeches to teenage girls!

One of my favorite Dr. Cox quotes ever. It's all in the delivery.

oh how i love the first season:

Dr. Kelso: Dr. Dorian, I owe you an apology. Obviously I was unclear when I said, "Stay in the MRI room with that patient." It must have sounded like, "Leave and do other things."

i also have mad love for jd/dr. cox banter/put-down conversations:

Dr. Cox: I went ahead and took the liberty of making you five Man Cards. Hold them very dear, because every time you drop the ball, man-wise, I'm going to take one from you.
J.D.: I don't need your approval, or your stupid Man Cards! Although the lettering is darling. Have you ever done calligraphy?
Dr. Cox: [snatching one of the cards] Thank you.
J.D.: Dammit!

Pretty much everything that comes out of Laverne's mouth makes me laugh.


She also had a variation of this where she interrupted Cox mid-rant, just before a particularly naughty word was about to come out of his mouth, and she drawled, "Keep it holy, now."

Cox's snark at JD when JD's sleeping with Jordan's sister is a classic. JD's doing his flailing-arms dance (™ acheron), in optional black socks, in the sister's room (er, Tara Reid made me block out the sister's actual name) and Cox busts him for "violating my ex-wife's sister and carrying on with your nerdy, G-rated sexcapades in the next room!"

I laughed so much I think I almost passed out from lack of oxygen.

Also, I have vast, abiding love for Ted's panicky "You know about my stress-induced dyslexia, Dr. Oslek!"

Nice example of continuity below, as well.

From "My Rule of Thumb":

Dr. Kelso: Hey, champ! What has two thumbs and doesn't give a crap? [holds up thumbs, pointing in at self] Bob Kelso. How ya doin'.

And from "My Porcelain God":

Dr. Kelso: Perry, what has two thumbs and still doesn't give a crap? [raises thumbs, pointing inwards] Bob Kelso! I thought we'd met.

From "My Hero"

The Todd (singing in his head): "Dun dun du dun dun dun du shiny scalpel, Dun dun du dun dun gonna slice him up!"

Such a classic Scrubs moment.

"You haven't lived until you have had some of El Todd's guac"

I think my favorite part of this is that the Todd refers to himself, even in different languages, as 'the Todd'

Also "Inflatible Five!"

The Todd: Assisted Five! I'll take it!

The Todd: Don't worry ma'am the safety's on, go ahead and touch'em! (The Todd punches forward) DOOOZSH!

Just because it gets me through the work day:

Dr Cox: (looking up) God, my brilliance is now somewhat of a burden, get back to me.

Elliot: I did, and now every time I turn around Dr. Kelso is riding me

Todd: I got next. What's up! (holds up hand) No one? Self-five! (slaps himself five) For the big dawg!

I have the distinct impression that "self-five" is The Todd's Favourite Thing Ever.

The Todd: Euphemism Five!

Elliott: His vocabulary has gotten so much better.



Elliott: But what if your boy wanted to dance, Turk?

Turk: (singing the classic 80s tune) He can dance if he wants to ....

Elliott: ...

Carla: Elliott, you should have known that was going to happen. Remember when you told him the Kommissar was in town?

That's "Safety Dance", one of the best 80s songs ever. The way Turk moonwalks/robots away, whispering "S-s-s-s-A-a-a-a-F-f-f-f" is better than the rest of the scene, IMO. :D

Dr.Cox: I became a doctor for the same four reasons that everybody does: chicks, money, power, and chicks.

-----
Dr.Cox: They hate you Bob. They hate from the bottom of your hooves to the top of your pitchfork. They hate you. By God, they hate you good.

-----

Janitor: I don't jump out and scare you. I follow you around all day. I only got about an hour and a half of work around here, and the rest of the time I track you, like an animal.

---

Lisa: [after kissing J.D] Is that a roll of quarters in your pocket or are you having a good time?
JD: Actually, it's a roll of quarters.
[Takes out the quarters]
JD: Laundry day.

---

Dr.Cox : Newsflash, you can't drink and then come to work. You're not airline pilots.

---
Dr. Cox : I don't want to hear anything out of that man's mouth other than "Oh no, I'm dying, there's a bright light, but wait a minute, this is wrong, I'm in hell! Hitler, Musollini... Captain Kangaroo? That's not right." not Captain Kangaroo! heeeee


---
[Dr.Kelso walks forward]
Kelso : What Do You Want??!!
JD : Nothing i dont want anything from you ever
Kelso: thats what my son always says, thats untill mothers day comes around and he wants to go halfies on the pasta pot for Enit, shes not my mother dammit!

----
Sean: You know Freud said that 90% of all human behavior is motivated by sexual impulses. Give me some credit, I would say at least 30% of my behavior is motivated by advertising and the rest by violence in film.
Elliot: For me it's 98% getting my dad to love me and 2% chocolate.


---------
Jordan: your only invited because for some reason you have a spongebob squarepants costume
JD: It Was a Gift!
JD: [IN HEAD-Voiceover) From Me Too Me!
---

Carla: turk, if i decide to keep my last name after we get marrried, thats no big deal right?
Turk: Of course not baby, we'll just have one of those modern marriages where the cuople dont love eachother.
----
one more
JD : Anyway, this is the end of a major chapter in our lives and you know what? I am going to take you out tonight, yes sir, we are going to get some dinner, we'll get a nice bottle of wine
Turk : It sounds like you are asking me out on a man-date
JD : Turk, why are you so afraid of loving me?
------
ok just one more
Cox: What?
JD: I think the Larkins compliment each other, they are a good team. Kind of remind me of us
Cox: Roseanne, granted I was, as usual, only halfway listening to you but I got the sinking feeling you just compared us to a married couple. I know a girl can dream, but this is never going to happen

ok just once more before I'm out the door
[Turk explains Papa Smurf's version of leadership]
Chris Turk : Smurfination, smurfination, and smurf.
JD: Presentation, inspiration, and fear?
[i] JD, Turk, & Papa Smurf... trifecta [/]
===============

oh, god. This is my new job.

Anyone have the quote from Tuesday's episode about Kelso's son leaving a copy of 'Out' by the crapper? It was something about not giving him validation.